Overcoming eating disorders

[geness]

OK I know that there are many women here on elite who has had their fair share of problems with eating disorders. i also realize that many of uses were able to be strong enough to over come these eating disorders.

I am 22 years old and i have been bulimic for the past five years. I have been commited working out and eating right for the past six years and have made tremendous gains. I am so ready to get rid of this eating disorder but everytime i try i mess up.

Do any of you have any tips, secrets or info on how i can start getting better or stop from slipping up. How did you guys put an end to you eating disorders and what were some things that you found helped you on your road to recovery??

Sorry so lond but this is really imprtantant to me. Any info or comment or ideas from anyone will be so greatly appreciated!!

 

[Temple]

You have made the first step and that is to admit that you have a problem. I just got done working out and need a shower but promise a more thought out answer tonight or in the morning.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Read the posts towards the end of mini mouse's DNP INFO thread... it was locked for other reasons.

Two books that I found to be helpful to me in the past:

"Bulimarexia" by Marlene Boskind-White, PhD and William C White, Jr, PhD

Huh... I know that I had two, but I can't seem to find the other right now.

Surround yourself with positive influences. If you have friends that engage in this behavior - AVOID THEM. If you have friends that put you down and make you feel badly about yourself - AVOID THEM.

Try and look within yourself and face whatever it is that made you feel badly about yourself to begin with.... until you face this - it will NEVER completely leave you.

I hope this has helped you. If there is anything else you would like to know, any questions... please don't hesitate to ask.

 

[new@gettinbig]

I agree w/ bmom....stay away from negative people and those that bring you down or suffer from eating disorders...those that have them thrive on each other...makes it harder to make a change..Have you had any counseling? Sometimes that helps you work through your problems and find the underlying reasons why you are doing this..it is not always all about food..being thin or whatever..its about control and other life issues. Posting here is a great step in the right right direction...Many of us have been there and no what you are going through..its a long hard battle and it takes time to overcome..but the thing is you CAN overcome it!!! I would look into some self-help books and search the net for some support groups...and even look for some in your area. Keep a journal..write your feelings and struggles...just know you are headed in the right direction...it takes time but you will get there...keep your mind focused on what you want to do and where you want to be..set some goals for yourself..keep your head up and keep posting over here..we will help you as much as we can!!!!

 

[Temple]

Ditto.

My recovery was not something I conciously decided to do and have actually never given much thought to what happened until this past week.

I was 25 years old, I was running a failing business with my exhusband who controlled the money so I was groveling for rent, hocking stuff to keep from being locked out of my apartment. I had a son that I saw when he allowed it. This was not a guy protecting a child from an out of control mother - it was a guy using a child to control his ex-wife but there was a huge amount of blame for that situation that I also need to take responsibility for. He managed to convince my family that I was a drug addict and was sleeping around before I was and stripped my of that source of support as well. I was mainlining crank on a regular basis with some sleazy friends and snorting coke with my chamber of commerce buddies. Breakfast was fuzzy navels with another one of my business buds and lunch was martinis and coke. Add in there a few SERIOUS beatings and you have my life 15 years ago. I didn't want to die - can't believe that I didn't just by accident. What I wanted was for somebody to help me straighten out the mess my life was in and stop me before I died. The thinner I got the more I heard the "Oh my God, you are so skinny - you need to eat something" and the the disorder fed off of that little bit of attention because if I got a little bit thinner then maybe somebody would notice what a mess I was. I never binged and purged it was more like if I ate I purged and then would take a laxative.

How I got better-
Well, it was pretty drastic and had nothing to do with the eating thing. It was 8 pm, middle of Feb, sitting in a bar with the usual bunch when I decided that I was leaving. Went home, called the ex and told him I needed $200 which for some strange reason he gave me. Got in my car the next morning and drove half way across the country and showed up on a friends doorstep where I stayed for about 6 weeks. I never went back to the situation other than to pick up my stuff and moved in with another friend a couple of hours away, got a job and started building a life for myself. I met my husband shortly after the second move and he was a bodybuilder and a no bullshit kind of guy, for some reason on about our second date he told me about a couple of old girlfriends who were bulimic and let me know that is why they were ex girlfriends.

The moral of the story and IMO recovery requirs -
That you eliminate the things and people in your life that feed the disorder
That you take control - if you are not strong enough to face things headon the walk away, sometimes walking is control in itself. Take control of that which you can.
Explore your soul - know that those things within you that you find ugly will at some point in your life serve you or others in some way. I highly recommend some form of meditation although this did not play into my early recovery.
When you are ready to get better the people who will help you will be put in your path but you have to be wise enough to recognize them. For me it was that no bullshit guy that I married.
Focus on becoming the antivictim.

Just a few months ago my husband said to me "I married this weak, shy, scared little girl and look what I ended up with" He meant it as a compliment.

BTW - I got custody of my son 1.5 years after I got in that car and drove away. My ex and I actually get along well and managed to coparent our son into a fine young man.

 

[Bikini Mod]

"When you are ready to get better the people who will help you will be put in your path but you have to be wise enough to recognize them. "

No words truer spoken gurl, now words truer spoken!

Thank you Temple. The last few lines of your post has helped to calm me a bit. I am going to court in a few weeks and even though I KNOW that custody will be joint legal, my ex, of course, is terrorizing me with eleventh our horseshit... I am starting to realize that he has been grooming the children (or at least trying to... gotta LOVE my daughters - they are often times stronger than ME!) for a trial. One last ditch attempt to control me...

