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Is 23 too young to marry?

Yarg!

Yarg!

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I have been in a good relationship with someone for awhile and marriage has never crossed my mind. I am a college senior and while I really like this girl, I doubt I will get married unless I am financially secured, have my career figured out, have bought a house + a car and ready to start a family. I have a friend who recently got married and she's 23. Shes finished some arts school and so has the guy she married ( I think the guy is way older- like 30 or something). Anyways, I feel that it is way to soon since I doubt she is emotionally ready for a commitment like that. They were dating for about 3 years and had moved in together for about a year. The thing, she has never truly been self reliant and was born with a silver spoon. Her dad paid her monumental education fees and helped support her and her BF while they were together. I really doubt that their combined income (without assistance from her family) comes close enough to buy a house + a car, or enough to truly support a child when it eventually comes a long. In fact, I give this marriage 2yrs at the most. What are your thoughts on people who marry straight out of post secondary school or while they don't have all the kinks worked out yet in their careers?
 
Considering that 95 is too young, 23 should be as well.
 
I got married at 23. You get married when you meet the right person and you both think its time. Having preconditions a la gladtiator.1937463 (house, nice car, etc) IMO isnt necessary. Getting married doesnt prevent or delay you from getting those.
 
I got married when I was 23 divorced before I was 24 because the girl I mentioned was in the exact same situation as you mention with the silver spoon and all - great girl but she had no real life experience in handling things on her own and ended up leaving me because she felt like she was missing out on life...
 
The material conditions you keep mentioning are not the primary indicators of marriage readiness. How about the millions of people who got married dirt poor and stayed married because they bonded because of it, grew together, had nothing and made something, etc. In fact since most younger women marry for financial reasons and not because they actually love the man himself then its better to marry when you have nothing so that you will know she isnt with you just for financial reasons. You dont want that persistent thought of if she would leave should you lose everything. Money may be the #1 reason for divorce but marriages that start out with money and lots of "stuff" then hard times happen and they lose everything are the top reason of divorce because of money. The couples who had nothing when they got married have a strong foundation built on struggle and sacrifice and they have been with each other through the bad times, wheras the couples that married for money dont have that strong relationship when the hard times come, then they end up divorced.

Of course the actual #1 reason for divorce is

marriage.
 
Uhm I got married young and lasted. Marriage does not have to wait until you are set in a well paying job, own an expensive car, and own a huge house. It is all about you, if you can go the distance and are determined to get these things than you will get them with or without a wife/husband.
 
Yarg! said:
I have been in a good relationship with someone for awhile and marriage has never crossed my mind. I am a college senior and while I really like this girl, I doubt I will get married unless I am financially secured, have my career figured out, have bought a house + a car and ready to start a family. I have a friend who recently got married and she's 23. Shes finished some arts school and so has the guy she married ( I think the guy is way older- like 30 or something). Anyways, I feel that it is way to soon since I doubt she is emotionally ready for a commitment like that. They were dating for about 3 years and had moved in together for about a year. The thing, she has never truly been self reliant and was born with a silver spoon. Her dad paid her monumental education fees and helped support her and her BF while they were together. I really doubt that their combined income (without assistance from her family) comes close enough to buy a house + a car, or enough to truly support a child when it eventually comes a long. In fact, I give this marriage 2yrs at the most. What are your thoughts on people who marry straight out of post secondary school or while they don't have all the kinks worked out yet in their careers?
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i think some people are prepared, and can make it work (like my parents even though they hate eachother), but sounds like you hit the nail on the head with these d00ches
 
depends on how much fun you've already had as well as her and if you know she is the one you can be with for a while or let her take more than half of your shit. i waited till i was 27. i had many years of fun before even getting into a serious relationship where marraige was even a thought. first you need a house or stabbin cabin for a few years so you can play and get it out of your system.
 
my parents got married pretty young and my momz was only 19. they're Still together and they dont hate each other. they're pretty chill peeps fo sho.

don't let people tell u there is a certain age for marriage. you are not them. i think you'll know when the time is right, when your ready to take the plunge.
 
Personally if I could go back I wouldn't even have a serious relationship before 30 much less think about getting married.

I'm getting married in four weeks, but I'm 35.
 
75th said:
I got married at 23. You get married when you meet the right person and you both think its time. Having preconditions a la gladtiator.1937463 (house, nice car, etc) IMO isnt necessary. Getting married doesnt prevent or delay you from getting those.
Click to expand...

totally agree with what 75 says too....old people in my country say that if you wait for everything to be "right" - it will never happen. I got married at 20 and we have a house without mortgage, 2 kids, my husband is working his way up and I am running my own business (with each others support).

The thing is not if you are too young or not - it depends on the character of the person. Some people are 40 and still act and thing immature.
 
