Question for the ladies, it's seckshual in nature....

[IrightI]

This is a question that I have had on my mind for a while. I would really like yalls input. It's gonna end up one of those Venus/Mars type deals I'm guessing, but tell me what you think.

I'm happily married, 51, wife is 45, both busy professionals, one kid, 13. We don't have any problems in the marriage, everything is good on most days. We hug, we kiss, we have all the "I love you" stuff happening. I'm trying to give yall some idea as to what type of marriage relationship I have, because the answers you give will ask these questions.

Question: My wife doesn't need sex as much as I do, never has. We do have excellent sex when we have it, I try and be a "giver" more than taker. I get really excited by being able to excite her, it's fulfilling for me to get her orgasm. So..... the problem is when she isn't wanting sex, there will be no sex. No oral, no using hands, nada. She controls the sex in our house 100%. Why is it that she feels no obligation to have sex of SOME kind if it's been a week or more. I understand tired. I understand having alot on your mind. I understand wanting to just watch TV and relax. But I'm not asking her to go outside and dig a 6' deep ditch in the backyard! It's just to take 15-20 minutes and have some kind of sex. It's OK if she isn't wanting the full blown all-out marathon sex, unless it's the weekend I prolly don't either. But what's the matter with 10-15 minutes, I'll certainly bring her to orgasm if that's what she wants. I just don't get it. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't do that to her. This is a real mental problem for me. I'd really like to hear some of the wimmens thoughts on this.
Is the answer: She's just selfish? Is there more to it. idk

discuss.....

(kids, take your toys and go to your rooms, this is an adult discussion)

 

[AFeedz]

She's a selfish bitch. There's no more to it.

 

[IrightI]

cool. Yes she is, in other ways too, but I knew that for years before I married her. There's good and bad, more good than bad, but more bad than you would like...
Thanks AF...

 

[billfred]

They control the world - half the money and all the poosie!

 

[IrightI]

They control the world - half the money and all the poosie!

Hi Billy. Yep, that's damn sure true. And if your the type of guy that won't cheat and lie, your wife will be the only one that you can enter into a poosie/ no poosie deal. It's so nice when it all works out.

 

[uamaverick]

Well, has she always been like this?

 

[dutchman063]

If you knew it before marrying her then you have no reason to complain. you "settled" for what she is now you must live with your decision.

oh... and she's cheating on you

 

[IrightI]

Well, has she always been like this?

yes, pretty much. We've been together for 11 years, married 3, we also have a 13 year old. Yeah, pretty much Bro, of course as time goes by in any relationship, it takes more work to keep it lively. Ours is no different. Like I said, I knew all that I was or wasn't getting for the most part when we married.

When we're having husband/wife time, she asks what I would change if any to make our marriage better. Well, truthfully, there's a few things, but all I ever tell her is that I'd like to have more intamcy/ sex.

 

[IrightI]

If you knew it before marrying her then you have no reason to complain. you "settled" for what she is now you must live with your decision.

oh... and she's cheating on you

not really complaining, just for the reason that you mentioed, more like..... currious, wanting to know, etc....

LOL, I can't believe that it took that long...

 

[jnevin]

yes, pretty much. We've been together for 11 years, married 3, we also have a 13 year old. Yeah, pretty much Bro, of course as time goes by in any relationship, it takes more work to keep it lively. Ours is no different. Like I said, I knew all that I was or wasn't getting for the most part when we married.

When we're having husband/wife time, she asks what I would change if any to make our marriage better. Well, truthfully, there's a few things, but all I ever tell her is that I'd like to have more intamcy/ sex.

Texas math?

 

[blueta2]

I'll give the advice from a 44 yr olds perspective, First, I think it sucks you're calling your wife names. I get your hurt by her actions, but name calling is not cool

Women lose interest in sex for many reasons. There are too many to even mention. Most of the time, it's a physical reason. At her age, it could be peri menopause or if you say she's been like this for a while, maybe just has a low sex drive. And yes the dreaded, could be she's just not into sex with you.
Were you two wild and crazy when dating? Or she got like this later on in the relationship?

 

[nydj66]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

 

[blueta2]

NJDJ66......you had me right until the last line, then you blew it ;-)

 

[uamaverick]

NJDJ66......you had me right until the last line, then you blew it ;-)

But he speaks the truth.

 

[trex74]

I vote for sex when ever you want it (maybe she'll get into it maybe not in which case close your eyes and think of someone else), and Internet porn when she's not home to tame the beast. Everyone happy? Good now shut up and let me watch Supernanny.

 

[-SD-]

What NY said and cross your fingers rob lol

 

[ricco561]

Hey Tx.
You and I are the same age. My wife is a little older then yours.
We went through that stage about two years ago.
Thinks have changed in the last 6-8 months.
Not like our heydays in our 20's, but better then a few years ago.
Hang in there bud.

 

[IrightI]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

this is really close to the "talks" that we have had, right down to the rubbing feet and just "helping" out. I thoink that I'm on the right track, maybe have another conversation with some of the added words of wisdom. Thanks for the post. It was helpful....

 

[IrightI]

I'll give the advice from a 44 yr olds perspective, First, I think it sucks you're calling your wife names. I get your hurt by her actions, but name calling is not cool

Women lose interest in sex for many reasons. There are too many to even mention. Most of the time, it's a physical reason. At her age, it could be peri menopause or if you say she's been like this for a while, maybe just has a low sex drive. And yes the dreaded, could be she's just not into sex with you.
Were you two wild and crazy when dating? Or she got like this later on in the relationship?

admonishment noted. Your correct. we were very active, then the dreaded Zoloft was almost a relationship killer. She now is on something that doesn't affect her nearly as much. So, it was later...

 

[-SD-]

The more i see and hear about, the more im glad i never got married

 

[nydj66]

admonishment noted. Your correct. we were very active, then the dreaded Zoloft was almost a relationship killer. She now is on something that doesn't affect her nearly as much. So, it was later...

Wellbutrin has the least incidence of sexual dysfunction; in some people it actually increases libido.

But it's effective in some people and not in others. In some cases it makes anxiety worse or leads to aggression.

 

[b0und]

Women have all the power because they have the vagina.

Why do you think man invented the fleshlight?

Don't give me this feminist, men run the world, patriarchy crap.

Pussy = Ultimate control - they have it, we want it.








b0und (and that's the ultimate truth)

 

[blueta2]

admonishment noted. Your correct. we were very active, then the dreaded Zoloft was almost a relationship killer. She now is on something that doesn't affect her nearly as much. So, it was later...

There you go. AD's have many side effects, low sex drive being one.
Doing this whole negotiating thing may just turn her off to sex. I had an ex many years ago who did that with the "I'll give you a back rub if we have sex" For me, that wasn't sexy or hot!

