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Overbearing parents have taken the fun out of childhood and turned it into a grind

blueta2

New member
I never see kids outside playing anymore and I also find parents are paranoid about letting kids be kids.
Discuss



Overbearing parents have taken the fun out of childhood and turned it into a grind.

In March, Lenore Skenazy, a New York City mother, gave her 9-year-old son, Izzy, a MetroCard, a subway map, a $20 bill and some quarters for pay phones. Then she let him make his own way home from Bloomingdale's department store -- by subway and bus.

Izzy survived unscathed. He wasn't abducted by a perverted stranger or pushed under an oncoming train by a homicidal maniac. He didn't even get lost. According to Skenazy, who wrote about it in a New York Sun column, he arrived home "ecstatic with independence."

His mother wasn't so lucky. Her column generated as much outrage as if she'd suggested that mothers make extra cash by hiring their kids out as child prostitutes.

But it also reinvigorated an important debate about children, safety and independence.

Reader, if you're much over 30, you probably remember what it used to be like for the typical American kid. Remember how there used to be this thing called "going out to play"?

For younger readers, I'll explain this archaic concept. It worked like this: The child or children in the house -- as long as they were over age 4 or so -- went to the door, opened it, and ... went outside. They braved the neighborhood pedophile just waiting to pounce, the rusty nails just waiting to be stepped on, the trees just waiting to be fallen out of, and they "played."

"Play," incidentally, is a mysterious activity children engage in when not compelled to spend every hour under adult supervision, taking soccer or piano lessons or practicing vocabulary words with computerized flashcards.

All in all, "going out to play" worked out well for kids. As the American Academy of Pediatrics' Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg testified to Congress in 2006, "Play allows children to create and explore a world they can master, conquering their fears while practicing adult roles. ... Play helps children develop new competencies ... and the resiliency they will need to face future challenges." But here's the catch: Those benefits aren't realized when some helpful adult is hovering over kids the whole time.

Thirty years ago, the "going out to play" culture coexisted with other culturally sanctioned forms of independence for even very young children: Kids as young as 6 used to walk to school on their own, for instance, or take public buses or -- gulp -- subways. And if they lived on a school bus route, their mommies did not consider it necessary to escort them to the bus stop every morning and wait there with them.

But today, for most middle-class American children, "going out to play" has gone the way of the dodo, the typewriter and the eight-track tape. From 1981 to 1997, for instance, University of Michigan time-use studies show that 3- to 5-year-olds lost an average of 501 minutes of unstructured playtime each week; 6- to 8-year-olds lost an average of 228 minutes. (On the other hand, kids now do more organized activities and have more homework, the lucky devils!) And forget about walking to school alone. Today's kids don't walk much at all (adding to the childhood obesity problem).

Increasingly, American children are in a lose-lose situation. They're forced, prematurely, to do all the un-fun kinds of things adults do (Be over-scheduled! Have no downtime! Study! Work!). But they don't get any of the privileges of adult life: autonomy, the ability to make their own choices, use their own judgment, maybe even get interestingly lost now and then.

Somehow, we've managed to turn childhood into a long, hard slog. Is it any wonder our kids take their pleasures where they can find them, by escaping to "Grand Theft Auto IV" or the alluring, parent-free world of MySpace?

But, but, but, you say, all the same, Skenazy should never have let her 9-year-old son take the subway! In New York, for God's sake! A cesspit of crack addicts, muggers and pedophiles!

Well, no. We parents have sold ourselves a bill of goods when it comes to child safety. Forget the television fear-mongering: Your child stands about the same chance of being struck by lightning as of being the victim of what the Department of Justice calls a "stereotypical kidnapping." And unless you live in Baghdad, your child stands a much, much greater chance of being killed in a car accident than of being seriously harmed while wandering unsupervised around your neighborhood.

Skenazy responded to the firestorm generated by her column by starting a new website -- freerangekids.wordpress.com -- dedicated to giving "our kids the freedom we had." She explains: "We believe in safe kids. ... We do NOT believe that every time school-age children go outside, they need a security detail."

