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Do you think kids should be allowed to choose their own friends?
- Thread starter cindylou
- Start date
I don't recall anyone ever picking my friends for me. If i had friends my parents were suspicious of, they might tell me that but they never told me i wasn't allowed to be friends with anyone.
Likewise, my son has always chosen his own friends. Now, there have been one or two that i have said can't spend the night bc they're too hyper/obnoxious. When he gets to HS, i'll keep an eye on who he is hanging out with. If i really think someone is a bad influence or a bad kud, i'll tell him what i think. The kid would have to be up to no good/criminal/dangerous/using drugs for me to ban him as a friend. I guess we'll see how it all pans out
Likewise, my son has always chosen his own friends. Now, there have been one or two that i have said can't spend the night bc they're too hyper/obnoxious. When he gets to HS, i'll keep an eye on who he is hanging out with. If i really think someone is a bad influence or a bad kud, i'll tell him what i think. The kid would have to be up to no good/criminal/dangerous/using drugs for me to ban him as a friend. I guess we'll see how it all pans out
My best friends mom banned her from being friends with me in 8th grade. We stayed friends secretly for like a year. Had a falling out. Became friends again in college and now were Besties again.
That was ridiculous and for a ridiculous reason
I don't think parents should have a say unless a friendship actually becomes harmful.
That was ridiculous and for a ridiculous reason
I don't think parents should have a say unless a friendship actually becomes harmful.
Mine did, or tried. I never picked friends that were good enough for my father. When I was picking up Abby yesterday my Dad made a comment that kids are not developed enough to make good choices until they are 20 (!) and that parents should have a major role and be able to control who they spend their time around because one bad influence could ruin their lives. I completely disagree, and we kinda got in a small argument over it lol. Just curious if I was the only one that thought that kids and teens should be free to choose who they spend time with outside of a major bad influences, and even then I'm not sure how much control a parent has over it.
That's partly true.
But it doesn't matter because you can't shelter a kid. I think sometimes if you don't let your kid make mistakes early in life, they'll make them later...usually with worse repercussions as an adult. Just my opinion. I don't have kids yet but that's how I think I'll play it.
I agree with you! That being said, I really hope my kid doesn't want to be one of those obnoxious atheists, and I say that not trying to disrespect anyone on the forum, but I think the chances of that are slim. If she turns out to be an atheist at least she would be the tolerant kind I hope.
Religion is so personal I think almost no control over that. Its not really something I worry about too much.
That's exactly what I said. Is it better to make mistakes at 14 or at 30? I say its better at 14, you have more time to recover.
What was the reason that your best friends mom banned her from being friends with you?
Bc I introduced her to this kid Justin who my friend in public school introduced me to. And my friend was like in love with this kid so she would save their IMs and stuff. Then one day, her mom decided to check her emails and stuf and found an IM from him saying something about how the boys at our Catholic school were pussies an she didn't like that word. So she banned ME from seeing her, as if that made sense. I wasn't even in the conversation. She called my parents to tell them too.
And my parents didn't do shit to me bc I obv didn't do anything.
And she secretly "dated" that kid for like 7 months which is a lifetime in 13-14 year old time.
Wow, thats pretty overbearing. I was banned from being best friends with my kindred spirited soulmate best friend after being friends with her for years. The reason he gave was that our friendship was becoming too intense and she wasn't a Christian and we were not "equally yoked" and I lost it and my Dad and I became enemies for a short while.
I can't believe he still thinks he did the right thing. Pissed me off a little. hahaha.
Christianity at its best!!
It got really dirty between us (my father and I) and the story has tragic details though I was able to repair my relationship with my Dad and we are now very close. I just thought he considered that a mistake, it kinda hurt to hear that he was still stubbornly holding his ground on that one.
Oh well. I won't do that to Abby.