And now that's she's nearing peri (pre) menopause, it could get trickier.

 

[blueta2]

But he speaks the truth.

Not my truth. I know what I want

 

[AAP]

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal.

No, that became YOUR deal.



























with the Devil. Sucker.

 

[billfred]

I'll give the advice from a 44 yr olds perspective, First, I think it sucks you're calling your wife names. I get your hurt by her actions, but name calling is not cool

Women lose interest in sex for many reasons. There are too many to even mention. Most of the time, it's a physical reason. At her age, it could be peri menopause or if you say she's been like this for a while, maybe just has a low sex drive. And yes the dreaded, could be she's just not into sex with you.
Were you two wild and crazy when dating? Or she got like this later on in the relationship?

Here is the problem - men at this point still need to nut about once a week and really don't have time to figure out what are all the reasons the wife does not want to do it. He is only mildy interested in specifically doing it with her anyway.

She has a couple of choices, grin and bear it for 10 minutes once a week or risk him going out to get some strange.

Women who remain married at this point figure that out, the ones who don't are most likely divorced and looking.

 

[AAP]

The secret(s) to great sex all the time with ladies

also works just as well on men too.

 

[blueta2]

Wellbutrin has the least incidence of sexual dysfunction; in some people it actually increases libido.

But it's effective in some people and not in others. In some cases it makes anxiety worse or leads to aggression.

Well Wellbutrin is funny like that. It either decreases or increases libido.
AD's are messy meds

 

[nefertiti]

This is a question that I have had on my mind for a while. I would really like yalls input. It's gonna end up one of those Venus/Mars type deals I'm guessing, but tell me what you think.

I'm happily married, 51, wife is 45, both busy professionals, one kid, 13. We don't have any problems in the marriage, everything is good on most days. We hug, we kiss, we have all the "I love you" stuff happening. I'm trying to give yall some idea as to what type of marriage relationship I have, because the answers you give will ask these questions.

Question: My wife doesn't need sex as much as I do, never has. We do have excellent sex when we have it, I try and be a "giver" more than taker. I get really excited by being able to excite her, it's fulfilling for me to get her orgasm. So..... the problem is when she isn't wanting sex, there will be no sex. No oral, no using hands, nada. She controls the sex in our house 100%. Why is it that she feels no obligation to have sex of SOME kind if it's been a week or more. I understand tired. I understand having alot on your mind. I understand wanting to just watch TV and relax. But I'm not asking her to go outside and dig a 6' deep ditch in the backyard! It's just to take 15-20 minutes and have some kind of sex. It's OK if she isn't wanting the full blown all-out marathon sex, unless it's the weekend I prolly don't either. But what's the matter with 10-15 minutes, I'll certainly bring her to orgasm if that's what she wants. I just don't get it. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't do that to her. This is a real mental problem for me. I'd really like to hear some of the wimmens thoughts on this.
Is the answer: She's a selfish bitch. Is there more to it. idk

discuss.....

(kids, take your toys and go to your rooms, this is an adult discussion)

I may have an unfeminist view of this but I honestly believe a woman who is married should make an effort to take care of her husband's physical needs even when she's not in the mood. Sometimes once you start the process you GET in the mood, but you can't get there if you don't push yourself a little first. Physical intimacy is important to the health of a relationship beyond meeting physical needs, especially for women, considering that when we have an orgasm our bodies release the "bonding" hormone. On the flip side, the man should continue to meet his wife's emotional needs with affection, quality time spent together, or whatever they may be.

 

[williamske]

Being a female, I can say our brains are just wired differently than a mans. There are times when I act like a dude and want to throw it down where ever I am at that moment! And then there are times where I can't think of sex because there is just too much shyt going on in my head. This is coming from someone with no kids and just a demanding job. I have been with my man now for almost 8 years, and recently he learned a new trick in bed (2 years ago) and it drives me wild - so now I enjoy sex even more then I used to. He is very much a giver though, maybe men lose that when they get older? Idk.

Is your wife on birth control? If she is - chances are it is killing her sex drive. Birth control is like a constant cycle of steroids - just not good for you in my opinion. My opinion comes from being on it for 7 years and finally deciding to go off it. It's risky, but most times it will bring back her sex drive.....

9 times out of 10 if the 'lovey' sides exist in your relationship, like you expressed that she kisses you and all that, then it is not something that you are doing. It is her. If it were something you were doing, I am sure you would know it - she wouldn't be acting lovey like that.

 

[iggy]

AD's usually kill sex drives over time. how long has she been on one bro?
that with the combination of pre-menapause could definitely attribute to it.

 

[billfred]

I may have an unfeminist view of this but I honestly believe a woman who is married should make an effort to take care of her husband's physical needs even when she's not in the mood. Sometimes once you start the process you GET in the mood, but you can't get there if you don't push yourself a little first. Physical intimacy is important to the health of a relationship beyond meeting physical needs, especially for women, considering that when we have an orgasm our bodies release the "bonding" hormone. On the flip side, the man should continue to meet his wife's emotional needs with affection, quality time spent together, or whatever they may be.

See - Nef just did a better job saying what I was trying to point out. I think she has lady balls.

 

[blueta2]

AD's usually kill sex drives over time. how long has she been on one bro?
that with the combination of pre-menapause could definitely attribute to it.

yes that combo is a sex killer

 

[IrightI]

There you go. AD's have many side effects, low sex drive being one.
Doing this whole negotiating thing may just turn her off to sex. I had an ex many years ago who did that with the "I'll give you a back rub if we have sex" For me, that wasn't sexy or hot!

And now that's she's nearing peri (pre) menopause, it could get trickier.

first. let me say... Hello Blueta. It's always nice to see you. I hope all has been well.

Yes, the antiD's suck the big one, Zoloft being the worst by far imo. She wasn't able to do well on some others, but now is taking a milder one, starts w/ a C. (help me Nef) It isn't nearly as bad on her libido. Just before, during, and after a period we seem to have alot more "sexy time" as Digi says. If I could figure out how to keep that hormone high and supply it on the 2 "off" weeks, that would be cool. lol

My original question was geard towards what Nef was saying. What do you personally do. What my wife does and just asy no, just give in and try to enjoy it, offer to "help" him take care of it himself? What is the general consensus. I'd like to know. And Nef, bless your heart, if my wife would take just a tad bit of that mindset, life would be good. Nice to see you too btw.

Oh yes, not on BC. We use non-hormonal methods. Both sides of her family are prone to blood clots, heart problems, etc., she hasn't been on them in years.

Where the F is NannyG, she's underfoot everyother time I'm here! Now that I was hoping that she would expound, she's left. sheeshhh

MM, if your here at some point, I always value your thoughts as well.

