Do you ever wonder why you do it?

[Bikini Mod]

If my BF starts to not like it....then FUCK him!!

Funny u should say that. My ex (who I met in the gym, we were lifting partners for ELEVEN YEARS) made the comment, "You are starting to look like a man" when I decided to begin competitive bodybuilding.....

Hence, the phrase "My ex"

HEHehaoehaoheoaheohaoheohaohoahahhahaaaaa

If your man does not find you physically appealing because of your love of lifting to me, it is no different than if he no longer finds you appealing because of the fine lines that come with time. One would hope that a relationship is based on something more than just external appearances. I mean for God's sake, you are doing something to IMPROVE yourself! You are NOT turning into a LARD ASS! SHEESH!

 

[Raina]

My Lord BikiniMom, it's like all of your posts were heaven sent to knock some sense into me lately. Thank you.

My bf and I have worked through SO much BS over the years and now he's having a fit about my lifting/diet. It's SO stupid and shallow. I told him over the weekend that if it didn't stop soon, that I would find someone who would be supportive of me. He says it's "disgusting" for women to be as built as I'd like to be. I am convinced that it has little or nothing to do with me and everything to do with him feeling insecure. It seems absurd for someone to flip out because their SO is working out and eating right. I am angry with the hypocracy of him flipping about all of this when he didn't give a damn when I was not eating or when I was purging. I want to be with someone who supports me and loves me for who I am...and if they're not going to like me with a bigger tighter body, fuck 'em.

Why do I lift?? I love it. I love how it feels when I'm doing it, I love how I feel when I'm pushing myself through the burn of the last few reps, I love seeing the amount of weight on the bar increase, and I love what it does to the appearance of my body. Lifting builds my body and my confidence. I love setting goals, and working my ass off to accomplish them. Pushing myself makes me feel empowered. This entire lifestyle makes me feel more positive.

My family is very supportive of me but my coworkers act like I've announced I'm getting racial slurs tattooed on my face. Seeing me eat like I do now and knowing I lift like I do, they are horrified-- asking why I would "wreck" my body like that. It's more annoying than upsetting. I don't value the nutritional nor fitness advise of people who are grossly out of shape.

 

[Bikini Mod]

It's SO stupid and shallow. I told him over the weekend that if it didn't stop soon, that I would find someone who would be supportive of me. He says it's "disgusting" for women to be as built as I'd like to be. I am convinced that it has little or nothing to do with me and everything to do with him feeling insecure. It seems absurd for someone to flip out because their SO is working out and eating right. I am angry with the hypocracy of him flipping about all of this when he didn't give a damn when I was not eating or when I was purging. I want to be with someone who supports me and loves me for who I am...and if they're not going to like me with a bigger tighter body, fuck 'em.

Print this out and tape it on your bathroom mirror.....

read, re-read and re-read until it sinks in!

It is ALL ABOUT HIS INSECURITY! See, it was fine when you were a skinny little waif tearing yourself down from the inside out, making your self weaker and more subserviant... but heaven forbid you should build yourself up and OH MY GOD!....ACTUALLY GET STRONGER! HEAVENS... WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! A STRONG WOMAN - MY GOD HOW UNNATTRACTIVE IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!

 

[KBgrl]

Raina! yep i got the "disgusting" line from my man too!! i hadnt seen him for a few months so when we saw each other we were just lounging around and he felt my arm and literally freaked out on me!! "KBgrl What the fuck!?!?" then he felt my quad and it was alll down self esteem killing hill. he said my arms were getting bigger than his then he tells me "stop lifting weights... why dont u join one of the aerobics classes like women should" -- YES hes a caveman! after he acted like a 2 yr old asking me to "flex" for him (which of course i didnt!!) he calmed down and said he had no idea how "into this" i really was and that he supported me. He did say to keep going etc..and do what i wanted to do but at the same time making me feel completely unattractive. ugggggghhhhhhhh!!

Raina -- u man is pisses me off. here u are getting over and ED and he wants u to go back to starving urslef. we'll chat later about this one!!

 

[Raina]

Thanks for the support BM and KB!! I should print that out and read it over and over again. That's a good idea.

Even maybe 6 months ago I'd be upset at myself over this. I blamed everything on me. Well, I'm done with that. I'm not doing anything wrong. I could see him freaking out on me like this if I were cheating on him or something, but heaven forbid I express some initiative to improve myself and have my own life. I'm not doing anything wrong-- and I don't know why I feel so strong right now. I'm not going to sit and cry and try to change for him, he's wrong on this one. He can accept me and support me or he can kiss my ass.

