Courtesy fucks piss me off....

[drgoodbody]

I know, I know, any sex is better than none at all... But I just can't get into it and actually get god-damn angry when my lady offers it to me as a courtesy, to help me out. I'm not a hostile guy, but I get like "fuck that, I don't need a motherfuckin' hand out" - and of course, that is exactly the wrong thing to say....

I don't know, ladies help me out here. It's happened 2 nights in a row now and the first night I just said "no, I'm tired", although I was a little pissed... but then last night, I just lost my shit and told her to get the fuck away from me - I don't need sympathy or a courtesy fuck..... Damn, I'm still pissed -- must be the gear.

DrG

 

[Bikini Mod]

OK don't yell at me but I am a little confused as to what the situation is. I take it that you wanted sex and she wasn't into but offered it anyway? And this makes you angry? Sounds like the two you need to seriously communicate.

 

[drgoodbody]

Wrong!

Nope, you didn't get it. I had a rough day, and she could see that I was stressed. I was not thinking about sex, nor asking for it, I was stressed over other external matters. Her and I often talk about my work and we communicate wonderfully in general.

Her solution to my stress was to offer me sex - the first night I said "no thanks, I'm tired", the second night I got a little pissed by the offer. That's it.

BM - you're all about communication, so no surprise hearing that advice from you....

DrG

 

[rnch]

i would imagine more than a few guys here would like to have your "problem".










not me, of course. no, really, not me!!!

 

[TEXgrl]

give her a break, sounds like she's pretty smart to me, women typically look for a shoulder to cry on or a hug or someone to talk to when they are having a rough time, men, not all, but alot of men, typically look to the physical for comfort. hey, she cared enough to try to make you feel better......some women wouldnt bother.

 

[drgoodbody]

give her a break, sounds like she's pretty smart to me, women typically look for a shoulder to cry on or a hug or someone to talk to when they are having a rough time, men, not all, but alot of men, typically look to the physical for comfort.

Yup, you're mostly correct there. Except that I'm one of those moody neanderthals that likes to go to his cave and brood alone when he's pissed... And you are right that,

she cared enough to try to make you feel better......some women wouldnt bother.

which is why I'm not with most women (and why she's not with just some guy).

DrG

 

[Friscochick]

yeah, i agree with TEX, i mean she is just trying to comfort you.. wants you to know that she wants to be close to you.

Shit give her to me! I'll take that!

 

[the_jarhead]

I agree she is just trying to help.
My wife does the same thing and guess what? It helps.
It's not like she is just fucking you so you'll leave her alone. Being stressed out has probably changed your mood and attitude. She is just trying to give you a pick me up.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Re: Wrong!

Nope, you didn't get it. I had a rough day, and she could see that I was stressed. I was not thinking about sex, nor asking for it, I was stressed over other external matters. Her and I often talk about my work and we communicate wonderfully in general.

Her solution to my stress was to offer me sex - the first night I said "no thanks, I'm tired", the second night I got a little pissed by the offer. That's it.

BM - you're all about communication, so no surprise hearing that advice from you....

DrG

Darlin' - I stated that I DIDN'T understand what you meant. Please don't get angry with me.

We all have stress in our lives and believe it or not I get just as upset as you do when people who are supposed to care about me do not give me what it is that I NEED. But you know what? When that happens, after my loved ones pretty much kick me in the ass and/or ignore my temper tantrum I realize that it was not thier failure to understand me - BUT MORE MY FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND ME... AND AN EVEN GREATER FAILURE ON MY PART TO VERBALIZE THIS TO THOSE THAT LOVE ME.

 

[Friscochick]

Very well said Bikini!

 

[drgoodbody]

Re: Re: Wrong!

I realize that it was not thier failure to understand me - BUT MORE MY FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND ME... AND AN EVEN GREATER FAILURE ON MY PART TO VERBALIZE THIS TO THOSE THAT LOVE ME.

You are sooo right on their babe... I went to my cave and stewed like I sometimes do (she knows I'm a moody fuck, geez, I admit freely to that), and I prolly should have told her what is on my mind. This seemingly simple thing is so god-damn counter-intuitive for me that it hurts my head.

DrG

 

[notoriousQQ]

Maybe I'm mistaken because I skimmed this thread but are you seriously saying the problem is that you had a rough day and your wife wanted to have sex with you in the evening/night and that further upset you? Occassionally I'm tired or have had a long day, and believe you me, if my girl wants to have sex I'm more than happy to grab the lunch pail and put on the hard hat for some overtime. No better way to end a bad day on a good note than some fantastic sex and a toe curling orgasm.

Anyway, why would you assume it was "courtesy" sex as you call it. Maybe she just wanted to get laid, maybe she wanted to share some intimacy with you. And you get bent out of shape and attribute it to gear. Nice.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Re: Re: Re: Wrong!