Next time I take my kids to New York, I'm asking Skenazy to baby-sit
 
I guess I am an overprotective parent. I only allow my kids to play in the backyard that is fenced in. They don't complain that they can't run the streets and I feel better knowing they are safe. I see some parents that don't care enough in my opinion when I see a three year old riding a bike down the street with no parent outside watching at all.

When my kids are older I will have to let go a little, but they are my babies and I want to do all I can to protect them. Times now are not the same as they were when we were young and could be out everywhere until dark and be safe. Especially when you can look on that website and see so many sex offenders even in good neighborhoods not far from your home.
 
lol SIlver, i recall when my guy was little I struggled with letting him go out of my sight in the neighborhood. I remember the first time I let him go 3 houses down, in fact i believe I posted about here in this forum. He was probably about 5 yrs old at the time.

Anyway, i think it also depends on what type of neighborhood you live in. I am lucky in that we live in a secluded little subdivision of townhomes. There are no through streets here and there are speed bumps. The neigborhood is small and there are LOTS of kids. The kids pretty much go outside and are free to roam unsupervised. I like it because I dont worry about traffic etc. And when its time to come in, I can easily find my child- in the middle of the neighborhood is a field where they tend to congregate for soccer, etc.
 
silverstar1025 said:
I guess I am an overprotective parent. I only allow my kids to play in the backyard that is fenced in. They don't complain that they can't run the streets and I feel better knowing they are safe. I see some parents that don't care enough in my opinion when I see a three year old riding a bike down the street with no parent outside watching at all.

When my kids are older I will have to let go a little, but they are my babies and I want to do all I can to protect them. Times now are not the same as they were when we were young and could be out everywhere until dark and be safe. Especially when you can look on that website and see so many sex offenders even in good neighborhoods not far from your home.


Are times different or is just the media thrusting all the bad things into our face? I'd venture to say the latter.
 
I grew up in the country, where everyone knew everyone. I remember going tricker treating until midnight, wandering down dark, country roads with my mask half covering my eyes and a flash light with half dead batteries to light my way...lol. We were not just allowed to go out to play. We were REQUIRED to go out. Mom couldn't stand to put up with us all day without a break...lol.

Now, I can't really imagine letting D-man go outside, unsupervised at 6 like we did. We lived in the country, though -- no predators other than coyotes.
 
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All's I know, I am counting the days until school is out. I'm sick of Bri having 2-3 hours of homework per night. What the hell is THAT all about? I never had that much homework when I was a kid.

It's tough letting go of a child in today's world. I'm lucky that Bri is very active in sports so I know where she is 99.9% of the time. Weekends are becoming a bit different now. She's wanting to to the "mall" thing with her friends. I gotta learn to cut the ropes..It's makes me sick thinking about it to be honest.
 
My parents were extremely overprotective and I rebelled after I couldnt breathe anymore! I was not even allowed to have a TV in my room - was not allowed to ride my bike to the end of the street by myself without my mother , I could name so much stuff lol. I was not allowed to go to the movies by myself in junior high! Rediculous stuff.

Dont do it - the parent with the most rules does not win!

Love them to death, but by the time I was a teenager I was very difficult. We have a good relationship now though.
 
yeah my parents were extremely strict as well, although I dont know if they would be considered overprotective

I had a curfew until I was 21 yrs old
I wasnt allowed to have pierced ears or wear make up at all until 16
I wasnt allowed to wear nylons/pantyhose until high school (8th grade graduation I had to wear tights wtf)
I wasnt allowed to associate with people whom my parents had not met
they would want verification that a parent would be home when I went to other peeps' houses
etc etc
 
Smurfy said:
yeah my parents were extremely strict as well, although I dont know if they would be considered overprotective

I had a curfew until I was 21 yrs old
I wasnt allowed to have pierced ears or wear make up at all until 16
I wasnt allowed to wear nylons/pantyhose until high school (8th grade graduation I had to wear tights wtf)
I wasnt allowed to associate with people whom my parents had not met
they would want verification that a parent would be home when I went to other peeps' houses
etc etc


Yeah, on second thought i'm not sure if they were just really strict or overprotective.
 
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