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Met with the attorney today

jnevin

jnevin

New member
Hopefully things work out with all of this. The petition is for me to get sole custody, and she said as long as things actually are they way I say they've been for the last couple of years, it should work out in my favor. The verbiage in the petition is gentle, I'm not going for any support or anything like that, I'm just hoping for things to be over quickly and as painlessly as possible. I think the ex will get defensive when she reads my affidavit when I mention the benadryl vomit episode and when I mention she wasn't with my daughter 15-20 nights of the month when I picked her up Jan-March.

She's threatened to take her from me twice since you ngrs helped me out with all of this. You don't know how much you've helped me by giving me the ability to move forward with it all. i really appreciate you all and can't thank you enough.
 
This level of difficulty and pain is out of my personal scope of comprehension since I have no kids and never married, although I try to imagine the pain it causes fathers and their children.
 
WoodyO said:
Good to hear. What's the next step?
Click to expand...

She'll be served in the next day or two and she'll have to respond within a given timeframe. I'm hoping to go to mediation instead of court so it goes smoother. Her family will get involved if I need them to, but I'm hoping to avoid all of that if necessary. I don't think she realizes what I can do to her if I really come at her, but in all honesty, that wouldn't do my daughter any good.
 
jnevin said:
Hopefully things work out with all of this. The petition is for me to get sole custody, and she said as long as things actually are they way I say they've been for the last couple of years, it should work out in my favor. The verbiage in the petition is gentle, I'm not going for any support or anything like that, I'm just hoping for things to be over quickly and as painlessly as possible. I think the ex will get defensive when she reads my affidavit when I mention the benadryl vomit episode and when I mention she wasn't with my daughter 15-20 nights of the month when I picked her up Jan-March.

She's threatened to take her from me twice since you ngrs helped me out with all of this. You don't know how much you've helped me by giving me the ability to move forward with it all. i really appreciate you all and can't thank you enough.
Click to expand...

Good for you.
Good luck Bro.
 
That's great man!
Just got some good legal news myself,
Feels fucking great...
What is retarded is I bet that if you were a female and she was the guy in this situation the woman would automatically get money out of the deal.
If woman want total equality they can have it! I am not a lawyer so I could be totally wrong about that, seems like that is the case though.
 
lartinos said:
That's great man!
Just got some good legal news myself,
Feels fucking great...
What is retarded is I bet that if you were a female and she was the guy in this situation the woman would automatically get money out of the deal.
If woman want total equality they can have it! I am not a lawyer so I could be totally wrong about that, seems like that is the case though.
Click to expand...

If it goes in my favor I'd be entitled to support. It wouldn't do my daughter any good if her mom was struggling more than she is just to pay me. I'm literally poor right now and can barely make ends meet, but things are still being taken care of, I'm in school, she's in daycare/ preschool at my school, and we're doing ok. My kid would be worse off while with her mom if she paid me and that doesn't make any sense to me.
 
Good luck!

Also, keep in mind that some states treat time and custody as two separate issues. You may be able to sell the idea of joint decision-making, but award you with 14 out of 14 days. I'd consider language that allows for visitation upon request and even state that visitation will not be unreasonably withheld. I know it wusses-down the ultimate order, but it might also get it resolved quickly.

Also, if the parenting time is nebulous, it might not make her feel trapped into fighting for time. If she's locked into a 0/14 deal, I'm sure her attorney will explain to her that you may come back at a later time and insist on financial support.
 
what plunkey is suggesting is really the easiest Ive found...

Ive always had shared legal but primary residence of my oldest..the joint legal was more for in the event an emergency situation arose we could make legal/medical decisions independent of each other if need be
ie: me and the kid were ina wreck but Im unconscious and she doesn't need emergent care but still urgent care..he could make a decision about her care without me
or if I died she automatically went to him
and we had very loose language for visitation "reasonable rights of visitation"
 
mrplunkey said:
Good luck!

