Some thoughts on cheating and sex->

[Mezzanine]

I was thinking about this the other night and was wondering what ya'll thought about this: Why do some guys and girls have a major problem with indidelity and such while others like to watch their mate have sex with other guys/girls? Now, of course the modern 3 some is understandable and actually expected to be a fantasy of most modern men(the standard 2 chicks and 1 guy fantasy)- but some men like to watch their wives have sex with other men. I am trying to understand this mentality. Is it to please their wives fantasies or are they higher up on the trust scale than I? I am sure that swingers love and respect each other but how do these guys get over the stange man's dick being in their girl? I know the 3 some is a double standard but one that many women will live with. Do you gals secretly want 2 men at once? I guess I would understand if you did since men want 2+women at once....it just seems that we men all ignore this possibilty because it dosen't seem like a good deal for us(I know, selfish but nonetheless it is what most men think). I always read that if your going to get a 2nd girl to have sex with you and your girlfriend that you should be prepared for her to mention bringing another man into the bedroom too and I guess I just am not ready for that. I understand also that it can just be hetero sex- 2 guys on 1 girl, but damn, I just couldn't deal with watching my girl with another man- does this make me a child? Have my emotions not grown to an adult level yet? What should the modern man think about this type of stuff? Does the old skool interpretation of faithfullness and all that apply today? I mean, 3 some's are not cheating right? Cheating to me is when you do something and hide it- that is cheating. I dont remember getting a manual for this life stuff!. What are the moral implications with all this? Can you still be faithfull and have a racy sex life with your life mate? Does adding people to the mix keep things spicy or make them worse? Any of you that have 3 some's and that sort of thing: I would love to hear how your arrangement works with your mate.

 

[Sassy69]

I agree that "cheating" is violating a trust w/ your significant other. For ex, some people think that if they didnt' actually have intercourse that it wasn't cheating. My ass. If they turned to someone other than their SO for some sort of support (mental, physical, emotional, etc) then they are violating the trust that says they would turn to the SO when they had an issue. If nothing else, to say that they have a problem, even if that problem IS the SO. A person has no right to turn outside of a relationship for comfort w/o discontinuing the relationship first. It just friggen complicates it, perpetuates the original problem and creates even more.

As far as doign a 3-some, its been said many times that if you want to pursue it, all parties need to agree and also together lay down & agree on a set of ground rules. And in general, most people can't deal w/ a 3rd party because it sets up a situation where trust between 2 people can be broken by the third. All sorts of wildass mind games can pop up that even w/ the best planning couldn't be dealt with. Its better to just not do it unless there is no emotional attachments or expectations among any parties and the above ground rules have already been discussed.

 

[GenetiKing]

The threesome mentality centers around the creation jealousy. Swinging couples will "manufacture" jealousy in order to inject excitement back into their relationships.

Jealousy is the most powerful aphrodisiac. It creates a sense of non-ownership which, in turn, forces one's mate to prove their sexual dominance.

It's all about fostering a sense of competetion. And just like in the business world, competetion is good.

Sometimes, steady relationships will stagnate and that sense of competetion is lost, and with it goes sexual desire for one another.

Even Sigmund Frued once said that for a woman to be completely loved by a man, her faithfulness must be doubted at least occasionally.

 

[huntmaster]

What should the modern man think about this type of stuff?

depends on how you define 'modern'

many people are busy looking around to see what others are doing to justify their actions---this leads to trouble. Do what you KNOW is right.

What
I dont remember getting a manual for this life stuff!.

We have been given a manual for this life---The Holy Bible.


People who need three somes to add spice to their relationship have based their relationship on sex---any relationship based on sex will surely fall. Base your relationship on spiritual intimacy---that is you and your mate having daily communion with Christ and the rest will fall into place.

 

[GenetiKing]

Re: Re: Some thoughts on cheating and sex->

Base your relationship on spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is a myth.

"Love" is nothing more than another emotion. And like any other emotion, it's roots are traceable to the right chemicals and hormones floating around in your brain at any given moment. Emotions are biology.

If I'm wrong, then why have scientists developed drugs that can alter your mood?

Spiritual intimacy is nothing more than love a sense of extreme closeness to your mate. Mother nature has designed it this way because our chances of procreation are much greater if we have a steady mate.

Everything you do in life centers around two things (in this order) either directly or indirectly:

1. Procreation
2. Survival

Natural selection and the desire to continue one's own species is mother nature's greatest creation.

 

[magdelana]

Mezzanine i think for some couples it keeps there seks new and exciting to add a third person. IF they are trusting enough of each other to do this then it makes there seks more fun. Both in the couple must be equally as interested in it however. Often there is one that is pushing the other to do it. Sometimes the woman, sometimes the man. It can feel VERY emotionally hurtful if one of the couple does not want this.

Your emotions are adult certainly. You have just a different view on this and you should not be in relation with someone who needs to fuck another person sometimes.

 

[vinylgroover]

This is obviously related to the thread you posted the other day isn't it.

From what i gathered in your previous thread, it seemed that your girlfriend had moved on from you emotionally, not just sexually. I stand to be corrected.

I really think you need to let go of this for your own good, and stop trying to justify or understand why it is your girlfriend has moved on like this. It sounds like you're the sort of person that has a lot to give, and indeed gives alot of himself in a relationship. On this occasion, you found a person in your girlfriend that wasn't prepared to do the same.


For some, sex is just sex, and they can distinguish their love and respect for someone from the physical act of sex. Others can't.

 

[68GT350]

Mezzanine i think for some couples it keeps there seks new and exciting to add a third person. IF they are trusting enough of each other to do this then it makes there seks more fun. Both in the couple must be equally as interested in it however. Often there is one that is pushing the other to do it. Sometimes the woman, sometimes the man. It can feel VERY emotionally hurtful if one of the couple does not want this.

Your emotions are adult certainly. You have just a different view on this and you should not be in relation with someone who needs to fuck another person sometimes.

Please...no more. It's spelled S-E-X. I can't take it anymore.

 

[magdelana]

Please...no more. It's spelled S-E-X. I can't take it anymore.

Sorry! Didnt know i was giving it.

I use the dutch spelling of the word.

 

[GenetiKing]

I really think you need to let go of this for your own good, and stop trying to justify or understand why it is your girlfriend has moved on like this.

Yeah. I asked "why" for a long time after I got the shaft. Eventually you just forget about it and go on.

Have sex with a strange hot brunette and then tell her to get the hell out of your house. You'll feel better about yourself.