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the_clockwork
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took this from another board, hilarious story
I’ve mentioned in a couple of other posts that I work summers in industrial jobs to pay my way through college. This summer I’m working in an oil field doing grunt labor, because it pays more than any other sort of lab job I could get. The summer is wrapping up, my body has finally adapted to the work and the altitude so I figured my last few weeks would be a breeze. So naturally I had to take at least one more psychological scar before I could leave.
For those of you who have ever worked a blue collar job, you know the culture is much different than in any sort of management or office job. For example, any woman on a blue-collar job site, no matter how ugly she is, instantly becomes attractive. Even though she may be an ugly whore in all other walks of life on that job site she’s a sexual goddess. This woman will also tend to act accordingly.
Right now we’re drilling what’s called a “directional well” that doesn’t mean much to me or you, other than that it adds a new character into my life. We’ll call her “L.” L is probably 350 lbs, stands at 5’8” on a good day and has a face so ugly you reflexively wince and step back when you look directly into it. She’s a consultant on the directional well. And right from the get-go she made it very clear that she wants me. Badly.
One day, unable to escape talking to her, L started a conversation in which she was only interested in conveying two pieces of information.
1. She had not seen her husband in FOREVER.
2. I was way too cute and smart to be working in an oil field.
She sort of licked her lips a little bit when she talked to me, and hinted more than a little that she had “that double wide trailer over there” all to herself.
Naturally I pretended I had to go do something so that I could get the hell away from her.
I thought my stone cold rejection would be all that was necessary to get L out of my hair for good. Boy was I wrong.
I was just getting done cleaning out a tool locker, when over the intercom I get this little jolt:
“Hey… you guys” L was speaking in what I imagine she thought was a husky and seductive tone, “Can bcwoods come down and give me a hand with something? I need him really badly.” The cat-calls began immediately. Everyone slapped me on the shoulder at least twice as I made my way to the Survey Shack (this is where L works from, not that it matters, except to say it’s separated from everything else).
At this point I was expecting to be sexually -harassed so badly that if I were a woman the company would settle out of court with me even if I asked for a billion dollars. I figured I’d have to shove her hands off of me. I figured I might have to yell a little bit. Boy did I underestimate the will-power and ingenuity of a horny, obese woman.
In an attempt to seduce me L had removed both her pants and the parachute she used as underwear and placed her entire hand (the fucking thing I’m about to describe to you wouldn’t have felt a finger anymore than a bomb shelter would feel a bee bee) inside of “vagina.”
This vagina was the grand-mother of that vagina. In fact, L’s vagina taught that vagina the meaning of being gross.
It resembled a number of things:
1. An octopus that has been crushed with a hydraulic press… but on top of that octopus barnacles and thick black hair have grown.
2. An alligator that has swallowed a hand grenade, and then had congealed lard poured over all of its blown-apart body.
3. A Vietnamese child who has been sprayed with napalm and turned into sore-covered goo.
4. Jabba the Hut with a bad case of the chicken-pocks… as well as a rash.
The opening itself gaped at me. It looked like a wind tunnel. Be glad I don’t tell you what it smelled like, because you’d never be able to eat tuna fish again.
I staggered back, my hands simultaneously trying to cover my eyes and my nose. L noticed none of this however. In her husky smoker voice she asked “Wanna give me a hand big boy.”
A hand?!?!
Was she fucking serious. That thing between her legs looked like it could eat my entire arm! Meanwhile L kept shoving her fist in and out of her… nethers… covering it with her disgusting “juice” and by juice I mean mucus.
I don’t know enough about STD’s to know what exactly was wrong with L’s vagina. But something was definitely askew down there other than just bad genetics. Possibly several things.
A little bit of vomit came up in my throat just as I exited the Survey Shack, but I somehow managed to fight the rising tide down.
Again, from inside the Shack I heard L call “Come on big boy, don’t you want to give me a hand?”
“Lady… I’ve got too many plans for these arms to let that fucking monster bite them off!”
Apparently she is aware of her problem because that made her cry.
I have no idea how I’m going to be able to look at this woman tomorrow.
I know my story is pretty intense and awful... and frankly I'd be surprised if even anyone here could top it... BUT what are the worst looking sexual organs you have ever seen? The ugliest penis, the nastiest tits, the grossest vaginas, or have you ever smelled a queef that made you vomit? Have you ever seen some kind of discharge that took you over the edge?
