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U.S. Postal Service ends sponsorship of Lance Armstrong

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ICONOCLAST | R. Bastiat, William Grim, et al

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Postal Service has defended its decision to end its sponsorship of cyclist Lance Armstrong, winner of five consecutive Tour de France races, on the grounds that "winning and excellence are contrary to everything the Post Office stands for."

At a press conference, USPS Postmaster General and CEO John E. Potter deplored the "unseemly competition" associated with bike racing and with sporting events in general. "The Post office stands for monopoly and poor performance," he said. "Competition is destructive of that objective, and the word is not in our vocabulary. It threatens our very identity."

Potter told reporters that "Armstrong's victories have been an unfortunate embarrassment to the U.S. Postal Service. We sponsored the team only to attract international business, and we expected its members to follow our tradition of always bringing up the rear. We certainly never wanted anyone to win."

Armstrong is going for a record sixth Tour de France championship this July. The agency has sponsored Armstrong's team for eight years and will continue to do so through the end of 2004 under contractual arrangements, the Postmaster General said, "but that's definitely the end. Our labor unions are in open revolt over the standard of excellence they fear Armstrong has set for postal workers."

In defense of the unions, the USPS CEO reminded reporters that "excellence has no place in a government monopoly." If the agency were to go down that road, he said, "postal patrons may begin to have all sorts of unreasonable expectations -- like responsive customer service and on-time delivery -- that explicitly violate our labor agreements." Efficiency and higher productivity, Potter said, "could mean less work for union members and bosses."

As a government monopoly, the Postal Service is protected by law from competition in first- and third-class mail delivery. "We'd be out of business in the week if Congress opened the door to private competition," the Postmaster General admitted. "Our sponsorship of a successful team was giving too many people the wrong idea about what we stand for".
 
"winning and excellence are contrary to everything the Post Office stands for."

"The Post office stands for monopoly and poor performance,"

LMAO!!
 
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