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GoldenDelicious
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oright orblings, gather round the laptop and let me tell you a story - a story of a great man, a beautiful man, a man whose mold was used but once before being smashed on the floor of eternity - let me tell you about...my trip out to the bars last night 
...and if you dont like long windy posts, smeg off. thankyou
so anyway borbors, there i was, on a friday night, having arranged to meet a friend i had met once, a year ago, for about 30 seconds, and had come to know intimately over the telephone....which is really weird, since i consider her to be one of my best friends, but couldnt picture her face in my mind - and just for a change bors...i was looking good . REALLY good 
. i was looking so good that, and i know its a bit embarrassing, but as i checked myself out in the mirror, i was so overwhelmed that i ripped my shirt off and hit my favorite poses at least 3 times. i mean, if you got it, flaunt it...even when theres no one around (if a certain poofter reads this, my camera was flat, so shush. i havnt forgotten 
)
but enough of that, since i dont want to detract from the drama that ensued later on in the evening
so anyway, i arranged to meet the girls at this heritage listed bar thats known to be a bit rowdy, but has good music and these cool long tables that you can dance on without them falling over (though that hasnt stopped people from doing faceplants falling off them )
so i make my way through the common room toward the dancefloor, and i notice this dark haired girl on the table with an audience of 20 guys, and my chiseled jaw went slacker than DJ_UFO's is when he types his posts...omggggg she was a hottie...and it was the girl i was there to meet
so i do what you do when youre a stunning handsome man like myself with oodles and oodles of confidence, flaoting in a sea of self assurance...i hoof it back to the bar and get another drink. as a matter of fact...i got 2 .
(shutup. mofos. i was skeered)
so anyway, i finally go over there, cut through the riff raff, do the hugs and kisses thing and shake my tush on this table with the hottest girl i have seen since that time The Bikini Model was in town, when someone flicked on the Drama Button...and i feel someone bump me from behind, and say my name...and its this guy thats about 6'4, 230 pounds of yobbo aussie soldier, fresh back from a 3 month training stint...whose 5 year fiancee has tried cheating on him. with me
(yes, i turned her down, what do you think i am? a homewrecker?) who found out about it. and was a bit angry.
(now? NOW? you had to come up to me NOW, you bastard?!
)
so anyway, i turn around, and before i know it, this guy says "hi golden" (shutup, HumorMe ) and does taht thing where they pat you on your face...which of course gives me a nervous Tic of Death in my eye 
and he asks if i have seen his fiancee (fucker. i wonder what he would have said if i told him that the last time i spoke to his fiancee, she was trying to convince me to go back to her place for a 3some with her bi girlfriend, that he also doesnt know about. bugger) so, with frustration that can only be born of being denied hanging out with my friend for the first time by a big angry twat whose girl i didnt touch, i asked him if he meant to touch my face as hard as he did and cut a long story short, he backed down and turned into "that guy that wants to shake your hand" after being a pain in the ass. for about 10 MINUTES. bastard wanted to shake my hand after he made each of his weighty, stupid, obvious apologies and assurances that i was a "good bloke" and that he "believed me, because i could say it while looking him in the eye" 
i must have shook that twats hand 37 times, even after i told him to stop shaking my bloody hand. which was good. i suppose.
so, i go back to dancing for a bit, and i look over to my let, and lo and behold...its that nazi looking bastard who started throwing punches at me a month ago (now? you appear NOW? NOW, you mofo?!?) and as luck would have it, he catches my eye, gives me taht "oh shit" look, and is gone. which as also good. i suppose.
so cut a really long story long, we decide to leave, and as i step off the table, this guy comes up to me and asks if im ready to fight ( OK what the hell is going on tonight? has someone stuck a "i am a child molester" sticker on me or something?) and, as you do, i say "what the hell are you on about?" (see. i told you guys people around here brawl like theres no tomorrow) and he says "you called me loser before, and were making an L sign on your forehead, while looking at me"
i knew i should have got more than 2 drinks at the bar.
so i say "look, mate, you have the wrong guy" (do i really make L signs on my forehead when i dance? hm. ill have to watch that) and he says "no i dont, it was you. i saw you"
so anyway, my eyes are rolling back in my head like the wheels in a poker machine at my luck, and i say to him "look, if you want to bloody well brawl then fine, but im telling you, you have the wrong bloody guy, or youre confused, because i didnt call you a bloody loser and i didnt make a spastic bloody L sign on my forehead ffs!" and the mofo says "ok an, i believe you. youre a good bloke" and morphs into another guy who wants to start shaking my hand (someone shoot me). which was good. i suppose.
now we finally make it out of that damn club, and into the next one, and as if it isnt difficult enough walking with 3 scantily clad girls into a club full of sex starved, frothing, hyena like men (imagine all eyes swivelling over and looking you up and down) we walk into an episode of Return of The Ex with 2 of the girls, and the drama factor went up so high i totally expected tiger88 and fonz to step on stage and do a drag show - when this guy walks up to the girls i was with (so i think...here we go...this is going to get ugly) and so they all put up their guard...and he asks to be introduced. to me. wonderful. i dont know whats worse, the guys that want to bang me on my head, or the ones who want to bang me on my bum. they all thought i was looking at the floor because i was uncomfortable, but really, i was praying someone had dropped some morphine, or maybe some roofies.