I dont think 23 is too young for a woman, maybe for a man - I got married at 23 because I wanted to have plenty of time to be married as a couple before I started having kids. I didnt want to have my first baby after I was only married for 6 months because I waited until I was 35 to get married. Its all a manner of opinion :D After 30 your chances of conceiving easily without help drop dramatically. That does not mean that you wont conceive without help, but it starts to take longer etc. After 34 you run the risk of down syndrome among other problems. It sucks but its life, it just is.
 
cindylou said:
I dont think 23 is too young for a woman, maybe for a man - I got married at 23 because I wanted to have plenty of time to be married as a couple before I started having kids. I didnt want to have my first baby after I was only married for 6 months because I waited until I was 35 to get married. Its all a manner of opinion :D After 30 your chances of conceiving easily without help drop dramatically. That does not mean that you wont conceive without help, but it starts to take longer etc. After 34 you run the risk of down syndrome among other problems. It sucks but its life, it just is.
Click to expand...

ball_and_chain%5B1%5D.jpg
 
foreigngirl said:
totally agree with what 75 says too....old people in my country say that if you wait for everything to be "right" - it will never happen. I got married at 20 and we have a house without mortgage, 2 kids, my husband is working his way up and I am running my own business (with each others support).

The thing is not if you are too young or not - it depends on the character of the person. Some people are 40 and still act and thing immature.
Click to expand...

where's that? it's a good saying which applies to more than marriage I think.
 
KillahBee said:
Yes. /thread
Click to expand...

Holy shit, you're still around.

and yes, i believe that sometimes, there are exceptions in which people marry young and through some sheer miracle, they manage to stay together for at least 10 years. I doubt these people will stay together till their death bed, but there are of course going to be a few. However, in these changing times when finances are becoming more of an issue, a career path and independence from your parents is a must before undertaking marriage. I will probably get flamed to hell here, but the majority of people who marry young are not as educated as those who do not. This is probably because people go through college start focusing on moving out, setting a career and they are up to their necks in debt from college to even think about marriage. College grads who marry outside of college probably were born with silver spoons in their mouths and will probably not be very good at their chosen careers since marriage right after undergrad is the pivotal time in your life when you must concentrate on your future (and no I don't mean getting hitched).
 
You will never hear anyone say "Gee I wish I would have gotten married sooner in life."
 
superdave said:
You will never hear anyone say "Gee I wish I would have gotten married sooner in life."
Click to expand...

:lmao:

Thats true and not true.

Ask a woman who put her career before relationships or anything else, paying for her fourth round of IVF and hormones and still no pregnancy...she might say she wished she had done things differently

You will never hear a man say that though, true
 
cindylou said:
:lmao:

Thats true and not true.

Ask a woman who put her career before relationships or anything else, paying for her fourth round of IVF and hormones and still no pregnancy...she might say she wished she had done things differently

You will never hear a man say that though, true
Click to expand...

If Madonna can steal kid from the 3rd world, those women can too
 
cindylou said:
:lmao:

Thats true and not true.

Ask a woman who put her career before relationships or anything else, paying for her fourth round of IVF and hormones and still no pregnancy...she might say she wished she had done things differently

You will never hear a man say that though, true
Click to expand...


The OP is a dood. Besides, more adoption of impoverished American kids and less selfish IVF treatments would do this nation some good. Yea yea i know its just not the same if its "not mine". Women should have thought of that before thinking it was a good idea to be a careerist until their 40's.
 
It's always case by case. I know of couples who have been to together since high school and I just get the sense there's extra curriculur activities going on that help them keep going on. Overall, in this day and age in the U.S. where juvenile attitudes are extended and prolonged, I say yes, it's too young. They need to really ask WHY ARE THEY SO SURE THIS IS *THE* ONE? If they feel they are connected to that person through every bone and pore in their bodies and love them with all their heart, soul, and mind, then you just have to step back and let them do it. You can't argue with feelings like that.

I settled down too young and in my mid life crisis started wondering, why didn't I shop around more? I didn't have feelings like the afformentioned. I was merely comfortable. Why was I thinking this was it and there was not going to be anyone better I could grow up with? So many questions and issues come into play: economics, growing apart, sexual incompatibility etc.... But, there are people who think and act 50 at 15 who will absolutely not waiver from their opinion that they are right about every decision they make in their life. People in the U.S. HATE admitting when they're wrong and I think many stick it out just b/c everyone else is just waiting to pounce on them and say "We told you so!". People who married older would not give a crap and just go ahead and divorce b/c they don't have that I TOLD YOU SO looming over them. It's all about pride sometimes.
 
Hell go ahead and get married. The more you do it the better you get at it.
 
