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Tell us about your worst
- Thread starter SoKlueles
- Start date
I guess the worst would be the only time I couldn't keep it up. Wasn't any lack of attraction or problems on my part, I had just made a bad decision. A friend of mine(female) from out of state was visiting me. She stayed in my place all week, we hit the gym every day and had kick-ass sex several times a day too. So, friday night rolls around, and we're both pretty beat from the long week of lifting, we both figure no sex tonight, at least not till we rest up some after the gym. So I take 4 or 5 tabs of meprobamate when we get back, muscle relaxers like Soma but stronger. About half an hour later, I'm just zoned out on my bed, and she has her energy back and wants to jump me. I'm up for it... but not UP for it, lol. The drugs have me so relaxed I can't keep it up no matter how hard I try. Thank god she knew why it was happening and was a good spirit, she laughed her ass off in a nice way. So then I took half a tab of cialis and snorted a ritalin, and BAM, 20 minutes later I'm rock-hard and we go all night. The really bad part was, she left saturday morning, but the cialis didn't wear off till TUESDAY!
repost... but a story that will live, burned into my skull, forever:
I was getting ass over elbows shitfaced one night at Dorian's and 'Carla' was hanging on my like a fucking lamprey. Carla was a large mostly goth chick that was really REALLY not my type,that constantly chainsmoked her way through pack after pack, doused in patchouli oil, but a friend of the group none the less and no worries... so I thought.
We go over to my buddies house to smoke a few and I am getting stoned enough to actually sympathise with Depeche Mode lyrics, and Carla keeps sidling over to rub my shoulders or some other lame thing, so I lean over to my buddy and say "I am way, WAY too wasted to continue this charade, so please, DO NOT LET ME GO HOME WITH CARLA, please, whatever happens, save me from that fate."
Not only did he actually put me in the cab with her, but he payed for it too.
I wake up, hung so savagely that I cant uncross my eyes. I know I am in bed with carla, and she rolls over to start a little morning hoola-hoola and her cold sweaty belly presses agains my arm while she exhales stale beer and cigarette smell right into my Medievally hung over face, which pops me out of bed like a plutonium powered toaster.
"Uh, I gotta go.' he says, reaching for his boots on the way to the door.
"You can't go yet, you have to wait until my father walks the dog."
'father'?!? the HORROR
Ok. Panic time. I'm 26 years old. She lives with her parents.... "How old are you?"
"17"
Balls crawl into chest cavity.
"Er... when does he walk the dog."
"About 8:00"
looks at watch, its 6:30. I am NOT waiting for an hour and a half feeling like my scullcap is slowly being peeled back with a rusty fork with the pituitary giant twin sister of Wednesday Adams licking her eyebrows while trying to swallow me whole.
"I have to go".
I walk out of her room with my boots in my hand. Now, you really have to picture this to get the full effect. I am in pretty good shape at this time, training really heavy, cycling a lot daily, etc. I have a good two day growth of beard and hangover paste about a meter thick. I am in a black tshirt with a scull and crossbones on it, black jeans, black suede jacket and carrying my Mad Max boots into the pristine white and powder blue, extremely well lit, living room of carla's parent's appartment on the upper east side.
I walk out to meet, face to face, carla's dad, who was reading the times until i opened the door and stumbled out of his teenage daughters bedroom. He is sitting with the large dark dog that I will refer to as "Rex", who might have been a Rot, or maybe the product of a failed Jurasic Park-esque experiment. Daddy and Rex both look up at the same time, both with ears up and ready to pounce..
Think fast, cheffy...
"Mr. XXXXX I am so glad Carla let me sleep on her floor last night we had a big party after the school play and I think I had a couple too many beers and was afraid to drive home to my folks place in CT. so carla let me sleep here she really saved my life i can't tell you lucky I am that she was kind enough to offer...."
I never stopped talking accross the room, through the kitchen, out the door, down the hall and into the elevator still with my boots in my hand.
I ran out of the lobby, into a cab and back to my place on the west side where I drank a cold beer, showered and scrubbed the gothic funk from my sorry lingam and went back to bed, alive, unscathed, knowing that this will always haunt me as the least attractive 'wake ups' ever.
I was getting ass over elbows shitfaced one night at Dorian's and 'Carla' was hanging on my like a fucking lamprey. Carla was a large mostly goth chick that was really REALLY not my type,that constantly chainsmoked her way through pack after pack, doused in patchouli oil, but a friend of the group none the less and no worries... so I thought.
We go over to my buddies house to smoke a few and I am getting stoned enough to actually sympathise with Depeche Mode lyrics, and Carla keeps sidling over to rub my shoulders or some other lame thing, so I lean over to my buddy and say "I am way, WAY too wasted to continue this charade, so please, DO NOT LET ME GO HOME WITH CARLA, please, whatever happens, save me from that fate."
Not only did he actually put me in the cab with her, but he payed for it too.
I wake up, hung so savagely that I cant uncross my eyes. I know I am in bed with carla, and she rolls over to start a little morning hoola-hoola and her cold sweaty belly presses agains my arm while she exhales stale beer and cigarette smell right into my Medievally hung over face, which pops me out of bed like a plutonium powered toaster.
"Uh, I gotta go.' he says, reaching for his boots on the way to the door.
"You can't go yet, you have to wait until my father walks the dog."
'father'?!? the HORROR
Ok. Panic time. I'm 26 years old. She lives with her parents.... "How old are you?"
"17"
Balls crawl into chest cavity.
"Er... when does he walk the dog."
