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fat trouble
- Thread starter TheOak84
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I don't think you mentioned how big. Rosie O'Donnel, Roseanne Barr? Rita MacNeil?
Weight gain can creep up on you. If she's not overtly conscious of it she may not think it matters.
I realize this is gonna make me sound like a dick, but:
For men, sexual desire is a visual process. Love can carry you so far, but what do you do when the weight gets excessive?
Walk carefully bro. You WILL hurt her if you say anything casually. I think what you need to do is tell her how much you love her, but the weight is becoming an issue.
First off there is the health issue. You don't want her to become diabetic. It sucks, really. Then there are the other sides, like heart disease, cancer risk, etc. Even if you splt, she's better off losing the lbs while she's young. The older you get the harder it is.
It's not perfect, but how do you force a woody with someone you're not attracted to? Then your relationship becomes more like brother & sis, & then you get a divorce 'cause there's no intimacy.
Weight gain can creep up on you. If she's not overtly conscious of it she may not think it matters.
I realize this is gonna make me sound like a dick, but:
For men, sexual desire is a visual process. Love can carry you so far, but what do you do when the weight gets excessive?
Walk carefully bro. You WILL hurt her if you say anything casually. I think what you need to do is tell her how much you love her, but the weight is becoming an issue.
First off there is the health issue. You don't want her to become diabetic. It sucks, really. Then there are the other sides, like heart disease, cancer risk, etc. Even if you splt, she's better off losing the lbs while she's young. The older you get the harder it is.
It's not perfect, but how do you force a woody with someone you're not attracted to? Then your relationship becomes more like brother & sis, & then you get a divorce 'cause there's no intimacy.
You know what drives me crazy?? I see these men who are big fat whales and they expect their woman to be skinny......to me if she gets big too...at least when they have sex shes protected from being squooshed
These women have your kids, clean your house and wash your nasty ass underwear....maybe she doesnt have time to go to the gym because shes busy taking care of your kids while you go to the gym
IMO.....a woman that gains weight when shes with someone it isnt because shes got emotional problems or whatever shit
its that she feels comfortable in the relationship and although she is gaining weight she is (apparently) too naive to think that that guy will still love her if she puts on a few lbs
If you ask me, a man that is worried about a womans weight gain is more worried about what other people are thinking instead of worrying about hurting her feelings
and only hs lifter would say "your cholesterol" wen she asks whats up
I spent 13 years being with a man who left me at home with the kids, didnt worry about me or whatever.....while he ran off to Florida for camp with baseball tryouts
while he played softball every weekend, went boating, fishing whatever the hell he wanted to do......
take her feelings into consideration here, dont freakin say shes gaining weight, if ur worried about it, urge her to go work out with you..walk with her.....
Maybe shes taking birth control that makes a woman gain weight.....and why is she taking that birth control???????? because shes having sex with you dang
These women have your kids, clean your house and wash your nasty ass underwear....maybe she doesnt have time to go to the gym because shes busy taking care of your kids while you go to the gym
IMO.....a woman that gains weight when shes with someone it isnt because shes got emotional problems or whatever shit
its that she feels comfortable in the relationship and although she is gaining weight she is (apparently) too naive to think that that guy will still love her if she puts on a few lbs
If you ask me, a man that is worried about a womans weight gain is more worried about what other people are thinking instead of worrying about hurting her feelings
and only hs lifter would say "your cholesterol" wen she asks whats up
I spent 13 years being with a man who left me at home with the kids, didnt worry about me or whatever.....while he ran off to Florida for camp with baseball tryouts
while he played softball every weekend, went boating, fishing whatever the hell he wanted to do......
take her feelings into consideration here, dont freakin say shes gaining weight, if ur worried about it, urge her to go work out with you..walk with her.....
Maybe shes taking birth control that makes a woman gain weight.....and why is she taking that birth control???????? because shes having sex with you dang
How can a man force himself to be aroused when he's not? We can't hide it, we can't fake it. I actually think the world, as far as relatinships go, would be a much better place if men could be as accepting as women. I would probably feel worse about the fact that I couldn't perform, than I would about her actual weight gain. I love her dearly, but 100 extra pounds would kill my libido.
My mother in Law is morbidly obese. Wifey & I spoke about it in the early years. She agrees with me. She admitted to me once that my size sometimes bothers her, but she does most of the cooking, & she doesn't try very hard to help me with it.
