What gives you the desire?

[Bikini Mod]

B - you sound so much like another southerner that is so very near and dear to me...

Yes, it comes from WITHIN and nobody can do it for you or even truly help you to find it. The work has do be done by that individual alone.... but that doesn't mean they have to BE alone.

Yes, I agree you do often times have to hit rock bottom before you realize all the wonderful gifts that life has afforded you, all that you have known was there, but taken for granted because of the quest to find what makes you happy. Funny, it's kind of like "The Wizard of Oz".... we always have it all along, because it comes from WITHIN US, we just lose sight of this sometimes. But the good news is that once we rediscover all the wonder and beauty that comes from within us, everything else in the external world becomes so much more beautiful, amazing and attainable.

When people ask me, "How are you?" My answer is usually, "I can't complain." If they don't accept my answer for whatever reason I elaborate, "I am healthy, my children are all healthy and with me. Anything else that I want, can be attained." It took me a lifetime of experiences to come to that realization.....

And yes, I do agree spirituality helps with focus.

I am preparing for a contest but couldn't really get the proper fire because I couldn't find the right motivation. I knew my girls would love and be proud of me whether I was fat and happy and white as a sheet or ripped, protanned and ready to compete. My friends would still be my friends regardless and I didn't have the need or desire to impress a man. Finally it occured to me that if I could prove to myself that I could compete NOW (with all that is currently going on in my life) and compete WELL then I would be proving to myself that I am mentally, emotionally, and physically strong enough to handle ANYTHING that I decide to do in the future. My future will be far harder than anything that is behind me, but if I can prove this TO MYSELF then I will be easier regardless because I WON'T BE AFRAID TO TRY.... AS I WON'T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE.... I JUST WON'T BE AFRAID.

D - you need to decide what it is you TRULY want FOR YOU - not what you THINK others expect of you. Supplemetation is DEFINITELY NOT going to help you get what you want.... Science is an AID to intense training and proper diet - it doesn't MAKE UP FOR IT.

Listen to what Bfold is telling you.... My best friends had been telling me for MONTHS - one, in particular. I heard them, but wasn't listening. I had to figure everything out on my own... I had been through emotional hell (I am sure that Bfold filled you in) but in the end, I became stronger because I DID IT! ME - NO ONE ELSE - BUT ME! And do you know WHO I did it for?! Not my children, not my family, not my friends, not to prove all the people who turned their backs on me and made my life hell wrong...... BUT TO MYSELF... I PROVED IT TO MYSELF!

D - what do you want to prove to yourself? Seriously ask yourself this question....

PS - though I took a MUCH LONGER drive than you the other day and had to drive back home THE NEXT day after VERY LITTLE SLEEP (tee-hee) I STILL TRAINED when I got there - ALONE and DEVASTATED It was one of the most intense workouts I had ina while - LOL) and when I returned home - STILL ALONE BUT HAPPIER THAN I HAD BEEN IN A LOOOOOONG TIME. See, I have a show to do and nothing short of serious illness will keep me from reaching my goal of competing and competing well. I have A LOT to prove to myself and I am MY OWN WORST CRITIC so believe me when I tell you that this is PLENTY OF MOTIVATION!

 

[Sassy69]

NF --

I think what a lot of people are saying here but without actually using the word -- desire is one thing -- this is what helps you set those long term goals and gives you that ethereal vision of what would be perfect -- for ex -- I *desire* to see myself first on stage taking the first place & overall trophy, and then I *desire* to see myself sitting on the beach in Tahiti w/ my tight ass & hot as shit boyfriend, when out of nowhere comes this photographer who says he's a modelng agent and offers me a contract to be the model / spokesperson for this newly released, FDA-approved HGH perfume that makes u smell good, grow the perfect sized boobs and brings you to a 12% bf w/ muscle that somehow still keeps you completely healthy.

(Sounds pretty good huh?)

I don't know about the modeling thing & the answer-to-all-your-sorrows HGH, but the trip to the stage & the beach scene are totally realistic. But what's going to get me there is more than desire - its dedication & discipline as well. The key is having the vision to seeing the long view, but living the day-to-day. Here's an ex, when I committed to doing my first competition, there was definitely the fear & the thrill of doing it for the first time & still seeing the "glamour" of it all. I scheduled myself for 16 weeks of prep -- I thought I would die trying to stick to a diet for 4 whole months. NOW, i'm looking at doing another comp -- except i'm giving myself 6 months & i'm nervous at 5 months out about not having enough time. I have a much better view of how much work it takes to get from here to there & how patient you have to be to do it.

