Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
how will being resentful and angry at their dad be a good relationship for my kids to grow up seeing?
Would you?
- Thread starter nangiggles
- Start date
Underwraps
New member
EDITED
Yes, that is a good point. If I were being angry and resentful all the time that would not be healthy. We're at a stalemate on the issue of where the STD came from so at the time I had to try and drop it and forgive and forget- a baby was on the way. But, years later other things piled up. I literally made a list of 100 things before I cheated. Then found out that was pointless and unfulfilling and my spouse was willing to humble himself as well and try harder.
I am in forgiving and forgetting try #2. Besides, I got my revenge. I didn't bring it up, but in my case I have a special needs child as well (as you all know
) and it's almost not an option at all to divorce for his sake. Would you guys marry a woman w/a child that will live with you for the rest of your lives??? I have met women with stepdad spouses and I am in awe of these men. My initial thought: Secret pedophiles! But, I had to let that suspicion go and see that there are amazing genuine huge hearted men that are willing to do this for a woman they fall in love with. But, that's besides the point. Fear of being alone is not a good reason alone to stay in an unhappy marriage. There are those that can forgive and forget- many. Many will have many meaningless sex trysts before marriage. Some will be more reserved and sort of save themselves. I can understand sexual betrayal being just the same as emotional betrayal for group 2 b/c sex IS emotional for them and one and the same. But for group 1, come on. Suddenly sex has meaning? Well, yes it does when it's an expression of love when they DO fall in love. But for this group, it's meaningless again when it's with a NSA type of tryst. No, it doesn't have meaning then, but it's the PRIDE and respect issue that comes with sharing your body w/another person that is maddening. A couple of my lovers LOVED their wives!? But, they just wanted meaningless SEX. That's why it's easy. They seperate SEX away from an expression of love and bring it back to just sex again. That's how they can do it. My last lover got to feeling guilty though and I do too now.
If there wasn't the PRIDE, it would be easier to forgive even for the formerly whoring around Group 1 crowd. It's all about the pride and disrespect. That's huge, I know.
Oh, and if I can't fully forgive him and the resentment and suspicion comes back and I am not able to be the wife HE deserves, yes, I will have to consider divorce. I'm giving this an earnest chance though. I think giving chances is hard, but necessary in some cases.
p.s. Divorce is rampant among couples w/children w/special needs.
Last edited:
Speaking from personal experience; having turned the cheek and overlooking it because of my love for her ended up hurting me even more in the end because she just turned around and did it again a year later...peoples nature never changes for the most part if they are willing to do something once they will do it again. No. Never ever again.
mrplunkey
New member
Somehow I can't help but think you don't believe in the soul-mate concept.
Just post silver star, velvett, bitterness...
Underwraps
New member
Do you think people think it's okay to cheat during certain levels of relationships, but become loyal after marriages? Like, they cheat during "dating", or maybe even more serious dating, but would never after marriage? Was this during a marriage she cheated twice or a long term relationship? Live in?
Yes, that is a good point. If I were being angry and resentful all the time that would not be healthy. We're at a stalemate on the issue of where the STD came from so at the time I had to try and drop it and forgive and forget- a baby was on the way. But, years later other things piled up. I literally made a list of 100 things before I cheated. Then found out that was pointless and unfulfilling and my spouse was willing to humble himself as well and try harder.
I am in forgiving and forgetting try #2. Besides, I got my revenge. I didn't bring it up, but in my case I have a special needs child as well (as you all know
There are those that can forgive and forget- many. Many will have many meaningless sex trysts before marriage. Some will be more reserved and sort of save themselves. I can understand sexual betrayal being just the same as emotional betrayal for group 2 b/c sex IS emotional for them and one and the same. But for group 1, come on. Suddenly sex has meaning? No, it doesn't, but it's the PRIDE and respect issue that comes with sharing your body w/another person that they care about.
If there wasn't the PRIDE, it would be easier to forgive even for the formerly whoring around Group 1 crowd. It's all about the pride and disrespect. That's huge, I know.
Oh, and if I can't fully forgive him and the resentment and suspicion comes back and I am not able to be the wife HE deserves, yes, I will have to consider divorce. I'm giving this an earnest chance though. I think giving chances is hard, but necessary in some cases.
p.s. Divorce is rampant among couples w/children w/special needs.
I'm confused.... U have forgotten and forgiven, and are with 'stalemate' guy?
I"m sorry. Udub, just slow today.
I've always felt this way. I can respect people trying to make things work for the sake of kids, but growing up in a house with parents who fight all the time never did anyone any good. Better to split, find someone who loves and respects you, and be able to demonstrate to your child what marriage worth fighting for looks like.
I might try.....depending on the circumstances...MIGHT. But I would only give it so long and if I couldn't get past feeling angry and hurt, I would try to end things as peacefully as possible and try to maintain a reasonable friendship for the sake of the kids.
The breaking up is hard on the kids....bitterness and parental alienation is worse. My mom stayed very civil with her ex. I've even had thanksgiving at his place a few times. We're all one somewhat bigger happy family now, with his new wife and her fam, and my dad and his fam.
slimjim1985
New member
its all about the revenge sex.