My mother in Law is morbidly obese. Wifey & I spoke about it in the early years. She agrees with me. She admitted to me once that my size sometimes bothers her, but she does most of the cooking, & she doesn't try very hard to help me with it.
TheOak84 said:is it wrong to not have sex with ur gf cuz shes fat. (or gotten fat)
her body is beginning to be unappealing.
if she was expecting, itd be different
shes just plain lazy.
help peeps
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=411797
You want this size?
Why cant they force themselves to be aroused???hidngod said:
Women do it everyday
and you see how bad it makes you feel when she says your size bothers her?
women have a different view of themselves than men do......i know my self esteem sucks...and ya know.....having a man tell me im too big for him to get aroused sucks
just cause yours or any other relationship has its issues doesnt mean being a fat ugly slob is justififed.SoKlueles said:
its like a slap in joe's face, i mean fuck, look at that guys back, he works his ass off and is a house...the least she can do is put some effort into HER appearance.
i say, if u love her, that u wanna take her to the gym with u...tell her that she needs to lose some weight, bcause youtake health and fitness to seriously to stand by someone who doesnt care about their own health, and it hurts YOU to see her unhealthy.
its not about her being a fat ugly pig (it is, but thats not what ur gunna tell her) its about her health, and you having someone to take care of you when ur old, not other way around
aandd
New member
Man, I am really struggling with this response. I've actually typed it out twice now and ended up closing the window before replying. For what it's worth, here is how I feel. (damn this got long... sorry)
If you have kids and it is important for you to be involved in your kids life on a daily basis... then you really have no choice but to suck it up and deal with the situation. I know my husband wouldn't leave me if I gained a lot of weight - but he wouldn't be attracted to me and we would essentially be living seperate lives until I decided to take care of my health.
If she is JUST a girlfriend, no kids, etc.... Then my answer is completely different. If she has gained this much weight NOW and is not willing to do anything about it.. it may not get better as your r'ship goes on and she feels comfortable and accepted by you at her larger size.
There are a number of things to consider here, if she is just a girlfriend:
1. You and she have different priorities. You are concerned with your physique and health, and willing to work to maintain it. She is not. If she doesn't get her weight under control (going by your mentioning that she was lazy) then you will find her most likely unwilling to go out, very sedentary, and on a completely different planet than you as far as diet and exercize goes.
2. You are already beginning to find her physically unappealing... and as great as love is, a marriage is unlikely to be successful without a robust sex life. You will want to stray, she will eat because you are cheating.... if you have kids in the future they will most certainly be the ones to suffer in the end.
3. If she is sedentary and not concerned about her weight gain, that will not improve when she has children. Using me as an example: I have never had weight problems. I had a healthy metabolism, never had to diet or exercize. I was a size 4 to 6 when I got pregnant the first time. On the other side of the pregnancy I had gained FIFTY pounds and was a size 12. It didn't really phase me much since I had never had to worry about my weight and I stayed there for 3.5 years until I finally realized that I needed to step up and clean up my diet and start exercizing so that my kids learned good habits.
If you have kids and it is important for you to be involved in your kids life on a daily basis... then you really have no choice but to suck it up and deal with the situation. I know my husband wouldn't leave me if I gained a lot of weight - but he wouldn't be attracted to me and we would essentially be living seperate lives until I decided to take care of my health.
If she is JUST a girlfriend, no kids, etc.... Then my answer is completely different. If she has gained this much weight NOW and is not willing to do anything about it.. it may not get better as your r'ship goes on and she feels comfortable and accepted by you at her larger size.
There are a number of things to consider here, if she is just a girlfriend:
1. You and she have different priorities. You are concerned with your physique and health, and willing to work to maintain it. She is not. If she doesn't get her weight under control (going by your mentioning that she was lazy) then you will find her most likely unwilling to go out, very sedentary, and on a completely different planet than you as far as diet and exercize goes.
2. You are already beginning to find her physically unappealing... and as great as love is, a marriage is unlikely to be successful without a robust sex life. You will want to stray, she will eat because you are cheating.... if you have kids in the future they will most certainly be the ones to suffer in the end.
