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Deleted member 33117
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Alot of you have talked with me about my relationships, and the problems involved and have been following my posts. Well, the thread I had about not being able to cum on halloween with the new girl I was seeing was an event (me sleeping with her for the first time), that seemd to cause so many problems. Things are very confusing and complex with this woman right now, as a result of that, and both of our pasts and issues. Tomarrow when I get home, we are going to sit down and have a talk about what is really going on.
What she doesn't know is, I've never met anyone so special in my life. Not only do I have more so much in common with her that is scares me, but I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for her.
Becuase of some things that have happened in my life, which I have posted about in the past, I have always felt deep in my heart that I am not a good person, and I do not deserve to be loved by anyone. This is why I stayed with my pyscho ex-gf, despite everything that happened. I didn't believe that I deserved anyone better. I've had a couple of girls that caught my interest since then, including one that I feel deeply in love with very quickly, however it never felt right with any of them.
The woman I've been involved with (well actually we haven't spoken much in the last two weeks), is different. The strange thing is, despite the mixed messages I've been getting, she implied that the feelings she developed for me so quickly fightened her, and that this "is the reason I put the brakes on you the way I did." Out of all of the woman I've slept with, or been involved with, this is the first one who I believe has ever actually cared about me. I'm afraid that I will not find another woman who possesses the qualities that I admire in her so much, and the fact that she actually cares about me, makes this so much worse. I'm absolutely terrified that she going to tell me that I'm not good enough for her, and to hit the road when we talk... because deep down inside, despite my efforts to be a good person, and to be everything I am capable of being, I still feel that I am not good enough, and that I am truely not a good person. Just as I was told when I was 5-years-old.
What she doesn't know is, I've never met anyone so special in my life. Not only do I have more so much in common with her that is scares me, but I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for her.
Becuase of some things that have happened in my life, which I have posted about in the past, I have always felt deep in my heart that I am not a good person, and I do not deserve to be loved by anyone. This is why I stayed with my pyscho ex-gf, despite everything that happened. I didn't believe that I deserved anyone better. I've had a couple of girls that caught my interest since then, including one that I feel deeply in love with very quickly, however it never felt right with any of them.
The woman I've been involved with (well actually we haven't spoken much in the last two weeks), is different. The strange thing is, despite the mixed messages I've been getting, she implied that the feelings she developed for me so quickly fightened her, and that this "is the reason I put the brakes on you the way I did." Out of all of the woman I've slept with, or been involved with, this is the first one who I believe has ever actually cared about me. I'm afraid that I will not find another woman who possesses the qualities that I admire in her so much, and the fact that she actually cares about me, makes this so much worse. I'm absolutely terrified that she going to tell me that I'm not good enough for her, and to hit the road when we talk... because deep down inside, despite my efforts to be a good person, and to be everything I am capable of being, I still feel that I am not good enough, and that I am truely not a good person. Just as I was told when I was 5-years-old.
