Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below we've been together a year now. it went from me just wanting to date her in the beginning to full blown being in love. i ve never felt this way about anyone, its crazy. ive always been a more insecure and negative person, i cant really explain why. she loves me to death to but my insecurites and negativity comes out a lot of the time when i dont really mean it to. because of that sex has decreased a lot. i had a talk with her and she said my personality is a turn off. im lost. im so attached to this girl i want her to be attracted to me again. i need some help here. just some suggestions on what i can do to make her want me. im doing a cycle currently hoping that will increase her desire for me, though that is only maybe going to be temporary. i feel like im losing my true love. please help guys. k.
worried about my girlfriend.
- Thread starter markshark
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ukkared
New member
You can't force her to be with you. Unfortunately if she has lost that attraction in you, it might only be a matter of time. If it is true love then don't worry and she will accept you for who you are, even with your weaknesses. It is hard but all your insecurities come from stuff that has happened in the past and you should try to leave them there. I feel for you man and hope everything turns out well.
DJ_UFO said:
i do get jealous. most girls cheat. im 24 shes 20. if for 5 seconds i cant be in better shape and better looking than most guys she sees she will meet someone at a bar and fuck them. its sickl because ive never cared to look amazing or anything, buy i feel i need to to keep her.
Sassy69
New member
Sounds more like you've let her become a crutch for you some how. There was something about you in the beginning that attracted her & kept her around for a year - esp at the very flighty age of 20. Obviously you've both gone thru some changes since you 've met - You admit that you have a certain type of personality that you probably, as do most people, tend to fall back onto when something makes you feel like you aren't in the power position / in control / in the zone. There may be a certain dynamic in your relationship w/ her that has made you feel like you aren't on top anymore. Equivaliently she's 20 - she may be growing up a little more over the course of your relationship and maybe she isnt' ready to be strung up w/ someone who she sees as become a bummer to be around.
Don't make your goal be "i need to keep her" but rather find out what is makign you unhappy and making you revert back to your insecure behavior. I mean seriously - no one wants to be around someone who is negative all the time so don't make it be about her specifically - you may have that impact on everyone around you, or at least those who spend time around you - ask them - your friends, your family, if they see somethigh that has changed in you -- LISTEN to them and see if you get similar answers. That will help you pinpoint the source of the issue - you can't change her or make her be a certaih way - but what you see is her reacting to something about you. Do you have a reason to not trust her? Or is that just the forgone conclusion that you arrive at when you see that she is getting turned off by soemthign about your personality lately? Don't spend time building up scenarios that are only going to perpetuate the attitutde you already seem to have. Instead step back a sec and look at yourself and find out what is making you insecure. If you have a healthy relationship w/ this girl, then focus on that -- trust me - when you are happy, everything falls into place. When you are not and you look to place the blame everywhere except where it needs to be it just perpetuates the sour situation by exaggerating things that probably aren't part of the situation anyway but are easy to fit into your already crappy view of things.
Don't rely on the cycle to fix stuff - if anythign it might be fucking w/ your brain even more if you have a lousy outlook on things - you're now introducing hormone imbalance that might just aggravate things. Pay attention to how you act on cycle - I know a few people who turn into monumental assholes on tren so don't think its thie quicky fix-it for everything. Girls can be really flaky but they aren't that flaky that getting a set of abs will fix it all. If she's getting tired of your negativity, get rid of the negativity at its source and make yourself a happier person in the process.
Don't make your goal be "i need to keep her" but rather find out what is makign you unhappy and making you revert back to your insecure behavior. I mean seriously - no one wants to be around someone who is negative all the time so don't make it be about her specifically - you may have that impact on everyone around you, or at least those who spend time around you - ask them - your friends, your family, if they see somethigh that has changed in you -- LISTEN to them and see if you get similar answers. That will help you pinpoint the source of the issue - you can't change her or make her be a certaih way - but what you see is her reacting to something about you. Do you have a reason to not trust her? Or is that just the forgone conclusion that you arrive at when you see that she is getting turned off by soemthign about your personality lately? Don't spend time building up scenarios that are only going to perpetuate the attitutde you already seem to have. Instead step back a sec and look at yourself and find out what is making you insecure. If you have a healthy relationship w/ this girl, then focus on that -- trust me - when you are happy, everything falls into place. When you are not and you look to place the blame everywhere except where it needs to be it just perpetuates the sour situation by exaggerating things that probably aren't part of the situation anyway but are easy to fit into your already crappy view of things.