Also, keep in mind that some states treat time and custody as two separate issues. You may be able to sell the idea of joint decision-making, but award you with 14 out of 14 days. I'd consider language that allows for visitation upon request and even state that visitation will not be unreasonably withheld. I know it wusses-down the ultimate order, but it might also get it resolved quickly.

Also, if the parenting time is nebulous, it might not make her feel trapped into fighting for time. If she's locked into a 0/14 deal, I'm sure her attorney will explain to her that you may come back at a later time and insist on financial support.
Click to expand...

I've never denied her time with my daughter and as pissed at her as I've been at times, I always consult her before making any Q related decisions. She does not consult. I have my daughter 6 days per week and pay for her daycare while I'm in class 3 days per week. I also have her 6 nights overnight per week and have for close to 2 years now. She only has one overnight visit, Wednesday, and watches her while I work.

I've let her slowly hang herself, but this being Utah I could still get screwed if the wrong person handles my case. I just need to do this right.
 
jnevin said:
I've never denied her time with my daughter and as pissed at her as I've been at times, I always consult her before making any Q related decisions. She does not consult. I have my daughter 6 days per week and pay for her daycare while I'm in class 3 days per week. I also have her 6 nights overnight per week and have for close to 2 years now. She only has one overnight visit, Wednesday, and watches her while I work.

I've let her slowly hang herself, but this being Utah I could still get screwed if the wrong person handles my case. I just need to do this right.
Click to expand...

You are already soooo close. Good luck!
 
jnevin said:
She'll be served in the next day or two and she'll have to respond within a given timeframe. I'm hoping to go to mediation instead of court so it goes smoother. Her family will get involved if I need them to, but I'm hoping to avoid all of that if necessary. I don't think she realizes what I can do to her if I really come at her, but in all honesty, that wouldn't do my daughter any good.
Click to expand...

This is why you're a good dad, jnev. :) I have a few different friends going through stuff like this and in all cases, there's at least one party who's clearly in it just to fuck the otter parent as hard as possible with no regard for how that will affect the child.

Good for you for focusing on what's really important.
 
AFeedz said:
This is why you're a good dad, jnev. :) I have a few different friends going through stuff like this and in all cases, there's at least one party who's clearly in it just to fuck the otter parent as hard as possible with no regard for how that will affect the child.

Good for you for focusing on what's really important.
Click to expand...

what she said.

Good luck bro
 
jnevin said:
I've never denied her time with my daughter and as pissed at her as I've been at times, I always consult her before making any Q related decisions. She does not consult. I have my daughter 6 days per week and pay for her daycare while I'm in class 3 days per week. I also have her 6 nights overnight per week and have for close to 2 years now. She only has one overnight visit, Wednesday, and watches her while I work.

I've let her slowly hang herself, but this being Utah I could still get screwed if the wrong person handles my case. I just need to do this right.
Click to expand...

You have her all the time it sounds like, i dont see what the problem is here....why are you the primary parent? you should be without the hassle.
 
Wootooom said:
You have her all the time it sounds like, i dont see what the problem is here....why are you the primary parent? you should be without the hassle.
Click to expand...

The hassle is that since she sees her for about 6-7 hours a day 6 days a week she thinks she's her primary parent. Her being a mom in Utah makes it a possibility the courts would side with her, even with limited time. If it was me or any other dad trying to make that argument to get custody, they'd get laughed out of court.
 
jnevin said:
The hassle is that since she sees her for about 6-7 hours a day 6 days a week she thinks she's her primary parent. Her being a mom in Utah makes it a possibility the courts would side with her, even with limited time. If it was me or any other dad trying to make that argument to get custody, they'd get laughed out of court.
Click to expand...

ahhhh sorry i must have misread the post...i got ya now
 
jnevin said:
The hassle is that since she sees her for about 6-7 hours a day 6 days a week she thinks she's her primary parent. Her being a mom in Utah makes it a possibility the courts would side with her, even with limited time. If it was me or any other dad trying to make that argument to get custody, they'd get laughed out of court.
Click to expand...

