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My husband PEED on my chair

Smurfy

Smurfy

Banned
Platinum
I HATE my husband. I can't even tell you how much. He has peed in my bed, scratched up my furniture, scratched my carpet up, gets his nasty body hair EVERYWHERE and you can't vaccuum this stuff up. It's like crazy glue. It is mere guilt that keeps me from dropping him at the pound TODAY.

Yesterday, I came home and sat down on the chair with my oreo pie and a fork, and thought, "Hmmm..why is my butt wet? I must have let a YooHoo leak on the chair?" Then, I thought about it more and realized that I KNEW I didn't do that. THEN THE SMELL HIT ME!!! Holy crap! I wanted to KILL that man. So, I took all the cushions off and sprayed them with an enzyme cleaner made just for that purpose and aired them out in the sun for hours. JESUS that is NASTY! Thank goodness this cleaner actually was the bomb and took the smell out, but that is just gross. I want to strangle this guy on a daily basis.

I HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM!
 
Scotsman said:
If you want I can kill him and then do horrible nast dirty things to you. :evil:

Cheers,
Scotsman
Click to expand...
I've had him for about 5 years now. I rescued him from a life of misery when he had NOBODY. On the first day I got him home, he peed on a $300 down comforter, and it has been nothing but bullshit since then.
 
Well you can ask him to stop and find him a nice place to live where everyone pees on things. Maybe it's his kidneys or he has a testicular disease, I have heard that strong thick glue like substances are a problem.
 
EnderJE said:
Funny. I figured that you'd be used to that by now.
Click to expand...
I'm an man lover. don't get me wrong, but this animal is DESTRUCTIVE and NASTY, and too dirty to have around. If I leave my door open, he gets in my bed. I've been trying to find him a home for a YEAR now. No lie. No one wants him!
 
I have had many men, and I think he must be diseased. He probably has worm turds or flea mites plus a really bad attitude or maybe you are just a bad man owner. I have heard that men are some of the most loyal animals on the planet
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Fucking shoot him and be done with it already!!!
Click to expand...
He did it the first day that I met him and he is and has been in perfect health.

I've had him checked by the shrink -- no infections, no problems.


Another thing he does that makes me nuts is he throws all of his dirty underwear out of his room. He will literally stand outside his room and dig in his nose and throw it all out on the floor.



I'm at my wits end with him. Truly I am.
 
Smurfy said:
I'm an man lover. don't get me wrong, but this animal is DESTRUCTIVE and NASTY, and too dirty to have around. If I leave my door open, he gets in my bed. I've been trying to find him a home for a YEAR now. No lie. No one wants him!
Click to expand...
Let me guess. He tries to hump you at the worse times.
 
No I think he has an upper body brain infection or some virus in his ear. He can't be well. A shiney new forehead is not an indication of a healthy man.
 
bw1 said:
Does he take his poop out of the toilet and throw it on the floor?
Click to expand...
Heis a SNEAKY little bi-atch. I don't think he hates me. I think the issue is that unless his room is 100% a mess, he doesn't want to go in. So, if he goes in it and its not immediately a mess, he won't step foot in it again. He will just go on the sofa, chair, bed, wherever. Being that I work 10 hours/day, this is a PROBLEM.

Plus, he is the first man that I didn't have castrated, and he instead has jizzed up everything.

I will never get another man again in my life.

I loved men so much as a kid that my relatives called me "Ellie May" but my men were all OUTSIDE working on a farm. I had 13 at one time. I will never have another man after this one. They are NASTY. Freaking body hair EVERYWHERE. I can vaccuum for an hour and then sit my ass on the floor and get hair all over myself. It's GROSS
 
Grumpy Old Man said:
No I think he has an upper body brain infection or some virus in his ear. He can't be well. A shiney new forehead is not an indication of a healthy man.
Click to expand...
He isn't sick. He's ALWAYS done this. He has been checked out once per year every year and is super healthy. He gave me a super nice shiny diamond, he's healthy as can be. He's just a crazy little wench.
 
LOL.......Some people on here are too stupid to realize how truly funny this is!

Send your hubby to me and I'll love him until he stops pissing
 
Smurfy said:
He isn't sick. He's ALWAYS done this. He has been checked out once per year every year and is super healthy. He gave me a super nice shiny diamond, he's healthy as can be. He's just a crazy little wench.
Click to expand...

Smurfy, this is BY FAR the funniest shit I have read on elite in a loooooooooong ass time. :lmao:
 
blueta2 said:
LOL.......Some people on here are too stupid to realize how truly funny this is!

