**Penis Tricks**

[MommaKin]

Aeropenis
Fly these friendly skies. Mr. Aviator is coming in for a landing. Oh No! The landing gears are not responding!! Better foam the landing strip with whip cream!!!


Disappearing Act
Hide his schlong between his legs. Looks like a girl, huh? Try placing a lovely pair of panties next to his crotch to complete the effect. But you run the risk of this trick backfiring—he might like the panties thing a little too much.


Penis Scream
Easy trick. Just re-run those newsclips of Lorena's Revenge. Enough to give any trouser snake the screaming meemies.


Tampenis
You know he doesn't like to willingly submit his schwanschtucker (Young Frankenstein revisited) to weird dressing up, but isn't it amazing what a little card board, a cottonball, and a piece of string can do?


Troll Penis
This trick was inspired by Mimi and her Troll Doll collection. Why not start your own Troll Penis collection. Collect swatches of bright-colored fake fur, tape to top of Mr. Happy's head, and comb in that all-important upward motion. When tired, your Troll Penis can go back to The Cave to "rest".

Banana Penis
"Cut the bottom off a banana and carefully squeeze out the pulp. Then slide the skin over Big Jim and The Twins."
—Joe E., Honorary Hole

"I like to get a large banana, peel it, and then wrap Mr. Happy in the peeling. Talk about a banana split!"
—Eric B., Honorary Hole


Australian Frill Necked Penis
"Put a hole in the middle of a beer coaster and place penis through the hole. This makes an Australian Frill Necked Lizard."
—Sammy, Honorary Hole


Mr. Microphone
"I'm partial to karaoke singing and sometimes when I'm looking at my guy's dick, I just have to say, 'Hey, it's Mr. Microphone!' and start singing."
—Barb

"Singing Penis. When my boyfriend is errect, I sometimes use it as a microphone and sing. Or sometimes, act like it is singing with the little hole on the head."
—Marie


Frankenpenis
"My ex-girlfriend used to play Dr. Frankenstein with my penis. She would take a pair of old pantyhose, glue a little hair to the top of them along with a little smiley face on them, then place it over my penis while it's soft. She would then arouse me, and in the process of getting excited, it would jump and twitch until fully erect (and it would still jump a little)."
—Rob M., Honorary Hole


DynoPenis
"Paint it red and stick a firecracker fuse in it. Lite the fuse (be careful) saying, Look at that stick of dynamite! Holy shit, if that thing goes off, we'll all be dead. Run for the hills!"
—Vision

 

[Phemomena]

hehe cute

 

[MommaKin]

An Apple A Day
"Core an apple and make him a center piece. Also, kinda fun way to keep the doctor away."
—Starvin, Honorary Hole


Real Football Fan
"Ya know those little plastic football helmets you can buy a quarter at those machines by the doors of any supermarket? I say that if they're football fans, they better be real fans!!!!"
—Jeremiah, Honorary Hole


Hula Penis
"For summer fun, a little grass skirt and a small plastic lei can be fun. A hot tropical breeze from your mouth will really make him do the hula."
—Kenya

Dicktator
"Core out a potato and stick your dick in it. Now you are the world ruler, or as we say THE DICKTATOR!"
—Kinky Kay


Chia Penis
"Water your chia penis and watch him grow."
—Marc B., Honorary Hole

"How about Chia Weenie or Peenie Green? Green food coloring should make it look like grass."
—Robert I., Honorary Hole


Balloon Penis
"For this to work, a man has to be uncurcumcised. I pull all his foreskin to the top and then blow up the skin like a balloon. Then let the air out of it like a whoopee cushion; makes some strange noises."
—Jo

"First you pull the foreskin up above the head, gather it, and hold it with your fingers. Then blow it up, and hold in the air. It feels really neat. If you push it, it makes a 'popping' noise."
—Shmad, Honorary Hole


Gear Shift Penis
"Sports Car Penis Trick. Penis must be in a semi erect state, put palm of hand over the head of the penis and start to downshift. I like doing a 4-speed myself. And of course, making little varrroooooommm noises is a must. Remember to drive safely."
—Catcando2, Honorary Hole

"Pretend it's a stickshift and drive"
—Tango80, Honorary Hole


"Driving Lessons. If you happen to be right beside your man and wish to brush up on your manual shift skills, simply grab his stick shift and go town! From first gear to highway cruising to backing him in! Just don't let him idle too long or he'll stall on you!"
—Jeffy., Honorary Hole

"I use my boyfriend's penis as a make-shift gear shift. It is how I practiced shifting gears when I learned to drive."
—VLH

"Try Downshifting With That Thang. When he's sitting in the passenger seat and I'm driving my 5-speed car, I take it out and shift through the rest of the gears...6th, 7th, 8th, making gear-grinding noises and pretending to rev the engine. Then, of course, at every stoplight you need to downshift!"
—Ahart


"When my boyfriend and I are just relaxing, he'll whip his penis out for 'comfort'. Ususally I can't stand not to play with it. So, if we're watching TV and a car commercial comes on, I'll pretend his penis is a joystick, and make the motions and all the noise of a speeding car. Also fun to practice stick shift. Drives them wild."
—Michael, Honorary Hole

 

[MommaKin]

Bassapenis
Is he such a good puppy? Just paint a few spots on his root-o-rama, attach little doggy ears and tail, and voila, you got your basic Bassapenis. Of course, I'm partial to bassett hounds. You might want to try a dachshund and give a whole new meaning to the term "weiner dog." Oh god, just envisioning a poodle penis!


Flower Power
Don't wait for spring, do this one now. Attach flower petals around the head of your Trouser Browser. Place in the center of a bouquet of flowers and present to your lover.


