"What is your view on the relationship between "sex" and "love"?

[samoth]

Never say that to someone you are dating. They will not appreciate that at all. I've done that a few times. I've learned it is best to just keep your mouth shut. I don't date stupid people - just very emotional people. I had no idea that a comment like "maybe love is just a social construct" would really offend them.

Yep, I tend to date outwardly-emotional people as well (yet another diametry of myself). I'm also always bluntly honest, and that tends to offend many people.

Personally, I have no qualms in offending a significant other. I am who I am, and I make no attempt to hide that. Better they know sooner rather than later.

It seems that many people out there are self-delusional when it comes to relationships, sex and love. Perhaps it's a self-correcting mechanism with age.

 

[seaking420]

I like how the divorce rate is over 50% and nobody on EF cheats. If over 50% of marriages end up in divorce(most of which involved cheating) plus all the ones that remain even though cheating exists what percent of mere relationships actually have cheating at some point? I don't think very many people are being honest here. As for me, I never get dates, laid or relationships so I pretty much can assume I'm the only one out there who isn't in a relationship with cheating.

I said something similar to this a while back on a similar thread. I totally agree. Most people on here won't admit it because thier SO is on here or know they come on here so they have to be careful. It's just like the typical ef person makes 6 figures, owns houses all over the country and drives 100k cars.

Seems like sex drive is something that is engrained in all of us, period. The desire to be with one person your entire life really isn't. Think about it, one is a trait that as evolved over millions of years and is one of the strongest drives that humans (or any other animals) have.

Choosing one person for your life partner is a much newer thing, and is NOT something that increases the survival of your DNA, what if your one partner was not fertile, etc. That would be weeded out through natural selection.

Seems like ONLY in modern times has this type of monogomy been the norm, think of tribal leaders they had TONS of women they had sex with. Same with biblical times, Abraham had a wife, but many other concubines with whom he procrated with. This seemed to be exactly what his "god" had in mind and it worked for him.

As far as loving people, I can love many, but there are some things within a relationship that are unique and special to the dynamic. I could find something similar with someone else, but it would never be exactly the same.

having an orgasm is different, you can have big ones, small ones, intense ones, less intense ones. I've had sex with a few people and different people just connect together totally differently. Had I gotten married at 18 I would have missed out on a whole ton of things that I am glad to have experienced. So now are you supposed to wait to get married until you get all of that out of the way, how will you ever know?

The main issues I think about are health ones. Sex can come with adverse health effects, that is something I am conscious of when selecting sexual partners for sure. I am not married, and not in a serious relationship, so I don't have to worry about the cheating aspect right now, but I have in the past and basically I just surpress the desire to fuck other women and make the best of what I've got. Sounds shitty I know, but come on, just because you are married some switch doesn't flip that makes your brain NOT want to bang other people! Its exciting. Who can deny that. Sure sex with someone you are in love with is great, a connection of sorts, special, all of that. But people can be married for 50+ years, that is a LONG time to go without any new pussy/cock, I'd argue its unnatural.

Lestat I totally agree with you man. Seems like you have an open mind and you know reality. I think some people still havent figured reality yet. I think they want their lives(romantic) to be like what you see on TV............were marriages are always great and they have your typical 2-3 kids,a dog with a nice a house and a white picket fence and no financial problems. It just dosent happen that way.

I do believe in love, but I also think it comes and goes. You can love someone but you have to ask yourself are you in love with them.

 

[heatherrae]

It is because a lady can cheat at any time they want where a man has to work to make it happen. If it wasn't that way then I'm sure way more men would cheat but the facts are the ladies control the sex game and for now the men control the money(which equal power) game.

Statistically speaking, men do cheat more often than women.

Maybe it just doesn't end the relationship as often. I haven't seen any stats on that.

 

[heatherrae]

i've thought about this a lot myself.

Seems like sex drive is something that is engrained in all of us, period. The desire to be with one person your entire life really isn't. Think about it, one is a trait that as evolved over millions of years and is one of the strongest drives that humans (or any other animals) have.

Choosing one person for your life partner is a much newer thing, and is NOT something that increases the survival of your DNA, what if your one partner was not fertile, etc. That would be weeded out through natural selection.

Seems like ONLY in modern times has this type of monogomy been the norm, think of tribal leaders they had TONS of women they had sex with. Same with biblical times, Abraham had a wife, but many other concubines with whom he procrated with. This seemed to be exactly what his "god" had in mind and it worked for him.

As far as loving people, I can love many, but there are some things within a relationship that are unique and special to the dynamic. I could find something similar with someone else, but it would never be exactly the same.

having an orgasm is different, you can have big ones, small ones, intense ones, less intense ones. I've had sex with a few people and different people just connect together totally differently. Had I gotten married at 18 I would have missed out on a whole ton of things that I am glad to have experienced. So now are you supposed to wait to get married until you get all of that out of the way, how will you ever know?

The main issues I think about are health ones. Sex can come with adverse health effects, that is something I am conscious of when selecting sexual partners for sure. I am not married, and not in a serious relationship, so I don't have to worry about the cheating aspect right now, but I have in the past and basically I just surpress the desire to fuck other women and make the best of what I've got. Sounds shitty I know, but come on, just because you are married some switch doesn't flip that makes your brain NOT want to bang other people! Its exciting. Who can deny that. Sure sex with someone you are in love with is great, a connection of sorts, special, all of that. But people can be married for 50+ years, that is a LONG time to go without any new pussy/cock, I'd argue its unnatural.

