Help: Wife has no desire for sex

[carlsuen]

more on the immediate things u can do is.. like what bluestwistedsteel67 said.. u have to draw the desire out of her.. find out what makes her exited.. what turns her on.. study her pattern of life.. what she likes.. what she doesn't like.. y she doesn't like it.. could be family.. could be spiritual issues.. not religious.. but spiritual.. she might feel lacking in something.. or scared of something..

it's something U have to figure out.. don't only depend on therapy.. cuz u know her better.. and on a commitment level, again bluetwistedsteel has got it covered.. don't preassure her into sex.. let her know u r there for her.. which u r.. but in a more verbal and mental way..

u need to find that insecurity in her and deal with it together.. good luck bro..

 

[cyrex]

thanks carlsuen, this is great advice for a couple who have only been together for a few months. We've been together for 7 years and I've been probably more understanding and patient than most guys. I know what gets her in the mood (it does work about 20% of the time). We have sex basically 3 times a month or so and usually it's obligatory. I'll try to initiate it every once and a while and she will say "not tonight, but we will tomorrow" so typically that means we have sex the next day at the most inoprotune time for me when I'm really not in the mood, but being that it comes so infrequently I'll pretend I am. Anyways I'm not looking for a quick fix or really even looking for a fix. I just want to take some steps to do something about this, whether it results in an improvement or not.

 

[carlsuen]

think dude.. think outside the box.. u r trapped in the problem.. re-read my suggestion with an open mind.. i don't want to pour anymore coffee into a cup that's already full of it.. open your mind to other's suggestion.. and rethink the problem.. think and analyze hard..

and be encouraging to your wife.. be a motivation in her life.. a MAJOR ONE!!
just understand her work more.. be a good listener.. i think u r.. after 7 years.. i don't doubt your ablity as a good man and husband.. but sometimes.. we get so caught up in the problem.. we can't see the way out.. which could be right in front of us..

 

[cyrex]

carlsuen, hehe I completely understand where you are getting, but if you could hear it yourself from my wife on how understanding and kind I am about this situation.
I've read soo many books that say exactly what you are telling me and I put it to practice. I'm not saying i'm perfect but damnit I give a concious effort to show appreciation for the things she does, talk to her about her interests, giver her massages (which she loves). Surprising her with things like a flower on her car seat in the morning before she goes to work. Sending her flowers for no particular reason.

But for your persistance, I will make an effort to try even harder to do these things just because I love her that much.

karma to you! (you don't with the 100 just yet, but i'm sending some your way anyhow)

 

[carlsuen]

well in that case.. maybe professional advice is what u really need to resort to..

either way.. good luck to u.. i'll pray for the happiness of u and ur wife..

 

[cyrex]

any suggestions on how to seek out professional advice (google hasn't served me well in this area)

 

[Gymgurl]

Look in the phone book under Marriage counselors...start there and they can reccommend someone eles if need be.....

 

[jenscats5]

Any advice on what steps to take first to do this? She will definately not make the first appointment, but I'm sure she would go if I was the one that took the time to research and make the appointment. (I'll offer to go with her if she would like also)

We don't have a family doctor yet (We have only been in Nashville for a year and a half or so). So should we go to a family doctor type place first and ask for a referal or what?

I would say that depends on your health coverage/insurance policy....some require you to see them 1st....She also might consider seeing a female GYN also as they are more focused on "that part" of her....\

Also consider that she may be depressed - and depression definitely nulls the sex drive but can also lead to general apathy....

 

[dullboy]

75mg of pharma grade mdma would probably help her along.

you both need to see a marriage counselor STAT!

she will probably need separate therapy. has she spoke with her ob/gyn? that would be a good starting point

 

[Gymgurl]

Yep I think we all have about the same summary here