"About 8:00"
looks at watch, its 6:30. I am NOT waiting for an hour and a half feeling like my scullcap is slowly being peeled back with a rusty fork with the pituitary giant twin sister of Wednesday Adams licking her eyebrows while trying to swallow me whole.
"I have to go".
I walk out of her room with my boots in my hand. Now, you really have to picture this to get the full effect. I am in pretty good shape at this time, training really heavy, cycling a lot daily, etc. I have a good two day growth of beard and hangover paste about a meter thick. I am in a black tshirt with a scull and crossbones on it, black jeans, black suede jacket and carrying my Mad Max boots into the pristine white and powder blue, extremely well lit, living room of carla's parent's appartment on the upper east side.
I walk out to meet, face to face, carla's dad, who was reading the times until i opened the door and stumbled out of his teenage daughters bedroom. He is sitting with the large dark dog that I will refer to as "Rex", who might have been a Rot, or maybe the product of a failed Jurasic Park-esque experiment. Daddy and Rex both look up at the same time, both with ears up and ready to pounce..
Think fast, cheffy...
"Mr. XXXXX I am so glad Carla let me sleep on her floor last night we had a big party after the school play and I think I had a couple too many beers and was afraid to drive home to my folks place in CT. so carla let me sleep here she really saved my life i can't tell you lucky I am that she was kind enough to offer...."
I never stopped talking accross the room, through the kitchen, out the door, down the hall and into the elevator still with my boots in my hand.
I ran out of the lobby, into a cab and back to my place on the west side where I drank a cold beer, showered and scrubbed the gothic funk from my sorry lingam and went back to bed, alive, unscathed, knowing that this will always haunt me as the least attractive 'wake ups' ever.
milo hobgoblin
New member
I havnt laughed that hard in a long fucking time.
Much karma for that one
"You must spread it around blah blah"
Much karma for that one
"You must spread it around blah blah"
M
*MissFit*
Guest
All i can say is i wil NEVER have sex with someone who takes any sort of sex enhancing drug again..
It took so freakin long.. (5 hrs of just sex..) I GOT Bored
It took so freakin long.. (5 hrs of just sex..) I GOT Bored
gotmilk
New member
Back in college, we used to hang out on the weekends off campus. You could rent huge houses for like $600 a month. This way, you always had your own room and place to party.
Anyhow, this female friend of mine invited her sister for the weekend. Totally good looking super hot girl. It was winter time, so she came wearing a huge sweatshirt and wool socks. Throw in 10 degree weather and our doors always opening and everyone in the house wears thick winter clothes just to stay warm.
After a few hours of beer die and other drinking games, and my last hook up leaving the house, I swooped in for the kill.
A quick dart off to my room and it was time to strip her down. Off with her sweatshirt, her shirt, her bra,her shoes, her pants, her underwear, her.....what that fuck is that smell.....her socks.
What was that stench?
A little foreplay..some kissing...a little blow job teasing...a little...what the fuck is that smell...
A little rubbing my penis head against her clit.....and then it happened.
I realized her feet smelled like ass because she had been wearing the same dirty wool socks for like three days in a row. I couldn't deal with it because a dozen beers thrown in with some shots already left me feeling queezy. The added smell of assfeet was the final clincher. Game over after about 5 minutes of tug-the-weenie.
The worst evah!
Anyhow, this female friend of mine invited her sister for the weekend. Totally good looking super hot girl. It was winter time, so she came wearing a huge sweatshirt and wool socks. Throw in 10 degree weather and our doors always opening and everyone in the house wears thick winter clothes just to stay warm.
After a few hours of beer die and other drinking games, and my last hook up leaving the house, I swooped in for the kill.
A quick dart off to my room and it was time to strip her down. Off with her sweatshirt, her shirt, her bra,her shoes, her pants, her underwear, her.....what that fuck is that smell.....her socks.
What was that stench?
A little foreplay..some kissing...a little blow job teasing...a little...what the fuck is that smell...
A little rubbing my penis head against her clit.....and then it happened.
I realized her feet smelled like ass because she had been wearing the same dirty wool socks for like three days in a row. I couldn't deal with it because a dozen beers thrown in with some shots already left me feeling queezy. The added smell of assfeet was the final clincher. Game over after about 5 minutes of tug-the-weenie.
The worst evah!
gotmilk
New member
oh yeah..I forgot about the time where my ex decided she was going to twist 180 degrees on my penis...without telling me she was going to do it.
We were sitting Indian style with her bouncing on my legs for support. She whips around but didn't sit up. Basically, that's like having a vice grip on a guys cock.
Large penis, tight vagina, no lube...hours of sex.....it's like an instant suction vacuum. In order to whip around, she had to flex her legs and ass...which creates an instant vice grip.
She moves...penis tries to go to...
*snap* And ole gotmilk was left with bruising from the tip to the shaft-of-da-balls for about a week. Plus, the thrill of pain while trying to pee....pain from erections.....pain from my penis rubbing my jeans...and excruciating pain everytime my penis slipped under my bands of my underwear.
We were sitting Indian style with her bouncing on my legs for support. She whips around but didn't sit up. Basically, that's like having a vice grip on a guys cock.
Large penis, tight vagina, no lube...hours of sex.....it's like an instant suction vacuum. In order to whip around, she had to flex her legs and ass...which creates an instant vice grip.
She moves...penis tries to go to...
*snap* And ole gotmilk was left with bruising from the tip to the shaft-of-da-balls for about a week. Plus, the thrill of pain while trying to pee....pain from erections.....pain from my penis rubbing my jeans...and excruciating pain everytime my penis slipped under my bands of my underwear.
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