Strongbow said:
Hell go ahead and get married. The more you do it the better you get at it.
Click to expand...
TITCR

* This is my second marriage, for my husband it's the third. I think this one will stick, after 16 years we're still damned happy.
 
musclemom said:
TITCR

* This is my second marriage, for my husband it's the third. I think this one will stick, after 16 years we're still damned happy.
Click to expand...
Yea I mean its like buying a new car, you gotta test drive a couple before you find the one you really want.
 
superdave said:
The OP is a dood. Besides, more adoption of impoverished American kids and less selfish IVF treatments would do this nation some good. Yea yea i know its just not the same if its "not mine". Women should have thought of that before thinking it was a good idea to be a careerist until their 40's.
Click to expand...

I completely agree...there are so many children, already born, who need loving homes. Women who go through IVF are so selfish, just wasting everyone's time for the sake of their own ego.
Having children is not some sacred right-it happens or it does not. Forcing your body to procreate is unnatural and selfish. Maybe the reason you are infertile is because you have flawed genes that should not be passed on.
Adoption is the best option for infertile couples.
 
trex74 said:
I completely agree...there are so many children, already born, who need loving homes. Women who go through IVF are so selfish, just wasting everyone's time for the sake of their own ego.
Having children is not some sacred right-it happens or it does not. Forcing your body to procreate is unnatural and selfish. Maybe the reason you are infertile is because you have flawed genes that should not be passed on.
Adoption is the best option for infertile couples.
Click to expand...


I'm not saying I DONT agree w/ Dave. I was just trying to make a point why some women choose to get married young. If you are someone who wants to have a family of your own then you must marry early.

I dont have an opinion on ivf. Although, I will never understand why a woman feels like she HAS to experience a pregnancy and childbirth, but its a life experience nonetheless and you only live once, so I wouldnt judge a woman trying to get preganant in that manner. I was lucky enough to experience it and have no problem conceiving, but I started at 28 and my plan was to start trying before 30. Abortion is selfish too if you go in that direction.
 
Strongbow said:
Yea I mean its like buying a new car, you gotta test drive a couple before you find the one you really want.
Click to expand...
My oldest child will be 26 this year. I've discovered, and I remember, that there is NO WAY you can change the mind of a person who believes they are in "TRUE LOVE" no matter how piss-poor that relationship appears to be to an outsider. God help you if your under-25 kid has totally fallen for a serious piece of work. All you can do is strap in and keep you mouth shut and fully expect the marriage to implode in its own time. Whatever you do, never say anything against your child's beloved, it will haunt you forever and you've destroyed any trust your kid will have for you (at least until a few years after the relationship is totally shot to hell and your kid finally has a clear perspective on things).

Now, that being said, all you can REALLY do, that is effective, is STRONGLY encourage people who marry young to NOT have children before they're 30 and NOT buy real estate. Sell the positive points of the free and easy lifestyle of a young couple with nothing more tying them down than an apartment and their whims (this is particularly effective if you are a person who married youngish yourself, then you can wax prosaic about how much better a parent you would have been if you had waited, that usually works on your own kids, trust me. Very few people look back on their childhood and go "Gosh, my parents were the BEST!"). Emphasize how they can focus on each other and their careers, setting aside a nice nest egg, blah, blah, blah.

Seriously.

If the marriage lasts into nearly their 30s, then at least you know their brains have matured enough that they really know what they want by the time they start reproducing. If it implodes, hopefully they've learned a thing or two that will enable them to make better decisions before they consider marriage again.

I have noticed that people who wait too long to marry at all have a tendency to NEVER marry, for which arguments for both sides can be made. I've noticed people have a tendency to get "used" to being part of a couple. If you don't develop that habit when you're young, you have a tendency to avoid it later in life, and personally I think that seems kind of lonely. Frankly, it's nice to know you always have at least one person there for you, when you're sad, lonely, or want someone to hang with (or scrub your back in the shower).

Just my two cents.
 
musclemom said:
My oldest child will be 26 this year. I've discovered, and I remember, that there is NO WAY you can change the mind of a person who believes they are in "TRUE LOVE" no matter how piss-poor that relationship appears to be to an outsider. God help you if your under-25 kid has totally fallen for a serious piece of work. All you can do is strap in and keep you mouth shut and fully expect the marriage to implode in its own time. Whatever you do, never say anything against your child's beloved, it will haunt you forever and you've destroyed any trust your kid will have for you (at least until a few years after the relationship is totally shot to hell and your kid finally has a clear perspective on things).

Now, that being said, all you can REALLY do, that is effective, is STRONGLY encourage people who marry young to NOT have children before they're 30 and NOT buy real estate. Sell the positive points of the free and easy lifestyle of a young couple with nothing more tying them down than an apartment and their whims (this is particularly effective if you are a person who married youngish yourself, then you can wax prosaic about how much better a parent you would have been if you had waited, that usually works on your own kids, trust me. Very few people look back on their childhood and go "Gosh, my parents were the BEST!"). Emphasize how they can focus on each other and their careers, setting aside a nice nest egg, blah, blah, blah.