TxB


AAP, your a demented man, I actually looked at all those pics like a fool, and you have further cemented my oppinions that you are a VERY angry straight man who takes his anger out on unsuspecting gay men. I don't know what guy pissed you off, but he did a damn good job. huggs <<< no mo

 

[blueta2]

I'm a Natural Health Practitioner working with an ND (Natural doctor) in her private clinic and on my way to being a naturopath. We deal with these sort of things frequently. Hormones are a tricky, especially when taking AD's.
Most of the bodies hormones are produced by the adrenal glands and AD's stress out the glands causing hormones to go out of balance.
If she feels she really needs AD"s, maybe she can see an ND to work on her hormones to see if she can get back into balance

 

[OUFINNY]

There are a lot of safer, natural things (vitamins/Supps) she can take to help with depression and hopefully they will get her PFC of the AD. SAMe and colic acid dosed right can be just as effective as low dose AD meds, worked on my ex until she totally went off the deep end...

 

[nefertiti]

first. let me say... Hello Blueta. It's always nice to see you. I hope all has been well.

Yes, the antiD's suck the big one, Zoloft being the worst by far imo. She wasn't able to do well on some others, but now is taking a milder one, starts w/ a C. (help me Nef) It isn't nearly as bad on her libido. Just before, during, and after a period we seem to have alot more "sexy time" as Digi says. If I could figure out how to keep that hormone high and supply it on the 2 "off" weeks, that would be cool. lol

My original question was geard towards what Nef was saying. What do you personally do. What my wife does and just asy no, just give in and try to enjoy it, offer to "help" him take care of it himself? What is the general consensus. I'd like to know. And Nef, bless your heart, if my wife would take just a tad bit of that mindset, life would be good. Nice to see you too btw.

Oh yes, not on BC. We use non-hormonal methods. Both sides of her family are prone to blood clots, heart problems, etc., she hasn't been on them in years.

Where the F is NannyG, she's underfoot everyother time I'm here! Now that I was hoping that she would expound, she's left. sheeshhh

MM, if your here at some point, I always value your thoughts as well.

TxB


AAP, your a demented man, I actually looked at all those pics like a fool, and you have further cemented my oppinions that you are a VERY angry straight man who takes his anger out on unsuspecting gay men. I don't know what guy pissed you off, but he did a damn good job. huggs <<< no mo

Cymbalta? It's by no means mild, but it's supposed to have very little effect on the sex drive long term compared to other antidepresants on the market. I had issues with it during the first three-four weeks of taking it in terms of reaching orgasm being nearly impossible (along with a zillion other horrific side effects), but past the adjustment there was never any issues.

I think the issue some have here in terms of the start of the disconnect is some women seeing sex as a purely hormonal thing. I have been in places where i did not want it physically, or from a place of lust. But I craved the closeness from an emotional place, I needed the passion, the intense connection, because I'd had a terrible day/week and the only thing that could fix that was bonding on that level with the man I loved. I think a lot of women would find themselves more satisfied sexually later in life if they could attach that need that we don't outgrow with age or hormone imbalance to that sort of closeness with our partner. It doesn't have to be about hormonal libido. And even if you don't have that need at all...if you love your man you should take some joy out of purely taking care of him (so long as, again, he is extending himself to take care of you as well, in whatever ways you have need - it has to be a two way street of taking care of each other, even if it is in different ways).

 

[miplank]

wow, I had no idea EF had so many medical doctors.

 

[puddlemonkey]

wow, I had no idea EF had so many medical doctors.

shirlene held an on-line EF course


everyone's an expert now

 

[miplank]

loloololololo

 

[nimbus]

i think you should cheat on business trips and not get STDs

 

[*ebony*]

This is a question that I have had on my mind for a while. I would really like yalls input. It's gonna end up one of those Venus/Mars type deals I'm guessing, but tell me what you think.

I'm happily married, 51, wife is 45, both busy professionals, one kid, 13. We don't have any problems in the marriage, everything is good on most days. We hug, we kiss, we have all the "I love you" stuff happening. I'm trying to give yall some idea as to what type of marriage relationship I have, because the answers you give will ask these questions.

Question: My wife doesn't need sex as much as I do, never has. We do have excellent sex when we have it, I try and be a "giver" more than taker. I get really excited by being able to excite her, it's fulfilling for me to get her orgasm. So..... the problem is when she isn't wanting sex, there will be no sex. No oral, no using hands, nada. She controls the sex in our house 100%. Why is it that she feels no obligation to have sex of SOME kind if it's been a week or more. I understand tired. I understand having alot on your mind. I understand wanting to just watch TV and relax. But I'm not asking her to go outside and dig a 6' deep ditch in the backyard! It's just to take 15-20 minutes and have some kind of sex. It's OK if she isn't wanting the full blown all-out marathon sex, unless it's the weekend I prolly don't either. But what's the matter with 10-15 minutes, I'll certainly bring her to orgasm if that's what she wants. I just don't get it. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't do that to her. This is a real mental problem for me. I'd really like to hear some of the wimmens thoughts on this.
Is the answer: She's just selfish? Is there more to it. idk

discuss.....

(kids, take your toys and go to your rooms, this is an adult discussion)

Is this an expansion paragraph related to your post in my thread about seduction? if so, it seems as if your wife isnt making too much of an effort in this area, or too much effort to avoid them. I didn't read all the replies, but is she suffering form low self esteem? its def a powerful way to keep oneself caged and stay stay that way, when lacking a bit of confidence.

 

[bakemeacookie]

Cheat on her with escorts. And when she complains, just go "Well Duh!!!"

c

 

[jnevin]

Two words...

G

H

B

 

[nydj66]

wow, I had no idea EF had so many medical doctors.

This whole board is dedicated to people who take anabolic steroids without a prescription.

Now you have a problem with us discussing other meds?

 

[IrightI]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

( see bolded above) I was thinking of what you said when we went to bed after dinner. Of course, right on schedule, she asked me to massage her shoulders/back, then she wanted her hair played with, then she likes to have her lower back/butt massaged, this is everynight. I was thinking about what NY said and the time was right. Lovingly, mind you, as I rubbed/massaged, I told her that "I liked massaging her, making her relax and feel good. I always love the way her skin feels... and there are things that I like as well. I like to have sex/ intamacy, once or twice a week atleast." She said, 'I know". and I told her that having intamacy made me feel loved and closer to her as a husband. That being married has many hard points, and it has it's wonderful points. and we weren't putting enough effort into the wonderful points." The answer, 'I'm working on it." I spooned her until she went to sleep. There was no,"What can I do? or I'm really tired tonight, but lets work on it tomorrow before it gets late. No, I hear you and it's important to me too", nothing. sigh

I guess I was hoping for a better response. Being positive, maybe she heard me and will try and be more responsive, idk.

