Would you let your significant other

[Bikini Mod]

Hey Cleaner, why are you getting so hostile? I was NOT preaching......you asked a question on a public chatboard and I replied.

And if that is the way you view it - fine. I stated that it was ONLY MY VIEW. I am not the one who asked for the board's opinion - YOU ARE.

And just because your marriage has survived all of these years does not mean that you are superior.

I was married for 11 years and dated for 13. Just because my spouse REFUSED to acknowledge me as an equal partner when I FULLY DESERVED IT does not mean that I have less knowledge than you....or perhaps it does. Regardless, it would have been VERY EASY for me to stay and die inside and have my daughters raised hating us BOTH. I admit to my mistakes and though I DO NOT have to publicly disperse such personal information I CHOSE TO DO IT. I thought that others may benefit from my mistakes. If you do not fall into that category then YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM FOR YOU AND YOUR WIFE! (I mean that with 100% sincerity - no sarcasm WHATSOEVER.)

I think that your last comment about my personal situation was not only cruel, but uncalled for.

 

[big4life]

Yeah it would be rough to have to deal with the comments, but I would have to support her decision to pose or not. Look at it this way, how many of your friends can say their wife looked good enough to pose for playboy.

 

[Latimer]

The choice wouldn't be mine to make.

 

[Cleaner]

BMOM,

First, I knew nothing of your divorce......and I'm sorry...mostly for your girls.....it would be good for them to see their parents grow old together.

Wether you realize it or not...you dump out a lot of relationship stuff on here....."let" was just a word I grab.......wasn't even a thought......could have used "would you care"......I'm sorry about your ordeal but just a year ago you talked a lot different....for me I always see divorce as the easy way out...as soon as you play this "or else shit" you lose....and well your both losing.

For me this question had nothing to do with the relationship.....it was how would you or wouldn't you take the worlds impression of the act and would you let it influence your actions.

I hope your photo op's didn't have anything to do with your situation.

 

[Warik]

Nope.

-Warik

 

[Bikini Mod]

Cleaner - yes, I did talk ALOT differently. Partially because I was in denial about my husband's treatment of me (I didn't beleive that I deserved better...MY FAULT) and partially because I took my vows VERY SERIOUSLY and hoped that if I loved him long enough, he would see that it was ok to love and respect me the same way. What made my decision for me? When my children were old enough to mirror their father's treatment......no respect for who I was or what I did - FULL TIME DEVOTED MOTHER TO CHILDREN AND DEDICATED WIFE.

No, divorce IS NOT EASY - it is VERY DIFFICULT and NO, IT WOULD NOT BE GOOD FOR MY GIRLS TO WATCH THEIR PARENTS (ME AND MY EX) GROW OLD TOGETHER! It would have been easy for me to lay down and die and be a "kept woman" - no respect, no station in life.

My husband was ALWAYS a jealous and possessive man. I knew this when I married him. But I was young and naive (MY IMMATURITY) and thought that if I just loved him enough I would be able to "undo" all the horrors of the parents who had failed him - I WAS WRONG.

I was not a wife. I was a possession. And now, his treatment of me and my children is INCONCEIVABLE. There are a few trusted friends who are board members who know all the specifics and BELIEVE ME - MY LIFE IS VERY DIFFICULT. But I believe that it is better for to live on my own and worry about paying the bills then for me to be demeaned and degraded simply to have a roof over my head......this has been VERY DIFFICULT on my beautiful children, primarily because my ex is hellbent on punishing me - he does not care how the children are being affected.....but it will still be better for my daughters to see that their mother is a strong woman who can stand up for herself AND her children and take the more difficult unsure road to try and seek a better life.