--tell us your stories.
I’ve mentioned in a couple of other posts that I work summers in industrial jobs to pay my way through college. This summer I’m working in an oil field doing grunt labor, because it pays more than any other sort of lab job I could get. The summer is wrapping up, my body has finally adapted to the work and the altitude so I figured my last few weeks would be a breeze. So naturally I had to take at least one more psychological scar before I could leave.
For those of you who have ever worked a blue collar job, you know the culture is much different than in any sort of management or office job. For example, any woman on a blue-collar job site, no matter how ugly she is, instantly becomes attractive. Even though she may be an ugly whore in all other walks of life on that job site she’s a sexual goddess. This woman will also tend to act accordingly.
Right now we’re drilling what’s called a “directional well” that doesn’t mean much to me or you, other than that it adds a new character into my life. We’ll call her “L.” L is probably 350 lbs, stands at 5’8” on a good day and has a face so ugly you reflexively wince and step back when you look directly into it. She’s a consultant on the directional well. And right from the get-go she made it very clear that she wants me. Badly.
One day, unable to escape talking to her, L started a conversation in which she was only interested in conveying two pieces of information.
1. She had not seen her husband in FOREVER.
2. I was way too cute and smart to be working in an oil field.
She sort of licked her lips a little bit when she talked to me, and hinted more than a little that she had “that double wide trailer over there” all to herself.
Naturally I pretended I had to go do something so that I could get the hell away from her.
I thought my stone cold rejection would be all that was necessary to get L out of my hair for good. Boy was I wrong.
I was just getting done cleaning out a tool locker, when over the intercom I get this little jolt:
“Hey… you guys” L was speaking in what I imagine she thought was a husky and seductive tone, “Can bcwoods come down and give me a hand with something? I need him really badly.” The cat-calls began immediately. Everyone slapped me on the shoulder at least twice as I made my way to the Survey Shack (this is where L works from, not that it matters, except to say it’s separated from everything else).
At this point I was expecting to be sexually -harassed so badly that if I were a woman the company would settle out of court with me even if I asked for a billion dollars. I figured I’d have to shove her hands off of me. I figured I might have to yell a little bit. Boy did I underestimate the will-power and ingenuity of a horny, obese woman.
In an attempt to seduce me L had removed both her pants and the parachute she used as underwear and placed her entire hand (the fucking thing I’m about to describe to you wouldn’t have felt a finger anymore than a bomb shelter would feel a bee bee) inside of “vagina.”
This vagina was the grand-mother of that vagina. In fact, L’s vagina taught that vagina the meaning of being gross.
It resembled a number of things:
1. An octopus that has been crushed with a hydraulic press… but on top of that octopus barnacles and thick black hair have grown.
2. An alligator that has swallowed a hand grenade, and then had congealed lard poured over all of its blown-apart body.
3. A Vietnamese child who has been sprayed with napalm and turned into sore-covered goo.
4. Jabba the Hut with a bad case of the chicken-pocks… as well as a rash.
The opening itself gaped at me. It looked like a wind tunnel. Be glad I don’t tell you what it smelled like, because you’d never be able to eat tuna fish again.
I staggered back, my hands simultaneously trying to cover my eyes and my nose. L noticed none of this however. In her husky smoker voice she asked “Wanna give me a hand big boy.”
A hand?!?!
Was she fucking serious. That thing between her legs looked like it could eat my entire arm! Meanwhile L kept shoving her fist in and out of her… nethers… covering it with her disgusting “juice” and by juice I mean mucus.
I don’t know enough about STD’s to know what exactly was wrong with L’s vagina. But something was definitely askew down there other than just bad genetics. Possibly several things.
A little bit of vomit came up in my throat just as I exited the Survey Shack, but I somehow managed to fight the rising tide down.
Again, from inside the Shack I heard L call “Come on big boy, don’t you want to give me a hand?”
“Lady… I’ve got too many plans for these arms to let that fucking monster bite them off!”
Apparently she is aware of her problem because that made her cry.
I have no idea how I’m going to be able to look at this woman tomorrow.
I know my story is pretty intense and awful... and frankly I'd be surprised if even anyone here could top it... BUT what are the worst looking sexual organs you have ever seen? The ugliest penis, the nastiest tits, the grossest vaginas, or have you ever smelled a queef that made you vomit? Have you ever seen some kind of discharge that took you over the edge?
--tell us your stories.
