Selfish girlfriends?

[heatherrae]

I completely agree with this. I think the secret is to stay in "perpetual girlfriend/boyfriend" thinking, even if you do get married. You have to maintain the same level of relationship vigilance that you started with. Every guy knows at least 10 guys who said: "Once I got married, the sex stopped" and now they are miserable. Its a miracle the divorce rate is only 50ish% -- it probably should be higher.

I think that the problem really is that people's expectations are so skewed. They expect sunshine and roses and daily blow jobs/romance novel behavior, and that just isn't reality.

My grandma and grandpa were married for 60 years and had 8 kids, and never talked about divorce, etc. I think they expected like to be the way that it was. Their life revolved around raising kids, grandkids, family dinners, etc. I don't think either expected 60 years of red nighties and red roses.

 

[jnevin]

On second thought about this topic, maybe you're not turning her on enough to want to give you a bj. A woman needs to feel sexy to do that.

Maybe there is something you can do different?

Yeah. That's why fatties give them out like jesus freaks give pamphlets.

 

[musclemom]

meh. . .my wife and i still spend significant amounts of time with our mouths on each other's hey-nonny-nonnies. . .and i'm pretty sure we both still enjoy it. . .quite a bit. . .19 years this october. . .it doesn't have to get old or lose its appeal.

I wasn't talking about the overall sex life but the sex life as it evolves throughout the life of the relationship. Besides, everyone on the board pretty much agrees that you and your wife are the exception, not the rule

Anyway, "Generally Speaking" from a neurobiological perspective, people have sex for different reasons depending on how long they've been together. The drive after XYZ years is less about reproduction than about reaffirmation of the pair bond. In fact it's been proven that committed relationship sex releases oxytocin and vassopressin, and those hormones are part of what reinforce the pair bond. It's one of the reasons couples who aren't having sex start having serious problems communicating and getting along in general. Lack of sex triggers the lack of bonding, there starts being an overall lack of empathy and compassion. Communication literally becomes more difficult.

 

[cindylou]

Yeah. That's why fatties give them out like jesus freaks give pamphlets.

men make no sense.

at all.

you dont have a quality women if she likes to give a blowjob?

she must be a fatty or average if she's giving them out

then you guys complain when you dont get them

 

[digimon7068]

I completely agree with this. I think the secret is to stay in "perpetual girlfriend/boyfriend" thinking, even if you do get married. You have to maintain the same level of relationship vigilance that you started with. Every guy knows at least 10 guys who said: "Once I got married, the sex stopped" and now they are miserable. Its a miracle the divorce rate is only 50ish% -- it probably should be higher.

egg-zackly!! and imho men are much worse offenders than women. . .women (as a general rule. . .and there's exceptions to every rule) respond in a positive fashion to "romance". . .just because she agreed to marry you and then put your ring on her finger doesn't mean that you are allowed to stop the romance. . .all those goofy little things that you did that made her fall for you in the first place?? you gotta keep doing them! ok. . .you can back off on the frequency a little bit, otherwise it gets exhausting. . .not to mention prohibitively expensive. . .but you can't just "stop". . .and if you do, wtf makes you think that you're going to continue to get the hot, steamy sex that you got before (which, by the way I STILL GET). . .and i blame men because, in most instances, we are the "pursuers". . .and just because she married you (or she's been in a long term relationship with you) doesn't mean you're allowed to stop pursuing her. . .

i try to make her feel special every day. . .my attention to her is returned 10 times over. . .

 

[digimon7068]

I wasn't talking about the overall sex life but the sex life as it evolves throughout the life of the relationship. Besides, everyone on the board pretty much agrees that you and your wife are the exception, not the rule

i'm just trying to lead the rest of them down the path of enlightenment.

 

[jnevin]

men make no sense.

at all.

you dont have a quality women if she likes to give a blowjob?

she must be a fatty or average if she's giving them out

then you guys complain when you dont get them

lol

That's not what I was saying. I personally never went whaling, but I have a number of friends that will target heavier girls if they're in the mood for a blowjob.

I think you have a quality woman if she likes to please her maing. Works both ways.

 

[cindylou]

lol

That's not what I was saying. I personally never went whaling, but I have a number of friends that will target heavier girls if they're in the mood for a blowjob.

I think you have a quality woman if she likes to please her maing. Works both ways.

oh okay. lol. i see

 

[musclemom]

i'm just trying to lead the rest of them down the path of enlightenment.

Actually from what you've said I think you and your wife probably have one of the healthiest relationships around these parts (at least as you represent it, this is virtual reality so I'm force to accept your posts at face value). You sound like you have a really good grip on what it takes to keep the the embers stoked AND hang in there for the long haul.

I kind of got focused on the often refrained question of "why did it start out so great and why did it go to shit?" Lots of guys around here voice a similar lament to the Oak's and they blame it all on "bitches being devious." I don't think it's planned deviousness for the most part, I think it's just the biological equivalent of being high on hormones. You do shit you normally wouldn't while under the influence, so to speak. Women say the same thing, i.e., "he was so gentle and romantic in the beginning," hormones make those actions almost come naturally in the early parts of a relationship. You have to work at that shit over the long haul, though, and people don't understand why.

 

[digimon7068]

Actually from what you've said I think you and your wife probably have one of the healthiest relationships around these parts (at least as you represent it, this is virtual reality so I'm force to accept your posts at face value). You sound like you have a really good grip on what it takes to keep the the embers stoked AND hang in there for the long haul.

I kind of got focused on the often refrained question of "why did it start out so great and why did it go to shit?" Lots of guys around here voice a similar lament to the Oak's and they blame it all on "bitches being devious." I don't think it's planned deviousness for the most part, I think it's just the biological equivalent of being high on hormones. You do shit you normally wouldn't while under the influence, so to speak. Women say the same thing, i.e., "he was so gentle and romantic in the beginning," hormones make those actions almost come naturally in the early parts of a relationship. You have to work at that shit over the long haul, though, and people don't understand why.

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