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does anyone here struggle with anxiety / depression ??

A

almost-pro

New member
I have since i was 19 or so.. been on and off tons of meds since then. my most recent which i am currently on was 200mg of zoloft (yea i know, HIGH) along with 6mg klonopin/day, 60mg buspar, and 10mg ambien at night(for sleep.)

Over the course of 6 months, although it has caused me many days of not wanting to even get out of the bed and many nights of not sleeping I have cut back to 50mg of zoloft ED, 30mg of buspar ED and completely off the klon's, and ambien as needed. I am starting to come around and see things more clearly now but it is still hard as hell to do this. I am doing it under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has struggled with this sort of thing? I think the roughest part is over now... in the beginning there were times I would just start crying for no reason at all and at night I would lie awake sweating... i felt like a heroin addict or something. I do feel better now and more like myself but I still have bad bouts of depression and anxiety that just make me want to stay in the bed all day. I don't let it stop me from going to work, but I will admit that on the weekends I do alot of sleeping and laying around.
 
I used to be on depression meds, shit never worked for me in the least. sounds cheesy but lifting is always what helped me out, natural endorphins
 
What is causing the depression?

I have been struggling with severe depression even though I am a very positive/happy person by nature. I have SEVERELY depressing issues that permeate every aspect of my life so I try to not use meds as I hate to be drug dependant but when I got so bad that I was actually hallucinating, having panic attacks during sleep and otherwise pleasant social situations, night terrors, etc... I knew I needed some help to regulate my body's physiological responses to NORMAL daily stresses. Once I got my body under control I weaned myself off the meds slowly - MY GOD WAS THAT A NIGHTMARE. I had what I call *brain farts* where for just a few seconds (but it seemed like FOREVER) my mind just wouldn't function. It would like "misfire".... hated it.

My life situation hasn't changed but I do deal better now that I have a supportive husband and plenty of projects to keep my mind from grieving literally every second of every day... but it's still very hard. There are DAYS when I don't shower or even get out of bed. If I make it to the gym though, I ALWAYS feel better.
 
my psychiatrist or myself have never been able to link the depression with one major event in my life. i just know that i have always seemed to stress over everyday things and turn them into huge ordeals that lead to depression and panic. i just started feeling this way shortly after high school and i delt with it for a year until a doc at a local clinic put me on paxil. things actually went downhill with a few high spots after that. im now 26 and have the mental strength (god knows how) to tell my psych to take me off the meds. some days completely suck and some days are fairly decent. i am hoping that my body will adjust to being off the meds soon and i can function normally again. I don't understand how my body actually feels better taking HALF the dose than it did when my doses were HUGE. I am coming up on my 1 year seperation from my wife which is causing me a big set back because of having to deal with all of that crap....
 
string_bean00 said:
I used to be on depression meds, shit never worked for me in the least. sounds cheesy but lifting is always what helped me out, natural endorphins
Click to expand...

how long were you on them? They don't work overnight
 
the_clockwork said:
how long were you on them? They don't work overnight
Click to expand...

it was a few years ago, not that long, like 6 months or something. but to be fair the doc was always changing up my scripts so I never got used to one, I just quit taking them
 
as a long time survivor of this non-sense, i have to say the most important factor is choice. you have to choose wellness. wiki: mindfulness, it's being used as a treatment now, it may help....
 
HumanTarget said:
as a long time survivor of this non-sense, i have to say the most important factor is choice. you have to choose wellness. wiki: mindfulness, it's being used as a treatment now, it may help....
Click to expand...

I concurr... you have to learn to change negative patterns and opt for better choices in your behaviors so as to stop the downward spiral of negativity.

As soon as I felt my body's physiological responses becoming proportional to the level of stress of any given stimulus, I weaned myself off the drug slowly. I can't remember the name of it now. Was a year ago... The drugs helped me to regain control over my body but it did not *make the depression* stop.

I fully recognize that the main contributing factor of my depression isn't going to magically go away any time soon so I have to CHOOSE to WANT to live every minute of every day. Some days are better than others, but if at day's end I still have hope, then I am somewhat satisfied with that 24 hours past and look forward to the next 24 hours in the hopes that *today* I will make things better.