If your friend hopped on some gear she could have gotten equally yoked
uamaverick
New member
Feedz got caught sucking her friend's dad's cock.
digimon7068
New member
of course they should be allowed to...and i should be allowed to (and sometimes do) disapprove of them...i'm their parent, not their friend.
bigpokey
Banned
fyp
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EarthRider
Guest
this
digimon7068
New member
yeah...like...because i fucking said so
our girls are getting a little older now so we occassionally sit them down and make sure they understand the reason for some of our decisions but, it's still a totalitarian regime...and by totalitarian i mean, my wife is in charge of domestic affairs and we all do wtf she says...or else
if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy, capiche??
mrplunkey
New member
yeah...like...because i fucking said so
our girls are getting a little older now so we occassionally sit them down and make sure they understand the reason for some of our decisions but, it's still a totalitarian regime...and by totalitarian i mean, my wife is in charge of domestic affairs and we all do wtf she says...or else
if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy, capiche??
Truth be told, yeah -- it is because I say so.
But especially as they get older (11+), I do share some of my reasoning with them.
digimon7068
New member
yup...the girls turned 12 in april...and they're real friggin' smart...we sit down and explain shit to them all the time...we have to...we made them smart...we taught them to ask questions...we taught them to look for the reasons why...we taught them to not accept things for face value...so, sure, we give explanations but they know where the rubber meets the road.
mrplunkey
New member
God help your soul.
They're perfect till around 11. Then they lose their minds for a few years.
You'll know when it starts. They'll turn on their mother first.
digimon7068
New member
done...they were all yelling at each other this morning (like they do every morning) before church and i was in the bathroom brushing my son's teeth...he spit in the sink and then looked at me and said "dad...i want a brother"...i about pissed my pants laughing
BBR100
New member
My daughter's 14 and I've been fortunate so far. She's a smart kid. She's made decisions to drop friends for inappropriate behaviour with boys, drugs/alcohol etc on her own. I know there's a lot she doesn't share with me but on some important issues she's been able to come to me.
Plunkey and Digi are right. Parent first and I have to have final call.
Plunkey and Digi are right. Parent first and I have to have final call.
done...they were all yelling at each other this morning (like they do every morning) before church and i was in the bathroom brushing my son's teeth...he spit in the sink and then looked at me and said "dad...i want a brother"...i about pissed my pants laughing
I think it's awesome when kids say something on point like that often they are so much smarter than they are given credit for. I'd agree with what most have said they are aloud to pick there friends within reason if someone is a real screw up and it affects your child than you get veto for sure.
As for picking your religion I mean do you really have a choice? I was raised catholic you get baptized when you are a baby any choice there? No
Then I went to catholic school and really all your friends are doing first communion at 7 are you going to say no? Probably not than when you are 14 confirmation again all your friends are doing it they put fun retreats around it you are probably not going to say no either.
Now I am not really anything. I believe in faith but not in the biblical sense.
digimon7068
New member
I'd agree with what most have said they are aloud to pick there friends within reason if someone is a real screw up and it affects your child than you get veto for sure.
As for picking your religion I mean do you really have a choice? I was raised catholic you get baptized when you are a baby any choice there? No
Then I went to catholic school and really all your friends are doing first communion at 7 are you going to say no? Probably not than when you are 14 confirmation again all your friends are doing it they put fun retreats around it you are probably not going to say no either.
Now I am not really anything. I believe in faith but not in the biblical sense.
it really was funny...after we were done brushing teeth and combing hair, i marched him into the livingroom where the argument (about God know's what) was still going on and i said "tell your mom what you just told me" and he said "mom, i want a brother" and everyone started laughing for about 10 seconds and then the arguing started again and i said "come on, lets go outside and throw the football around for a few minutes before church"...he had a game (flag football) today at 1pm...he threw his first touchdown pass...it was pretty cool
yeah...like...because i fucking said so
our girls are getting a little older now so we occassionally sit them down and make sure they understand the reason for some of our decisions but, it's still a totalitarian regime...and by totalitarian i mean, my wife is in charge of domestic affairs and we all do wtf she says...or else
if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy, capiche??
