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FreakMonster
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Tim Hardaway - Spends time in the treehouse as chairman of the "Reading is FUNdamental" campaign.
Allen Iverson - smokes weed, of course.
Kobe - Dreaming of MJ.
MJ - Dreaming about how much he hates Kobe.
Sam Cassell - I don't know, they have don't have news networks on Mars.
Mark Madsen - Dancing classes.
Jason Kidd - Beating his wife.
Penny Hardaway - Beating his girlfriend.
Sheed Wallace - Planning Joey Crawford's assasination (I could go for this one).
Tim Thomas - Eating huge meals only to throw them up a minute later.
Camby - Also eating huge meals only to throw them up a minute later.
Ty Hill - Laser surgery for the appearance impaired.
Tracy McGrady - Laser surgery to fix droopy eyes.
Patrick Ewing - Paying for sex at strip clubs.
Scottie Pippen - Making more babies.
Shawn Kemp - See above.
Charles Barkley - Throwing people through windows.
Grant Hill - Wishing of playing.
Tracy McGrady- Wishing Hill won't be playing.
Rick Fox - Starting a new sitcom, "Phil, he's hogging the ball again!".
Shaq - eating Krispy Kremes.
Shaq - Stalking Cindy Crawford and newly found lover Angelina Jolie.
Darius Miles - Sleeping in.
Shaq - Making weak rap records and lobbying them to local L.A. radio stations.
Kobe - Trying to please his teenage wife by buying as many houses and cars as he can one after the next until she's pleased.
Dikembe Mutombo - Goodwill fundraising tours.
Chris Webber - Using that newfound money to stock up on soul food for the next seven years before he gets stuck in gloomy Sactown.
Sam Cassell - Phoning home.
Stephon Marbury - Getting ready for some serious culture shock.
Kobe Bryant - Picking lice out of his afro.
Shaq - Helping Kobe pick lice out of his afro and eating them. Hey, that's what monkeys do.
Shaquille O'Neal - Contacts 1-800-JENNY-01, and loads up on his SlimFast, yet he still will weigh more next season.
Allen Iverson - Finds and tries to hire his old cornrow braider back.
Jason Kidd - Figures out (from experience) that if he tries to be just like Eminem (i.e. the wife beating, the bleached hair, etc.) in New Jersey, he will get seriously injured on the streets, and that New Jersey is more ghetto than Phoenix.
Reggie Miller - Looking for a new wife.
Jalen Rose - Beating up Chris Webber for not coming to Indiana.
Chris Webber - Beating up the Kings' management for making him sign a seven year contract, all the while yelling that he wants to be traded next season.
Stephon Marbury - Buying twenty new AC systems in the usual 120 degree heat.
Phil Jackson - Reading "Zen Shit for Dummies" and "Teach Yourself Fake Zen in 24 Hours".
Shaq - Trying to figure out how to bribe Hugh Evans's replacement out of calling his 3 second violations, and doubling his bribe to the veteran refs because of the defensive 3 second rule.
Allen Iverson - smokes weed, of course.
Kobe - Dreaming of MJ.
MJ - Dreaming about how much he hates Kobe.
Sam Cassell - I don't know, they have don't have news networks on Mars.
Mark Madsen - Dancing classes.
Jason Kidd - Beating his wife.
Penny Hardaway - Beating his girlfriend.
Sheed Wallace - Planning Joey Crawford's assasination (I could go for this one).
Tim Thomas - Eating huge meals only to throw them up a minute later.
Camby - Also eating huge meals only to throw them up a minute later.
Ty Hill - Laser surgery for the appearance impaired.
Tracy McGrady - Laser surgery to fix droopy eyes.
Patrick Ewing - Paying for sex at strip clubs.
Scottie Pippen - Making more babies.
Shawn Kemp - See above.
Charles Barkley - Throwing people through windows.
Grant Hill - Wishing of playing.
Tracy McGrady- Wishing Hill won't be playing.
Rick Fox - Starting a new sitcom, "Phil, he's hogging the ball again!".
Shaq - eating Krispy Kremes.
Shaq - Stalking Cindy Crawford and newly found lover Angelina Jolie.
Darius Miles - Sleeping in.
Shaq - Making weak rap records and lobbying them to local L.A. radio stations.
Kobe - Trying to please his teenage wife by buying as many houses and cars as he can one after the next until she's pleased.
Dikembe Mutombo - Goodwill fundraising tours.
Chris Webber - Using that newfound money to stock up on soul food for the next seven years before he gets stuck in gloomy Sactown.
Sam Cassell - Phoning home.
Stephon Marbury - Getting ready for some serious culture shock.
Kobe Bryant - Picking lice out of his afro.
Shaq - Helping Kobe pick lice out of his afro and eating them. Hey, that's what monkeys do.
Shaquille O'Neal - Contacts 1-800-JENNY-01, and loads up on his SlimFast, yet he still will weigh more next season.
Allen Iverson - Finds and tries to hire his old cornrow braider back.
Jason Kidd - Figures out (from experience) that if he tries to be just like Eminem (i.e. the wife beating, the bleached hair, etc.) in New Jersey, he will get seriously injured on the streets, and that New Jersey is more ghetto than Phoenix.
Reggie Miller - Looking for a new wife.
Jalen Rose - Beating up Chris Webber for not coming to Indiana.
Chris Webber - Beating up the Kings' management for making him sign a seven year contract, all the while yelling that he wants to be traded next season.
Stephon Marbury - Buying twenty new AC systems in the usual 120 degree heat.
Phil Jackson - Reading "Zen Shit for Dummies" and "Teach Yourself Fake Zen in 24 Hours".
Shaq - Trying to figure out how to bribe Hugh Evans's replacement out of calling his 3 second violations, and doubling his bribe to the veteran refs because of the defensive 3 second rule.
