Why are men like this?!

[musclemom]

Oh man, my BF is a major homebody and loves routine! He is all about routine! He hates to date and loves to be comfy!
He doesn't give up easy on things. His last relationship, he was not happy and tried over and over to make it work.

He's so used to passive women so not sure he can handle me. He keeps saying "you need some guy who likes to sip tea, who doesn't eat gluten and who is a vegan who meditates in a Volkswagon beetle, I'm too rough a man for you"
Nowwwwwwwwwwwww, anyone who knows me, knows I love a spiritual guy who likes tea, but any man who drives a beetle, has the geigh!
He knows I love the muscled, tattooed bad boys who love metal music and works out at the gym and who can throw me around a little.
I think he is worried I'm going to leave him so he puts a wall up a little, hence the push/pull.

Who knows, but I see this often, even with my gf's and their men!

Yo! My husband Looooovvvvvesss VW Beetles! He was the freaking manager of the used car repair dept. in a VW dealership like 100 years ago or something (he's 58, who the fuck counts after three decades ...) Dude fucking whimpers when he sees old Beetles for sale, wish I could afford one for him ... however, I totally admit we're both a pair of misplaced hippies

Okay, back to you. You have a homebody/routine guy whose pushing you away when things get serious/close ... Survey Says: "INTIMACY ISSUES."

IOW, everything is getting too close/real and once upon a time his safety zone was violated (some bitch cheated on him or lied to him, shit like that). He has problems with complete trust. When he gets close he goes into freak mode.

Call him on it and have a serious talk, ain't nothing else you can do. He'll realize what he's doing or he'll deny-deny-deny and it'll be the death of you two, but if you don't fix it it'll be a permanent habit, seriously. I mean, look how bitter WooToom is, you wanna be with that for a couple of decades?

He might recognize/admit what's going on and want to fix it ... a couple sessions with a couples counselor could knock that shit out real fast if he's agreeable.

 

[cindylou]

My opinion is notice it, take a mental note and watch for patterns. Notice the times it happens and try to avoid it by making him feel super comfortable when you can tell you're close to the peak of his "closeness" or whatever. Sometimes if you bring it up it just seems drama-ish..."why aren't you talking to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" what's wrong questions, etc and above all else, I try not to take it personally. Like MM said, talking probably won't do anything anyway, most men can't express what's going on in their heads like that, I don't know how to explain it...not very aware of why they do what they do. Lol

Sometimes you can avoid it, sometimes you can't and you're stuck doing that dance for the entire relationship. I need more consistency and emotional depth with this stuff because I'm sensitive to it, too. I've got to have a guy that knows what he is thinking. Lol. I can't handle push/pull or hot/cold. If it starts to feel like a roller coaster, I'm out. Been there done that, stayed on the ride too long when I wanted off. Lol

I mean, hell. I've been through some stuff, and I don't act like that. I don't think.

 

[miplank]

Yo! My husband Looooovvvvvesss VW Beetles! He was the freaking manager of the used car repair dept. in a VW dealership like 100 years ago or something (he's 58, who the fuck counts after three decades ...) Dude fucking whimpers when he sees old Beetles for sale, wish I could afford one for him ... however, I totally admit we're both a pair of misplaced hippies

Okay, back to you. You have a homebody/routine guy whose pushing you away when things get serious/close ... Survey Says: "INTIMACY ISSUES."

IOW, everything is getting too close/real and once upon a time his safety zone was violated (some bitch cheated on him or lied to him, shit like that). He has problems with complete trust. When he gets close he goes into freak mode.

Call him on it and have a serious talk, ain't nothing else you can do. He'll realize what he's doing or he'll deny-deny-deny and it'll be the death of you two, but if you don't fix it it'll be a permanent habit, seriously. I mean, look how bitter WooToom is, you wanna be with that for a couple of decades?

He might recognize/admit what's going on and want to fix it ... a couple sessions with a couples counselor could knock that shit out real fast if he's agreeable.

I gotta 1970 super beetle I will sell ya.

 

[EarthRider]

The reason we are the way we are is due to the fact women are confusing. So we are usually speechless cause we don't know what to say without getting in trouble, just sayin

oh and MM, funny stuff about woot still being bitter, hahaha

My opinion is notice it, take a mental note and watch for patterns. Notice the times it happens and try to avoid it by making him feel super comfortable when you can tell you're close to the peak of his "closeness" or whatever. Sometimes if you bring it up it just seems drama-ish..."why aren't you talking to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" what's wrong questions, etc and above all else, I try not to take it personally. Like MM said, talking probably won't do anything anyway, most men can't express what's going on in their heads like that, I don't know how to explain it...not very aware of why they do what they do. Lol

Sometimes you can avoid it, sometimes you can't and you're stuck doing that dance for the entire relationship. I need more consistency and emotional depth with this stuff because I'm sensitive to it, too. I've got to have a guy that knows what he is thinking. Lol. I can't handle push/pull or hot/cold. If it starts to feel like a roller coaster, I'm out. Been there done that, stayed on the ride too long when I wanted off. Lol

I mean, hell. I've been through some stuff, and I don't act like that. I don't think.

 

[the_alcatraz]

It's not just men, it's human nature. People want what they can't have.

LEt me put it this way. I guarantee that if I told you there's no way you can get with this guy, he's too good for you, you'll kill yourself to get with him to prove to yourself and me that you can...because of your ego and because he's unreachable....woman are sosoo like that it's not even an argument.

 

[blueta2]

It's not just men, it's human nature. People want what they can't have.

LEt me put it this way. I guarantee that if I told you there's no way you can get with this guy, he's too good for you, you'll kill yourself to get with him to prove to yourself and me that you can...because of your ego and because he's unreachable....woman are sosoo like that it's not even an argument.

Not my ego! And no one is too good for me, maybe not compatible, but never not too good.
If some guy would not want me, I'm not interested in the chase.

I'm a grown up ass muthafucking woman ;-)

 

[miplank]

 

[blueta2]

Yo! My husband Looooovvvvvesss VW Beetles! He was the freaking manager of the used car repair dept. in a VW dealership like 100 years ago or something (he's 58, who the fuck counts after three decades ...) Dude fucking whimpers when he sees old Beetles for sale, wish I could afford one for him ... however, I totally admit we're both a pair of misplaced hippies

Okay, back to you. You have a homebody/routine guy whose pushing you away when things get serious/close ... Survey Says: "INTIMACY ISSUES."

IOW, everything is getting too close/real and once upon a time his safety zone was violated (some bitch cheated on him or lied to him, shit like that). He has problems with complete trust. When he gets close he goes into freak mode.

Call him on it and have a serious talk, ain't nothing else you can do. He'll realize what he's doing or he'll deny-deny-deny and it'll be the death of you two, but if you don't fix it it'll be a permanent habit, seriously. I mean, look how bitter WooToom is, you wanna be with that for a couple of decades?

He might recognize/admit what's going on and want to fix it ... a couple sessions with a couples counselor could knock that shit out real fast if he's agreeable.

I've called him on it. Told him a few times the push/pull is off the wall. He says he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

Woot....hahah!

Not been with him long enough for couples therapy and really not that deep into the relationship that I would even consider it.
I have to keep the majority of my focus on work.

But I think you nailed it;he has major trust issues

 

[blueta2]

Nope, he's real

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WOW ok now i see the problem...
Your bf is better looking then you!
^^^^^and all that that implies!

He sure is!

 

[blueta2]

LOL.....swallowing....yuck!