Like new said - babysteps --set up a diet, cardio, training & challenge yourself to stick to it for 3 weeks. Don't even look in the mirror if you are gonna get depressed about it. And watch yourself -- see if you *feel* differently - more energy,. sleep better, etc. Before you see the physical changes, watch to see if you can increase your weights or reps w/ each week -- take those improvements as measures of your progress. If you get caught up in expectations that arent' realistic (lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks) then you are setting yourself up to be defeated. If your expectation is to add 10 more lbs to your leg press - then do it.
But also remember that there are going to be plenty of times where you just can't look at another chicken or you just dont' feel like doing cardio. (I could lift all day every day, so that's not a problem) -- but that's where you just have to suck it up and go -- DISCIPLINE - and just trust that you will not only feel better following the endorphin rush from training, or knowing that you resisted the demon (m&ms!) one more time, but also that it WILL pay off in 3 weeks' time. When you complete 3 weeks & cam honestly say you stuck to the clean diet & training & cardio, then you will surely see results --> thus your motivation.

For those moments when the "fire" doesn't appear (like at 5:59 am before your alarm goes off for AM cardio...),. let discipline take over. Even if you are willing to run a cycle or whatever additional supplements -- doesn't matter ifyou dont' have the discipline & the basics down to do the diet, cardio & training. Furthermore, all your previous attempts at starting this regimen should tell you -- if you dont' stick w/ it, it dont' work!

We all go thru the same shit every day of our lives, but the answer I keep coming back to is consistent, dedicated, disciplined diet, training, cardio. Here's a side note -- I used to hate AM cardio because it cut into my sleep time -- now I LOVE it because its what helps me fall asleep at night. Some days there is nothng I want more than to be able to fall asleep when i got to bed.

Hope that helps ...! The one thing I learned about competition -- if you're gonna do it, do it. If not, don't. But dont' bitch about the results because you will get out of it exactly what you put into it.

 

[luvs2workout]

NF --- I cant really add anything that hasnt been said already, but If you need someone Im here for ya --- you can do it girl --- you just gotta believe that you can!!!

 

[Temple]

NF - I have been where you are and could go back there very easily. Here are a few things that have helped. I function best oftentimes at the second grade level (honest to God). Do you remember those Star Charts that you had back then - when you got to put a gold star up every time you did it well?
I'm not that extreme but I do keep a month at a glance calendar with big squares, every time I train or do cardio it goes in the box, when the diet was perfect I get a star. There are day when I do cardio simply so I can write it in the box.

The other day my husband accused me of being more than a little anal about my diet and training - he wasn't being critical, just making an observation. I told him that I have to be that way as I could be on the couch with a bag of chips and a soda in nothing flat. The rigidity is what keeps me moving. The consistent momentum has now been back in place for a few months and the motivation is changing and the desire is increasing. It is kind of an inertia thing.

 

[SteelWeaver]

What Temple and Sassy said - it's oxymoronic, but rigidity keeps ME going too. It's on the schedule. Simple. I don't - won't - almost CAN'T - deviate.

Diet is pre-planned, and I don't eat anything that's not on it .... OK, OK, I have some sugar free jelly sometimes, and occasionally I don't weigh a spoonful of cottage cheese or carrot. I carb-up once a week at the moment. I make a list of all the things I'm craving during the week, - yeah, I write them down (sometimes they actually go away if I write them down) and carb-up night is when I eat them - so I always know that I only have to hold on for a few more days - cheat night is a mental saving grace. Eating the same thing every day makes it easier, too - I don't have to think about it - it's when you start thinking about it that it becomes something that you can CHOOSE, IMO - don't think, just focus, plan and DO. If you wake up at 5:30 am for cardio, don't THINK about whether you're gonna do it or not - there is no choice - just get your ass our of bed and GO.

I train on the same days every week (maybe not ideal in some respects, but for scheduling rigidity, it works), and schedule anything else that comes up AROUND training - no choices, no questions. If ABSOLUTELY unavoidable, I'll train on a Friday night instead of Saturday morning, otherwise, if it's a training day, I'm in the gym (barring being very ill). My programme is also pre-planned, so I'm never standing there thinking, mmm, what exercise should I do next?? I know what to do, and do it.

As for the fire ... I don't know where it came from. It just snowballed (bonfired?) from wanting to be fit and strong, to wanting to be muscly, to realising if I had muscles, I should compete, and if I competed, training and diet would have to fit the bill PROPERLY. Now the image I have in my mind of myself on comp. day, shredded, tanned, and grinning like a mad thing pops up every time I feel a bit slack. When I think I can't do one more rep., I think of the girl next to me on the stage who DID do it, when I want that extra bit of potato, I think of the girl next to me on stage who did NOT eat it - and that makes two or 3 more reps easy, makes it simple to drop the potato.