??? Didn't she used to have her for one day a week?
 
that makes no sense to me....you should already be the primary parent....laws are whacked down there
 
Wootooom said:
that makes no sense to me....you should already be the primary parent....laws are whacked down there
Click to expand...

Since we weren't married when we had her and we don't have a custody agreement in place, what should happen is the courts will make their decision based on what Q is used to. That, and who the more fit parent is. I should be able to show that I've been more stable and have a good long term parenting plan in place. Plus, you know, I don't poison or neglect my daughter, leave her with random babysitters while I go out of town and ruin myself financially, or live in the basement of some goddamn party house that has people constantly coming and going at all hours.
 
Seriously, i dont think you have to worry about not getting sole custody bro, im so glad i dont have to deal with this shit i would lose my mind...good on you for keeping it together man
 
You're a good man jnev. Your character really shines through in your posts and I really hope the courts will see that. Stay strong!!
 
^^^lol ok...not quite what I mean but...good one! ;)
 
jnevin said:
She'll be served in the next 3-5 days. She won't be happy when she sees my affidavit.
Click to expand...
this kind of shit is never easy and its very stressful. I remember vividly when we served my ex, we had to do it through a private investigator who was handling my case (security) because we didn't know what his reaction would be (this is when I was petitioning the courts to move out of state with my child, i already had full/sole custody). I was a nervous wreck and I basically had to hide from the ex for about a week until he was calmed the fuck down (by my dad, my pvt investigator and a couple of the PI's goons lol). In fact, the plan worked so well, he ended up not even showing up for court.

Anyway, I just know things are going to work out for you and for little Qbert.
 
I hope so. The thing is, when I read over the affidavit it all looked so horrible and I almost felt bad about serving her with it, but it's 100% true. It just sucks and it makes studying nearly impossible. I feel like I'm looking at the words on the pages and they just go from the paper to my eyes and all just bounce back without being absorbed.
 
jnevin said:
I hope so. The thing is, when I read over the affidavit it all looked so horrible and I almost felt bad about serving her with it, but it's 100% true. It just sucks and it makes studying nearly impossible. I feel like I'm looking at the words on the pages and they just go from the paper to my eyes and all just bounce back without being absorbed.
Click to expand...
totally normal to feel this way. but just focus on the fact that you're doing the right thing for little Q. her Mom has made bad choices and it didnt have to come to this.
 
I was here for you even when I wasn't here bro..

That's Good news.

Holy hell I remember this custody shit going on seemingly years ago when I stopped in here for a few
Damn, I figured somebody had gotten shot by now.
 
First court date 10/4/2011 at 9:00 a.m. Initial hearing that will basically say neither one of us can bail with her and will most likely establish me as the temporary custodial parent throughout the proceedings.
 
ceo said:
she got served? how'd she take that?
Click to expand...


She didn't yet. I just got something in the mail telling me the date, the judge's name, and the commissioner's name. Every time the phone rings and I see it's her I'm waiting for her to be yelling at me.
 
nangiggles said:
what if u get custody and she refuses to watch her while you work?
Click to expand...

Then I'll have things revised and switch it to full custody instead of sole custody. What I'm asking for is joint legal and physical with me as the primary parent, which is considered sole custody. I waived support from her, but it's stated that I can request it if she stops providing her with insurance or if she needs to go a daycare other than the one at my school. If she decides to be cunty about it all I'll drop the hammer and share everything with the court and I'll get her family involved.
 
I think ur being too nice, I'm not saying you should punish her but you should get all out in the open and documented now that you have a chance.
 
S*#T
My first visit to the site in a while and see this and clicked on it thinking the brilliant jnevin had finally broken down and gone up on a roof and started sniping ppl only to see this is serious.

Good luck. There is nothing more important than the kids.
 
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