cut n pasted from where i wrote it on another forum:
lets briefly turn this into a Delicious Nightclubbing report for a second....so there i was, right, in this bar, and seriously guys...i was looking really, really hot
like, REALLY hot!
i know everyone was looking at me, and not just for my very stylish handkerchief or incredible shrinking waistline
so anyway, the bar around us was dead and we decide to switch to a place across the street that seemed to be pumping...and it was a total dickfarm
. it was terrible sad it had a schlong rating of an extreme 7...which means 7 schlongs per square metre
it was terrible. but i wasnt going to be discouraged by such minor details as there being 5 times as many guys in that club...after all, we're talking about me here
...and then...the wet Tshirt competition started
oh. my. God.
it wasnt a wet Tshirt competition. it was a livestock auction. it was a dairy farmers dream. those boobs were HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. each boob was worth 4 rainas. it was sickening. they were slapping together like 2 haggis thrown at each other and colliding mid-air. oh God, i feel ill just thinking about it sad brrrrrrrrrrr :spew:
so i turned to my mates and said "lets get the hell out of here before the crowd starts hurling, and we get swept away by a vomit tsunami!!" and we do...and i spy, with my little eye, a really, really nice looking little philipino latin dancer girl i met once upon a time, in a pink mini and black strappy top
. she just turned 18
ooooooh yyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhhh, i was in business, definitely.
so anyway, i go up to her and, cut a long story short, wave my freinds goodbye and walk her to my car (i am on the Jedi Pickup Artist Council, in case you didnt know
) where we have a chat and physically flirty, and right when i was giving her my Crazy Grasshopper stomach massage (TM) and she started making girly noises, she leaned in and said "golden, i have to tell you something". now, even in my dnp induced lethargic haze, in my car with foggy windows (from me sweating lol) Titanic style, i knew that she was about to say something about a boyfriend, so i thought "fuck! quick! emergency conversation evasive maneuvers! distract her! distract her!" but alas, she was adamant. and so i finally said "ok baby whats up?" and she said possibly te worst thing i have heard in my entire pickup career...
...
...
"i just want you to know, i have herpes"
*boot*
me = pwned by someone elses virus
ok fine so i didnt boot her. i actually spent half an hour reassuring her that it was a really common thing, and not to feel bad at all about it, and that its no problem sexually...despite teh fact that i no longer wanted to have sex lol (i wasnt going to have sex anyway, too sleazy...in a car? after clubbing?)
end snip