 

[-SD-]

"im working on it" is what people say when they dont really care and just dont want to talk about it.

You can try again but dont get your hopes up.
Sorry rob

P.S. Sounds like youve been Mr. Nice Guy long enough. Show her you still got a pair. Start by cutting out the massages in a diplomatic manner, because i have a feeling she knows she can keep on getting service from you without having to do anything in return.

 

[stephen4327]

i duno what all this guff u doods are speakin of..

 

[IrightI]

Cymbalta? It's by no means mild, but it's supposed to have very little effect on the sex drive long term compared to other antidepresants on the market. I had issues with it during the first three-four weeks of taking it in terms of reaching orgasm being nearly impossible (along with a zillion other horrific side effects), but past the adjustment there was never any issues.

I think the issue some have here in terms of the start of the disconnect is some women seeing sex as a purely hormonal thing. I have been in places where i did not want it physically, or from a place of lust. But I craved the closeness from an emotional place, I needed the passion, the intense connection, because I'd had a terrible day/week and the only thing that could fix that was bonding on that level with the man I loved. I think a lot of women would find themselves more satisfied sexually later in life if they could attach that need that we don't outgrow with age or hormone imbalance to that sort of closeness with our partner. It doesn't have to be about hormonal libido. And even if you don't have that need at all...if you love your man you should take some joy out of purely taking care of him (so long as, again, he is extending himself to take care of you as well, in whatever ways you have need - it has to be a two way street of taking care of each other, even if it is in different ways).

Celexa. I looked at them this morning as I knew I would be writing about them. They aren't the libido killers that Zoloft was, that almost was a marrage deal breaker. No sex isn't a marriage, and when she was off of them, she didn't like me, the world, or herself, so no sex then either. catch 22. She has the orgasm issue as well. I'm going to start a new thread, that is going to be the topic. I have things that are bothering me right now, that's just one of the questions I have.

 

[IrightI]

i think you should cheat on business trips and not get STDs

LOL, you, planky and Pudmonkey held off for 4 pages, that longer than I thought...

 

[AFeedz]

P.S. Sounds like youve been Mr. Nice Guy long enough. Show her you still got a pair. Start by cutting out the massages in a diplomatic manner, because i have a feeling she knows she can keep on getting service from you without having to do anything in return.

Agree. Don't be too nice. She clearly thinks she can walk all over you in the sense she knows she can get what she wants from you without giving you what you want in return. And clearly a simple talking to is futile, so I'd just go "eye for an eye" and come up with a trade: she only gets what she wants if you get what you want. She obviously doesn't realize that your needs are as important as hers, and pretty much rewarding her even though she does nothing for you is only going to reinforce her behavior

Someone needs to be put in their place.

 

[IrightI]

Is this an expansion paragraph related to your post in my thread about seduction? if so, it seems as if your wife isnt making too much of an effort in this area, or too much effort to avoid them. I didn't read all the replies, but is she suffering form low self esteem? its def a powerful way to keep oneself caged and stay stay that way, when lacking a bit of confidence.

sure could be right off there, huhh. No, it's more an AntiD problem, coupled by a certain amount of, I don't know how else to say it but 'selfishness, not caring about others feelings", more like that. Nef has a really good post, ifshe had 1/4 of what Nef wrote, I'd be happy.

Me and BillyFred gave that post the "like" button...

 

[-SD-]

AmyFiedler-on-the-roof for the win

 

[blueta2]

Agree. Don't be too nice. She clearly thinks she can walk all over you in the sense she knows she can get what she wants from you without giving you what you want in return. And clearly a simple talking to is futile, so I'd just go "eye for an eye" and come up with a trade: she only gets what she wants if you get what you want. She obviously doesn't realize that your needs are as important as hers, and pretty much rewarding her even though she does nothing for you is only going to reinforce her behavior

Someone needs to be put in their place.

Yes, she's a dog and needs to be put in her place. Make sure you hit her with a newspaper when you get home and tell her she best obey! Who cares if her libido issues could be something physical, it doesn't matter, as long as you get your needs met!

great advice

 

[-SD-]

Yes, she's a dog and needs to be put in her place. Make sure you hit her with a newspaper when you get home and tell her she best obey! Who cares if her libido issues could be something physical, it doesn't matter, as long as you get your needs met!

great advice

But when the reverse happens shes just getting her "emotional needs met" by being driven to another man. She wouldnt have to do that if her husband were there for her needs right?
I know no ones cheated yet but thats exactly what needs to be prevented and shes not doing her part as a spouse.

 

[cindylou]

Lol

 

[IrightI]

Agree. Don't be too nice. She clearly thinks she can walk all over you in the sense she knows she can get what she wants from you without giving you what you want in return. And clearly a simple talking to is futile, so I'd just go "eye for an eye" and come up with a trade: she only gets what she wants if you get what you want. She obviously doesn't realize that your needs are as important as hers, and pretty much rewarding her even though she does nothing for you is only going to reinforce her behavior

Someone needs to be put in their place.

I'm thinking of something more like this. Just grab her and flip her over on her stomach and tell her that I'm tired of this shit! Grab the KY and show her what a real mans tool can do for her attitude. After I've savaged her and got my nutt, put her on her back and tell her to lick it off giving me time to recover to give it to her again. Wimmen like that kind of thing you know...

How's THAT!! I'll show HER who's boss.... and then call the best divorce lawyer I can find.

 

[AFeedz]

Yes, she's a dog and needs to be put in her place. Make sure you hit her with a newspaper when you get home and tell her she best obey! Who cares if her libido issues could be something physical, it doesn't matter, as long as you get your needs met!

great advice

She DOES need to be put in her place. I'm not telling him to go treat her like a dog, but yeah, I do think something needs to be done. I, personally, would never want to be in a relationship that was one sided. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where, when I confronted my partner about my needs being met, they ignored me but still expected their own needs to be met.

He pretty much made it clear he got no reaction from her when telling her nicely and truthfully what he needed from the relationship, so obviously words and Mr.Nice Guy didn't work. I don't think she's going to realize how much it sucks for him to not have his needs met until her needs are no longer met either.

Women like this drive me nuts and this is why men always complain. So many women are all "me me me, excuse excuse excuse". I'm sorry, but do you honestly think she deserves to have all of her needs met when she's meeting none of his? That's bullshit. Even if it is her libido, suck it the F up and just give him a little something. You think he wants to rub her ass every night? I'm sure he does sometimes, but I doubt every single night...but he does, because he cares.

Relationship is practically spelled s-a-c-r-i-f-i-c-e. It doesn't matter if she wants to or not or if her libido is up at that moment or not. He's not asking for it every day. She needs to deal with it and sacrifice a little for the happiness of the person she loves.

So yeah, I think I gave some pretty great advice.

