Refusal to do anal is messing me up... Help!

[Snarling Force]

I don't know what my problem is, maybe I don't even have one but I don't have anyone to talk to this about so I thought I'd ask here.

My wife refuses to do anal sex. Normally this would not be that big of a deal, but there are a few things in our case that is making this very difficult for me.

The first thing is, we used to do it regularly years ago. Then for some reason I just kind of lost interest in it and stopped doing it. It was never an issue until I started doing cycles with test where my sexual desires increased to the point where I wanted to do it again. For some reason though, she says it hurts too bad now and to just forget it. In the heat of the moment, this news starts up a bad argument and everything just gets worse from there.

The other thing that makes this very difficult for me is, she lets me put stuff up there so its not like its totally off limits. I've even stuck 3 fingers at once up there which should be somewhat close to a dick but when it comes time to try, the second she realizes that is what I'm attempting, she freaks and bails.

We got in the biggest fight over it last night we ever had and we slept in different rooms have haven't spoken to each other yet today. I know I should respect her wishes but its very hard for me, especially knowing that we used to do it and that other guy's out there have that option, but I don't. Maybe I'm being selfish but then what am I supposed to do with this desire to do that? It seems to get worse as time goes on. I don't even know why I'm obsessed with it really. Sometimes I think maybe I have a problem but then I think there are people out there who like to fuck Dolphins so I don't feel so bad about wanting to do simple anal sex.

It doesn't help either when you have friends that talk about doing it with their girl. I know things could be a lot worse because other than this single issue which unfortunately happens to be a big one for me, our sex life is great and probably as good as its ever been since we've been married.

Any advice?

 

[jenscats5]

Maybe a better question is - why do you want to do something to your wife that causes her pain, freaks her out, makes her uncomfortable & is outside her boundaries??

 

[velvett]

The other thing that makes this very difficult for me is, she lets me put stuff up there so its not like its totally off limits. I've even stuck 3 fingers at once up there which should be somewhat close to a dick but when it comes time to try, the second she realizes that is what I'm attempting, she freaks and bails.
Any advice?

"stuff up there" - I'm afraid to ask...

It's either in limits or off limits so I'm not sure I understand why "stuff" would be ok and the penis would not be.

Something you should ask her.

Also, I don 't understand how any couple could let something like anal sex get between them in such a manner. I mean - really - this is what you're fighting over?

She needs to tell you why in a clear and logical manner and you need to back off and use the hole intended.

But that's just my opinion.

 

[blueta2]

Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.

 

[Wulfgar]

If the lack of anal sex were the major problem in my relationships Id consider myself really fuckin lucky.

to the question @ hand. Just be more romantic about it bro. Take her out, get her a little drunk(not too drunk). light candles, lots of foreplay, all that good stuff. then when you are playing with her chocolate starfish make sure you use lots of anal ease and lube and really warm her up with your fingers while the other hand stimulates her clit and be kissing her constantly. then just whisper in her ear how beautiful she is,how sexy she looks, how much u love her, and so on. then if she doesnt get the hint by then you want to punish her asshole gentle coerce her into it. She will get the idea.

If you make it less painful, make her feel sexy and show her how much you put her feelings and peasure in front of your own you shouldnt have any problem taking the road down hershey highway.

good luck bud

 

[Wulfgar]

Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.

one of my ex's tried that with me awhile back. So i let her give me a little prostate massage and we were good to go. One good turn deserves another..

 

[blueta2]

If the lack of anal sex were the major problem in my relationships Id consider myself really fuckin lucky.

to the question @ hand. Just be more romantic about it bro. Take her out, get her a little drunk(not too drunk). light candles, lots of foreplay, all that good stuff. then when you are playing with her chocolate starfish make sure you use lots of anal ease and lube and really warm her up with your fingers while the other hand stimulates her clit and be kissing her constantly. then just whisper in her ear how beautiful she is,how sexy she looks, how much u love her, and so on. then if she doesnt get the hint by then you want to punish her asshole gentle coerce her into it. She will get the idea.

If you make it less painful, make her feel sexy and show her how much you put her feelings and peasure in front of your own you shouldnt have any problem taking the road down hershey highway.

good luck bud

Sounds like rape!
Yeah dude why don't you just drop some roofies in her drink while you're at it...

Silly!

 

[dullboy]

ItI always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!

the irony being that anal play for men is supposedly far more pleasurable then for women; men having a prostate, being the difference.

 

[blueta2]

the irony being that anal play for men is supposedly far more pleasurable than for women; men having a prostate, being the difference.

yes but MOST men will refuse this b/c they will think it's a gay act or don't want to feel the pain.
Some women like it, fine, but if she doesn't want it, then the guy should back off.

 

[gautho]

If women only knew how many points they would score with their man by doing it like that. They would have us whipped.