You are sooo right on their babe... I went to my cave and stewed like I sometimes do (she knows I'm a moody fuck, geez, I admit freely to that), and I prolly should have told her what is on my mind. This seemingly simple thing is so god-damn counter-intuitive for me that it hurts my head.

DrG

Been there, done that. I HATE IT when I get like that. Want to fucking slap myself in the head. And I am not moody, but every now and then I am like a 2 year old; frustrated as hell, jumping up and down and no matter what I get even more pissy.

Take some time off, be by yourself and think... think about what it is that you NEED. Tell your girl, "I am sorry that I am being a TOTAL DICKHEAD - it is just that I DON'T FUCKING KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT CRAWLED UP MY ASS. I just need a little time to straighten my shit out and I will let you know when I figure it. Until then just ignore my sorry ass."



Funny thing, when you actually come out and admit this shit out loud, it usually clicks in your own head and you figure shit out thereafter... or not. BUT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DO NOT TURN DOWN THE SEX!!! THERE IS NOTHING LIKE SOME AWESOME ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED SEX!!!

Damn, I need to get laid.

*sniff*

 

[Bikini Mod]

I'm right there with ya on that but I'll gladly do that after the free sex, especiallly since my gf and I haven't fucked in well over a year.
(Think she has any chance of becoming the wife at this rate?)

Not trying to be a wiseass but why is she your girlfriend if you haven't had sex in over a year?

 

[drgoodbody]

Right, right.

Tell your girl, "I am sorry that I am being a TOTAL DICKHEAD - it is just that I DON'T FUCKING KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT CRAWLED UP MY ASS. I just need a little time to straighten my shit out and I will let you know when I figure it. Until then just ignore my sorry ass."

Well Kini, I'll follow your lead on this, but I'm likely not to be quite so self-deprecating when I say it.

Oh, and I know at least one pissed mofo that can help you out if you need some "AWESOME ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED SEX!!! " I'm sure you'd work the wrinkles right out of my forehead (I'm assuming you'd sit on my face of course )

DrG

PS: Yo notoriousQQ, yes 2g/wk of AAS makes my mood swings more dramatic. I don't rage or any such thing, but I am "moody-er" than my usual fucked up self.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Darlin' sitting on a man's face is THE ONLY place for me! LOL

But seriously if you don't tell her this stuff, resentment and hurt will understably build on her part. Don't let something so stupid fuck shit up if you guys have something good.

My bro-in-law can be EXTREMELY moody and my sis can be a REAL BITCH when she wants... (Can you tell how much I love them? BECAUSE I HONESTLY DO!) When they get in thier "moods" things work out best if they just own up to it and deal on their own so that the other doesn't feel like it was something that they did.

The downside to this is if you have a mate who takes shit out on you after a while you don't want to be around them....

My downfall? I get my panties in a bind, getting all fucking scared and clingy when I can't figure shit out. I have learned that when I get like this to just type a long crazy email and when I finally realize the insanity of it all, instead of hitting the SEND button like I used to (God help me) I just hit the DELETE button and call it a night. I got my frustrations and fears out, realized how fucking nuts I REALLY sounded and got over it LOL, and the other person didn't have to suffer through my insanity!

 

[Bikini Mod]

OO, that sucks....

Hope you both find a way out of that one soon.

You have my condolensces.

 

[drgoodbody]

The downside to this is if you have a mate who takes shit out on you after a while you don't want to be around them....

That's what I endeavor not to do --- i.e. don't be an ass and take shit out on the her. I was guilty of this in my 20's, but I learned by losing that you've got to find other outlets - that's what initially lead me to the gym BTW. Today, I guess I sometimes revert to that behavior because I'm so pre-wired and predisposed to do it.... and it's easy, although a thoroughly shitty way to act. Why, oh why are old patterns so fuckin' hard to break??

Alas, bestill me heart....

Darlin' sitting on a man's face is THE ONLY place for me! LOL

Sugar thanks for all the advice and you've certainly earned a permanent invite to dinner with me, where of course you'll be the main dish ... and the appetizer ... and the desert .... and the midnight snack ...and the.... well you get the picture.

DrG - "mellowing, but still disgruntled" (but trying to get gruntled )

 

[Bikini Mod]

Sorry Darlin' but I am all about the angry/frustrated sex!

LOL

 

[drgoodbody]

???

Sorry Darlin' but I am all about the angry/frustrated sex!

Kini, see my last post on page 1? Whaddaya think??

DrG

 

[Bikini Mod]

Hehehehe kritta.com is the site of a photographer who took those particular pics. He is Kurt Ritta - excellent photog. Was a pleasure working with him!