the farther away the ball the harder (and better) it makes it to do the pushup.. I literally barely have a foot on it the whole time so it doesn't roll away, not having it be completely solid also makes it harder.
Dam str8 bro! Back to the dam gym and ONE MORE REP!So guys.. I don't know if I'm having a mental breakdown, or am just overreacting.. hah.. but I'm feeling seriously stressed.
A lot of things keep going through my head.. and I guess I just get to vent, get over it, move on and commit.
So here's my vent, comment or not, thanks for reading.
I get discouraged quite frequently looking in the mirror. It's not about muscle, and/or definition, because both are coming in.. but frankly it's more of past energy that I hold on to. If you saw my fat pictures.. then you know I was huge, and with that hugeness caused _severe_ stretch marks, extra skin, and more than external an emotional wound internally.. and I kind of get an old energy about myself when looking in the mirror. I still have major stretch marks on my hips, my skin is very loose everywhere and after 6-7 years of losing 145 pounds it never ever has tightened back up and even having surgery looks sub-par and saggy. I feel like no matter how hard I can work on my body, my genetics and past transgressions will never permit me to look the way I deserve. It literally makes me so angry and even a hatefulness to myself that I had to be so overweight, and get so fat in my life cause now I'll never have the 'eye-popping and jaw-dropping' transformation I truly want... even then.. are my expectations too high? (I don't just speak of the 12 weeks, but this is something I'm working on this entire year and as long as it takes)
bader you have come so far in your young life. You were huge at one time and you were one of the few success stories in changing your life and loosing that. Do you know that right there you are a serious cut above easily half of the populatoin in this country? Check it out if you dont believe me....
Genitics....I dunno if I put all that much stock into it or not. I mean sure at top level competitores for bbng it makes a diff. But for all of us mortal peeps I really dont think it makes that much diff.
Bro Im gonna tell you I got skinny arms too. It just means that you have to find what works fort you. Yes I agree that benching is more difficult. Try what moya said about partial movement, maybe that will allow for you to put on more weight. As for me, I dont go all the way down to my chest and I dont do flat bench. With my old beat up shoulders I have found that this what works for me.
Not talkin down to you bro, just trying to help you out here....
I really feel that the large part of what you are feeling right is mostly the stress from the other parts of your life. And of course you are puttin out the work and you wanna see results RIGHT NOW DAMMIT1 and thats perfectly normal too bro. Just give it time and you will be surprised at how good you gonna be looking. Remember how long it took you to get huge before? Well this is take some time too bro, thats just the way it is.
I really do hope that people viewing logs and eventually voting see my effort, and that I haven't been a weight lifter for years, I don't have muscle memory, and getting the results for my genetics is entirely new territory. I hate that I'm so tall, and have such gangly arms, and my strength sucks ass and I can't even bench my own bodyweight. I can gain 5 pounds in a week, but good luck getting rid of it in a month.
The good thing about this is that you gonna have the NEWBIE GAINS!!!! What that is, is pretty much anything that you do right now in the gym is gonna be of big bennefit to you and the way you look. Everybody that half ass seriously works out wishes that they could get those newbie gains to come back some way some how. Thats how dramatic it can be.
Bro I am telling you we all have our good points and we all have our not so good points. There are a few of us old fuckers on here that are all beat up for whatever reason and just have old bods, bones and joints. We sooooo wish that we could do the things that we could when we were your age. But thats what this is all about. Learning to not only cope with what you have but to coax that into what you want it to be.
You have your challenges, there is a guy in South Africa and he some dam big challenges. I have my little challenges. RADAR is simply ancient and he has a shit load of challenges. Really bro its all just life. You will learn what works for you and you will improve what you have. As I said if you stick with this you really will be amazed at where you are right now and where you will be a year from now.
I keep telling myself that I am doing this for me, yes, but everyone knows that is it so hard not to compare myself to others in the contest, with amazing results already.. bottomline, if I come out of this a better person physically and even other things, mentally, spiritually, whatever.. that it was worth it 100%. Being in the financial situation I am however, it is a much bigger motivation to me to win this entirely. I feel very passionate about bodybuilding, the last year or so I really started studying and learning so much about it.. if I could do this for a living I would. Without having a job, it almost feels like it right now, and it's something I feel peace in. Pushing my body beyond its current ability, feeling the changes inside and outside.. I really do feel joy in my life the way I've lived it from the start of the year. Which makes other aspects of my life really take a turn.. so I'm really in some cross-roads here personally.
It is a gr8 thing to feel this, and we, most of us anyway know exactly what you are saying here bro. It is addictive and it is uplifting. You will prolly find that you will never really stop it now that you have gotten into it. You may take time away from it but more the likely you will also come back and be better then ever.
Dude you have not even been at this a year yet and yet you took on this Recomp challenge. That right therer says something about you. You take a look at the population of this board and then you look at how many took on the challenge. Then you look at the peeps your competing against. You have the least experience of all! And yet here you are slugging it out and doing what needs to be done. Good for you man! Good for all of you peeps in this. But fosho good for you bader.
One thing I'd ask from viewers is.. what do you want to see more of out of me? What can I log for you, show you, be more detailed about? Is there something I can help with to a viewer that maybe is in my same position, shares a common issue, has a common past? PM me if you want to be discreet. I'd really appreciate some feedback.
Bro you just keep on posting up in here just like this and posting your diet (challenges) and your workout (challenges).
You are putting your heart right out here in all of the honesty that you possibly can. That is all that anyone can ask of you.
Your log, the way you are doing it is your person put right here for all of to read about and feel for. We are not right there with you person to person but I can tell you the the good brothers and sistas reading this are right there with you heart to heart and our spirits are all connected.
This is a gr8 house bro and we are all a gr8 family!
Once again, thanks to everyone for the kind comments, the motivation, the assistance. I know I say it often, but trust me that anyone who participates in this with me is very much appreciated and you get to know that.
Back to the iron, keeping the diet clean.. one more rep.