I know that it will end once we go to trial and he sees that he can't strong arm me by using the children. But it still hurts just the same.

One thing I would like to add is about "falling off the bandwagon", my dear friend calls this "back-peddlin" (tee-hee) so to speak. One thing you are going to have to do is learn to forgive yourself for moments when the ED does get the best of you.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND WE ALL STUMBLE A BIT, HECK MANY TIMES OUT AND OUT FALL!

Hence, the suggestion about surrouding yourself with POSITIVE influences! Those people will pick you up and help you when you DO stumble and fall!... but YOU have to make the first move and decide FOR YOURSELF WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT!

We all have moments of weakness - it is what makes us human. But asking for help and admitting that you can't do something alone IS NOT WEAKNESS - NO... THAT IS TRUE STRENGTH!

WEAKNESS is wallowing in your own self-misery and giving up simply because "it hurts too much" or "you just can't do it"...

I am going to repost the poem that I put on another locked thread.... Every time I read it, it makes me feel so comforted and strong.


Once upon a time,
A sleepy star fell for me,
Leading me away,
From the mounting pile of rejection.
Creating a lucid picture,
For my fingers to trace.
Seeking the impossible out-come,
To a never ending situation.
My unconditional spirit,
Still wanders the path,
Searching....
Complex wounds manifest,
As a source of strength.
Unrelenting desires still beckon,
Causing damnable scars.
There is no joke in my eyes,
Yet, everyone laughs at the tears.
Once upon a time,
I sought that which is true.
Now I struggle to stay conscious,
And grow stronger from it.....

Ranger

 

[FitFossil]

For me the secret was baby steps. I had to overcome my "all-or-nothing" attitude. I made so many false starts and screw ups this way. I would try to be perfect and then it would all backfire, because NO ONE can ever be perfect (at least for very long ).

My definition of "perfect" (being an 80 lb waif) was all screwed up anyway, and my body had been trying to tell me that all along. I'd been trying to starve and beat myself into shape with hours of cardio and endless reps of light weight (so I wouldn't get "big" haha), but I was only getting fatter! I was so weak, I could barely make it through the day w/o several naps.

I made the decision to start training for the sole purpose of strength and fitness. I figured if I turned into the incredible hulk it wouldn't matter, I was just SO tired of being tired. I began lifting heavier weights and logging my workouts. As I focused my compulsive nature on training, I wanted to see my reps and weights increase. This was what finally opened my eyes to my sorry diet.

Even though I knew my diet needed a complete overhaul, I also knew my eating disorder background would not permit it, because if I pushed too fast I'd just fall off the wagon again. So, I made small changes - deliberately smaller than I knew I was capable of. That way each change was a success (in the weightroom too!) and I never felt deprived, so I wasn't tempted to backslide. Lifting those heavy weights did not turn me into the incredible hulk either (but now I feel like I like one!), I ended up dropping 2 pant sizes. Replacing fat w/muscle, I weigh the same but look completely different.

Just be patient with yourself, and work WITH your body not against it. Recovery is not easy and it does not happen all at once, but you've already taken the hardest step.

 

[KBgrl]

As I focused my compulsive nature on training, I wanted to see my reps and weights increase..

ding ding ding!

I agree with the others too. I think you need surround yourself with healthy positive people. You need to take the focus of yourself and the self absorbed sickness and channel your energy into different things...

I think therapy is good BUT I also find that some therapists are COMPLETE MORONS and its unfortunate many will spend lots of a time with a therapist that is not good for them just because they didnt really know any better. If you do go to therapy you need to "shop around." Go to a few therapist and see which ones you feel the most comfortable with.

I think I learned the most about myself and my "issues," regarding food...drugs..etc.., was when I sat back and picked up a book or a pen and just wrote. Read all you can about ED and other problems you are having. I swear knowledge is LIBERATING! I would often MAKE myself relax (from the usual anxious..want to crawl out of my skin feeling) and go "inside myself" and seriously ask myself what , where and who did I want to be. Then I asked myself ...are you actions counterproductive? ... I would make small changes towards a goal and like fitfossil explained...I would obsess over my new goal.

I think that the obsessive nature in ED, drug abuse, ...etc.. can be used to an advantage. I have never failed at anything I put my mind to because of my intense all or nothing personality.... you just have to focus you energy into something wonderful it will BLOW YOUR MIND how strong you really are.

Another very important thing I learned with regards to self destructive behavior is that you will "fall off the wagon" like BKM said. Now..instead of rolling down hill when you fall a bit...you need to pick yourself up and climb back up hill. It's not easy but it certainly is something you are more than able to accomplish! If it were easy everyone would do it..... go out and prove you are an individual with a drive to succeed and you will !

 

[NubianBeauty]

Wow awesome thread Very motivational

 

[Trance]

I'm in the same boat, Geness. Having a very difficult time right now. I have actually lost more weight since I started lifting weights over a month ago. I have definitely built muscle,but the numbers on the scale are still going down, and it's terrifying.

I'm trying, but it sure the hell isn't easy.

If you ever would like to chat, PM me.


The ladies on this board have shared some truly wonderful and inspiring accounts of what it's like to beat the Great Skinny Monster; and I am on this board a lot, hoping to gain a little of their strength through osmosis.