I cringe at the eolutionary biology argument that men always pull out of their hats as an excuse for infedility. First of all, not all species use polygamy as the most evolutionarily expedient means of propagating the species. MANY MANY species are monogamous by evolutionary design so that the young are cared for properly and do not die.

Furthermore, in the history of evolutionary biology, we may have thrown poop at one another as a means of self-defense, too, but GUESS WHAT? The beauty of evolutionary biology is that we EVOLVE.

 

[digimon7068]

i "love" "sex". . .even at 42 yoa and married for 15 years, i still get the biggest rush. . .especially when there's time to really work it.

as far as the relationship between love and sex are concerned. . .i've had a lot of sex over the years. . .i was only in love twice. . .love and sex are mutually exclusive. . .yes. . .sex is something that usually happens in a loving relationship. . .but, it's not a requirement for "love". . .

 

[jd_uk]

I cringe at the eolutionary biology argument that men always pull out of their hats as an excuse for infedility. First of all, not all species use polygamy as the most evolutionarily expedient means of propagating the species. MANY MANY species are monogamous by evolutionary design so that the young are cared for properly and do not die.

Furthermore, in the history of evolutionary biology, we may have thrown poop at one another as a means of self-defense, too, but GUESS WHAT? The beauty of evolutionary biology is that we EVOLVE.

Good points but it's silly for anyone to pretend that men are biologically supposed to be with one woman for their whole lives. It is true that men will always have great natural urges to spread the seed (just they can their whole lives) in the same way that a female will have natural urges when she sees a man who she feels (subconsciously) may offer more to her. We're all just simple creatures. Also, what you're talking about is not evolution which happens over huge periods of time.

To answer the question...sex and love don't have to be anything like the same. There are many people (albeit a minority) who have casual sex and love their S.O.

Sex is just an act performed as a result of natural desires. Love is something completely different involving a mixture of emotions. Where the two link is that sex feels good and this can bring sexual partners closer together to the point where they may start feeling deeper emotions often referred to as love.

Most people today can't handle the idea of 'their' (nobody actually really owns anyone) partner having sex with someone else and that again is a natural reaction especially amongst the more insecure.

 

[digimon7068]

Good points but it's silly for anyone to pretend that men are biologically supposed to be with one woman for their whole lives. It is true that men will always have great natural urges to spread the seed (just they can their whole lives) in the same way that a female will have natural urges when she sees a man who she feels (subconsciously) may offer more to her. We're all just simple creatures. Also, what you're talking about is not evolution which happens over huge periods of time.

To answer the question...sex and love don't have to be anything like the same. There are many people (albeit a minority) who have casual sex and love their S.O.

Sex is just an act performed as a result of natural desires. Love is something completely different involving a mixture of emotions. Where the two link is that sex feels good and this can bring sexual partners closer together to the point where they may start feeling deeper emotions often referred to as love.

Most people today can't handle the idea of 'their' (nobody actually really owns anyone) partner having sex with someone else and that again is a natural reaction especially amongst the more insecure.

while i know that i do not physically own my SO. . .in my mind i DO. . .she's mine and has been for a long friggin time. . .there's definitely a line in the sand between her and anyone else that would want to "get with her". . .cross that line and i'll eat you like a mother-fucking grizzly bear. . .like you said "We're all just simple creatures". . .we're not that far removed from our primative ancestors and from the animals. . .my attitude is not, imho, a result of "insecurity" but more a result of that territorial mechanism that every male of the species has in his brain. . .also, deciding to pick and stay with one partner is pretty much the only thing that separates us from the apes swinging in the trees. . .it's a conscious decision made at odds with biological programming. . .that's why it's hard to do. . .that (along with abject selfishness) is why 52% of all marriages end in divorce. . .

 

[jd_uk]

while i know that i do not physically own my SO. . .in my mind i DO. . .she's mine and has been for a long friggin time. . .there's definitely a line in the sand between her and anyone else that would want to "get with her". . .cross that line and i'll eat you like a mother-fucking grizzly bear. . .like you said "We're all just simple creatures". . .we're not that far removed from our primative ancestors and from the animals. . .my attitude is not, imho, a result of "insecurity" but more a result of that territorial mechanism that every male of the species has in his brain. . .also, deciding to pick and stay with one partner is pretty much the only thing that separates us from the apes swinging in the trees. . .it's a conscious decision made at odds with biological programming. . .that's why it's hard to do. . .that (along with abject selfishness) is why 52% of all marriages end in divorce. . .

Most guys would agree with you...i often feel the same way but in reality know that it's not my place to control my gf in any way. I wouldn't want to anyway...if she wants someone else so be it...if i don't like that then i can end the relationship.

Most guys would also not claim to be insecure but i know a real minority could handle even the thought of their s.o having sex with soemone else because of fears that she may actually have a lot of fun or even that the other guy be better at sex.

 

[digimon7068]

Most guys would agree with you...i often feel the same way but in reality know that it's not my place to control my gf in any way. I wouldn't want to anyway...if she wants someone else so be it...if i don't like that then i can end the relationship.

Most same guys would also not claim to be insecure but i know a real minority could handle even the thought of their s.o having sex with soemone else because of fears that she may actually have a lot of fun or even be better at sex.

actually. . .from a "control" perspective. . .she kinda rules the roost. . .i like it that way. . .makes it easier for me to do my job.

i agree. . .if she decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore, i couldn't really do much about it except move on. . .but, if i catch some motherfucker trying to put their hands in the cookie jar before i've "moved on". . .lights out. . .at heart, i'm just a bull defending my herd. . .

 

[puddlemonkey]

I use to cheat on EF, but now I'm banned there so you guys get my attention full time. Lucky you!