Are you alleging extortion? Couple of issues here:
1) If anyone ever says "Give me X or I will inflict you with Y" and the issues are not naturally linked then you have the possibility of extortion. "Pay me your back rent or I will tell the police you smoke pot" = extortion. Whereas "Pay me your back rent or I will sue you for the full amount" = not extortion.
2) Most lawyers won't touch mixing a civil matter (a divorce) with a criminal matter (i.e. alleged drug use, alleged theft) -- its considered an ethical voilation. Now they can use the information in the civil matter, but they can't involve a prosecutor or a DA to "turn the heat up" on the civil suit.
3) Criminal judges often groan and avoid addressing criminal cases that are in the middle of a divorce. Chances are the criminal judge will delay any charges until the divorce matter is settled.
4) Again... her lawyer may have a field day with you trying to ask you questions about something like drug use, but you can alway plead the 5th and refuse to answer the question as well. It will hurt you in the civil case since the standard of proof is a preponderance of the evidence whereas in a criminal case the standard is beyond a reasonable doubt.
I've lived through this one, but on the accuser side. About six months into my divorce, my charming ex-wife decided to wiretap the computer I used to correspond with my attorney. I filed a police report (class D felony in TN) and the unique serial number on the device traced back to her best friend. The police then traced it to her best friends credit card... we even had her signature recieving the device from UPS. Needless to say, it was fun dealing with the situation
