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billfred
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Eight Signs That You Might Be GAY
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means that you haven¹t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming Homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when using its nails, and whines to be fed. And, just think about how you call a dog...Killer...come here! I said GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!² Now think about how you call a cat...Bun Bun...come to Daddy...C'mon snookums! Sheesh, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay!
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring-pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured...you are a Gaylord. A straight guy only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you¹re in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom. He defecates and urinates when and where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a decaf cafe latte with skim and he will NEVER EVER know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had Nutrisweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too!
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of desserts, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as the names of all the players in the major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a fressier is, you are gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you¹re hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous ie Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (Spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to queers when they flame out too quickly.
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means that you haven¹t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming Homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when using its nails, and whines to be fed. And, just think about how you call a dog...Killer...come here! I said GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!² Now think about how you call a cat...Bun Bun...come to Daddy...C'mon snookums! Sheesh, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay!
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring-pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured...you are a Gaylord. A straight guy only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you¹re in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom. He defecates and urinates when and where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a decaf cafe latte with skim and he will NEVER EVER know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had Nutrisweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too!
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of desserts, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as the names of all the players in the major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a fressier is, you are gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you¹re hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous ie Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (Spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to queers when they flame out too quickly.