Damn! I have had pupils with stretch marks worst than that, Keep Killing that Shit ,once you have achieved your ideal size, I'll do my best in helping you get rid of them.
Great Job ! I'm impressed
Workout 2/24/11
Weight: 239 (today felt really lean, couldn't stop feeling the thinness between skin and abs.. I hope they start popping out soon)
WU 10 min elliptical, HR 140 Perfect bro!
So.. before I tell you my workout.. I am proud of this workout.. I almost wanted to throw up by the end... I will note however, that my lower back has been EXTREMELY tight and sore since Monday (even with icing, heating, and massage) it's still really feeling weak.. so I listened to my body and pushed it to what I felt I should without making anything worse.
And you should be bro this is HELLA good!
20 front squats w/ bar
20 reg squats w/ bar
Deadlifts: 135 x 10, 135 x 10 (this is all I could do with back pumps and soreness still.. I wanted to make it through the rest with good numbers)
Wide grip upright rows BB: WU 95 x 10, 115 x 10
125 x 3r x 10s, 95 x 8 fail, 95 x 6 fail
(25 pounds more than last week)
Bent over DB Shrugs: WU 40 x 10, 60 x 10
80 x 3r x 10s, 55 x 20 burnout
(umm.. 30 more pounds from last week?)
Ok, so you did all of that up there and then you went on and did a Tabata Protocol?
Man you are totally nuts and totally a bad ass!
Dam Impressive work bader!
Super proud of you my man!
HIIT tabata squat thrusts w/ 10lb DB
20 seconds work, 10 seconds rest, 4 minutes total: 8 sets.
1st set x 14
2nd set x 12
3rd set x 12
4th set x 10
(no more DB, shoulders freaking dead already)
5th set x 16
6th set x 12
7th set x 9
8th set x 8
Quads BURNING, lower back aching... this is where I could of puked... I can barely walk up/down stairs without my legs wanting to cramp and literally fail.
Walked on treadmill at 2.0 spd 1.0 incline (that's all I could manage..) for 20 mins.
Veins still aren't showing out the skin on forearms, but I can see them on heavy lifts.. maybe a week or two more...
I loved today.. it felt amazing. I know I'm going to be sore.
fuk have to say some of the best results of seen out of all the LOGs so far

Sorry to hear this bro. Nobody deals well with a loved one passing away bader. Just make sure you keep in touch via phone with you granpa.Workout 2/28/11
forgot to weigh
WU: 10 min free elliptical HR 140
40 dips
10 chinups, 10 pullups x 3
Remember not so long ago when you thought you would never do these? Good for you bro!
Rack pulls: WU 95 x 10, 135 x 10, 185 x 10
225 x 5r x 6s Nice bro, nice. Keep adding every workout on these.
20 min elliptical HR 145 Dead on my man.
Man.. I am sweating like crazy on! Awesome pump from the chinups/pullups. Lower back pumped from rack pulls, iced it when I got home.. hopefully it won't be as sore as last week.. that was awful..
If you dont already have it get some Taurine. Use 1000/day or more if you need it.
Can't believe it's already march and the halfway point of the contest. It's amazing to see everyones transformations so far and usually it only accelerates after the half-way mark. Let's hope it goes the same for me. My abs are slowly but surely showing a little more each day.. just wish the skin would tighten..
Try Jojoba and Vit E oil. May help with this but dont know for shure.
My girls great grandma passed away today, she was going to be 98! This weekend we visited her a few times, it was rough. I never knew any of my great grandparents, and only knew one grandma til I was I think 6-7, then another grandpa til I was 13..so I don't deal with that stuff very well.. it makes me wish I could afford to visit my grandpa, he's getting close and the last I have, and we're very close.. used to work together on the farm all the time growing up.. sigh.






hey bader, I like your blog and it is interesting to follow your progress... I like your initial post too where you fully posted all your stats. I'm not a platinum member so I can't view pics or anything like that but I just wanted to say I liked how you laid out your stats and diet your planning on sticking to. at the end of this are you going to bod pod it to get another accurate bf% reading?
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