"I'd like to place a personal ad..."
"... Well endowed playa, 31, seeks dirty ho to sip Cristal... and have her ass teared up...."
"... babies gotta keep it real than a mofo as I roll up deep in her steeze. Serious inquiries only."
"Dear liz-adies, wiz-ants to get shizzy with the nizzy, ple-izzy. Give izzy me a sizzle"
"Only hotties need apply. Must like long walks on the beach, nights in front of the fireplace and sushi, shouldn't steal my stuff. I like my women hairy. Must have titties and a budonkadonk butt. Bitch gotta have a clean ass."
"Last but not least, gotta have strong legs, especially at the knees. Must have BACK! Don't steal my stuff. I like em hairy as hell."
"One more thing, I like stretch marks. Must have a C section scar."
"One more thing. Gotta love to hump."
"I want to bust a double horizonatal on your ass."