Hi ladies, do your men...????

[Gymgurl]

I have been married for almost 13 yrs and he does this to me all the time. I have come to just accept that this is going to happen once in awhile. Make sure you tell him things when you have his undivided attention not while he is watching tv...this makes a big diffrence!! What a cute Avatar you have!

 

[Tink!]

Gym~ Thank you, and what a scarey one you have! LOL I just don't know what to do, it gets hard, because he swears he told me things, that i am almost willing to bet my life on that he didn't, then the controlll comes in and he cuts contact. I think i am going to go buy that book women are from venus,o r whatever it is called....maybe i can realize that i don't do or say the things i think i do and maybe better understand him.
I want to say thank you to all of you. I am glad to know i am not alone on this one. And i appreciate all of the great advice!

 

[Raina]

We were getting in really ugly fights a while back-- really stupid fights about nothing where we both got very upset but it was over other issues. It was very counter-productive. We were both concerned about it because we didn't want our lives to be like that. We ended up getting some counselling to help us better deal with fighting fair.

Now we'll still have our moments and little spats but we're both MUCH quicker to say "I'm sorry I snapped". It's amazing how often fights happen and the subject being fought about has nothing to do with anything. I think sometimes you just need 15 minutes to settle down and think about if things are even worth fighting about.

 

[Tink!]

I have thought a lot about counseling, but do not know if he would go??? I feel that everythings is awesome when he is home, not deployed, but i know we still have to get through him being gone. I ordered a few books today and hoping i might find out more about myself and where i go wrong. I have also thought about counseling for myself....do any of you think it would help, if it was just i going and not as a couple thing??? I mean i know he blames me, i blame him, but i just feel like i am missing something, and maybe i need to be more aware of how i react, or what i say???

 

[Gymgurl]

That is a good point..just remeber that you guys have alot going on right now with him being gone....but counseling is a good thing if you can get him to go!

 

[Tink!]

Well, i don't think i could get him to go, but maybe it would do me some good????? Maybe i don't realize what i am saying that might upset him, or maybe i do not handle things to well??? Thank you guys so much, this means a lot!!

 

[Puddles]

Well, i don't think i could get him to go, but maybe it would do me some good????? Maybe i don't realize what i am saying that might upset him, or maybe i do not handle things to well??? Thank you guys so much, this means a lot!!

I went to counselling for unrelated issues to our marriage, but my counsellor was fantastic and helped me out with a few marriage issues I had at the time. Nothing wrong with going in by yourself. You may be able to get a handle on things and not need him to go at all.

Men and women are just very different in so many ways. The more we learn to accept this and not try to change one another the easier it is to just accept the differences.

I'm very easy going and don't stress about much at all. My husband is the complete opposite and needs vallium or xanax to control his anxiety issues often. Together we balance eachother out. When he wigs out at something I just let him go for a bit, he eventually calms down, then we can talk. One thing I've learned is if someone's angry, don't try to have a discussion in the heat of the moment, it will become an argument and things will be said that are regretted later on, wait till tempers calm down so it can be a rational discussion. Strong emotional times can be managed in many ways, getting into the gym and trainng is fantastic, so are hot bubble baths with candles and soft music, getting together with a g/f to vent is another favorite. By the time you get back to your guy, you've had a chance to expend some energy and calm down, then at least you can be rational.

 

[Tink!]

Puddles, thank you for the positive advice!!! i am going to try to hang in there and see what i can do to improve myself!

 

[cooper53001]

Hi there, i was just curious to know if any of you have ever had a fight or argument or just bickering with your significant other, and they swear afterwards they told you the issue, but you could sware they didn't??? I just want to know if any other women out there have had this experience, or perhaps i am just not getting things????

Hi cooper53001 here, yes I have had that experience many of times. One can say that they have said the issue, but the other can't always hear that issue. Sometimes you have to just listen and not bicker, argue, or fight. Just let one talk and then let the other talk, maybe that will help with hearing the issue. For an example, I would have a issue with my husband and he doesn't get it, cause we just don't sit down and talk about it, we bicker at each other. Sometimes it's the listen part that doesn't happen. My husband is on the Marines and he is never here and when he is we are fighting about something and we never listen. After we get down fighting we still don't have any of the issues figured out. Do you see what I'm saying?

 

[Tink!]

cooper~ god do i feel ya!!! My husband is deployed all the time. That is the only time things go bad. He has admitted his communication sucks. So i don't know why he isn't getting it when i say, look you are not pin pointing things!!! But i have used the last week to take the time to look at myself and see if maybe i am not getting it??!!! It is really frusterating. I hate the fact that i can't just pick up the phone and talk to him and try to fix things when they go wrong. Guess that is the life of a military wife. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just thought maybe i was really screwed up or something...LOL