Lol cute
That is no way how it went down at my house when I was younger. Now he's older he has settled down and I notice my Mom is running things now.
Would you tell a 15-16 year old kid they couldn't hang out with their best friend because you said so?
digimon7068
New member
Lol cute
That is no way how it went down at my house when I was younger. Now he's older he has settled down and I notice my Mom is running things now.
Would you tell a 15-16 year old kid they couldn't hang out with their best friend because you said so?
cross that bridge when i get to it, i s'pose...but, generally speaking...is the best friend a heroin addict? then, yes i ABSolutely would...and if need be, i'd make said best friend disappear. but, is the best friend a different religion or just some odd-ball (e.g., gothic, artsy-fartsy, outcast) or gay or a liberal-treehugging-democrat or whatever? then, no...that would be stepping out of bounds imho...however, with that said, i would respectfully defer to what-ever-the-hell my wife says, cuz she's gonna have the final word anyway.
mrplunkey
New member
cross that bridge when i get to it, i s'pose...but, generally speaking...is the best friend a heroin addict? then, yes i ABSolutely would...and if need be, i'd make said best friend disappear. but, is the best friend a different religion or just some odd-ball (e.g., gothic, artsy-fartsy, outcast) or gay or a liberal-treehugging-democrat or whatever? then, no...that would be stepping out of bounds imho...however, with that said, i would respectfully defer to what-ever-the-hell my wife says, cuz she's gonna have the final word anyway.
Exactly.
When they get 14-15, you need more support for your argument.
Part of the trick is to not pick fights that you'll still win, but have to win by playing the "my house = my rules" card.
digimon7068
New member
Lol
I'll always have a soft spot for Catholic men, usually right next to a strong woman.
off topic, but...carrie underwood was on letterman last monday and dang! you really DO look like her!
Lol, Was she really?
I get that a lot. I think she looks like my sister...who is my twin so I must look like her too. Lol. When I visited the Titanic museum the tour guide thought I actually was Carrie, seriously. That was weird. Hahaha.
digimon7068
New member
Lol, Was she really?
digimon7068
New member
she's sexy and funky and she has a killer voice...it was a fun performance...i worked late that night and i flipped on the tv when i got home and she was on.
jnevin
New member
I'd agree with what most have said they are aloud to pick there friends within reason if someone is a real screw up and it affects your child than you get veto for sure.
As for picking your religion I mean do you really have a choice? I was raised catholic you get baptized when you are a baby any choice there? No
Then I went to catholic school and really all your friends are doing first communion at 7 are you going to say no? Probably not than when you are 14 confirmation again all your friends are doing it they put fun retreats around it you are probably not going to say no either.
Now I am not really anything. I believe in faith but not in the biblical sense.
Just because my parents put me in a dress and had some possible child molester put salt on my tongue and pour water on my head doesn't mean I'm catholic for life.
I was raised in a catholic environment and it pretty much helped me choose to be agnostic
It's actually more like 25. Frontal lobe development takes some time, generally longer than the rest of the brain. That's the part that is related to decision making, planning (long-term thinking), assessing risk, etc.
That's why you can't rent a car until you're 25.
E
EarthRider
Guest
i think most parents let there kids pick there own friends. if they make bad choices then you go from there.
we will let Lyla and Lily pick there friends. But if we notice there are some girls they shouldn't hang out with, we will let them know. I wont care if they still talk to them and such, but wouldn't be able to go to there home and things like that. parents still know what's best for the kids
we will let Lyla and Lily pick there friends. But if we notice there are some girls they shouldn't hang out with, we will let them know. I wont care if they still talk to them and such, but wouldn't be able to go to there home and things like that. parents still know what's best for the kids
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EarthRider
Guest
well i guess when it comes to picking friends i think it's ok. some parents just are bad but others aren't. i just know that parents can usually pick up when kids are up to no good. i may have hated some of my parents rules growing up, but now I can appreciate it. I also didn't have strict baptist parents though.