3. If she is sedentary and not concerned about her weight gain, that will not improve when she has children. Using me as an example: I have never had weight problems. I had a healthy metabolism, never had to diet or exercize. I was a size 4 to 6 when I got pregnant the first time. On the other side of the pregnancy I had gained FIFTY pounds and was a size 12. It didn't really phase me much since I had never had to worry about my weight and I stayed there for 3.5 years until I finally realized that I needed to step up and clean up my diet and start exercizing so that my kids learned good habits.
aandd
New member
Mr. dB said:
you and I are saying the same thing.
Even going beyond that... weight could become an issue in their everyday life. She may not be up to sight-seeing, hiking, traveling, sports, etc that he gets involved in.This is all of course making ASSumptions as to her current and future weight.
I realize this, but there is a major physiological difference, re erections etc.SoKlueles said:
This is one of the reasons I was very reluctant to post here. I know how bad it would feel to her. I know about self esteem issues. But, how can I change something so basic. I was first attracted to my wife for certain reasons. Over the years things change, I love her dearly, & our sex life is, frankly, better than at 18. If she would gain 100 lbs I would love her, but I 'think' the lust may be impaired. The basic physical attraction would be lost. I'm not saying 150 or even 200, but 250-300. I hate to actually put a weight on it because I would rather sleep with Delta Burke than Paris Hilton. But it would say to me, that she didn't care about something that is so important to me. I am trying to look good for her 'cause I would hate to lose her to someone else. I would hope she would do the same.SoKlueles said:
BTW, it took me 1/2 hr to do this post.
I will now go away.
I had to edit my last comment.
Carry On!
Last edited:
TheOak84 said:is it wrong to not have sex with ur gf cuz shes fat. (or gotten fat)
her body is beginning to be unappealing.
if she was expecting, itd be different
shes just plain lazy.
help peeps
Man, I'm in the same boat as you. My wife has put on a few pounds the last couple years. Not that she is fat, but the whole cottage cheese ass and boobs are sagging topped with the whole stretch marks after the kid make my hand more tempting to sleep with than her. I try to get her to come to the gym or do some calesthinics with me at home but she wants to lay on the couch and eat chips instead. If it weren't for my kid I would just move on, so be careful because if she is like that now just imagine a few years down the road.
Maybe she's just worn out. You & I know that going to the gym is energizing, but if you don't KNOW that, you're not gonna want to do it.danaf1 said:
Try finding interesting stuff to do. Ride real bicycles, play golf (& walk the course). Tell her it excites you to see her sweat.
Good luck.
hidngod said:
I tried to convince her to just do some minor things in hopes that she would see that working out will make her feel better as well but it is always unsuccessful. She says going to the gym is too difficult because there is no one to watch the kid(even though I offered to go at a different time so I could stay with the kid). She told me if I designed a calesthinic routine for her she would do it at home but every time I do this she doesn't even give it a shot. I tried to get her to take a run with me but that doesn't work even when she gives it a shot because I have to stop and wait for her so much I don't get a workout. She seriously can't run 1/4 mile without stopping. I hate running anyway, but I am out of ways to get her to do anything. I have told her I think it is sexy to see a woman getting a little sweaty but it doesn't get me anywhere except "I'll start tomorrow" and endless excuses why she can't start today. She loves watching me workout and of course loves the results but she can't seem to understand it works both ways.
danaf1 said:
First of all....Oak..try to come up with some things to do that are activity related...so she is getting in exercise without really knowing it...if she mentions it to you talk to her about it but NEVER AGREE with her.....just offer advice.....
Yes I think we owe it to our partner to take care of our bodies...BUT..BUT stretch marks from children, sagging boobs from age, and cottage cheese ass can sometimes not be helped no matter what and that kinda shit pisses me off.....I have had three kids and will be 40 in a couple months...I have gained 40-45 pounds twice and 60 pounds the last time....I have taken all that weight off every single time.....for who???My hubby and myself...but he has never ever ever said anything about my body not once.....If he would have I would have most likely kept all the weight on just to piss him off.....
So be gentle and tell her if you have to...but she will never be the same in bed or in just being naked around you...that I can promise you....