 

[AFeedz]

I'm thinking of something more like this. Just grab her and flip her over on her stomach and tell her that I'm tired of this shit! Grab the KY and show her what a real mans tool can do for her attitude. After I've savaged her and got my nutt, put her on her back and tell her to lick it off giving me time to recover to give it to her again. Wimmen like that kind of thing you know...

How's THAT!! I'll show HER who's boss.... and then call the best divorce lawyer I can find.

I don't think you should treat her poorly. I just think showing her how much it sucks to not have her needs met would show her how important your needs are to you.

By continuing to meet all her needs when she isn't meeting yours, she has no reason to change. If I knew I didn't have to do shit for anybody else, but could still get whatever I wanted, what reason would I have to change my behavior? None. Your wife is clearly out for herself. I think she needs to be reminded that a relationship is a two-way street. That's all.

 

[twenty47]

i didnt read the whole thread but she sounds selfish and ive come to realize you cannot change people like that. when im in a relationship i always go out of my way to satisfy the girl be it sexually or just everyday stuff. i get off on seeing her happy. my ex that i dated for like 2 years would RARELY ever just do something for me just for me without something being in it for her. It always bothered me and i just learned to live with it.

next 2 girls i fooled around with after her were the complete op. made me wake up and smell the roses that i dont need to be with someone who doesnt do those things. this one girl was always scratching my head, giving me back rubs, would randomly suck me off on the coach, while in the car it didnt matter. and she asked nothing in return and would just be like i hope u liked that, all bc she wanted to please me. some people only do things for themselves and it just isnt inside of them to provide or do things for others. my best friend is like that. he doesnt do anything unless he see's something in it for him. Now that really never mattered to me bc he was just my friend but i can see he's just like my ex with his girlfriend and i feel bad for her.

 

[miplank]

This whole board is dedicated to people who take anabolic steroids without a prescription.

Now you have a problem with us discussing other meds?

roid rage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

 

[nydj66]

( see bolded above) I was thinking of what you said when we went to bed after dinner. Of course, right on schedule, she asked me to massage her shoulders/back, then she wanted her hair played with, then she likes to have her lower back/butt massaged, this is everynight. I was thinking about what NY said and the time was right. Lovingly, mind you, as I rubbed/massaged, I told her that "I liked massaging her, making her relax and feel good. I always love the way her skin feels... and there are things that I like as well. I like to have sex/ intamacy, once or twice a week atleast." She said, 'I know". and I told her that having intamacy made me feel loved and closer to her as a husband. That being married has many hard points, and it has it's wonderful points. and we weren't putting enough effort into the wonderful points." The answer, 'I'm working on it." I spooned her until she went to sleep. There was no,"What can I do? or I'm really tired tonight, but lets work on it tomorrow before it gets late. No, I hear you and it's important to me too", nothing. sigh

I guess I was hoping for a better response. Being positive, maybe she heard me and will try and be more responsive, idk.

Part of the reason that you're in this position is that you obviously have an issue standing up for yourself.

When she says, "I'm working on it." The proper response is, "How about rolling over and working on it right now?" It's not pushy, it's not mean, it's just to the point.

When she refuses then (and she will because she knows she can get away with it) that's when you get indignant. You are being treated unfairly here and you have a right to be pissed about it.

I completely understand your position here...you're being loving and accomodating and she's lucky to have you. You can't understand why she wouldn't reciprocate out of gratitude. The truth is that even at 45, she's not adult enough to understand that. And she doesn't see any danger of losing you over it.

Blueta mentioned earlier about an ex who would bargain for sex and what a turn-off that was. Women are kind of built that way; they are much more likely to be turned on by a man taking what he wants without asking. To a point, of course, you can't really rape her.

So the time for negotiation is when you're talking and away from the bedroom. When it comes time to actually do the deed, you need to expend some effort on the seduction. But first, she needs to be open minded and allow herself to be seduced.

How you get to that point is the sticky part. You may just have to get disgusted enough to leave her over it. But you also have to be ready for the possibility that she may just let you leave (not likely since she's getting more out of this relationship than you). But it's still a possibility.

I don't envy you. But the bottom line is you've picked a bride who is somewhat selfish. Maybe tell her that this isn't working for you and you want to start counceling. She needs to understand that it is a serious problem.

Unless it isn't. In which case you'll just have to live with it.

 

[TC2]

( see bolded above) I was thinking of what you said when we went to bed after dinner. Of course, right on schedule, she asked me to massage her shoulders/back, then she wanted her hair played with, then she likes to have her lower back/butt massaged, this is everynight. I was thinking about what NY said and the time was right. Lovingly, mind you, as I rubbed/massaged, I told her that "I liked massaging her, making her relax and feel good. I always love the way her skin feels... and there are things that I like as well. I like to have sex/ intamacy, once or twice a week atleast." She said, 'I know". and I told her that having intamacy made me feel loved and closer to her as a husband. That being married has many hard points, and it has it's wonderful points. and we weren't putting enough effort into the wonderful points." The answer, 'I'm working on it." I spooned her until she went to sleep. There was no,"What can I do? or I'm really tired tonight, but lets work on it tomorrow before it gets late. No, I hear you and it's important to me too", nothing. sigh

I guess I was hoping for a better response. Being positive, maybe she heard me and will try and be more responsive, idk.

Let me guess...she is a WHITE WOMAN...correct?

She is lazy and only thinks about herself and their is no "fixing" her.

 

[shirlene29]

I'm thinking of something more like this. Just grab her and flip her over on her stomach and tell her that I'm tired of this shit! Grab the KY and show her what a real mans tool can do for her attitude. After I've savaged her and got my nutt, put her on her back and tell her to lick it off giving me time to recover to give it to her again. Wimmen like that kind of thing you know...

How's THAT!! I'll show HER who's boss.... and then call the best divorce lawyer I can find.

not that this is the best approach ^^^^ but have you tried going for forceful/primal in a hot and sexy way? because..some wimminz DO actually like that from time to time to keep things interesting??

fwiw..my husband was on zoloft 2 years ago..it destroyed his sex drive and it never really fully recovered after he was off it

 

[TC2]

not that this is the best approach ^^^^ but have you tried going for forceful/primal in a hot and sexy way? because..some wimminz DO actually like that from time to time to keep things interesting??

fwiw..my husband was on zoloft 2 years ago..it destroyed his sex drive and it never really fully recovered after he was off it

yep..they sure as fuck do...I don't ask, I don't fuckin barter or beg. I pick up my wife..throw her over my shoulder, throw her on the bed, take take her clothes off and just take it.

Every women I have ever been with has told me that this is how it should be done.