For the first time I see myself in the mirror and think "damn girl, you're looking better". Yes I still have ed thoughts, but they seem to decrease every week. I don't want to be a waify sickly pathetic little thing. If he needs a weak pathetic little woman to make him feel like a big strong man, he'll have to find someone else.

It's like when he finds pictures of me from when we first started dating and comments that I looked SO good then. I always say "yeah, and other than the fact that I ate 1-2 pounds of candy a day and got sick hourly, that's a great idea". I've worked my ass off to get to the point where I look healthy-- now I'm kicking it up even more-- and if he doesn't like it, tough luck. I want to be healthy and then some.

Wow-- where did this empowered rant come from.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Raina & KBGirl - I feel you two MORE than you realize.....

Continue to surround yourself with positive reinforcement! Don't EVER let ANYONE TEAR YOU DOWN - EVER!

Remember, you have no control over other people, but YOU DO HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN FEELINGS!

TRUST ME - I KNOW.

 

[Raina]

Alot of people ask me what my husband thinks of me, and what I'm doing. I tell them that I don't know because I've never asked him.

 

[Gladiola]

My Lord BikiniMom, it's like all of your posts were heaven sent to knock some sense into me lately. Thank you.

I so agree!

But, ladies, let me play devil's advocate for a minute here.

We are bashing men who don't like muscle... and yet, there are ladies on here who also don't find the "BBer" look appealing & prefer the 'fitness' look. We don't bash them for that opinion, right?

Personally, I admire the physique of Jenny Worth - Ms. Fitness 2001. I've read that she didn't place well in fitness competitions at first because she was TOO MUSCULAR!!! So even within fitness, too much muscle on a woman was seen as a negative thing.

One of my girlfriends saw a photo of Jenny Worth doing a pull up & thought she was gross--- masculine back. My friend is not against strong women, she is VERY strong & proud of her biceps!

The notion that very muscular women are not attractive is not necessarily synonomous with the notion that a mentally/emotionally strong women is unattractive.

I don't know about Raina's particular case, but I know that in my case, my boyfriend loves me & thinks my strength of character is wonderful. He just doesn't find big delts & biceps attractive! He likes a round ass & ample breasts. Obviously this is something many men find appealing... Playboy magazine wouldn't be so successful otherwise.

I honestly can't blame him that he is unhappy that he perceives me to be moving towards a physique that repulses him. Yes, it's good for my health. But for example, I find the physique of a competitive cyclist NASEAUTING- men with skinny arms & chests flat as boards. Even though his health would improve if he began distance cycling.. I would be just as upset if he were working towards that physique.

Our physical attraction towards each other is IMPORTANT. It's an important element of our relationship & I hope it stays that way.

I can't fathom being unconcerned with whether or not he is sexually attracted to me.

I don't think he's *wrong* that his opinion is different than mine. He likes me to be strong, he just doesn't find 'bulky muscle' to be sexy. I think this is a matter of a difference of opinion, not right vs. wrong. Hopefully we can reach a comfortable agreement (currently, I don't flex in front of him or talk about it too much & he's cool).

 

[Gladiola]

p.s. Sorry for the BOOK, but that couldn't be said in a short post, without risking being grossly misunderstood!

 

[Fatback]

Great post Gladiola. However, one thing I've undoubtedly learned in my 40 some odd years is that happiness is not an option but a God given right. If you have to change or deny any part of yourself for someone else, than you're no longer dealing in love but a competition. The fact is if you have to give up a part of yourself to appease anyone, eventually whatever feelings you do have turn into resentment. Love is about acceptance, and compromise but not if you have to give up on those things that are inherently what make you, you. Granted sexual appeal is a great factor, however, if you had to give up what you love in order to appease a man how long do you think the relationship would truly last? It may sound selfish, but as women having been taught our lives were built on self-sacrifice is a load of crap! If you're not truly happy with yourself and how your life is going, no one else can make it happen for you. Nor can they get the full effect that is you. My mom was always telling me, be softer, act like a lamb and my reply is NO, because I'm a fully evolved, self-confident, in your face - TIGER and you either love me as I am or not. Makes no difference to me because I love me enough for both of us! Not every man can deal with me, but those who do, believe me are truly blessed and I have the trophies to prove it! [Wink, Wink.] )