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Bad math joke

Answers to City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam

Answers to City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam


1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 15 times each drive by, how many drive by shootings must he conduct before he shoots 50 people?

Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people per drive by, which means that he will have to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot 50 people. However, he will have completed two drive-by shootings and be just starting the third when he has to reload. Since he only stole a single clip, he’ll only have shot 16 people when the homeboys with the UZIs’ make Swiss cheese out of him.

2. Pony has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn’t cut it?

At 454 grams per pound, 2oz of the rock = 56.75 grams. An “8 ball” is 8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total and has 46.75 grams left. If he keeps selling 8-balls, he can sell 5 more (for a total of 5*$320=$1,600) and have 6.75 grams for his own nose. If he sells 2 gram packs, he can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece = (23*$85)=$1,955. However, he could divide it into small parts, bake it up into crack and sell the rocks for an even larger profit. This problem is really more suited for the Gang Multi-Variable Economics Test.

3. Ron is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each have to turn so Ron can pay for his $800 per day crack habit.

800/$64=12 tricks plus a dance. Also, Ron should consider making a deal with Pony from Question #2.

4. Susan wants to cut her ½ pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will she need?

If she sells the cut heroin at the same price per unit volume, she will need 20% more volume. 20% of ½ pound (=8oz) is 1.6oz. So, Susan will need 1.6oz of cut to add to the 8 oz of heroin to get 20% more volume. She will want a cut which looks similar to raw heroin and has approximately the same melting point. Plain sugar or laundry detergent are suggested. Laundry detergent has the added benefit of removing the possibility of customer complaints, but will sharply limit repeat business.

5. Blade gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he has already stolen 2BMW’s and 3 4x4’s, how many Chevy’s will he have to steal to make $800?

Blade has made 2*$200 + 3*$100=$700 dollars from his theft so far. He needs $100 more, so he needs to steal $100/$50=2 more Chevy’s. However, he will probably want to steal 4 Chevy’s so he can take the extra two and make a really def low-rider.

6. Little Willy is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $25,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $250 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000. Little Willy will have $25,000 - $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of prison. If Little Willy kills her in the USA, he should expect to get 6 years. However, if he takes her down to Mexico and buries her scrawny, track-marked butt in the desert, he can get off scott free.

7. If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 4 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

3 cans of paint will cover 3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16 letters with a little paint left over to spray in the eyes of the cop who’s comin’ after you. Or the tagger could do 15 letters and a bitchin’ skull.

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

6/27=22% of the girls. However, 2 of them are lying because they’ve been sleeping with Pedro, Hector’s lieutenant. So, in actuality, Hector only knocked up 4/27 or 14.8%.

9. Rosie’s sole source of income is shoplifting. If she gets 10 cents on the dollar from her fence, how much merchandise must she shoplift each week to make $250.

Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.

10. Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro for his date Saturday night with his young 14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested that night while screwing his girlfriend in the backseat. How much prison time is he looking for for the carjacking and for statutory rape, even though the girl looked legal? Assume no prior convictions in arriving at your answer.

Mike is only 12 so he will serve no time and will be screwing his girlfriend in the lot in someone else’s car next Saturday.
 
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A mathematician desides he wants to go to Africa to catch a lion.

So in Africa he approaches this lion, and quickly builds a fence around him and says: "I define this to be outside (regarding his fenced in area)"
 
2 brothers buy a truck and go down to the docks and purchase several bunches of bananas for $3 a bunch. They drive down the street and sell the bananas for $3 a bunch. After a few weeks elapse one brother makes a few mathematical calculations and turns to the other and says, "you know ... I don't think we're making any money".

The other brother responds, "I told you we should have bought a bigger truck."
 
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
 
Re: Lol!

samoth said:
A classic:


Proof: Girls are evil:

First we state that girls require time and money :-

Girls = Time x Money

And we know that time is money :-

Time = Money

Therefore :-

Girls = Money x Money

Girls = (Money)^2

And because 'money is the root of all evil'

Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2
Girls = Evil

QED


Someone deserves a Nobel Prize. ;)
 
A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are being interviewed for a job. In each case, the interview goes along famously until the last question is asked: "How much is one plus one?"

Each of them suspects a trap, and is hesitant to answer.

The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says "I'm not sure, but I think it converges".

The physicist says "I'm not sure, but I think it's on the order of one"

The engineer gets up, closes the door to the office, and says "How much do you want it to be?".
 
Bwahaha!!!1!

Four men were sitting one day discussing how smart their dog’s were. The first man was a Mathematician, who said his dog could do math. His dog was named T-Square, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle, and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat.

The Accountant said that his dog was better. His dog, Slide Rule, was told to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of 3, which Slide Rule did with no problem.

The Chemist said his dog was smarter, his dog named Measure, was told to get a quart of milk, and pour 7 ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog did this with no trouble at all, and all three men agreed that their dog’s were equally smart.

Then they turned to the Union Member and asked, what can your dog do? The Union Member called his dog, who was named Coffee Break, and said, “Show the fellows what you can do”.

Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, fucked the other dogs, and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievence report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workmens Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
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