 

[canadianhitman]

I agree with those saying you need to stop doing the things she likes having done for her until she notices they've stopped...and then it leads to the dialog that you were illustrating to her what she has been doing to you for so long. If, after that, she's still not willing to meet you halfway, you have to consider pulling the plug. And fuck the hiding behind the script shit; she has to figure out a way to meet you halfway REGARDLESS; why the fuck should you be forced to near celibacy the rest of your life? This is the kind of shit that leads half the guys I know to cheat: in reality they'd like to get out entirely, but they love their kids to much to become an every other weekend dad.

 

[canadianhitman]

And before blueta2 gets on her soapbox regarding my post re: hiding behind the script med side effect, I have practiced what I preached. Years ago, when ripping up I used femara...which completely destroyed my sex drive. Did I just look at the woman I was with and say "sorry, honey....but my sex drive has been destroyed because of a side effect...so you're out of luck"? No, because that's just bullshit selfish behaviour; I popped a blue pill a couple of times a week and rocked it. I wasn't even into it (funny things happen when you remove all estrogen from your body as a male), but she never knew the difference, because I acted like I was into it and was sporting the steel. So if his wife needs to pre-pack her hoo-ha with some lube and fake it, so be it. You should never expect someone else to suffer in silence because of something that's your issue.

 

[ceo]

She DOES need to be put in her place. I'm not telling him to go treat her like a dog, but yeah, I do think something needs to be done. I, personally, would never want to be in a relationship that was one sided. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where, when I confronted my partner about my needs being met, they ignored me but still expected their own needs to be met.

He pretty much made it clear he got no reaction from her when telling her nicely and truthfully what he needed from the relationship, so obviously words and Mr.Nice Guy didn't work. I don't think she's going to realize how much it sucks for him to not have his needs met until her needs are no longer met either.

Women like this drive me nuts and this is why men always complain. So many women are all "me me me, excuse excuse excuse". I'm sorry, but do you honestly think she deserves to have all of her needs met when she's meeting none of his? That's bullshit. Even if it is her libido, suck it the F up and just give him a little something. You think he wants to rub her ass every night? I'm sure he does sometimes, but I doubt every single night...but he does, because he cares.

Relationship is practically spelled s-a-c-r-i-f-i-c-e. It doesn't matter if she wants to or not or if her libido is up at that moment or not. He's not asking for it every day. She needs to deal with it and sacrifice a little for the happiness of the person she loves.

So yeah, I think I gave some pretty great advice.

BOOM!

I like you AnnieFiedler!!

 

[nydj66]

boom!

I like you anniefiedler!!

+1

 

[IrightI]

LOL, these are ALL good, one way or anther. What I'll do will be a hybrid of what NY first suggested and tc2. lol I DO appreciate all those who responded, it is a REAL issue. I told Eb's the other day on a thread she had that marriage is one of the hardest things that she'll ever do. I think that mine is a little more bumpy than some, but not so different than most. I also appreciate the fact that the thread was taken seriously by everyone, even the ones who posted just once busting my balls, knowing yall, even that was a good thing.

Thanks everyone, I'll let yall know how this goes.

TxB

 

[iggy]

man to man, I think you need to talk to her and get these feelings off your chest. her saying i"m trying, or i'm sorry, won't cut it. there's definitely something underlying she isn't expressing or telling you. find out what it is.

 

[billfred]

man to man, I think you need to talk to her and get these feelings off your chest. her saying i"m trying, or i'm sorry, won't cut it. there's definitely something underlying she isn't expressing or telling you. find out what it is.

For every one reason a woman of that age wants to have sex there is 10 reasons why she does not and it is just very hard for a man to juggle all that.

What really has to be done is say "I HAVE to have sex one time per week - you in or out?"

Most likely she will then try to get that worked out.

 

[TC2]

man to man, I think you need to talk to her and get these feelings off your chest. her saying i"m trying, or i'm sorry, won't cut it. there's definitely something underlying she isn't expressing or telling you. find out what it is.

This is a part of the problem....giving them some type of excuse to fall back on or hide behind.

It cannot ever be that someone is just fuckin lazy,self entitled and generally worthless....there is always an excuse.

 

[TC2]

Yes, she's a dog and needs to be put in her place. Make sure you hit her with a newspaper when you get home and tell her she best obey! Who cares if her libido issues could be something physical, it doesn't matter, as long as you get your needs met!

great advice

You have serious man issues....how many cats do you have??

 

[AAP]

I'm thinking of something more like this. Just grab her and flip her over on her stomach and tell her that I'm tired of this shit! Grab the KY and show her what a real mans tool can do for her attitude. After I've savaged her and got my nutt, put her on her back and tell her to lick it off giving me time to recover to give it to her again. Wimmen like that kind of thing you know...

How's THAT!! I'll show HER who's boss.... and then call the best divorce lawyer I can find.

Real men skip the KY.

"Just spit and steady pressure"

 

[IrightI]

Real men skip the KY.

"Just spit and steady pressure"

and ..... you......know this......How?

 

[blueta2]

BOOM!

I like you AnnieFiedler!!

Of course, who wouldn't! This is why old men want younger women. Wait til these women hit their mid 40's and their hormones are totally out of balance and they've popped out a few kids.

 

[blueta2]

You have serious man issues....how many cats do you have??

says the biggest woman hater on EF!

 

[blueta2]

man to man, I think you need to talk to her and get these feelings off your chest. her saying i"m trying, or i'm sorry, won't cut it. there's definitely something underlying she isn't expressing or telling you. find out what it is.

Best advice so far......

 

[AFeedz]

Of course, who wouldn't! This is why old men want younger women. Wait til these women hit their mid 40's and their hormones are totally out of balance and they've popped out a few kids.

Um yeah, I probably like to have sex more than my 40-something year old counterparts, but that has nothing to do with what I said. Currently, I still like to have sex (often) with the men I get with, but there's plenty of stuff I don't like to do that I'll do anyways occasionally to make them happier.

And in the future, if/when my libido slows down, I'll apply the same type of thinking to sex.

I'm not an idiot. I don't think this guy's wife can flip a switch and turn her sex drive up. I don't think she can make herself want to have sex more. I'm saying she needs to sacrifice a little and do it anyways for the sake of their marriage.

I bet if a woman wrote this thread saying she was meeting all her husband's needs, but he wasn't meeting hers anymore because he was tired and stressed and blah blah blah, you wouldn't be making excuses for him. You'd be giving us some speech about how he should try his best to work with her. She needs to do the same. It's not that hard. Just spread 'em for like, 10 minutes once or twice a week more often and I'm sure he'd be fine.

 

[blueta2]

Um yeah, I probably like to have sex more than my 40-something year old counterparts, but that has nothing to do with what I said. Currently, I still like to have sex (often) with the men I get with, but there's plenty of stuff I don't like to do that I'll do anyways occasionally to make them happier.

And in the future, if/when my libido slows down, I'll apply the same type of thinking to sex.