Send your hubby to me and I'll love him until he stops pissing
Click to expand...
I'll have it checked out.

If he has a clean bill of health, you want him? I'll drive this little bi-atch to canada to get rid of him.

LOL
 
blueta2 said:
LOL.......Some people on here are too stupid to realize how truly funny this is!

Send your hubby to me and I'll love him until he stops pissing
Click to expand...
Freaking DEAL!

I love men but this one requires more attention than I can give, obviously. With a son, a pie and work, him peeing and scratching and puking is just putting me over the EDGE.
 
Smurfy said:
I'll have it checked out.

If he has a clean bill of health, you want him? I'll drive this little bi-atch to canada to get rid of him.

LOL
Click to expand...

I'll take him. Does he have his nails?
 
Smurfy said:
Freaking DEAL!

I love men but this one requires more attention than I can give, obviously. With a son, a pie and work, him peeing and scratching and puking is just putting me over the EDGE.
Click to expand...


could it be he just has fur balls from licking your fur. Maybe you can shave once and a while see if he stops puking?
 
blueta2 said:
could it be he just has fur balls from licking your fur. Maybe you can shave once and a while see if he stops puking?
Click to expand...
I don't think we have a no kill shelter around here, unfortunately.

I've had it on craigslist many times trying to find him a home. I haven't received one single email of anyone wanting him.
 
blueta2 said:
could it be he just has fur balls from licking your fur. Maybe you can shave once and a while see if he stops puking?
Click to expand...

I'm getting confused, Lumberg is an animal?

Where's Lestat?
 
Smurfy said:
I don't think we have a no kill shelter around here, unfortunately.

I've had it on craigslist many times trying to find him a home. I haven't received one single email of anyone wanting him.
Click to expand...

meh, he's disposable, get rid of him and get a new one!
 
almost midnight and I am on EF jerking around. I should have been studying for my exam
I hate you Smurfy's cat.............I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU
 
Smurfy said:
I HATE my husband. I can't even tell you how much. He has peed in my bed, scratched up my furniture, scratched my carpet up, gets his nasty body hair EVERYWHERE and you can't vaccuum this stuff up. It's like crazy glue. It is mere guilt that keeps me from dropping him at the pound TODAY.

Yesterday, I came home and sat down on the chair with my oreo pie and a fork, and thought, "Hmmm..why is my butt wet? I must have let a YooHoo leak on the chair?" Then, I thought about it more and realized that I KNEW I didn't do that. THEN THE SMELL HIT ME!!! Holy crap! I wanted to KILL that man. So, I took all the cushions off and sprayed them with an enzyme cleaner made just for that purpose and aired them out in the sun for hours. JESUS that is NASTY! Thank goodness this cleaner actually was the bomb and took the smell out, but that is just gross. I want to strangle this guy on a daily basis.

I HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM!
Click to expand...
LOL...maybe you can find a no-kill shelter for him!
 
Smurfy said:
Heis a SNEAKY little bi-atch. I don't think he hates me. I think the issue is that unless his room is 100% a mess, he doesn't want to go in. So, if he goes in it and its not immediately a mess, he won't step foot in it again. He will just go on the sofa, chair, bed, wherever. Being that I work 10 hours/day, this is a PROBLEM.

Plus, he is the first man that I didn't have castrated, and he instead has jizzed up everything.

I will never get another man again in my life.

I loved men so much as a kid that my relatives called me "Ellie May" but my men were all OUTSIDE working on a farm. I had 13 at one time. I will never have another man after this one. They are NASTY. Freaking body hair EVERYWHERE. I can vaccuum for an hour and then sit my ass on the floor and get hair all over myself. It's GROSS
Click to expand...
Holy parody. You got all my lines in here!

I approve! :lmao:
 
he might have crystals forming in his weiner and making him misbehave or maybe it was because you were too harsh when you potty trained him when you first got him. Either way, it is all your fault, Smurfy, and you will burn in a lake of fire for your misdeeds!
 
i would just put him down.
 
Smurfy said:
I HATE my husband. I can't even tell you how much. He has peed in my bed, scratched up my furniture, scratched my carpet up, gets his nasty body hair EVERYWHERE and you can't vaccuum this stuff up. It's like crazy glue. It is mere guilt that keeps me from dropping him at the pound TODAY.

