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some general bodybuilding tips

TheBudMan

TheBudMan

New member
Hello all you noodle kegs,

This shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as I'm getting old and senile I may not recall everyting precisely.

Here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym. When I was shooting the movie Twins, I did not have time to go to any gym. So I improvisied by using Danny Devito as a barbell curl. He got mad sometimes when I started to bench press his bed while he was sleeping in it.

Also I took my morning nude dip in the nearby pond when I saw a pervert taking pictures of me. So I did a cardiovascular workout punching his stomach until he shit out the fat from his keg.

Also in 1984 on the set of Preditor I looked over at Carl Weathers and said "Why do you have 8 foot long arms?" he then replied "Why do you have an 8 foot chest?" HAHAHA, we bothed laughed for 5 hours after that.

When I was training in 1980 for a body building contest I started to flex my huge calves in the mirror, I turned to Franco and said " How do you like my huge calves?" Franco just stared at my legs with a sad face because he knew he only had noodle legs, and he knew the only reason he was in a body building competition is because hes a giant leach on my ass. Thats why I cut him off of Austrian steroids, and hes turned into a fat noodle keg.


Here are some photos for your collection.
Me at age 12

did_mr_first.jpg
 
Here is the best routine I know of for building titanium glutes.

1st Set: Squat 1000lbs x 50reps x 50sets

Here is another secret story that happened to me on the set of Predator in 1986. I was standing next to Jessie Ventura and during a scene I turned to him and asked him "Why do you have a 300lbs body with no cut and chicken legs?" He then examined my body with a sad face because he knew he had a huge keg that overlaped his belt. Then later that night I was bench pressing an 800lbs tiger carcass I found in the jungle in my tent when I noticed Jessie Ventura peeking in my tent with his huge chin. He was taking notes of my perfect form, so all of a sudden I picked up the tiger carcass over my head and screamed "GEET OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" and whipped the tiger carcass at him but he blocked it with his huge chin.

Here is a picture of Jesse Ventura balancing awkwardly on his noodle legs.

jessebob.jpg
 
Here is the most revealing secret of all. On the set of Commando I was shooting the scene where I was hiding in the shed. I jumped out, accidenly tripped and flung a saw blade at the director's neck, cutting his head clean off. I then said with a plain face, "That's not a way to get ahead in life." Everyone laughed. But unfortunetley that scene was deleted for some reason.

In Jingle All the Way I had to do a fight scene with the Big Show. I said angerly to the Big Show "Big Show?, more like Keg Show!" I then started to dance around him mockingly singing his theme music, "Well its the Keg Show!, yes its a huge keg of fat tonight!" He then attempted to punch me with his fat fist 1mph, so I blocked it with my pectorial and picked up a huge candy cane and punched it through his gut.


Here's my most secret story of all, I was posting messages on a body building website one time when the members on it did not believe it was acually Arnold Schwarzeneger. So one day
I appeared naked at the foot of one of their bed's. They awoke with a shocked fat baby face at the site of my enormous muscles. I picked up a their monitor that was in their room and smashed it on the floor. I then placed their mouse into my mouth and then spit it like a bullet, piercing their shirt and then sticking in the wall making that person also stick into the wall. "Stick around" I said as I made a protien shake with all of their food and supplements in the kitchen and left.

Stay tuned for many more of my body building tips and life stories.
 
Here is a bicep routine that you should do if you want to have mountainous peaks like mine.

1st set: super set 300lb concentration curls with 550lb close grip bench press. Do 25 sets of these.

Here is a true story that will inspire you to be a body builder.

