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Subject: Mens' Rules
>
>
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Blah, blah,
>blah....
>
>Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
>Listen up!
>
>Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
>it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
>complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
>tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work!
>Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
>us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
>ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
>done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
>yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
>We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
>camping.
__________________
>
>
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Blah, blah,
>blah....
>
>Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
>Listen up!
>
>Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
>it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
>complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
>tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work!
>Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
>us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
>ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
>done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
>yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
>We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
>camping.
__________________
