What to tell a woman about your sexual history??? Help me out here ladies.

[Deleted member 33117]

I'm starting to see a new girl, and while this hasn't come up yet... what do I say if she asks me how many girls I've been with? After talking to a friend of mine who has known me for 8 years on the phone, he said "Dude, you had bettery lie you ass off." I told him I would say something really conservative like 17 or 18, and he said, "Holy shit Jason! She will have no respect for you if you name something in double digits. Say 9." The thing is, I'm a very honest person naturally, and really do not want to be anything less than totally honest with someone I get involved with. She has told me some things from her past, and even said she would understand if I never talk to her again, but I told her it didn't both me. For example, she is clean now but had a problem with poping E, and is currently at the end of her probation for possessing weed. Plus she has been pretty wild overall (she told me a few more things.) What should I do? Ladies, I mean what would you think if a guy told you he had been with ALOT of women, but had never cheating on a girl he was involved with, even when offers were made. Would you be worried about him cheating on you, or think that he doesn't assosiate love and sex? Should I be honest, or lie so that I have a chance? This is a major moral dilema.

 

[SC4EVA]

This is deinately always a hard topic. In my situation, I pressed in the begining of the relationship to know everything. And sometimes I feel I wish I hadn't. I can't blame them for what they have done only expect it not to happen presently or in the future. I told everything when first getting into the relationship and it really didn't seem like a big deal until much later in the relationship

 

[SC4EVA]

This is deinately always a hard topic. In my situation, I pressed in the begining of the relationship to know everything. And sometimes I feel I wish I hadn't. I can't blame them for what they have done only expect it not to happen presently or in the future. I told everything when first getting into the relationship and it really didn't seem like a big deal until much later in the relationship. Maybe it is because a period of time had passed where the they were now jealous of hearing a story, being reminded of some tale, or even running into a person.

In your situation, I do not feel it is necc. to give every detail or every number. From what you say about some of her "wild" times, she probably has a few things she might not feel comfortable saying. And theres always the ones that none of us remember. I would just play it cool and say a believable amount. Depending on how old you are 8 or 9 really does not seem high enough.
(dont know the point for this smilie but i liked it!! LOL

 

[Deleted member 33117]

SC, the thing is she has just been so open and honest with me about alot of things. I just know she is going to ask me. We talked last night for 3 hours on the phone, and she wants me to call her back again to night as soon as I get home from class. Anyway, at she isn't in town at the moment, she is trying to get moved here now to attend school in the spring. Once she gets moved here and we are spending alot more time together though, something tells me this will come up. My last girlfriend never asked, because we were friends with benefits for a year before we started dating. I told her as soon a we started dating that I was cutting loose my other such friends, and the topic just never came up. She knew I had been a player for some time, and so had she. This one has already asked me alot of very personal questions about my history and views on alot of things. Honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't come up during those conversations.

 

[SC4EVA]

I don't know.. 8 or 9 is way to low. The 17 or 18 sounds much more plausible. You definately can't say the 45 because that will rock her too much. I would just wait to see whats up with her. From what you say shes very open and very cool about things. From people I have known the more open they are and the more willing they are to discuss the less it will really matter. And you never know, she might tell you she's been with like 45 guys!

 

[Deleted member 33117]

Right, she will know 8 or 9 isn't high enough. We've talked about the fact that I'm fairly active when single, and that the girls here (its a college town) often offer to take you back to their place in the middle of a conversation at a bar or club. She'll know I'm lying if I say 9. I was thinking maybe 17 or 18 would be believable, but my bro says that's too high. Honestly I lost count, but it at least 45, maybe 50.

 

[bigsonrising]

Just tell her the truth, if she doesn't like it, find a new one

 

[Juice2121]

I think anything under 20 is reasonable and shouldn't make you look to bad. Hell when I was 19 I had been with 23 and I would always lie and say 9-13 and never had a problem. At the time all my friends would tell me to lie and say 3-4 considering it was high school.
Most girls respect truthfullness, but would honestly prefer you lie in a situation like that. I know I wouldn't want some girl to come out and tell me she has been with 30+ guys. I would rather be lied to.

Juice21

 

[Gymgurl]

I would try to be as honest as possible. She might not even ask for a number. Just make sure she knows that you have always been careful and have been checked in the past for AIDS. If she can't handle the truth what will she be able to handle in the future. 18 or so is really no that much considering you are in college and live on your own. Just be as honest as you think you can be without freaking her out

 

[SoKlueles]

Ok this is a veryyy hard subject...When my boyfriend and I started talking..when we first did...i asked him alot of questions about his past....he didnt like to tell me but i wanted to know!!!! Now, if something slips out or if he tells me something...i get way upset...it really bothers me....I think its because i love him more now. I dont like to think of him having sex with anyone. I dont hold it against him..it jsut really bothers me.....REALLY bothers me......my suggestion is to get the basics out of the way.and go from there.because someday it wlll come back to haunt you and if you guys are serious, it could hurt you or her or both of you.