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Is there such a thing as the perfect mate?
- Thread starter Bobber
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coldblue1955
New member
i am still searching for my perfect mate 
I don't think there is any ONE person for everyone. I also do not believe there is any such thing as "pefect."
Your life can go any one of millions of possible directions. Do you think the way you have lived your life thus far is "perfect?" Its a lot of random chance and circumstance. Any number of relatively small decisions many years ago could have changed your life dramatically to this point.
My point is, there are multiple potential partners out there for everyone. Some people have a smaller number than others due to self imposed demands of a mate or tastes. But you could probably live a happy life with literally hundreds of different potential spouses, all different.
Your life can go any one of millions of possible directions. Do you think the way you have lived your life thus far is "perfect?" Its a lot of random chance and circumstance. Any number of relatively small decisions many years ago could have changed your life dramatically to this point.
My point is, there are multiple potential partners out there for everyone. Some people have a smaller number than others due to self imposed demands of a mate or tastes. But you could probably live a happy life with literally hundreds of different potential spouses, all different.
That's tricky. What if you're 20 yo and find the "perfect" girl for you, then at 30 your tastes change in some areas. Would this girl not be "perfect" anymore? What about when your 40?
That's why having a partner you love and respect that does the same back to you, will work better than finding the "perfect fit" for right now.
Relationships are an evolution of (hopefully) two smart, caring, compassionate, selfless adults who can change and adapt and conform to their lover's needs as well as their own through the ups and downs of what life brings them. When you can do that and be happy to do it, then she's perfect for you.
THAT'S how you do it for 50 years.
Sex is better that way too.
That's why having a partner you love and respect that does the same back to you, will work better than finding the "perfect fit" for right now.
Relationships are an evolution of (hopefully) two smart, caring, compassionate, selfless adults who can change and adapt and conform to their lover's needs as well as their own through the ups and downs of what life brings them. When you can do that and be happy to do it, then she's perfect for you.
THAT'S how you do it for 50 years.
Sex is better that way too.
mrplunkey
New member
I don't believe in the "one person for everyone" thing. The harsh reality is depending on what you'll settle for, there can be zero, one, ten, or millions of people who are right for you.
And no, you'll never find anyone perfect, but you can find someone where the specific mismatches are in areas that aren't important to you.
Age plays a huge role too. At 20 a person is still changing considerably. In the past one member of a couple would be more dependant on the other (i.e. imagine how much the typical housewife depended on the man in the 1950's). Under that scenario the dependant person often changes in lock-step with the dominant partner. Today, we don't have the same dependancy relationship and both partners have more options. That's why you see more couples married at 20-something and divorced at 30-something as opposed to what we saw two generations ago.
But hey, I could be wrong
And no, you'll never find anyone perfect, but you can find someone where the specific mismatches are in areas that aren't important to you.
Age plays a huge role too. At 20 a person is still changing considerably. In the past one member of a couple would be more dependant on the other (i.e. imagine how much the typical housewife depended on the man in the 1950's). Under that scenario the dependant person often changes in lock-step with the dominant partner. Today, we don't have the same dependancy relationship and both partners have more options. That's why you see more couples married at 20-something and divorced at 30-something as opposed to what we saw two generations ago.
But hey, I could be wrong
ponyfitness
New member
People who are together for 50 years today are from a time where once you made the commitment you stuck with it and that's it. I know a couple who's been together 40 years and they hate each other but divorce just isn't an option because they are totally reliant on each other. So they bicker and argue like roommates.
I'll be surprised in our lifetime if you see many people make it to their 25th anniversary. It's too easy and available now to just get out of the relationship as soon as you aren't happy instead of working on it.
I'll be surprised in our lifetime if you see many people make it to their 25th anniversary. It's too easy and available now to just get out of the relationship as soon as you aren't happy instead of working on it.
dsh89
New member
That is the key too. People bail instead of sticking with it and trying to make comprimises to make things better. And if a girl is doing something that you cannot stand from the get go, you need to move on. There is no such thing as perfect. You have to find someone that compliments you, and whose faults you can accept.
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
If I could find a female version of me I'd have the perfect mate.
Yes there is some one out there for everyone...But Noone will ever be close to perfect, there is no such thing!Bobber said:
Honestly, love, trust, communication, friendship, the means to meet half way on issues instead of being stubborn and ill willed, the will to give up old habits and such, etc!Bobber said:
From what it seems like with most people, yes. That is how those who have done wrong would want things. When they themselves do wrong they do not want a big deal made or a fight to erupt.Bobber said:
However, the wounded do not see things that way.
Personally if it bothers you that much than obviously some thing has to change. Whether it be your partners behavior or the entire relationship.
If it is some thing petty such as not putting the toilet seat down or not capping the toothpaste then yes some type of resolution should be made with both parties being involved. More serious issues that keep on repeating and will not stop obviously points out the real issues in the relationship. And the real issues with your fucked up mate!
I say Be pissed all you want. You have every right in the world to act on your emotions. Especially if getting the anger out helps! And if the guilty party does not like it, then fuck em..They only brought it on themselves..Maybe if they had done things differently there would not be a god damned problem. Maybe if they had fuckin thought about their actions and considered their partners feelings there would not be a damned issue...They have got to deal with the consequences of their actions from the ones that they hurt. And if they dont like it than maybe they should consider not pissing off or hurting their mates!!!!
And eventually if it is more of a serious issue and the mate does not change their asshole ways, then like I said- the relationship needs to change!
Bottom line is leapords don't change their fuckin spots no matter how much they lie and say that they have! They DONT. There comes a point when both parties have to realize that and stop the lying and pretending...
See the more that you pretend that every thing is ok the more it will continue happening and the more you bottle up makes for a terrible explosion. I dont believe in the whole "Oh just let it roll of your shoulders" tecnique..I dont know about you but I have tried it, and by the end of the week of pretending to be calm and not hurt I wanted to smoother the other party with a fuckin pillow. It is best for me to let it all out in the open then to walk around acting as if nothing is wrong.
I currently have 2 that are pretty close...I really need to flip a coin or something...stressful life
Bobber
Well-known member
Thanks for all the responses and different points of view. This relationship was new and the same occuring theme would come up atleast oncea week so I told her I cno longer want tp pursue a relationship with her. She conitnued to scream at me and tell me I am not 1\10 the man she thought I was so I told her I had to go. I am positive this was the right choice for my emotional well being in the long run.
H
heatherrae
Guest
No one is perfect, but we have to have boundaries and limitations on what we will and will not tolerate for ourselves. I think a good sense of humor to not take little differences, squabbles, and imperfections too seriously is one of the number one ways to keep love alive for those 50 years.
My grandparents were married 60 years before my pappa died last year. They never took themselves too seriously.
My grandparents were married 60 years before my pappa died last year. They never took themselves too seriously.
In my opinion, the best relationship is when you try and fix each others flaws and keep bettering one another. If you enjoy their company, like their look when you awake, have meaningful conversasions, and trust eachother, that's a pretty good match if you ask me.
digimon7068
New member
been with mine for 17+ years (14+ married). . .she's a great wife and the best mother that i've ever seen but "perfect"?? nfw!! nobody's perfect. . .that's one of the big reasons that so many relationships fail. . .unreasonable expectations. spending your life with someone takes work. . .a lot of it. . .that's why they call it a "commitment". . .
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