When I was 7 years old in Austria, I was sitting at the table with my father for breakfast. He flexed his arm and said to me "How do you like my huge biceps son?" I replied with a plain face by saying "They are very mountainis peaks. But why do you only train your arms and nothing else daddy?" My father laughed and said, "Because I am not a big fat body builder son." I then replied "One day I am going to be the greatest body builder of all time and move to America to become the greatest action hero movie star of all time." My father looked at me and laughed and said "Better start traning those 18" baby biceps and 4 foot baby chest son." But how could I do this, I was seven and I only had a 4 foot chest and 18" biceps? My fathers 10 foot chest and huge arms intimidated me. My father then slammed a container of Austrain Steroids on the table and screamed at me "EAT THIS SON!" So after that I made sure to poor a huge bowl of Austrian steroids for breakfast every day. We then got ready to go to the local gym. As my father left the kitchen and stuggled to fit his 10 foot chest out the front door I quickly finished my steroids and felt the instant energy boost. I then strapped my family on to my back as I normally did every morning, but this time I felt stronger so I decided to run even faster than before. It only took me 2 hours to run up the 10 mile mountain to the gym with my family on my back. Hahaha. Thats how I turned my 4 foot baby chest and 18" noodle biceps when I was 7 into my 8 foot chest and huge arms today.
 
LMFAO....read this with an Austrian accent :FRlol:
 
deltoiddeltoid -

I heard you used to squat all day long and eat buckets of fried chicken at a rack you and your friends had set up in the forest...

not like any of these nancys around here train anyways...
 
I shall now reveal to you my secret body building diet I used in 1975 while preparing for a body building competition. I warn you not to try my ultimate gigantic muscle diet.

Meal 1:
20 Raw Eggs
2 Loaves of Bread
1 Bowl of Austrian Brand Steroids + 4 Litres of Milk
1 Apple
1 Ostrich

Post-Workout Shake:
1 Bottle Austrian Brand Steroids
10 Scoops of Protien Powder
25 Gallons of Milk

Meal 2:
1 Buffalo Head
5 liters Oatmeal

Meal 3:
20 Chickens
10 Baked Potatoes + Sour Cream
1 liter of milk

Meal 4:
1 Cow Leg
10lbs of Raw Salad
25 Bananas

Meal 5:
5 Live Salmon (Swallow Whole)
5lbs Peanut Butter
1 Coconut

Meal 6:
1 10lbs Austrian Peanut


This is what I ate on an average day. Do not try this or your baby stomachs will explode.
 
hamstershaver said:
lmfao
Click to expand...

What does this "lmfao" mean? Can you eat it?

Here is another chronicle.

One morning my training partner Franco Columbu and I were headed down to the gym only to find out that it was closed down for renovations. So I said to Franco, "Hey Franco, let's go back to your place so I can pump up my huge muscles." Franco said, "But how Mr. Schwarzenegger, I do not have any equipment there." So I said, "Do not worry, I will show you how to train your baby muscles even when you do not have equipment." So when we arrived at Franco's little baby apartment, I changed into my work-out clothes and then performed my ritual pre-workout 60 minute Austrian howling, shaking the entire building, and causing everyone to scream in fear. I then raised Franco's sofa over my head and began to perform military presses. On my 20th set I accidently smashed it through his ceiling, causing the above apartment to come crumbling down on top of us, and destroying everything in Franco's apartment. I then picked up two huge 100lbs pieces of cement in my gigantic hands and performed 20 sets of lateral raises. Then to finish my workout I went down outside and deadlifted the entire building over onto Franco's car. I said to Franco, "Now that's what I call smashing good fun." At my house I opened up my 20 foot fridge and put the ingredients into my huge blender, and then gave it to Franco. He asked me, "What's in it." I said, "My personal post-workout mix." After taking a drink of it Franco's stomach immediately exploded because his baby stomach was unable to handle it. The ingredients are listed below in my post-workout shake.
 
deltoiddeltoid is my new favorite EF member.
 
dude how can i retain the size i added in the last months.. i got a fucked up body now since wrecking but here ws my old diet... natty too

i ve gained prolly 15-20 lbs in the last few months

breakfast 7 AM
12 liquid egg whites
1 cup of oatmeal
1 banana

930 AM
2 scoops protein shake with 2% milk

12 noon
12 oz chicken (cooked all one day)then re heated
3-4 pieces of whole wheat toast
3-4 servings veggies

