Spank your child for punishment?

[Turd Ferguson]

There is nothing worse than doing this. Why on earth would you threaten a punishment but then "almost never follow through". This is more confusing than anything else. The child will not understand the concept of discipline.

The key to proper discipline is not necessarily the type of punishment use, rather consistency.

I do agree with some of the points you made, especially the part about it becoming too easy and perhaps the punishment not always fitting the crime.

Discipline is about consistency and guidance. Sometimes a negative reinforcement is necessary. IMHO

Spanking should always be performed in a calm and controlled and private fashion. Send the child to his/her room so that you can have a chance to cool down. Enter the room, have a talk so that the child understands exactly what it is that they have done to warrant the spanking. One shot across the behind with a belt should be more than enough to get the point across.

One should always try other means of negative reinforcement first ie - the revocation of a privilige. Warn the child, "If you do this, then that will certainly occur" then always, always, always follow through. Another good reason to send a child to their room: so you can calm down and think about an acceptable punishment as it is difficult to think clearly when you are upset.

There is an expression in my language:

"It is better that you should cry now, than I should cry later."

Call me old fashioned, but this idea just seems to make sense to me.

However, as the child becomes older and can reason more and more a parent can no longer rely on spanking. Then one must clearly think a lot in order to even make 1/2 an attempt at proper parenting. Lots of mistakes to be made along the way... After all, it is the child that makes the parent - not the other way around.

And no, you don't have to have children in order to figure this stuff out.

I think when a kid misbehaves you threaten what ever punishment first. Then if they continue you do it. It depends on the kid. I have a 11 y.o. that never has been spanked. he is a sensitive kid. I yell at him or threaten a grounding and he starts crying. Point made. No hitting needed.

I do understand the not following through part. Thats my wife. I mean business.

 

[Werd]

A warning and a threat are two different things, but now I see what you were trying to say. I originally thought you meant you were one of those parents that will make idle threats and then wonder why your kid doesn't listen.

My bad.

If you can raise a child without ever having to spank them, then I say, "More power to you." I mean that, no sarcasm at all.

 

[HUCKLEBERRY FINNaplex]

A warning and a threat are two different things, but now I see what you were trying to say. I originally thought you meant you were one of those parents that will make idle threats and then wonder why your kid doesn't listen.

My bad.

If you can raise a child without ever having to spank them, then I say, "More power to you." I mean that, no sarcasm at all.

LOL,an old buddy of mine's(who's kids were a fucking nightmare)favorite quote to his kids was,"ONE MORE TIME,AND I'M GONNA SPANK!"Needless to say,his kids would literally give him the finger while laughing,and immediately go and do whatever it was he was threatening against,lol.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

All good points but I don't see how everyone can simply dismis spanking teaches that violence is o.k.

Do you honestly think that if a child never saw someone hitting someone else that they would just invent the violent behavor?

http://www.geocities.com/forkidsake/spanking.html

and more so:

Why are spankings, slaps, and even apparently harmless blows like pats on the hand dangerous for a baby?


They teach it violence
They destroy the infallible certainty of being loved that the baby needs
They cause anxiety; the expectancy of the next break
They convey a lie: they pretend to be educational, but parents actually use them to vent their anger; when they strike, it’s because, as children, they were struck themselves
They provoke anger and a desire for revenge, which remain repressed only to be expressed much later
They program the child to accept illogical arguments (I’m hurting you for your own good) that stay stored up in their body
They destroy sensitivity and compassion for others and for oneself, and hence limit the capacity to gain insight

What long-term lessons does the baby retain from spankings and other blows? The baby learns:


That a child does not deserve respect
That good can be learned through punishment (which is usually wrong, since punishment merely teaches the children to want to punish on their own turn)
That suffering mustn’t be felt, it must be ignored (which is dangerous to the immune system)
That violence is a manifestation of love (fostering perversion)
That denial of feeling is healthy (but the body pays the price of this error, often much later)

How is repressed anger very often vented? In childhood and adolescence:


By making fun of the weak
By hitting classmates
By annoying the teachers
By watching tv and playing video games to experience forbidden and stored up feelings of rage and anger, and by identifying with violent heroes. (Children who have never been beaten are less interested in cruel films, and, as adults, will not produce horror shows).
In adulthood:
By perpetuating spanking, as an apparently educational and effective means, often heartily recommended to others, whereas in actual fact, one’s own suffering is being avenged on the next generation
By refusing to understand the connections between previously experienced violence and the violence actively repeated today. The ignorance of society is thereby perpetuated
By entering professions which demand violence
By being gullible to politicians who designate scapegoats for the violence that has been stored up and which can finally be vented with impunity: “impure” races, ethnic “cleansing”, ostracized social minorities
(Because of obedience to violence as a child), by readiness to obey any authority which recalls the authority of the parents, as the Germans obeyed Hitler, the Russians Stalin, the Serbs Milosivic.

