That this particular topic has gotten as far as it has, takes me from my original mirth to headshaking apathy.
Filibusters ad nauseam by some genetic aberration trying to pass itself off as some eloquent authority that has the uncanny ability to break someone "in half with a burrito fart" really lends credence to this...non compos mentis. As, if!
I never knew that a septic bowel qualified anyone as an expert, or as an authority on much of anything, and to blame this sepsis on a lowly burrito announces this condescending blowhard for what "it" really is; a plus four hundred pounds, flatulent snackaholic with an open mouth policy. Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Greatest accomplishments to date? Probably flat feet and hemorroids.
Knowing how to navigate the confines of his own fantasies might make him an expert in his own dementia, but in the real world, which he knows nothing about, he's admittedley just a bad smell. Certified too.
Now if this corpulent clown really wants to get noticed and do something noteworthy, it's common knowledge that fat things float. Yep. Just like Ivory soap.
So he might want to put an apple in his mouth and float himself down the Mississippi river.
The buoyant bozo could then tell anyone that asks him that he's Tom Sawyer and that he's looking for Huckleberry Finn.
Anyone that he inveigled with a Temptations Slide would probably believe him.
What's that?! Another filibuster coming? More poomses and pompadours? Waxing poetic? Monkey "sucks" peach?
Meh.