Seriously.

If the marriage lasts into nearly their 30s, then at least you know their brains have matured enough that they really know what they want by the time they start reproducing. If it implodes, hopefully they've learned a thing or two that will enable them to make better decisions before they consider marriage again.

I have noticed that people who wait too long to marry at all have a tendency to NEVER marry, for which arguments for both sides can be made. I've noticed people have a tendency to get "used" to being part of a couple. If you don't develop that habit when you're young, you have a tendency to avoid it later in life, and personally I think that seems kind of lonely. Frankly, it's nice to know you always have at least one person there for you, when you're sad, lonely, or want someone to hang with (or scrub your back in the shower).

Just my two cents.
Click to expand...
What is this LOVE thing you speak of?
 
Strongbow said:
What is this LOVE thing you speak of?
Click to expand...
You got kids, right? Okay, imagine coming home one day and you discover your kids in their rooms ... covered in blood and riddled with bullets. Dead. Imagine how you think you might feel.

The opposite of what that feels like is close to love.

HTH :D
 
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musclemom said:
You got kids, right? Okay, imagine coming home one day and you discover your kids in their rooms ... covered in blood and riddled with bullets. Dead. Imagine how you think you might feel.

The opposite of what that feels like is close to love.

HTH :D
Click to expand...
I thought love was when you would not get a kick out of seeing someones face plastered to the front of a freight train?:confused: And I love my kids cause I do not want to see them get hit by the train.
 
Strongbow said:
I thought love was when you would not get a kick out of seeing someones face plastered to the front of a freight train?:confused: And I love my kids cause I do not want to see them get hit by the train.
Click to expand...
Actually they don't get "plastered" where's all the EMTs around here ... really more like splattered.

Hard to describe love, isn't it? And there's all the different types, what you feel for a friend, what you feel for a s/o, what you feel for your kids, parents or extended family. I mean, I'd kill for my son, but the maternal/familial love I feel for him isn't the same as what I feel for my hubby. I simply cannot see any point to living any longer without my husband in my life. To imagine it is just complete desolation.
 
I love all kinds of shit. I love to be left the fuck alone, beer, snuff, the gym, poosie, my dogs, lesbian secks, did I mention snuff?
 
Strongbow said:
I love all kinds of shit. I love to be left the fuck alone, beer, snuff, the gym, poosie, my dogs, lesbian secks, did I mention snuff?
Click to expand...
About the only "thing" I love is my trailer, everything else I could take or leave. I have a few things I really, really, really like but virtually nothing I couldn't live without.

Snuff ... never had the experience but anything that involves me or anyone around me spitting *gag/wretch/dry-heave* Bleed all you want around me, have a bone sticking out, BFD. Cleaning up after the cats or changing diapers doesn't phase me a bit, but spit and I have to fight to keep my own lunch down :sick: Have no idea why. It's like a reflex thing.
 
musclemom said:
About the only "thing" I love is my trailer, everything else I could take or leave. I have a few things I really, really, really like but virtually nothing I couldn't live without.

Snuff ... never had the experience but anything that involves me or anyone around me spitting *gag/wretch/dry-heave* Bleed all you want around me, have a bone sticking out, BFD. Cleaning up after the cats or changing diapers doesn't phase me a bit, but spit and I have to fight to keep my own lunch down :sick: Have no idea why. It's like a reflex thing.
Click to expand...
Never fear Mom, I keep my spit bottle out of sight until I spit.
 
Strongbow said:
Never fear Mom, I keep my spit bottle out of sight until I spit.
Click to expand...
Jesus, you won't believe this but even the mental image of a spit bottle is vaguely nauseating.

I'm outta this thread!
 
Yarg! said:
I have been in a good relationship with someone for awhile and marriage has never crossed my mind. I am a college senior and while I really like this girl, I doubt I will get married unless I am financially secured, have my career figured out, have bought a house + a car and ready to start a family. I have a friend who recently got married and she's 23. Shes finished some arts school and so has the guy she married ( I think the guy is way older- like 30 or something). Anyways, I feel that it is way to soon since I doubt she is emotionally ready for a commitment like that. They were dating for about 3 years and had moved in together for about a year. The thing, she has never truly been self reliant and was born with a silver spoon. Her dad paid her monumental education fees and helped support her and her BF while they were together. I really doubt that their combined income (without assistance from her family) comes close enough to buy a house + a car, or enough to truly support a child when it eventually comes a long. In fact, I give this marriage 2yrs at the most. What are your thoughts on people who marry straight out of post secondary school or while they don't have all the kinks worked out yet in their careers?
Click to expand...

Any age is too young...
 
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