Conversely, some become aware of the repression and universal denial of childhood pain, realizing how violence is transmitted from parents to children, and stop hitting children regardless of age. This can be done (many have succeeded) as soon as one has understood that the causes of the “educational” violence are hidden in the repressed history of the parents.

Alice Miller, June 99, author of the book Paths of Life (Pantheon 1998) and eight other books on childhood.

 

[benevolent anarchist]

I just take away something that he or she loves for a week, e.g. TV, a game, playing outside… etc. So far it has worked every time.

 

[BO-DEN]

i think violence is a good lesson for all children... makes them know they arent indestructable

 

[atlantabiolab]

All good points but I don't see how everyone can simply dismis spanking teaches that violence is o.k.

Do you honestly think that if a child never saw someone hitting someone else that they would just invent the violent behavor?

http://www.geocities.com/forkidsake/spanking.html

and more so:

Why are spankings, slaps, and even apparently harmless blows like pats on the hand dangerous for a baby?


They teach it violence
They destroy the infallible certainty of being loved that the baby needs
They cause anxiety; the expectancy of the next break
They convey a lie: they pretend to be educational, but parents actually use them to vent their anger; when they strike, it’s because, as children, they were struck themselves
They provoke anger and a desire for revenge, which remain repressed only to be expressed much later
They program the child to accept illogical arguments (I’m hurting you for your own good) that stay stored up in their body
They destroy sensitivity and compassion for others and for oneself, and hence limit the capacity to gain insight

What long-term lessons does the baby retain from spankings and other blows? The baby learns:


That a child does not deserve respect
That good can be learned through punishment (which is usually wrong, since punishment merely teaches the children to want to punish on their own turn)
That suffering mustn’t be felt, it must be ignored (which is dangerous to the immune system)
That violence is a manifestation of love (fostering perversion)
That denial of feeling is healthy (but the body pays the price of this error, often much later)

How is repressed anger very often vented? In childhood and adolescence:


By making fun of the weak
By hitting classmates
By annoying the teachers
By watching tv and playing video games to experience forbidden and stored up feelings of rage and anger, and by identifying with violent heroes. (Children who have never been beaten are less interested in cruel films, and, as adults, will not produce horror shows).
In adulthood:
By perpetuating spanking, as an apparently educational and effective means, often heartily recommended to others, whereas in actual fact, one’s own suffering is being avenged on the next generation
By refusing to understand the connections between previously experienced violence and the violence actively repeated today. The ignorance of society is thereby perpetuated
By entering professions which demand violence
By being gullible to politicians who designate scapegoats for the violence that has been stored up and which can finally be vented with impunity: “impure” races, ethnic “cleansing”, ostracized social minorities
(Because of obedience to violence as a child), by readiness to obey any authority which recalls the authority of the parents, as the Germans obeyed Hitler, the Russians Stalin, the Serbs Milosivic.

Conversely, some become aware of the repression and universal denial of childhood pain, realizing how violence is transmitted from parents to children, and stop hitting children regardless of age. This can be done (many have succeeded) as soon as one has understood that the causes of the “educational” violence are hidden in the repressed history of the parents.

Alice Miller, June 99, author of the book Paths of Life (Pantheon 1998) and eight other books on childhood.

This pseudo-scientific bullshit is contrary to common every day empirical evidence. We are a nation, that up until about 50 yrs ago, had no problem with spanking children -and do not construe this to mean any type of physical force...a spanking is not the same as a pummeling - and our ancestors were well adjusted mannered functional individuals. Today, in our psychology dominated setting, we have some of the most fucked up dysfunctional kids ever, many of whom are comatose from pharmacuetical mind control.

Explain this major discrepancy.

 

[IhateOsama]

A hot tire iron never hurt anyone. Well at least there are skin grafts available now.

 

[Longhorn85]

You don't want to be in the situation where you are 60, they are 28, and it's payback time.

Think about it.

Treat your kids with love and respect (to include punishment and when necessary, spankings) and you won't have to worry about this.

 

[HumorMe]

This pseudo-scientific bullshit is contrary to common every day empirical evidence. We are a nation, that up until about 50 yrs ago, had no problem with spanking children -and do not construe this to mean any type of physical force...a spanking is not the same as a pummeling - and our ancestors were well adjusted mannered functional individuals. Today, in our psychology dominated setting, we have some of the most fucked up dysfunctional kids ever, many of whom are comatose from pharmacuetical mind control.

Explain this major discrepancy.

A fucking men! Good points.