Well then you dont see yourself in the future with her then....you dont love her enoughTheOak84 said:
I think the weight thing is just an excuse to break up with her.....and for your sake and her sake, maybe you should
and im not being a butt...it just seems that you really dont find her attractive....and the weight isnt the REAL problem
pintoca
New member
shit man, considering leaving your wife solely based on how she looks is WAY FUCKED UP in my book... try to remember what made you decide you wanted her to be your wife in the first place... was it only looks, then it might have been the wrong decision. Looks don't last forever
Gymgurl said:First of all....Oak..try to come up with some things to do that are activity related...so she is getting in exercise without really knowing it...if she mentions it to you talk to her about it but NEVER AGREE with her.....just offer advice.....
Yes I think we owe it to our partner to take care of our bodies...BUT..BUT stretch marks from children, sagging boobs from age, and cottage cheese ass can sometimes not be helped no matter what and that kinda shit pisses me off.....I have had three kids and will be 40 in a couple months...I have gained 40-45 pounds twice and 60 pounds the last time....I have taken all that weight off every single time.....for who???My hubby and myself...but he has never ever ever said anything about my body not once.....If he would have I would have most likely kept all the weight on just to piss him off.....
So be gentle and tell her if you have to...but she will never be the same in bed or in just being naked around you...that I can promise you....
I've tried about everything I can think of. She doesn't even want to walk the dog yet alone go hiking with me or something like that which doesn't seem like you are just training. I didn't mean anything by the stretch marks, I know they can't be helped and she got them from having my daughter which I greatly respect her for. However, she is not even 21 yet, so the ass and boobs cannot be blamed on age. If she would just do activity of some sort her ass would go back to how it used to be and a little strength training focused in the chest area woyld help bring her boobs up. She is always complaining that I don't want to have sex but she doesn't do anything about it. I am always trying to continously improve my physique for her as well as myself, but she doesn't understand it is a two way road.
Quadsweeps Sister
New member
This is such a tough topic.
My b/f and I have been together a year and 8 months now and we just went out together this past Friday night and it felt like first date excitement (without the first date awkwardness). Its funny how this is the first relationship I've ever had where we both like to get dressed up for one another and make sure we still 'excite' one another sexually and otherwise. We are kind and respectful. Don't get me wrong - we've had our ups and downs, but what I am trying to stress is the important of keeping things fresh and exciting...all the while maintaining respect for one another.
I think first try to think about the period of time when she first started to gain. Can you remember if anything triggered this? Has your relationship experienced any changes outside of the visual change you 'see' in her? Is she experiencing some health problems or problems at work, etc.
Not everyone is athletic and maybe she isn't a gym-goer. What attracted you to this women? What other interests do you share?
Maybe looking a little deeper into her daily life may shed some additional light on what may be going on. Sudden weight gain usually happens for a reason. If you love her I am sure you will find a way to talk without too much hurt. Sexual attraction and intimacy are both parts of a relationship and need to be addressed or other problems will arise. Take care.
__________________
Mythicwrld
"We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support. Strength needs it far more."
My b/f and I have been together a year and 8 months now and we just went out together this past Friday night and it felt like first date excitement (without the first date awkwardness). Its funny how this is the first relationship I've ever had where we both like to get dressed up for one another and make sure we still 'excite' one another sexually and otherwise. We are kind and respectful. Don't get me wrong - we've had our ups and downs, but what I am trying to stress is the important of keeping things fresh and exciting...all the while maintaining respect for one another.
I think first try to think about the period of time when she first started to gain. Can you remember if anything triggered this? Has your relationship experienced any changes outside of the visual change you 'see' in her? Is she experiencing some health problems or problems at work, etc.
Not everyone is athletic and maybe she isn't a gym-goer. What attracted you to this women? What other interests do you share?
Maybe looking a little deeper into her daily life may shed some additional light on what may be going on. Sudden weight gain usually happens for a reason. If you love her I am sure you will find a way to talk without too much hurt. Sexual attraction and intimacy are both parts of a relationship and need to be addressed or other problems will arise. Take care.