Wanting to change and wanting to live (imho) is half the battle. Learning to identify negative triggers and finding more positive options or dealing with/eliminating those triggers is the other half.

I am no shrink nor do I have any sort of formal schooling on the subject. I am only relaying my personal experience.

I hope that I have helped in a small way.
 
HumanTarget said:
as a long time survivor of this non-sense, i have to say the most important factor is choice. you have to choose wellness. wiki: mindfulness, it's being used as a treatment now, it may help....
Click to expand...
great post.
 
listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer (his weekly show can be downloaded in the archives of Hayhouse radio)...he will help you think about solutions.
 
You are not alone bro, I have battled depression for years, and outside looking in you would wonder why someone like me is depressed. I have ALOT going for me in my life, unfortunately I have this void that I can't seem to fill.

I just got off all my meds too, as I felt they did more harm than good, and believe me I tried alot of them for long periods of time. Everyday is a struggle for me, and I fake my way through so nobody really sees or understands what's going through my head.
 
Have you looked into Gabapentin or Lyrica (duolexine) for anxiety? They have uses as anxiolytics with little to no potential side effects, with a very high dosing roof. If your doctor/psych is unfamiliar with their use for anxiety in the US, direct him or her to UK literature, where they are prescribed for such. Gabapentin is not controlled, and Lyrica is CV.

I know the head-clouding effects of benzos and like drugs, so I would suggest doing anything possible to get off of them.

For further input and ideas about what you can do, I would suggest checking out www.bluelight.ru and making a post in the basic or other drugs forums. I have read many informative posts and personal experiences on this subject that could be of much use to you.



:cow:
 
You need to be careful while you're coming off the meds.
You may think you're over the worst, but badness can sneak up on you.
My mother went off hers and then tried to kill herself a few months later.
Just make sure that you work closely with your doctor and dont ignore increased symptoms of depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.
 
little bit of both but meds worked for me--the important thing to remember is, for the most part, clinical depression is a chemical imbalance and no amount of positive thought will work for most people. best of luck bro
 
almost-pro said:
I have since i was 19 or so.. been on and off tons of meds since then. my most recent which i am currently on was 200mg of zoloft (yea i know, HIGH) along with 6mg klonopin/day, 60mg buspar, and 10mg ambien at night(for sleep.)

Over the course of 6 months, although it has caused me many days of not wanting to even get out of the bed and many nights of not sleeping I have cut back to 50mg of zoloft ED, 30mg of buspar ED and completely off the klon's, and ambien as needed. I am starting to come around and see things more clearly now but it is still hard as hell to do this. I am doing it under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has struggled with this sort of thing? I think the roughest part is over now... in the beginning there were times I would just start crying for no reason at all and at night I would lie awake sweating... i felt like a heroin addict or something. I do feel better now and more like myself but I still have bad bouts of depression and anxiety that just make me want to stay in the bed all day. I don't let it stop me from going to work, but I will admit that on the weekends I do alot of sleeping and laying around.
Click to expand...

Listen,
go to the doctor and have a full HORMONAL check done(test, estrogen, HGH etc, . It's an expensive test but worth every penny. Do not accept BS answers like I got from my doc that "your test level is a little low but you are ok".....bull crap, low test and high estrogen can make grown ass guys cry like little girls.
I'm not saying that there isn't other medical condition wrong with you,but from my experience ever since I start going to the gym many years ago, I stopped any depression....period! As long as I check my hormons on regular bases I'm ok and never been better. In other words I keep my test normal-high and estrogen low if you get my meaning :)
Sometimes our bodies just go into a funk and never come out of it unless forced.
Be smart and follow this road, with hormonal manipulation you can make your body to do anything you want or just bring it to normal so you can enjoy life. Many ppl may say that this is too extreme.....oh well if taking anti-depresants is the normal way then I'm wrong and the minority.
Good luck to you and I hope you take charge of you life, bro
 
It sucks, but man the fuck up.
 
lack of reinforcement can cause depression & anxiety. try eliminating the negatives. or, sometimes it's just a matter of maladaptive coping skills.
 