And of course, a little ego-stroking helps: I went out last night for the first time in forever, to a women's event that happens every year - saw a LOT of women I haven't seen in ages, and spring is springing, so of course I had my tank top on. Whew! What fun! I had one half of the room eating out of my hand, and the other half drooling - ha ha hah ha ha ha haaaah!!!



And I'm not even that cut yet!

I agree, diet's the hardest part. Pre-planning REALLY helps, and every time you feel deprived, put whatever it is on your cheat night/refeed list, and think of how your body will look 15 pounds leaner, and even better - how it will FEEL. Cutting things out slowly also helps - pick one bad item every couple of weeks, and toss it - replace it with a healthier alternative. Cottage cheese for cheese. Coffee ... herbal tea for beer (!) Oatmeal for cereal/bread, etc.

Set up a plan, then follow it. Ready, set ... now one step at a time - GO!

 

[Temple]

LOL Steel - are we related?
That is exactly IT - NOT NEGOTIABLE.

 

[Night Fly]

Wow...what can I say? Everyone's replies are just wonderful. Just reading this thread makes me motivated.

I can honestly say that I think the huge month calendar will work for me, because I am one of those really anal people who likes to write down EVERYTHING...well..except for what I eat...

I am going to try a few things in here and see how they go. You ladies are helping me out so much...thank you thank you...THANK YOU!!!!

I woke up today with a new attitude...and I am going to try my darndest to not let it fade after 3-4 days. I will have to keep coming back to this thread....no wait....I am going to PRINT it out...and post it everywhere just so that I will stay on the right track.

Wow...some of you women had some great ideas!!!!

Spatts....I am not EVER letting B fold go...ever...unless one day he falls out of love with me...and in that case....I'll have to let him go...but until then....NO WAY!!!

 

[SteelWeaver]

Um..I'm gonna need some proof, Steel. Pics please...

Tsk, tsk, you left-brain science/math types ... always wanting proof, lol!

Patience, dear spatts, patience, and you shall be rewarded multiple-fold ... (now where the frick is the icon with the little Zen buddha guy Ohm-ing?)

Yeah Temple - blood of iron, spirits of steel, and a taut bottom line.

 

[Gladiola]

I am really struggling in the fact that I feel motivated for a few days and then it all goes down the drain.

OK, I'm replying here before reading other responses, but wanted to say a few things before they slip my mind.

First, you sound a little hard on yourself. I think everyone gets those feelings, "Ugh, I don't feel like working out." So don't beat yourself up for feeling that way sometimes.

But what has worked best for me is to set a goal of 3 Cardio workouts per week, & then plan them (Sun I teach step, Thur I'll bike & elliptical & watch TV, Tue I'll take my friends cardio kickboxing class, etc.) Then I would write it on the calendar on the fridge. What cardio I did & how long (sometimes even estimated intensity levels on my own personal scale of 1-5). If a week went by & I only got 2 cardio w/o's in, not the end of the world, just made the one up the next week. I kept that up so it kept me on track.

 

[sheez_ripped]

Hey gurly!

I know just how you feel cause I have been there! And, for me...it did take hitting rock bottom....i will scan in some pics to post....talk about scary! Now, hubby has always been the gym freak...and it was in a heated argument about 3 yrs back that really got me going....he made a comment about my butt...and it TOTALLY pissed me off...and I set my mind then...that I would SHOW everyone what I was capable of achieving....I started small...just lifting and cardio...and lost 20 lbs....then kept with it...and last fall after seeing the state bodybuilding competition...set another goal...to COMPETE! and again...like others have said...it's baby steps...and being determined....and not letting anything stand in your way of working out...plus i too am anal....the engineer in me....so WRITING it all down every day keeps me focused....i have a planner plus a diet/cardio/workout journal....and everyday I write down what i eat and the times....and all my workouts and cardio...and like Steelweaver...it's all planned out so I don't have to worry about what to do in workouts or what to eat.....and i eat the same thing everyday...so it's easy to shop and pack my food....i don't buy stuff I can't eat....so it's not there to cheat with...and once you get going it becomes habit...i think studies have shown that it takes 21 days to make something habitual...so just try to take it a week at a time....and have 1 cheat day...plan that week on paper...and then JUST DO IT!! even if u don't wanna go to the gym...just tell yourself you'll go for 10 minutes...i promise you'll end up finishing your workout...and once you start seeing results...NOTHING will be able to stop ya!