Yesterday, I came home and sat down on the chair with my oreo pie and a fork, and thought, "Hmmm..why is my butt wet? I must have let a YooHoo leak on the chair?" Then, I thought about it more and realized that I KNEW I didn't do that. THEN THE SMELL HIT ME!!! Holy crap! I wanted to KILL that man. So, I took all the cushions off and sprayed them with an enzyme cleaner made just for that purpose and aired them out in the sun for hours. JESUS that is NASTY! Thank goodness this cleaner actually was the bomb and took the smell out, but that is just gross. I want to strangle this guy on a daily basis.

I HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM!
Click to expand...



Did your husband have a blood test to check his kidneys?
Most husbands pee in strange places when they have kidney issues.
I've had MANY husbands in the last 14 yrs, I've seen it all. Every time one of my husbands started to pee in strange places, it was 99.9% of the time the husband was ill.
 
hog#head#cheese said:
Give grump a 45 and be done with the fucker
Click to expand...

You know, I would, except he really does eat pussy unbelievably well....

Awe fuck, I get I am getting soft in my old age.

As long as his tongue keeps working he gets to live another day.
 
bw1 said:
Did your husband have a blood test to check his kidneys?
Most husbands pee in strange places when they have kidney issues.
I've had MANY husbands in the last 14 yrs, I've seen it all. Every time one of my husbands started to pee in strange places, it was 99.9% of the time the husband was ill.
Click to expand...
:spit:
 
Put him in the car, drive 20 miles out of town, then put him out in a field somewhere.
 
or put him in a bag with a rock and throw him in the lake...lol
 
Mr. dB said:
Put him in the car, drive 20 miles out of town, then put him out in a field somewhere.
Click to expand...

See now I already did that couple times, fucker kept finding his way back home. You think I would have learned from his parents though, no matter how many times they moved their damned trailer while he was at school that bastard would keep showing up regardless!
 
BIKINIMOM said:
See now I already did that couple times, fucker kept finding his way back home. You think I would have learned from his parents though, no matter how many times they moved their damned trailer while he was at school that bastard would keep showing up regardless!
Click to expand...

Sometimes it took me days to find the trailer!
 
heatherrae said:
or put him in a bag with a rock and throw him in the lake...lol
Click to expand...

That's an issue to as he has enough bf where the fucker floats. I am strong, but not strong enough to lift a rock that would be dense enough to keep him at the bottom.

*sigh*

What to do... what to do?!?!

Fuck me runnin. He even managed to piss Blue off so she wouldn't take him in even if I did lay out the money for his sorry ass to fly to Canada!

FUCK FUCK FUCK....

I gotta keep his sorry old ass afterall. :worried:

Dammit, I shoulda thought twice when I signed on that dotted line. 'Course it's not like I could get rid of my first husband either!!! :lmao:
 
BIKINIMOM said:
That's an issue to as he has enough bf where the fucker floats. I am strong, but not strong enough to lift a rock that would be dense enough to keep him at the bottom.

*sigh*

What to do... what to do?!?!

Fuck me runnin. He even managed to piss Blue off so she wouldn't take him in even if I did lay out the money for his sorry ass to fly to Canada!

FUCK FUCK FUCK....

I gotta keep his sorry old ass afterall. :worried:

Dammit, I shoulda thought twice when I signed on that dotted line. 'Course it's not like I could get rid of my first husband either!!! :lmao:
Click to expand...
perhaps just feed him a little anti-freeze then. lol.
 
bw1 said:
Did your husband have a blood test to check his kidneys?
Most husbands pee in strange places when they have kidney issues.
I've had MANY husbands in the last 14 yrs, I've seen it all. Every time one of my husbands started to pee in strange places, it was 99.9% of the time the husband was ill.
Click to expand...


Wait a sec. You've had husbands before? I thought I was your man crush.

Shit what a day first I find out Stilleto thinks I'm a gross crackhead and now this. :worried:

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
Scotsman said:
I offered to do it for her, response #1.

I'd even do it humanly out behind the woodshed with a shovel.

Cheers,
Scotsman
Click to expand...

:worried: Dude aren't you afraid that you will make the baby Jesus cry?!
 
BIKINIMOM said:
You and my Old Grump make a fine pair! :cold: :cold:
Click to expand...


You do know that if he and I ever hang out you'll probably be bailing us out of a messican prison or something, right?

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
When did BM take over Smurfy's thread? I thought we were disposing of Lummy.

Although, the way he drives, he's likely to do the job himself.
 
Scotsman said:
You do know that if he and I ever hang out you'll probably be bailing us out of a messican prison or something, right?

Cheers,
Scotsman
Click to expand...

Yup... :rolleyes: I got the bail money set aside already!

And db - you oughtta know better than to ask a question like that as I am the queen of taking over other people's threads. :chomp: crazy old yeller that I am!
 
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