Mavafanculo said:
Unfortunately, if it's endogenous - neurochemical- , this is like telling somebody to "just be taller"
Click to expand...

Yep that's often the case. I love the drug Klonopin, been on it 9 years, but it's more addictive than heroin and I slightly panicked this morning when I thought I left my bag in my wife's car as she left for work.. I was starting to feel withdrawal symptoms as I forgot to take my medicine on time. Anybody know what those withdrawal symtoms feel like?? Not fun.
 
I've battled this one for more than a decade and it seems like recovery is a two step process. For step one, you'll need a shrink, who's responsive to your needs, and ready to prescribe meds. I've found that the best way to look at meds is as stepping stones rather than permanent solutions. If anxiety and depression are disrupting your professional and/or personal life, you need a solution NOW and meds can be the remedy. When I say "meds," I mean a good SSRI like Celexa, which is terrific for anxiety and depression, or Lexapro, and not sedatives like Klonopin or Xanax, which are indicated for acute panic attacks and, as noted above, highly addictive.

Once the meds have you stabilized, you then need to find a good therapist who can help you figure out where this depression/anxiety came from in the first place and what behavioral modifications you can make to fix things permanently. This is where the whole "wellness as choice" thing comes in. Once you've accomplished that, you can explore slowly coming off of the medication.
 
What many people fail to realize is that it's often biological in nature and no amount of therapy can fix that. That's like saying that therapy can cure a Parkinson's patient.
 
I really struggle with anxiety the most......Sometimes it is paralyzing almost where I can't function
 
mightymouse69 said:
how about a massage at those time?
Click to expand...

I love massages. Especially ball massages.
 
being active in your own recovery is key. i've been completely med free for about 3 months now. i still feel the old feelings at times, but i've learned that nothing lasts forever, including misery....
 
hanselthecaretaker said:
It sucks, but man the fuck up.
Click to expand...

obviously you speak from complete ignorance of depression, when one doesn't have a clue as to the subject matter and a right or wrong answer, that may be the thread you don't post in, fyi... If that worked for you, you didn't suffer from organic depression like this guy is asking help on...
 
almost-pro said:
I have since i was 19 or so.. been on and off tons of meds since then. my most recent which i am currently on was 200mg of zoloft (yea i know, HIGH) along with 6mg klonopin/day, 60mg buspar, and 10mg ambien at night(for sleep.)

Over the course of 6 months, although it has caused me many days of not wanting to even get out of the bed and many nights of not sleeping I have cut back to 50mg of zoloft ED, 30mg of buspar ED and completely off the klon's, and ambien as needed. I am starting to come around and see things more clearly now but it is still hard as hell to do this. I am doing it under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has struggled with this sort of thing? I think the roughest part is over now... in the beginning there were times I would just start crying for no reason at all and at night I would lie awake sweating... i felt like a heroin addict or something. I do feel better now and more like myself but I still have bad bouts of depression and anxiety that just make me want to stay in the bed all day. I don't let it stop me from going to work, but I will admit that on the weekends I do alot of sleeping and laying around.
Click to expand...

1) weed off the drugs
2) weed off the drugs
3) read #1

4) get out, clear your mind, focus what you want to do in life, relax, remember 90% of people are good, then go out and start that path to reaching those goals.

You don't need drugs. 99.9% do NOT have mental problems. Just stress of life.

When life got to me, i jumped in my car, and started driving across country. Stopping by little diners, bed & breakfasts, and cottages. Meeting all kinds of cool, fun people. Having dinners with them. Opening my mind to how my other fellow Americans lived. Saw lotsa cool monuments and rediscovered so much history.