As for my career having anything to do with it. I tried to go back to finish college a few years ago. His reply," We don't have the money for tuition and besides who would watch the kids while you were at school and how will you find the time tocook and clean, etc AND study?" Then I tried to get a part time job tending bar (I did this while in college). No wife of his would work (yea, like what I was doing already was not work). Besides, he could earn three times the amount in a fraction of the time, so what would be the point? Then when I wanted to take my test to get a personal trianer's cert. He said, "Wait a minute...you would be touching your clients...some of them will be guys, right?" See a pattern developing? The only reason that I was "allowed" to try to pursue modeling is because he was SURE that I would fail. As I became more successful, he became angrier and more hostile...till finally we fought. All I will say is that I was faithful until my head hit the ground. Only once in 13 years...and his ass was out the door. I told him, you go your way, I go mine.....PERIOD.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Anyone who says that I gave up too easily and did not try does NOT KNOW what they are talking about (not saying that YOU are saying this).

If my choosing to be a strong woman in demeanining circumstances makes me less of an intelligent person - so be it. I only have my girls to answer to. As long as I earn their love and respect DAILY I sleep just fine at night.

As for me doling out relationship advice.....no one has to take it. They can ignore me. That is just fine by me. This is a public chat board and we are all entitled to our opinions. When one solicits advice or opinions they may not necessarily hear what they like.

I have no quarrel with you Cleaner. I am merely pointing out that just because you do not agree with the respectful tone of MY opinion, that you should consider what you are saying before you say it...that IS ALL.

I don't want pity or sympathy. I have a family that is VERY SUPPORTIVE and a few GREAT friends who are only a phone call, drive or email away.

I realize that I am NOT everybody's ideal of knowledge - HELL, NEVER CLAIMED TO BE - SHIT, everyday I learn JUST HOW LITTLE I REALLY KNOW!

Just pointing out that your comment was very cutting to me personally. This, you will agree, is something THAT I HAVE NEVER EXPRESSED ON THIS OR ANY OTHER BOARD. If I didn't respect you, I would never have even replied the first time....I would just let it roll of my back like water off of a duck's ass.

In any event, I sincerely wish both you and your wife well and hope that when you make it to your 50th anniversary you will be able to give me the knowledge so that I may pass it on to my children, friends and family.

On a side note.....a picture is forever. If she is not ashamed of her body and does not have issue with such a display (I do not) now, she may not have issue later.....but if there are children involved, she may reconsider. The reason that I will not consider posing in this fashion is because my children are not old enough to consider the ramifications of such behaviour, so I can not ask what they thought about such a project. I involve them in ALL the decisions I make about the projects that I accept.

 

[TheSalami]

jesus christ can someone shut this bitch up. she thinks because she went through divorce that she has had such a rough life and knows so much more about people. these days most married people go through divorce. bikinimom has it easier than most of them but she wants to make it like she has had very hard times. she has had it easy.

 

[Thick dog]

Hey Cleaner, if she decides to do it, can you have her send me an autograhped copy? Tastefully done, of course...

 

[Imnotdutch]

Hey Salami......whats the deal with the insults?? Cleaner just came across in the wrong way and the situation needed cleaning up. Nobody forces you to read the posts.....just scroll to the next one if you dont like it.

As far as BM's particular situation goes, you and I dont know the ins and outs of the story.....so we cant really judge how easy she has it can we?? But if there is only one other woman on this board who is in a similar situation to BM's (there are some hints in the posts if you bother to look), and that one woman has the courage to stand up for herself as a result of reading moms post, then its a job well done. And if BM feels like talking about whatever is bugging her then this is the place to do it.....I hope she feels better for it.

But then mebbe you are one of those oppressive assholes who likes to control women and cant deal with it when one of them shows that they dont need a big bad man to provide for them.

Geez one of these days your brain will kick in before you start talking......maybe then you'll say something worth listening too.

jesus christ can someone shut this bitch up. she thinks because she went through divorce that she has had such a rough life and knows so much more about people. these days most married people go through divorce. bikinimom has it easier than most of them but she wants to make it like she has had very hard times. she has had it easy.

 

[Warik]

"let" was just a word I grab.......wasn't even a thought......could have used "would you care"......

I think "let" is a perfectly good word. If you were going to use "would you care" you might as have asked "do you like to be disrespected by your significant other?"

"It's my body!" jeez why don't you go do porno then? I think they pay more anyway.

-Warik