2:30
1 cup oatmeal
2 scoops protein mix and 2% milk

5 30 pm dinner
12-16 oz red meat
1-2 potatos
3-4 servings veggies

work out 7 - 8 45 pm

9 pm
12 oz chicken/steak/pork ( aint no jew) fish
yams
3-4 servings veggies

10:30
1 cup oats
6 liquid egg whites

12 midnight
1/2 cup cottages cheese

1.5 gallons of water - 2 gallons thought the day....

take 500 mg - 1000 mg ginger root each meal for digestion and 500 mg vit c as well with each meal for digeston

goal was around 240
 
I am glad you let out baby laughs at my massive postings. One day you might leave the land of noodle kegs and join me to make terminator 4.
 
deltoiddeltoid said:
I am glad you let out baby laughs at my massive postings. One day you might leave the land of noodle kegs and join me to make terminator 4.
Click to expand...

can you punch out my heart in that one as a tribute to the original....?
 
tiger88 said:
dude how can i retain the size i added in the last months.. i got a fucked up body now since wrecking but here ws my old diet... natty too

i ve gained prolly 15-20 lbs in the last few months

breakfast 7 AM
12 liquid egg whites
1 cup of oatmeal
1 banana

930 AM
2 scoops protein shake with 2% milk

12 noon
12 oz chicken (cooked all one day)then re heated
3-4 pieces of whole wheat toast
3-4 servings veggies

2:30
1 cup oatmeal
2 scoops protein mix and 2% milk

5 30 pm dinner
12-16 oz red meat
1-2 potatos
3-4 servings veggies

work out 7 - 8 45 pm

9 pm
12 oz chicken/steak/pork ( aint no jew) fish
yams
3-4 servings veggies

10:30
1 cup oats
6 liquid egg whites

12 midnight
1/2 cup cottages cheese

1.5 gallons of water - 2 gallons thought the day....

take 500 mg - 1000 mg ginger root each meal for digestion and 500 mg vit c as well with each meal for digeston

goal was around 240
Click to expand...

babytiger88 i see two major austrian components missinng from your baby food diet.

You need massive Austrian genetics like me and no noodle keg. My ostrich farm provides muscle building proteins.

Here is another true story.

While I was training in 1980 I was surrounded in the gym by noodle arms, constantly talking to each other about their baby routines. It got so loud I couldn't concentrate, so I stood in the middle of the gym and let out a huge Austrian roar, "SSSSHHHUUUUUUUTTTT UUUUUPPPP!!!!" Which shattered all the mirrors around me causing everyone to run out of the gym, so I could have the place to myself. But there was one fat keg using my favorite 200lbs dumbell, struggling to do deadlifts with it for some reason. So I simply came up and stared at him with an enraged face until he left. I then whipped a 45lbs plate like a frizbee at the back of his head as he left, 100 feet across the gym, that snapped his neck forward into his chest. I then said, "He'll never be the head of a major corporation." And continued to do 200lbs pinky curls with my favorite dumbell.
 
Here is another true story when I first came to America, which will inspire you to grow gigantic lats like me.

I was on a plane, and they didn't have enough protien. So I asked the stuardess for more peanuts, because the peanuts were too small. But she said they didn't have any left because I ate all of them. So I started to scream, "GIVE ME SOME PEANUTS!!! GET ME SOME PROTIEN!!" Everyone started crying. I took huge Austrian stomps towards the back of the plane and started eating everyone's food. I then noticed a mother breast feeding her baby on the other side of the plane. So I ran towards them with a happy face screaming, "AAAAHHH!!!" I picked up the baby and said move aside baby cheeks. I grabbed and squeezed the milk out of her like a hose into my mouth. I then began searching the plane for more protien. I noticed people's pets locked up in cages in the storage area. I saw a squirrel in a cage eating a peanut. "THIS IS MINE NOW!" I attempted to grab the peanut from the squirrel but it escaped towards the cockpit, I chased it down while stomping, jiggling the plane, and started smashing all the controls trying to capture the squirrel. The plane started flying around out of control, so I jumped out of the plane and used my huge lats as a cape and glided down to safety.
 
deltoiddeltoid said:
I picked up the baby and said move aside baby cheeks.
Click to expand...