__________________
Mythicwrld
"We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support. Strength needs it far more."
shes basically a lazy person, who likes to eat.. has no motivation and a gym membership
i try to get her to go with me, and she does, but once a week, which isnt enough.
she thinks working out hard once a week is good enough, i try to tell her consistency. and watch your calories. her waist is bigger then mine... when im with a girl, i wanna feel bigger then her, and i wanna put my arm around her waist, not a luv handle, but im getting tired of wasting my breath on a person who doesnt wanna be healthy.
i work hard and i workout hard, i just want a girl that does the same..
its a lifestyle to me. not something i do in the spare time...
i try to get her to go with me, and she does, but once a week, which isnt enough.
she thinks working out hard once a week is good enough, i try to tell her consistency. and watch your calories. her waist is bigger then mine... when im with a girl, i wanna feel bigger then her, and i wanna put my arm around her waist, not a luv handle, but im getting tired of wasting my breath on a person who doesnt wanna be healthy.
i work hard and i workout hard, i just want a girl that does the same..
its a lifestyle to me. not something i do in the spare time...
aandd
New member
danaf1 said:
Not entirely correct. Sagging boobs will not be aleviated by exercize. Boobs are made from fat. If she got serious about diet/exercize/etc her boobs would get SMALLER, not perky like they used to be. And exercize alone won't do much for the cottage cheese look on her ass if her diet isn't in line.
If it affects you that much, maybe you could spring for a boob job and some lipo?
Tweakle
New member
dude come on.. someone who's lazy, chubby, eats crap and isnt interested in working out or improving themselves isn't really a good match for guys with our obsession.
chances are she's just too scared and self concious to go to the gym or start doing cardio outside.. but if she's just too damn lazy to make positive changes in her life, and you don't find her attractive anymore.. well, you're only 21..
chances are she's just too scared and self concious to go to the gym or start doing cardio outside.. but if she's just too damn lazy to make positive changes in her life, and you don't find her attractive anymore.. well, you're only 21..
S
SexyJen
Guest
Just dump that plumper! if she loved you she would take care of herself and look silm and sexy for you. my ex boyfriend gained a shitload of weight after we were together for awhile so i dumped his fat ass and i have no regrets about it. why should i have to date a lazy fat slob when i go to the gym everyday, watch my diet,wear nice clothes am well groomed etc......i now have a hot muscular guy and we have awesome sex! i have a big problem with fatness its just soooo nasty to me..
Swole_2112
New member
I've had the same problem with my g/f in the past. She has something of a weight problem. For the longest time, I tried to steer her toward healthy eating and exercise, but, she took none of it seriously. Or, if she did, she would for about a month and then come off the wagon.
I love her tremendously and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. But, my sexual attraction for her isn't always there. Her and I have talked about it before, and she has suspected that the reason why I don't feel such lust for her IS because of her weight, but I could never let on that that is actually the reason.
Like GG said, I never actually come out and say any of it. Whenever she expresses the interest or a need to eat right and exercise, I pounce on the opportunity. I try pretty hard to put her on a regimen that she can maintain. After several failed attempts, I think I might have succeeded this time. I think she may actually stick too it.
With my reasonably time intensive experience, let me give these words of advice, never straight out say, "Honey, you need to lose weight." No good will come of it. Least of all, a smaller reading when she steps on the scale. Next, try to do the food shopping, yourself. Diet will take her a long way. Next, see if you can make some kind of a deal with her, such that she is committed to proper nutrition and exercise just long enough for her to see some results. Maybe, if she sees some changes, she'll continue on her own.
Remember, if you love her, then you love her. Her weight should not change that. But, it is not unreasonable for you to expect her to get into shape if you are dedicated to being healthy. Like several people here have said, it's a two way street. After all, I'm sure she enjoys all the perks of you being in shape.
I love her tremendously and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. But, my sexual attraction for her isn't always there. Her and I have talked about it before, and she has suspected that the reason why I don't feel such lust for her IS because of her weight, but I could never let on that that is actually the reason.
Like GG said, I never actually come out and say any of it. Whenever she expresses the interest or a need to eat right and exercise, I pounce on the opportunity. I try pretty hard to put her on a regimen that she can maintain. After several failed attempts, I think I might have succeeded this time. I think she may actually stick too it.
With my reasonably time intensive experience, let me give these words of advice, never straight out say, "Honey, you need to lose weight." No good will come of it. Least of all, a smaller reading when she steps on the scale. Next, try to do the food shopping, yourself. Diet will take her a long way. Next, see if you can make some kind of a deal with her, such that she is committed to proper nutrition and exercise just long enough for her to see some results. Maybe, if she sees some changes, she'll continue on her own.
Remember, if you love her, then you love her. Her weight should not change that. But, it is not unreasonable for you to expect her to get into shape if you are dedicated to being healthy. Like several people here have said, it's a two way street. After all, I'm sure she enjoys all the perks of you being in shape.
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