I'm not an idiot. I don't think this guy's wife can flip a switch and turn her sex drive up. I don't think she can make herself want to have sex more. I'm saying she needs to sacrifice a little and do it anyways for the sake of their marriage.

I bet if a woman wrote this thread saying she was meeting all her husband's needs, but he wasn't meeting hers anymore because he was tired and stressed and blah blah blah, you wouldn't be making excuses for him. You'd be giving us some speech about how he should try his best to work with her. She needs to do the same. It's not that hard. Just spread 'em for like, 10 minutes once or twice a week more often and I'm sure he'd be fine.

I bet you're wrong

And when you get into your 40's, then you can answer how you would feel. When my hormones were going wild at your age, I could not even think about not having sex all the time.

Some woman have stronger libido's than others,

Now having said all this, we have NO IDEA what's really going on with his wife! You just assumed she some selfish bitch! Quite the diagnosis!

 

[AFeedz]

I bet you're wrong

And when you get into your 40's, then you can answer how you would feel. When my hormones were going wild at your age, I could not even think about not having sex all the time.

Some woman have stronger libido's than others,

Now having said all this, we have NO IDEA what's really going on with his wife! You just assumed she some selfish bitch! Quite the diagnosis!

I was joking when I said that the first time, but regardless...even if it's a more medical problem, she's still selfish because if she cared about fixing it for him, she would've gone to the doctor, which I doubt she did or even mentioned. Not fixing it for your husband if it's a medical problem is just as selfish as if the reason was simply that she didn't feel like it.

And my libido may change in 20 years, but my belief that both parties involved need to sacrifice won't. He's sacrificing a little for her to accommodate her needs, really I don't understand why you think it's so impossible for her to accommodate his just because she's 40 years old.

 

[AztecWarrior]

I couldn't be with a women like that. Don't want to rant on you, but it's your fault. You even said, she never displayed any desire for sex to begin with. Should of addresed it, while the relationship was still in it's early stages and could of worked on it. SOL if you ask me. Hope things workout for you though. At her age, you can safely say, she is set in her own ways, such as you are.

 

[just...v]

Oh my goodness, Blueta2 and Annie, lol.


So I'm between both your ages. And I gotta say that I totally agree with Annie on this. Withholding sex is abusive in my opinion. If she has a medical problem then she needs to go to the doc and figure it out. If she's stressed, then she needs to bite the bullet and fuck the bro. Sex is an excellent stress reliever and she will feel better after she does it.

Women often fail to realize how important sex is to a man, especially one in a monogamous relationship. Turning them down is very hurtful.

 

[AAP]

and ..... you......know this......How?

Cause I am too cheap to buy lube for my tricks comfort. Who cares if it hurts? Not like I am seeing them again anyway.


*fast forward to three years later.......*


oh shut up

 

[AztecWarrior]

I bet you're wrong

And when you get into your 40's, then you can answer how you would feel. When my hormones were going wild at your age, I could not even think about not having sex all the time.

Some woman have stronger libido's than others,

Now having said all this, we have NO IDEA what's really going on with his wife! You just assumed she some selfish bitch! Quite the diagnosis!

Aren't you assuming as well? Of course no one here knows the whole truth to thier marriage, but from what he has stated, they seem to love each other. From his actions, I think he deserves better. It's not like he's a bad guy and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your own wife once in awhile.(I'm above normal by the way ;0)By all the repsonses from both male and female posters on here, she is the odd one out here. Speaking from a male point of view, sex is a big motivation of what we seek...most men anyway. In the end, on both sides you'll often find yourself doing things for the other person that you don't normally have any interest in because you want them to be happy. It's a compromise. You think, I want to spend 2 hours of my life watching some gay ass movie like some love story? Hell no!! I've done it anyway, because I know a women will appreciate I took the time to take her and spend time with her. I'm more simple, let me have some gym time, make some good food in awhile, and make love to me, but dont forget to fuck me crazy stlye once in awhile, I'm good. If I get those 3 things I listed, I'll break my back trying to make that women happy. Believe it.

 

[just...v]

Aren't you assuming as well? Of course no one here knows the whole truth to thier marriage, but from what he has stated, they seem to love each other. From his actions, I think he deserves better. It's not like he's a bad guy and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your own wife once in awhile.(I'm above normal by the way ;0)By all the repsonses from both male and female posters on here, she is the odd one out here. Speaking from a male point of view, sex is a big motivation of what we seek...most men anyway. In the end, on both sides you'll often find yourself doing things for the other person that you don't normally have any interest in because you want them to be happy. It's a compromise. You think, I want to spend 2 hours of my life watching some gay ass movie like some love story? Hell no!! I've done it anyway, because I know a women will appreciate I took the time to take her and spend time with her. I'm more simple, let me have some gym time, make some good food in awhile, and make love to me, but dont forget to fuck me crazy stlye once in awhile, I'm good. If I get those 3 things I listed, I'll break my back trying to make that women happy. Believe it.

This is what women don't get. You give a man fantastic sex, I'm talking down and dirty anything he wants like his personal porn star type of sex. And he will be willing to try to give you just about anything you need from him. Men need 3 things: to be appreciated for what they do, to be given their space, and SEX.

 

[cindylou]

Over on another forum...all women..they would all complain about this. I never understood why a woman wouldn't have sex w/ her husband. Johnny and I sorta had the same sexual appetite most of our marriage so sex was never a problem and if it was I wasn't aware of it. I never turned him down but he did turn me down in the last months of pregnancy lol....

the space part...wtf is that? What kind of space does a man need?

 

[nydj66]

So far we have only heard iright's side of the story and there's plenty of room for speculation. But based on what he has posted and my own life experience, here's what happened:

His wife had some kind of emotional crisis (either from the beginning or later in the marraige) requiring her need for AD's. Hence the comment that she hated herself and everything else when she wasn't on them.

Iright went into caretaker mode because he loves his wife and it's the chivalrous thing to do. He started spoiling her and trying to make her as happy and comfortable as possible. He never intended for it to be the way things were permanantly but she was more than willing to accept the coddling and attention and it became the new standard for how they interact.

The really shitty thing is that iright's continuing acts of kindness are what is making him less desireable to his wife. He's become her friend and he no longer appeals to her inate desire to be with an alpha male. She's also 45 where hormones play less of a role and she's on AD's. In a perfect world she would recognize the sacrifice he made and make an equal sacrifice from her end to change the situation.

But she's stuck in the "I've got to figure this out before I can function properly again" zone and so they're at a standstill. As everyone here who's been successful at getting fit knows, sometimes you have to "just do it" and figure shit out along the way. A defining atribute of adulthood is the ability to recognize that short-term sacfrifice is sometimes the only way to achieve long-term success.