You should have ate the baby. They are high in protein. Ask mike tyson.

Also they are worthless because they have no muscle and cannot deadlift.
 
deltoiddeltoid said:
While I was training in 1980 I was surrounded in the gym by noodle arms, constantly talking to each other about their baby routines. It got so loud I couldn't concentrate, so I stood in the middle of the gym and let out a huge Austrian roar, "SSSSHHHUUUUUUUTTTT UUUUUPPPP!!!!" Which shattered all the mirrors around me causing everyone to run out of the gym, so I could have the place to myself. .
Click to expand...

lmao!

hilarious
 
One time I noticed Franco doing baby squats of 500lbs. So I walked over to him and said, "Why are you doing baby squats? You must do squats like me." And loaded 1000lbs onto the bar and began to squat. On my way back up I exhaled so hard I blew all the equipment and people randomly around in the gym. Then inhaled on the way down and sucked everyone towards me. This continued for 20 reps, creating a tornado.


Another time late at night, there was a thunderstorm. So I went over to Jay Cutler's house, when lightning struck he could see me peaking into his room with an enraged face. When he thought I left, I broke into his house and clogged his toilet with my huge elephant turd. I also replaced his apple juice with my urine, and replaced his steroids with water.
 
One time I was auditioning for the role of The Hulk. They painted me green and I flexed my huge muscles. But they said my muscles were too big for the role, because The Hulk only had a 5 foot chest, and that it would take too long to paint my huge 8 foot chest.

Another time I was headed for a body building competion. I ran out on stage beacause I was quite late and began to scream and pose. I then realised that I was standing in the middle of a children's spelling B competion. I laughed out loud and said to a fat sweaty brat who was about to spell a word in the microphone, "Spell this!" And flexed my huge arms towards him. I breathed in a deep breath while I flexed and sucked him towards me, then exhaled and blew him off the stage.
 
BWHAHAAAAAAAAA

I don't remember ever laughing this hard
 
:lmao:

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...........my hubby thinks I'm nutz....
 
The other day I opened my huge fridge to notice it was empty except for a jar of huge pickles. So I decided to go for my daily groceries. It was a sunny day out, so I decided to run naked down the street, propelling myself 100mph each step with my gigantic legs. I stopped to smell a tulip, and accidently inhaled a bee. I sneezed the bee, like a bullet into a someone's huge keg, popping it like a balloon. When I got to the grocery store, it was locked and I started screaming, "LET ME IN!!!!" while shaking the doors off their hinges. The fat narc security guard beside me started to shit his pants. I then simply walked and smashed through the doors with my 8 foot chest. I loaded my daily 8 shopping cart load, and left a shiny penny on the counter.
 
Here is a true story about my quest for an Ostrich egg.

One morning, I noticed I was out of Ostrich eggs. So I went to my backyard farm to get some, but Franco had stolen my flock of Ostriches. So I travelled out to the country to find an Ostrich, I finally found one, guarding an egg. I couldn't go up and take it, because I would have got cut by it's huge Ostrich claw. So I dressed up as an Ostrich and started walking towards it. The ostrich caught a glimpse of my giant steroid legs poking out of my costume, and was afraid because it knew it only had noodle bird legs. I stood up and started flapping my huge Ostrich wings and screamed, "GIVE ME THE DAMN EGG!!!!!!" The wind from my flaps flew the bird away into the sky. I then cracked open the gigantic egg and drank a half underdevolped baby ostrich.

When I came back to my ranch, I noticed the World Wildlife Fund had found out about my farm, and had confiscated all of my animals. I could no longer eat my precious silver back gorilla meat. And they had taken my only living dodo, which lays me it's precious egg every morning. Then I noticed my pet bird Tweety's cage was empty, they had taken him. "NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!! TWEEEEEETTYYYYY!!!!" But I then noticed he was only at the bottom of the cage taking a dump.
 