It's actually more like 25. Frontal lobe development takes some time, generally longer than the rest of the brain. That's the part that is related to decision making, planning (long-term thinking), assessing risk, etc.
That's why you can't rent a car until you're 25.
or you know...risk assessment models based on statistical evidence of age groups and accident correlation..
and I just gave you the reason for all that.
neurobiology major...got it...
but you werent concise
and Im taking issue with bullshit today given that I woke up to be called a hog that I didn't think was amusing..at all
but you werent concise
and Im taking issue with bullshit today given that I woke up to be called a hog
that I didn't think was amusing..at all
You can no more pick your children's friends than you can pick their girl/boy friends. If you forbid them from hanging with someone they'll seek that person out just to spite you. The best you can do is raise your children with morals/ethics that enable them to make good relationship, friend or otherwise, choices
Completely agree MM. I figure, I have until she is about 7. I did many things to my father just out of spite. It wasn't something that I sat down and thought through, it was like an involuntary response.
I don't care how hard you try, you can't force someone to be a certain religion. My Dad would sit me down and talk to me for HOURS about a God I didn't know and didn't care about. Why the hell should I care about being equally yoked? I didn't. You can't tell someone to care about something, I don't think anyway.
It wasn't something that I sat down and thought through, it was like an involuntary response.I don't care how hard you try, you can't force someone to be a certain religion. My Dad would sit me down and talk to me for HOURS about a God I didn't know and didn't care about. Why the hell should I care about being equally yoked? I didn't. You can't tell someone to care about something, I don't think anyway.
Religion/spirituality is going to be about what the kid sees you do not what you say. If the kid sees you active and finding fulfillment in your spirituality (whatever that may be) they're going to ask questions and probably want to participate ... now, when they get to be teenagers that may change but most children actually like the idea of deity and find a great deal of comfort in spiritual concepts (at least I found my son did).Completely agree MM. I figure, I have until she is about 7. I did many things to my father just out of spite.
I don't care how hard you try, you can't force someone to be a certain religion. My Dad would sit me down and talk to me for HOURS about a God I didn't know and didn't care about. Why the hell should I care about being equally yoked? I didn't. You can't tell someone to care about something, I don't think anyway.
I'm not arguing with you btw.
Just sayin about the brain thing. For future reference on that, please ask shirlene. She's the expert!!!!111#1
neurobiology major...got it...
but you werent concise
and Im taking issue with bullshit today given that I woke up to be called a hog
I saw that "hog house" thread. This whole time I thought I was reading it wrong. It was "dog house", correct? At least I think it was.
lol if it got changed.
I wasn't like that as a kid but my sister was. She was all involved. She asked my parents how to get "saved" when she was like, four. I was in the same room and my parents asked if I'd "like to be saved" too? I remember standing there like...sh1t this wasn't my idea... but I can't really say no right now can I?
yep. That's what we're going with. Now I just need to remember to pretend to be a good person when the kids are around.
dude...you guys are fucked....my 13 yr old ...thats years, not months
got up last night screaming because shes cutting molars of some variety
got up last night screaming because shes cutting molars of some variety
jnevin
New member
Your parents let you hang out with some shitty spellers.
Crap. Why is she still getting teeth at 13? My 13 yr old pretty much never complained when teething. He complains about lots of other shit now though
idk if its wisdom teeth or what...i was about that age when my wisdom teeth were coming in
I felt really bad for her...loaded her up on ibuprofen and gave her a benadryl cap hoping it would relax the muscles in her jaw cuz I could see her whole face was tight
I felt really bad for her...loaded her up on ibuprofen and gave her a benadryl cap hoping it would relax the muscles in her jaw cuz I could see her whole face was tight
motrin? saving the good stuff for yourself?
Im not givin her serious shit w/o a script..specially shit shes never had before