Don't rely on the cycle to fix stuff - if anythign it might be fucking w/ your brain even more if you have a lousy outlook on things - you're now introducing hormone imbalance that might just aggravate things. Pay attention to how you act on cycle - I know a few people who turn into monumental assholes on tren so don't think its thie quicky fix-it for everything. Girls can be really flaky but they aren't that flaky that getting a set of abs will fix it all. If she's getting tired of your negativity, get rid of the negativity at its source and make yourself a happier person in the process.
dsh89
New member
Yeah bro it is all the crap in your head not what your body looks like. Truly I am a very insecure person myself. I feel that if someone more attractive comes along my girl will bail. But that is all my brain's doing and not anything my girl does. And I know you have seen butt ugly guys with hot girls. I know I have. So if it were simply looks then why would those girls not have bailed on their ugly dudes already? It is not all about looks. And your projection of the negativity you feel for yourself is what is causing problems. You just have to remember that it is in your head and you need to sqash that shit and have faith and trust in the girl you are with. Otherwise nothing will make your relationship work. At my age, most people have been through some bullshit. I am 35, my girl is 28. We have both had shitty marriages. So we have to work through our bullshit to be able to enjoy our relationship. I wish you the best of luck. And not all girls cheat, just like not all guys cheat.
my negativity is whats ruining it. i blame if all on myself. the poor girl just wants to love someone who is fun and positive. she is so beautiful and positive and i feel i always bring her down. i feel like i fucked everything up so bad. but i never want to leave her. we rarely even have sex anymore. yet i dont want anyone but her. i dont know what to do. i want to fix the negativity but shit in my past has made me this way./ i try to change it but it wont work. i just dont want to lose her.
Sassy69
New member
What does it mean "shit in your past"? You can be a slave to your past or master of your future. I know it sounds nice and clean cut and it isn't but you're the only one who can make it change. Take a "what the fuck approach". Fear of things is what bogs us down. What's the worst that happens? Honestly? She leaves you and you continue living. Or you toss it all and dont' live anymore. My guess is you'll continue living. In the most optimistic sense, that means you're open to meet a whole slew of new girls - the whole world is available to you. So its not actually all that bad and you certainly don't die. If you look at it that way, then what do you have to lose? Stop worrying so much about shit and sitting in this deep dark hole you've dug for yourself and just go have some fun. What the fuck? Just go do it.
Ask her - what is it that she likes the most about you - what is i thtat kept her around for so long? Is there something else going on in your life? I will admit I was the biggest downer for a number of months last year. Why? Because I'd been laid off from a job that was run by idiots who top the charts for "euthenasia would be a humane way to get rid of them", spent 7 months looking for a job while being highly educated, 20 yrs experience and unemployed, had my house on the market for 11 months and burned thru about $30K in savings. Yea I was a downer. What's your excuse?
IF you look at that post you put above this one it is rampant w/ can't / won't / etc. Nothing constructive there at all. You will lose her if you continue this way. You're just annoyign to be around. How do you change that? Stop being annoying. Stop obsessing about all these things. You can't MAKE her do anything, but in this obsession of YOURS you're killing everything. Just relax and focus on getting yourself in a better place first. Whatever it takes. And with that will come the rest. FOCUS ON YOURSELF FIRST. Its really like they say - if you don't take care of yourself you're no good for anyone else.
Ask her - what is it that she likes the most about you - what is i thtat kept her around for so long? Is there something else going on in your life? I will admit I was the biggest downer for a number of months last year. Why? Because I'd been laid off from a job that was run by idiots who top the charts for "euthenasia would be a humane way to get rid of them", spent 7 months looking for a job while being highly educated, 20 yrs experience and unemployed, had my house on the market for 11 months and burned thru about $30K in savings. Yea I was a downer. What's your excuse?
IF you look at that post you put above this one it is rampant w/ can't / won't / etc. Nothing constructive there at all. You will lose her if you continue this way. You're just annoyign to be around. How do you change that? Stop being annoying. Stop obsessing about all these things. You can't MAKE her do anything, but in this obsession of YOURS you're killing everything. Just relax and focus on getting yourself in a better place first. Whatever it takes. And with that will come the rest. FOCUS ON YOURSELF FIRST. Its really like they say - if you don't take care of yourself you're no good for anyone else.
Stock69
New member
markshark said:
Man up!!! Insecurity is the biggest thing that will turn any girl off. She wants to be with a man, not a sissy. You can choose which one you will be for her. It sounds to me like it might be too late. A 20 year old woman is having sex. If not with you, then someone else. If so, learn from this mistake so it wont happen next time you meet the next Ms. Right.
DJ_UFO
Banned
markshark said:
Brother but you cannot live assuming that that's gonna happen. It is true; both mena and women MUST take care of themselves for their partners; but that doesn't mean if you don't look like a Calvin Klein model then she's gonna fuck someone else; I mean she could if she want; but if that's the case, that tells you something; that tells you she doesn't care about you, she is not commited to you, she is not serious with you; if that's the case, grab your balls, keep your selfsteem up, your pride and walk away! there are other girls outside ready to play with you and some of them ready to love YOU. I know it's hard; been there done that; it's painful, it's hard. But at the end, you gotta do what you gotta do. You can choose to be a sissy yankee or a country boy who knows how to survive...
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