First of all ... I NEVER judge myself by what I look like in a picture. This is for several reasons. One, look at people you like, people you don't think look bad or even particularly fat, and then look at photos of them. Don't they ALWAYS look worse?? My mother is not that big in person, but on film she always looks like a blimp. And the difference in pictures I look good or bad in is not weight (one of my best looking photos is one at my highest body weight ever!), but pose, lighting, hair, and makeup.
The camera lies big time. I am interested in costuming, so when the Star Wars Magic of Myth exhibit was at the Smithsonian, I went there to see the costumes. I couldn't BELIEVE how shabbily made they were!!! I took some close-ups of really cheap, burlap-type fabric, with really rough looking seams with visible tattered threads, in order to take these photos home and remind myself, when I despaired that I couldn't ever make an outfit look as good as the movies, what those clothes really looked like close up.
And what happened??? The camera erased the cheapness and sloppiness as if by magic!! Those costumes came out looking every bit as first class as they did in the movie theater!! Which just goes to show you, film is *not* an honest critic. Think about it. Does *your* mom look more like herself in person, or more like herself on film? Life isn't the movies or a magazine, it's what's standing right in front of ya.
I was sad when I read this:
It seems that the more in shape I become, the more faults I find with my body. When I was fat I wasn't nearly as critical of myself as I am now. The saying "Fat people are jolly" fit me perfectly. I hardly ever cried or became even remotely depressed. Now, I look in the mirror and cringe, and spend many hours a month feeling unhappy with my body to the point where I can't hold back the tears.
and:
I read your posts and feel like I am the one writing them. I get soo depressed about the way I look too. I cried the past two nights, I think mostly because I'm grumpy and overtrained. My boyfriend doesn't understand, but I told him he'd be depressed too If he dieted for 8 weeks, felt like shit , lost a bunch of muscle and hoarded fat.
Ladies, please. LISTEN to the fat girl.
HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT TO BE THIS FAT???
By judging myself by how I LOOKED only, comparing myself to some glorified magazine ideal, and considering nothing else!!!
Folks, I used to be ALMOST 100 LBS lighter than I am today!!! I spent half my day every other day on exercise, and then I ruined it looking at things with that kind of attitude. I began to feel, more and more, "What's the use? I HATE EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF WHAT I'M DOING, and I'm never going to *look* the way I want to anyway!! Nothing is working, nothing makes any difference, and I hate it, so why do it??" Then I went into complete exercise and food rebellion, and even though I am doing better these days, it appears to be too late ... not much is coming off.
I keep trying to get this idea through the thick heads of the people on the C&C board who keep trollin' the NAAFA board, but they can't quite appreciate the wisdom. Maybe it will make more sense here:
When your only measure of how you are doing on your fitness program is "What I LOOK LIKE," especially when it's "What I look like AS COMPARED TO THAT WOMAN OVER THERE, that other bodybuilder, my friend ZsaZsa, or that celebrated actress, you leave yourself NO WAY TO WIN. No matter how far you progress, no matter how much fat you lose, no matter how much weight you train yourself to lift, no matter how much you inprove your diet, your attitude becomes more and more and more CRITICAL. You pass the first milestone, and it isn't enough. No, no, suddenly you must look like this other person or that other person. Your arms are OK, but your legs really oughta look like so-and-so's. So you get THERE. And you're STILL not happy. You've raised the bar again. And it goes on and on and on and on, and always the only thing you can find to say to yourself is this constant, demoralizing repetition: "NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT GOOD ENOUGH ..."
Folks, there is no way to stick to anything under these circumstances. You need wins, or the whole thing becomes constant punishment with no payoff. And I don't know about you, but when *my* life is nothing but Constant Punishment With No Payoff, I don't find that sustainable. I can't keep going. Why should I??? It's Constant Punishment With No Payoff!!!
I have resolved never, never again to judge myself by What My Body Looks Like. That way I always win. I am exercising now, and even if I never lose another pound again for the rest of my life, I will continue to exercise, because I am not feeling demoralized by not having lost the weight. I am working out for other reasons, and that makes it INTRINSICALLY MOTIVATING!! Yeah!!!
But if I ever do lose weight, and you have to hold me to this, I am still not going to judge anything by how I look, because then comes the tendency to become super critical and the Slow Slide Down begins.
Ladies. I am sure I am the only person on this board who weighs close to 100 lbs over what she used to. In the Weight-and-What-It-Looks-Like Department, NONE of you is doing as poorly as I am!!!
Appreciate who you are. Appreciate the body you have. Appreciate all the fucking hard work you've done. It's good enough. You're fine.
If you can't tell yourself that, ever in your whole life, prepare to get REALLY big one day, 'cause that is how it works out.
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People always think they look terrible in pictuers though. (You are your worst critic.)
I know I feel a hundred times better. I have never been so motivated. 
I didn't have to be super-strict all the time then.
Anyhow... I recently seen a picture of me at a girlfriends house before we went to dinner at a salad bar restaurant. OMG OMG i almost tipped over! I said GIRL! was that me!!!!
I know I am!
