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Worst thing during sex

Here comes the obvious jokes about guys with underage girls. Anyway, Maxim had a list which was pretty funny. It included stuff like,

Guy takes off his pants and his girl responds, "one sec, let me get my glasses," or girl responds buy saying, "oh look how litte and cute it is."

What do you guys/girls got. I bet you can top that.

Lets hear it.
 
Best thing:" You're going to put all of that in me! No way, I'm too small." (and yeah she was 24 assholes)


Worst thing. (right after sex, not a gf) "Don't be mad, but I had sex with Eric (my best friend) last night
 
Worst thing during sex.

Back in college my best friend was transferring to UCLA, so we decided to have a send off. I called this girl in Wehhawken, cute petite red head, that I met at a bar and she was good to go. So were both on the phone asking her if she has a pretty friend that she can bring along for him. She says yeah, and he is like "are you sure she's pretty", and the girls swearing up and down that she is. So they get there and sure enough her friend is hurtin. So my buddy starts to make a scene, and I have to ask to be excused so we could talk in the hall. He starts yelling, "There is no fucking way I'm going to sleep with her!" We're standing just outside the door, so for sure the girls can hear him yell.

So I'm like "Just calm the fuck down, you can have the redhead" which was a major bummer, but it was his send off. So now I'm pissy and I grab the ugly chick and say "Cmon, lets go hang in my room" and he stays there with the redhead. So I figure we'll just hang in my room for an hour or so, because there is no way I'm sleeping with her either. But she starts getting aggressive, and telling me "don't be shy, it's ok I'll be gentle" So now my pride is on the line, and I have to screw this chick just to prove I can, or else she'll be talking shit to people we know (I don't know her, but she knows some of the same people).

So I get it over with, and head to the bathroom to take a leak. I get there, and my hand feels sticky. I look down and there is blood all over me. I fucking screamed like a girl, because the first thing that pops into my mind is that she cut me. There was that much blood. Then in two seconds I figure out what it is, and that's almost as bad, especially since it was her. So I shower off.

When we get back downstairs my bud is all like "that is the best piece of ass I ever had. She was fucking incredible. The second we closed the door she was....." The fucker
 
JerseyArt said:
Worst thing during sex.

Back in college my best friend was transferring to UCLA, so we decided to have a send off. I called this girl in Wehhawken, cute petite red head, that I met at a bar and she was good to go. So were both on the phone asking her if she has a pretty friend that she can bring along for him. She says yeah, and he is like "are you sure she's pretty", and the girls swearing up and down that she is. So they get there and sure enough her friend is hurtin. So my buddy starts to make a scene, and I have to ask to be excused so we could talk in the hall. He starts yelling, "There is no fucking way I'm going to sleep with her!" We're standing just outside the door, so for sure the girls can hear him yell.

So I'm like "Just calm the fuck down, you can have the redhead" which was a major bummer, but it was his send off. So now I'm pissy and I grab the ugly chick and say "Cmon, lets go hang in my room" and he stays there with the redhead. So I figure we'll just hang in my room for an hour or so, because there is no way I'm sleeping with her either. But she starts getting aggressive, and telling me "don't be shy, it's ok I'll be gentle" So now my pride is on the line, and I have to screw this chick just to prove I can, or else she'll be talking shit to people we know (I don't know her, but she knows some of the same people).

So I get it over with, and head to the bathroom to take a leak. I get there, and my hand feels sticky. I look down and there is blood all over me. I fucking screamed like a girl, because the first thing that pops into my mind is that she cut me. There was that much blood. Then in two seconds I figure out what it is, and that's almost as bad, especially since it was her. So I shower off.

When we get back downstairs my bud is all like "that is the best piece of ass I ever had. She was fucking incredible. The second we closed the door she was....." The fucker
Click to expand...

hyahaha... dude I have had to play wingman before also... it sucks, but the guy owes you next time. Good story though.
 
awittyusername said:
Dude, you told her you had sex w/your best friend Eric the night before? Bad move
Click to expand...


Ass monkey:)
 
JerseyArt said:
Best thing:" You're going to put all of that in me! No way, I'm too small." (and yeah she was 24 assholes)
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
:p @ JerseyArt
 
I don't know, but I imagine that the worst thing a guy could hear from a woman is, "my name used to be Steve", or "mine was a lot bigger." :freak: :worried:

The worst thing for a woman to hear would be, "where does this go?", or "you wan't me to put my mouth where?" :eek2: :kitty:

:D

I'm lucky, the worst thing I ever said to a woman was called her the wrong name, but this wasn't during sex. Who knew a woman could slap that hard. :bawling:
 
best thing after sex: you know, i really need to go home, my husband is going to be so pissed off at me because i've been gone all weekend.

also the worst too, cause i'm like WTF?!?!?!?!

how could that even qualify as one of the best though, you ask? because i knew i didn't have to put up with her shit, he did :D
 
The best:


"Let me know when your gonna come......" Yeah sure Honey i'll let u know :evil:




The worst:



"Knocks on wood......." haven't heard it YET. :worried:
 
I once was in bed with an overweight girl, she was more than a bit overweight but she was really sexy and knew what she was doing. anyway, I told her how sexy she was and while she was basking in the compliment I said "you probably don't hear that too often" I felt like an asshole for a week after that. I didn't say it on purpose to hurt her, I am just an honest person and I was sure she did not hear that too often but it was fukin tactless of me to voice my thoughts.
needless to say she was pretty pissed off at me.
 