One time I wanted to demonstrate the power of my buttocks. But did not know how. At first, I cracked walnuts between my titanium ass cheeks, but that was too easy. So I looked for something harder to crack. So I picked up a 45lbs plate, and cracked it in half. I then searched the city for something harder to crack. I then noticed a telephone pole, and cracked it like a baby twig. I then walked into a steel factory and picked up a huge piece of titanium steel and cracked it while screaming as loud as I could. I noticed my buttocks got an excellent workout from this. I then stood next to a cement wall and began to punch it down with my ass cheeks. But later that night I had a problem, I had to take a huge crap, but my rock hard gigantic buttocks were fused together because of it's muscularity. I did the splits to attempt to spread them, but that just made them tighter for some reason. So I took a laxative, but it did not work, and I did not shit that day. The next day I was doing the abdominator, and I felt a cramp in my powerful stomach. I just ignored it and began to flex my ass in the mirror. I flexed so hard I ripped a hole straight through my pants. Then all of a sudden I could not hold in my cramps, then uncontrobly liquid shit began to leak from my rock hard ass like water struggling to get out of a mountain crack, and it sprayed out in such a fine line, it was like a laser cutting everything it was aimed at.
 
This story may help you fellow bodybuilders....

One time, Franco asked me to spot him while he was lifting baby weights. So as he was benching his baby weights I tea bagged him, causing him to drop his baby weight onto his baby chest as he let out a baby scream. I told him if you want to be a great bodybuilder like me you must not let anything detract you.
We laughed for 9 hours after that.
 
deltoiddeltoid said:
This story may help you fellow bodybuilders....

One time, Franco asked me to spot him while he was lifting baby weights. So as he was benching his baby weights I tea bagged him, causing him to drop his baby weight onto his baby chest as he let out a baby scream. I told him if you want to be a great bodybuilder like me you must not let anything detract you.
We laughed for 9 hours after that.
Click to expand...

Milk is for babies! When you grow up you have to drink beer!:beer:
 
Here is another true story that will inspire you to become a body builder.

While I was training for the Mr. Olympia in 1975 I noticed that when I wore my magic sunglasses I could bench press 1000lbs. You can purchase them from me for 80 million dollars.

Here is one of the transcripts during my audition for the role of Chewbacca.

I walked into the room naked except for wearing a Chewbacca mask and screamed, "RRRGGGAAAAHHHH!!"I then noticed George Lucas had a huge keg and walked over to him and said, "You should work-out more." And poked his keg. He said, "The only work-out I do is this." And took a bite of a huge Star Wars chocolate bar. The next day I came back for the role of Darth Vader. I got dressed up in costume and began my role. I said, "Luke, I am your fa-. EEEENNNNNEEAAA!!!" As I whipped out my huge magnum and shot a random noodle keg in the corner eating a donut. Then said, "Can I do this in the movie?" George Lucas said, "No. Get out." On my way out I whipped out a real lightsaber and chucked it like a boomerang towards George Lucas. But he blocked it with his force powers and floated out of the building while surrounded in a protective bubble.
 
LMAO...are you people reading this shit :FRlol:
 
Oh man - these are so f-in funny!!! I can't even believe this shit!!!!

Love it! ;)

__________________
Mythicwrld

"We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support. Strength needs it far more."

Dial_tone on glass dildos..."They're not real glass, knucklehead. They're Pyrex like a glass baking dish. You'd have to be pumping that sucker 400mph to break that thing unless you've got a kung-fu grip coochie..."
 
Arnold, my *cough* friend *cough* has a six foot keg and a noodle chest and wants to know how to make a seven foot chest and lose the keg. He wants huge arms so that one day he can visit Franco and he'll think it's you knocking his door down with one enormous blow.

My other friend thinks that you give Austrian steroids to your ostriches. I tell him he's a noodle brain. I tell him that you wouldn't waste good Austrian steroids on ostriches, you probably give them cheap Hungarian steroids.
 
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