If life sucks - then change direction, and kick-start it again. You're not 45 and preparing to grow old and die. You still have many years. It's up to YOU to make those years count. If you don't care about yourself - society won't give a shit about you either. Society respects people who do, not people who dream.

good luck.

oh and WEED off those drugs. Those drugs can fuck-up young developing minds big-time.
 
biteme said:
Yep that's often the case. I love the drug Klonopin, been on it 9 years, but it's more addictive than heroin and I slightly panicked this morning when I thought I left my bag in my wife's car as she left for work.. I was starting to feel withdrawal symptoms as I forgot to take my medicine on time. Anybody know what those withdrawal symtoms feel like?? Not fun.
Click to expand...

clonozapam ( Klonopin)- .5mgs fro the last 7 years, I have adult ADD w/ anxiety, especially in the morning, but with the little yelow pill, for about 2-3 hours it kinda holds the fort down till I get shit goin. I wish I would have been diagnosed 30 years earlier, could have saved thousands on the bar tabs tryin to do the same thing myself...
 
last 2 days, i got the shakes so bad, i almost went to work with half of my face shaved. losing control is terrifying, but i find solace in knowing that i'll have it back soon....
 
HumanTarget said:
last 2 days, i got the shakes so bad, i almost went to work with half of my face shaved. losing control is terrifying, but i find solace in knowing that i'll have it back soon....
Click to expand...


good post. this is the attitude I am trying to have now.
 
almost-pro said:
good post. this is the attitude I am trying to have now.
Click to expand...
try, pretend, do. these are things that lead to behavior. it's in your best interest to put on whatever face you must to make your life yours. emotions lie to you. they aren't the end all, be all. you can feel any way you choose; it's all about control & not letting outer stimulus dictate your destiny...
 
HumanTarget said:
try, pretend, do. these are things that lead to behavior. it's in your best interest to put on whatever face you must to make your life yours. emotions lie to you. they aren't the end all, be all. you can feel any way you choose; it's all about control & not letting outer stimulus dictate your destiny...
Click to expand...

good way to look @ things
 
almost-pro said:
good way to look @ things
Click to expand...
no one is going to help you more than yourself. read up on it, and get as involved with your own recovery as you can. psychiatrists and therapists can only do so much, most of it is giving you a direction or a plan. whether you follow it or not is your decision.....
 
almost-pro said:
good post. this is the attitude I am trying to have now.
Click to expand...

one thing that I used to do when the shit had me goin' outa my mind it seemed. I had to sort out what was a real and what was just my mind fuckin' with me. I was usually dwelling on a particuliar subject that I had reacted badly to, a situation that I embarrased myself ( used to drink alot and often, led to many situations that I made a complete fool of myself, wrecked cars, etc), things that 'might" happen "if" that happened, etc. What I had to do to get myself back to reality was actually think, " that's the past, can't help change that, so I shouldn't have anxiaty on that subject, it's gone, done, over" or " that has not happened, why worry about what may happen till it does", and start doing the things to make shure that it won't. I found that sitting still and sorting things out would stop the runaway thoughts of "impending doom". Then, take small steps to help move me in the right direction. Need a job, start making calls and getting interviews set up. Relationship problem, start the process, however small, to remedy the problem, etc. After I had started the ball rolling in a positive way, things just didnt seem so insurmountable anymore.
Been there, done that. Shit sucks.
To end on a lighter note, it does get better....
Tx
 
txbondsman said:
one thing that I used to do when the shit had me goin' outa my mind it seemed. I had to sort out what was a real and what was just my mind fuckin' with me. I was usually dwelling on a particuliar subject that I had reacted badly to, a situation that I embarrased myself ( used to drink alot and often, led to many situations that I made a complete fool of myself, wrecked cars, etc), things that 'might" happen "if" that happened, etc. What I had to do to get myself back to reality was actually think, " that's the past, can't help change that, so I shouldn't have anxiaty on that subject, it's gone, done, over" or " that has not happened, why worry about what may happen till it does", and start doing the things to make shure that it won't. I found that sitting still and sorting things out would stop the runaway thoughts of "impending doom". Then, take small steps to help move me in the right direction. Need a job, start making calls and getting interviews set up. Relationship problem, start the process, however small, to remedy the problem, etc. After I had started the ball rolling in a positive way, things just didnt seem so insurmountable anymore.
Been there, done that. Shit sucks.
To end on a lighter note, it does get better....
Tx
Click to expand...

thanks for the advice - solid.
 
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