Worst thing after sex was about 2 weeks later. "I'm pregnant". :worried:

Best thing was about 9 months later. "It's not yours, it's my husbands" wheeew :beer:
 
Allon said:
I once was in bed with an overweight girl, she was more than a bit overweight but she was really sexy and knew what she was doing. anyway, I told her how sexy she was and while she was basking in the compliment I said "you probably don't hear that too often" I felt like an asshole for a week after that. I didn't say it on purpose to hurt her, I am just an honest person and I was sure she did not hear that too often but it was fukin tactless of me to voice my thoughts.
needless to say she was pretty pissed off at me.
Click to expand...


I think I would have just started sobbing, then I would have probaly come back and slapped you and then told you I was sorry for slapping you the next day because if I knew you I would have known you had not ment it, but would have been mad at the time. sorry for rambling.
 
eh man.....

JerseyArt said:
Back in college my best friend was transferring to UCLA, so we decided to have a send off. I called this girl in Wehhawken, cute petite red head, that I met at a bar and she was good to go. So were both on the phone asking her if she has a pretty friend that she can bring along for him. She says yeah, and he is like "are you sure she's pretty", and the girls swearing up and down that she is. So they get there and sure enough her friend is hurtin. So my buddy starts to make a scene, and I have to ask to be excused so we could talk in the hall. He starts yelling, "There is no fucking way I'm going to sleep with her!" We're standing just outside the door, so for sure the girls can hear him yell.

So I'm like "Just calm the fuck down, you can have the redhead" which was a major bummer, but it was his send off. So now I'm pissy and I grab the ugly chick and say "Cmon, lets go hang in my room" and he stays there with the redhead. So I figure we'll just hang in my room for an hour or so, because there is no way I'm sleeping with her either. But she starts getting aggressive, and telling me "don't be shy, it's ok I'll be gentle" So now my pride is on the line, and I have to screw this chick just to prove I can, or else she'll be talking shit to people we know (I don't know her, but she knows some of the same people).

So I get it over with, and head to the bathroom to take a leak. I get there, and my hand feels sticky. I look down and there is blood all over me. I fucking screamed like a girl, because the first thing that pops into my mind is that she cut me. There was that much blood. Then in two seconds I figure out what it is, and that's almost as bad, especially since it was her. So I shower off.

When we get back downstairs my bud is all like "that is the best piece of ass I ever had. She was fucking incredible. The second we closed the door she was....." The fucker
Click to expand...

eh Lil' Artie.......you fucked up bigtime on this shit. First of all you said the redhead's friend was good to go and took it for granted that she was "OK", when it turned out she was tore UP from the floor UP. :mad:

If I was your bro, I would have slapped you like a bitch and took the redhead anyway.........when it comes to sex, there's no time for mistakes and you fucked up bigtime.......

It is your fault.

:redhot:
 
JerseyArt said:
Worst thing during sex.

Back in college my best friend was transferring to UCLA, so we decided to have a send off. I called this girl in Wehhawken, cute petite red head, that I met at a bar and she was good to go. So were both on the phone asking her if she has a pretty friend that she can bring along for him. She says yeah, and he is like "are you sure she's pretty", and the girls swearing up and down that she is. So they get there and sure enough her friend is hurtin. So my buddy starts to make a scene, and I have to ask to be excused so we could talk in the hall. He starts yelling, "There is no fucking way I'm going to sleep with her!" We're standing just outside the door, so for sure the girls can hear him yell.

So I'm like "Just calm the fuck down, you can have the redhead" which was a major bummer, but it was his send off. So now I'm pissy and I grab the ugly chick and say "Cmon, lets go hang in my room" and he stays there with the redhead. So I figure we'll just hang in my room for an hour or so, because there is no way I'm sleeping with her either. But she starts getting aggressive, and telling me "don't be shy, it's ok I'll be gentle" So now my pride is on the line, and I have to screw this chick just to prove I can, or else she'll be talking shit to people we know (I don't know her, but she knows some of the same people).

So I get it over with, and head to the bathroom to take a leak. I get there, and my hand feels sticky. I look down and there is blood all over me. I fucking screamed like a girl, because the first thing that pops into my mind is that she cut me. There was that much blood. Then in two seconds I figure out what it is, and that's almost as bad, especially since it was her. So I shower off.

When we get back downstairs my bud is all like "that is the best piece of ass I ever had. She was fucking incredible. The second we closed the door she was....." The fucker
Click to expand...

good fucking story bro, I was crying laughing, sounded like a bud light commercial or something
 
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