What you say makes no sense. He was still drinking heavily and making decisions that were not proper. Unfortunately SHE happened to be one of them. We are talking about adults here, this isn't high school where a girl's elbow accidentally touched her dentist's arm while he was cleaning her teeth and she feels that this was some sort of "cosmic kiss." He was drinking heavily (as if she didn't notice) and she happened to be a warm moist willing hole. Now he is sober and *cough* he doesn't care to *go there* anymore regardless of how willing that hole still is.
He feels badly enough about how this transpired I am sure. He doesn't need to be guilted into NOT getting out of it because of *universal payback*. He is already suffering the consequences of his poor decision making. There is no *down the road* Karma here. He is LIVING IT IN THE HERE AND NOW.
He is clearly wanting to change his karma (change his path because he doesn't like where he ended up) by choosing a different path. Getting sober was what led him to decide that this girl just is NOT for him. He should feel badly about this because?
As Layinback said, BE HONEST...
Yea, the email thing is a pussy way out (I volunteered that) but so? She wasn't his longterm live in girlfriend of 6 years. She was some broad that was silly enough to get emotionally attached to a man who had a serious drinking problem. I know this seems harsh but in these case often times THE ONLY WAY to get the job done properly is to be straight, harsh and to the point... Sometimes the bigger dick a guy is the more a chick will chase him!
Arabian needs to break it down for her that he just does not return her feelings and that she should be free to find someone who DOES because that is what SHE DESERVES. He should not feel badly that he does not feel towards her what she does for him regardless of what she did or did not do for him. Good people don't help others expecting that other person to give them something back... Arabian need only pay her kindness forward. <--- That, my friend, is karma.
What I am saying is that she was a grown ass woman and CHOSE to get involved with someone who had a serious drinking problem and that part is 100% on her.
See, part of the thing with sobriety is you have to be willing to face people you have done wrong by and admit it and apologize.Meh... MM I don't see how what he did was so terrible. I mean men do this shit all the time.
I don't think he is a total asshole. He was drinking heavily. Now he's not. When he was drinking too much she had some appeal to him. Now that he is sober, she don't AT ALL.
One of the reasons why I tell peeps that drink/get high or in an otherwise altered state that "just because they never missed a day of work/school" that doesn't mean that their judgement isn't impaired on a regular basis.
How many people have sobered up and realized "Oh shit I don't REALLY like the people that I liked when I was drinking/doing drugs"? And I am not just talking about sexual attraction. I am talking about nearly EVER aspect of life?
We ALWAYS know, in our hearts, what the right thing is, we just like to tell ourselves there's an easier answer somewhere. But the truth of life is that the right thing is almost always the hardest thing, the unpleasant fact, the bandaid over the hairiest part of your body that has to come off.
See, part of the thing with sobriety is you have to be willing to face people you have done wrong by and admit it and apologize.
I'm not saying what he did was so wrong, I exaggerated a pinch for effect. I just think if she spent a lot of time on helping him then he should at least give her the courtesy of dumping her to her face.
What I hear in between the lines is you're saying: "The woman was fool enough to be with a drunk, she doesn't deserve much respect because she doesn't respect herself." Well, Arabian also chose to be a drunk and maybe she really thought he needed her (some chicks have a serious problem with trying to rescue the world). Now he's choosing not to be a drunk, but in this situation I personally think the least he can do is break it off, ASAP, and apologize to the woman, and he should do it to her face.
Let's face it, he would never have created this thread if he wasn't trying to find some way to weasel out of doing the right thing, anyway
And, dear lady, I can absolutely see and agree with your point tooI see what you are saying MM, I do but seriously I wasn't saying what you were hearing at all (though I could see where you may have thought that).
She's an adult. He's an adult. She wanted to get serviced and he serviced her. True he did say that she has done a lot for him but that doesn't mean that he owes her anything in return. As I said, you aren't supposed to do nice things for people just because you want them to do nice things back for you. I feel that while he should tell her like a man that he just doesn't return her feelings he isn't obligated to feel badly or necessarily go out of his way. She clearly wanted some sort of relationship, that is why she was so nice to him. The fact that he woke up one day after being sober for X amount of time and realized that she just isn't the girl for him does not mean he is a jerk who should feel badly.
The only thing that Arabian is obligated to do (IMHO) is when life brings him the opportunity to do something nice for someone else he should remember how when he was down, somebody helped him... and so he should extend that kindness to whomever it is that he is in a position to help.
And, dear lady, I can absolutely see and agree with your point too
The funny thing about these kinds of threads is that none of us really knows the complete story. We're getting one side, and the side from a person that we only know from this virtual space, at that. It's a shot in the dark at best. It's like a brainstorming session in a way, a lot of shit gets thrown around and some of it's bound to stick
I stand corrected BM, good post..What you say makes no sense. He was still drinking heavily and making decisions that were not proper. Unfortunately SHE happened to be one of them. We are talking about adults here, this isn't high school where a girl's elbow accidentally touched her dentist's arm while he was cleaning her teeth and she feels that this was some sort of "cosmic kiss." He was drinking heavily (as if she didn't notice) and she happened to be a warm moist willing hole. Now he is sober and *cough* he doesn't care to *go there* anymore regardless of how willing that hole still is.
He feels badly enough about how this transpired I am sure. He doesn't need to be guilted into NOT getting out of it because of *universal payback*. He is already suffering the consequences of his poor decision making. There is no *down the road* Karma here. He is LIVING IT IN THE HERE AND NOW.
He is clearly wanting to change his karma (change his path because he doesn't like where he ended up) by choosing a different path. Getting sober was what led him to decide that this girl just is NOT for him. He should feel badly about this because?
As Layinback said, BE HONEST...
Yea, the email thing is a pussy way out (I volunteered that) but so? She wasn't his longterm live in girlfriend of 6 years. She was some broad that was silly enough to get emotionally attached to a man who had a serious drinking problem. I know this seems harsh but in these case often times THE ONLY WAY to get the job done properly is to be straight, harsh and to the point... Sometimes the bigger dick a guy is the more a chick will chase him!
Arabian needs to break it down for her that he just does not return her feelings and that she should be free to find someone who DOES because that is what SHE DESERVES. He should not feel badly that he does not feel towards her what she does for him regardless of what she did or did not do for him. Good people don't help others expecting that other person to give them something back... Arabian need only pay her kindness forward. <--- That, my friend, is karma.
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