Iright heroically and unselfishly jumped in to help his wife when it seemed that she was "drowning" in depression/anxiety. Now the marraige is in trouble (or soon will be) and his wife has not yet realized that fact. Annie and just_v are younger but have already recognized that a relationship needs maintenance or it will break down...just like a car or house or anything else. Let's hope that Iright's wife can learn this before it's too late.

 

[just...v]

Over on another forum...all women..they would all complain about this. I never understood why a woman wouldn't have sex w/ her husband. Johnny and I sorta had the same sexual appitite most of our marriage so sex was never a problem and if it was I wasn't aware of it. I never turned him down but he did turn me down in the last months of pregnancy lol....

the space part...wtf is that? What kind of space does a man need?

They don't always want us in their heads, for one. Some woman push the "what are you thinking" question a bit far. If he is in a mood and doesn't want to say what his problem is then back off. It doesn't mean he's done something wrong or that it's you. He will come to you when he's ready.

The other thing is time to do the things they want to. The gym was a good example. Let them go without bitching about it. The one thing they did before you came around is the one thing their gonna want to do once you're a part of their life.

Sometimes it's time with their friends. Men seem to be more themselves with their friends when they aren't so much with us. What I mean is, some men seem to be a "best behavior" version of themselves when around their chick, so they need time to unwind with their friends.

 

[cindylou]

They don't always want us in their heads, for one. Some woman push the "what are you thinking" question a bit far. If he is in a mood and doesn't want to say what his problem is then back off. It doesn't mean he's done something wrong or that it's you. He will come to you when he's ready.

The other thing is time to do the things they want to. The gym was a good example. Let them go without bitching about it. The one thing they did before you came around is the one thing their gonna want to do once you're a part of their life.

Sometimes it's time with their friends. Men seem to be more themselves with their friends when they aren't so much with us. What I mean is, some men seem to be a "best behavior" version of themselves when around their chick, so they need time to unwind with their friends.

 

[just...v]

One thing, thou. We women need to be real careful of those type of men that will take advantage. I've been guilty of letting this happen with the father of my children. I'd given and given until I had no sense of self. Getting it back literally meant destruction of the relationship. Sometimes it a very fine line to walk.

 

[cindylou]

One thing, thou. We women need to be real careful of those type of men that will take advantage. I've been guilty of letting this happen with the father of my children. I'd given and given until I had no sense of self. Getting it back literally meant destruction of the relationship. Sometimes it a very fine line to walk.

I wanted more time. Fuck his space. lol. When I stopped bitching about it was when I stopped caring. I remember making a decision to not care and just like that...I didn't.

 

[cindylou]

Its not like anyone is suggesting she let let her husband bang her while she lay there hating it. If you hate having sex w/ ur husband that's a bigger problem...

 

[billfred]

They don't always want us in their heads, for one. Some woman push the "what are you thinking" question a bit far. If he is in a mood and doesn't want to say what his problem is then back off. It doesn't mean he's done something wrong or that it's you. He will come to you when he's ready.

The other thing is time to do the things they want to. The gym was a good example. Let them go without bitching about it. The one thing they did before you came around is the one thing their gonna want to do once you're a part of their life.

Sometimes it's time with their friends. Men seem to be more themselves with their friends when they aren't so much with us. What I mean is, some men seem to be a "best behavior" version of themselves when around their chick, so they need time to unwind with their friends.

Men hate this question. I am always trying to make shit up when my wife ask me that. My favorite response is "If I wanted you to know that I would be talking, not thinking."

The two greatest gifts a woman can give a man are both free:

1) BJ
2 Silence

When they go together is is especially nice.

 

[AFeedz]

The two greatest gifts a woman can give a man are both free:

1) BJ
2 Silence

When they go together is is especially nice.

Don't they always go together? Unless you know women who can talk with a d*ck in their mouth, I guess. Thatd be kind of impressive.

 

[cindylou]

I'd rather be alone than with someone and still alone. I want someone I can talk to and who will talk back to me. If that's too much to ask out of a man then maybe I'll try a woman?

 

[billfred]

I'd rather be alone than with someone and still alone. I want someone I can talk to and who will talk back to me. If that's too much to ask out of a man then maybe I'll try a woman?

No but men don't talk out everything like a woman does.

I hate fighting - prefer to just stay pissed off until the issue dies.

I don't need to discuss every detail of my day. Actually, there is very little of my day I discuss.

Wife has learned to get all the talking out of her system before I get home.

My biggest pet peave is to come home and she get on the phone with one of her friends for 1 hour. Do that shit during the day when I am not around.

 

[billfred]

Don't they always go together? Unless you know women who can talk with a d*ck in their mouth, I guess. Thatd be kind of impressive.

Yes but sometimes you can just give silence.

Also, sometimes you can give the BJ with a big ol shut the hell up sandwich after. That is bliss.

 

[musclemom]

Most of you people are WAY over thinking this, he said it in his first post:

I get really excited by being able to excite her, it's fulfilling for me to get her orgasm. So..... the problem is when she isn't wanting sex, there will be no sex. No oral, no using hands, nada. She controls the sex in our house 100%. Why is it that she feels no obligation to have sex of SOME kind if it's been a week or more.

Now, see, if he'd just work out a "quickie/longie" deal, he'd be golden. But IrightI doesn't WANT a quickie/longie schedule, he wants wife to have orgasms too, and THAT's what's creating the friction. If you'd just be happy being aggressive, taking your pleasure and just fucking her without worrying about her orgasming, she'd probably be cool with that. But you have to turn it into being about HER pleasure. She doesn't need sex/orgasms as often as you do, she needs a cookie once a week. YOU need a cookie more often, so be the g'damned aggressor, say "Hey honey, you up for a quickie?" Fuck her and stop putting PRESSURE on her to be the initiator for sex, and STOP expecting her to feel sexy WHEN SHE DOESN'T.

Dude, you're a pain in the ass, seriously.

I've been through this with my own husband. Took a LOT of time to get it through his head, too. He's the same way, wanting me to be pleased and it just doesn't work that way. I actually start feeling stressed because he wants to please me and I'm not into it emotionally/hormonally, and then I get irritated because I wish he would JUST be aggressive about it and grab a quickie and stop turning everything into "I can't enjoy myself if you're not enjoying yourself." I don't need that kind of pressure. Look, I know men can't get this, but there are times women PREFER being there for him, with him, but don't need/want the sexual energy. Just get over it and accept it. We can be perfectly happy being present and with you and that's all we want and need.

It's not having sex that's the problem, its the fact you're expecting her to initiate and/or become sexually responsive that's the problem. Throw the idea of "quickies/longies" out to her (quickies being something you initiate, pretty much for your pleasure with no pressure for her to orgasm, longies being something she initiates or is mutual and everyone gets something) and see what she says.