Cocktail Penis
A toast, and what could make it better than to have your own swizzle stick. Simply hold out your glass to your favorite Cocktail Weinie and say, stir please, sir. Olives optional.


Ruler Penis
Yes, we're practicing Men's Math here, and that's an easy trick. A few lines, a few numbers on your lap lizard, and voila! A penis that rules.


Mistletoe Penis
Tie a ribbon with a sprig of mistletoe around Mr. Happy. Guaranteed to get you ho-ho-ho'd

Elepenis
"How to make an elephant. Take a pair of pants with deep pockets, pull the pockets inside out, undo the zipper, whip out the wild thing...wella, mr. elephant."
—Julie

"Take your dick out of out pants, then take one pocket in your pants, and turn it inside out, walk around and ask her if she has ever seen a one-earred elephant."
—Bill B., Honorary Hole


Elephant Man Penis. "Suggest doing an impression of an elephant, then extract the pants pocket linings (the ears!), and produce Mr. Penis (the trunk!). Now this would be really good if it could take peanuts with it's tip!!!"
—Paul C., Honorary Hole


Peter Gunn
"Cop Penis - Paint it blue, let it all hang out, and yell, 'Stop or I'll Shoot!'"
—JoAnn M.

"O.K. I play like my husband's dick is a tommy gun and our reflections in the closet door mirror are the bad guys; we act out silly gun fight scenes from action movies. Needless to say, it keeps us busy for a little while until we're ready to 'jump into action.'"
—Lou


"FBI Penis This one involves no costumes, just your imagination. Take your hand and grab the erected penis and pretend to shoot at everything in sight with sound effects. Make up your own scene and say: 'This is a stick up!' or 'Freeze or I'll shoot!' or 'Don't make use this!' or my favorite 'Don't make me cum over there ma'am.' You'll have minutes of fun!"
—Hayham1


Book Worm
"This trick is said to have originated in a college library for the benefit of an overly studious female freshman. To perform this trick you first need to find a suitable hardbound book, not too small. First, prepare the trick by opening the book to its center, carefully unzip trousers, place penis inside book, and gently close the book. Now ready. Have you ever seen a 'real' Book Worm?"
—Preston, Honorary Hole

 

[Gilbyag]

hehehe, FBI... I havent done that since I was 5 with the little blond neighbor girl.... LOL

 

[Stryc-9]

I saw a show called "Penis Puppetry" or something like that...

It was these two British guys standing naked on the stage doing weird things with their units....

Example: "The Hamburger" - in which the penis is manipulated in such a way that it winds up sandwiched between the testicles - supposedly looking like a "hamburger"....

...lunch anyone?

 

[Stryc-9]

Oh - there was another one called "Eiffel Tower" - wherein the penis is pulled upward and the testicles down and away - such that the resulting formation resembles - what else? - the Eiffel Tower....

...very impressive stuff.....

 

[MommaKin]

Penis Of Fortune
"Get together with your partner and compose a list of fantasies/desires/etc. Try not to make it too long (6 or 8 is a good number). Take a circular piece of paper/cardboard/something softer and fashion an opening in it large enough to accomodate the penis. Space the fantasies out evenly and put lines in between them.

"Now here comes the hard part (pun intended). Get him to swing it around in circles (gyrating in a crabwalking position helps - think of the limbo) until it lands on a choice, and proceed from there."
—Michael, Honorary Hole


Frosty the Penis
"Cover it with whipped cream, use two green M&M's for the eyes, a small carrot stick for the nose, three tiny raisins for the coat buttons, a bit of licorice candy for the hat which can be placed at a rakish angel, and voila...an adorable snowman any lover would be happy to melt."
—Gentille


Einstein Penis
"Get your penis moving arbitrarily close to the speed of light (>.9999c). Lorentz contraction will do the trick of making a super-massive cheswick."
—Randy, Honorary Hole


Peniszilla
"In honor of the King Of The Monsters, food-color Mr. Happy green. Use sugar water to attach some small triangular yellow pieces of paper to his "back" and you've got PENISZILLA! Now put some Monopoly houses in the "bush" and let Peniszilla attack Tokyo!"
—J.R.


Monkey Sundae
"How about making a Monkey Sundae. Just put on a little whipped cream (preferably when he has a boner so that there's more cream), a couple of cherries, and maybe some M&M's. Makes for a delicious dessert."
—Ryan, Honorary Hole


"Penis Ala Mode. When my babe says she wants ice cream at night during a rental flick, I drop down, surround Big Rich with vanilla ice cream and cover it all with Hershey's chocolate sauce!"
—Frank, Honorary Hole

"Banana Split. Place penis is a banana split holder and decorate with various flavors of ice cream, syrup, and, of course, a cherry on top. Place some extra nuts on top if you're a little short. Yum. Yum."
—Thor, Honorary Hole

"Corn-O-Penis. Take a corn-o-copia, slice down the side, slide over the penis, and fill the sides with your favorite holiday goodies like chewy gummy goodies, whip cream, hot fudge, Haagen-Dazs, etc. Definitely makes for one fun Thanksgiving dessert, especially if you use a sugar cone."
—Raven

"Ice Cream Cone. Cut the bottom of a flat ice cream cone, put his woody through it. If the end doesn't stick out, trim the bottom so it does. Then put a scoop of ice cream on the cone. Lick, suck, or bite the ice cream off and around his penis. You get a snack and he gets a suck."
—Max, Honorary Hole

"Penis Sundae. Take some whipped cream and squirt it all around his peenie weenie. Top it off with a bright red cherry and enjoy! Trust me, it will be the best sundae you ever had."
—Cassandra

 

[saint808]

my penis is for serious work only not for your amusement.