so yeeeeeeeeeeesssssss theres my friday for all you bored peoples. saturday night starts in 3 hours, so...ill be back later.
toodles
...and if you dont like long windy posts, smeg off. thankyou
so anyway borbors, there i was, on a friday night, having arranged to meet a friend i had met once, a year ago, for about 30 seconds, and had come to know intimately over the telephone....which is really weird, since i consider her to be one of my best friends, but couldnt picture her face in my mind - and just for a change bors...i was looking good
. REALLY good . i was looking so good that, and i know its a bit embarrassing, but as i checked myself out in the mirror, i was so overwhelmed that i ripped my shirt off and hit my favorite poses at least 3 times. i mean, if you got it, flaunt it...even when theres no one around (if a certain poofter reads this, my camera was flat, so shush. i havnt forgotten )but enough of that, since i dont want to detract from the drama that ensued later on in the evening
so anyway, i arranged to meet the girls at this heritage listed bar thats known to be a bit rowdy, but has good music and these cool long tables that you can dance on without them falling over (though that hasnt stopped people from doing faceplants falling off them
)so i make my way through the common room toward the dancefloor, and i notice this dark haired girl on the table with an audience of 20 guys, and my chiseled jaw went slacker than DJ_UFO's is when he types his posts...omggggg she was a hottie...and it was the girl i was there to meet
so i do what you do when youre a stunning handsome man like myself with oodles and oodles of confidence, flaoting in a sea of self assurance...i hoof it back to the bar and get another drink
. as a matter of fact...i got 2 .(shutup. mofos. i was skeered
) so anyway, i finally go over there, cut through the riff raff, do the hugs and kisses thing and shake my tush on this table with the hottest girl i have seen since that time The Bikini Model was in town, when someone flicked on the Drama Button...and i feel someone bump me from behind, and say my name...and its this guy thats about 6'4, 230 pounds of yobbo aussie soldier, fresh back from a 3 month training stint...whose 5 year fiancee has tried cheating on him. with me
(yes, i turned her down, what do you think i am? a homewrecker?) who found out about it. and was a bit angry.(now? NOW? you had to come up to me NOW, you bastard?!
)so anyway, i turn around, and before i know it, this guy says "hi golden" (shutup, HumorMe
) and does taht thing where they pat you on your face...which of course gives me a nervous Tic of Death in my eye and he asks if i have seen his fiancee (fucker. i wonder what he would have said if i told him that the last time i spoke to his fiancee, she was trying to convince me to go back to her place for a 3some with her bi girlfriend, that he also doesnt know about. bugger) so, with frustration that can only be born of being denied hanging out with my friend for the first time by a big angry twat whose girl i didnt touch, i asked him if he meant to touch my face as hard as he did and cut a long story short, he backed down and turned into "that guy that wants to shake your hand" after being a pain in the ass. for about 10 MINUTES. bastard wanted to shake my hand after he made each of his weighty, stupid, obvious apologies and assurances that i was a "good bloke" and that he "believed me, because i could say it while looking him in the eye" i must have shook that twats hand 37 times, even after i told him to stop shaking my bloody hand. which was good. i suppose.so, i go back to dancing for a bit, and i look over to my let, and lo and behold...its that nazi looking bastard who started throwing punches at me a month ago
(now? you appear NOW? NOW, you mofo?!?) and as luck would have it, he catches my eye, gives me taht "oh shit" look, and is gone. which as also good. i suppose.so cut a really long story long, we decide to leave, and as i step off the table, this guy comes up to me and asks if im ready to fight (
OK what the hell is going on tonight? has someone stuck a "i am a child molester" sticker on me or something?) and, as you do, i say "what the hell are you on about?" (see. i told you guys people around here brawl like theres no tomorrow) and he says "you called me loser before, and were making an L sign on your forehead, while looking at me"i knew i should have got more than 2 drinks at the bar.
so i say "look, mate, you have the wrong guy" (do i really make L signs on my forehead when i dance? hm. ill have to watch that) and he says "no i dont, it was you. i saw you"
so anyway, my eyes are rolling back in my head like the wheels in a poker machine at my luck, and i say to him "look, if you want to bloody well brawl then fine, but im telling you, you have the wrong bloody guy, or youre confused, because i didnt call you a bloody loser and i didnt make a spastic bloody L sign on my forehead ffs!" and the mofo says "ok an, i believe you. youre a good bloke" and morphs into another guy who wants to start shaking my hand (someone shoot me). which was good. i suppose.
now we finally make it out of that damn club, and into the next one, and as if it isnt difficult enough walking with 3 scantily clad girls into a club full of sex starved, frothing, hyena like men (imagine all eyes swivelling over and looking you up and down) we walk into an episode of Return of The Ex with 2 of the girls, and the drama factor went up so high i totally expected tiger88 and fonz to step on stage and do a drag show - when this guy walks up to the girls i was with (so i think...here we go...this is going to get ugly) and so they all put up their guard...and he asks to be introduced. to me. wonderful. i dont know whats worse, the guys that want to bang me on my head, or the ones who want to bang me on my bum. they all thought i was looking at the floor because i was uncomfortable, but really, i was praying someone had dropped some morphine, or maybe some roofies.
so yeeeeeeeeeeesssssss theres my friday for all you bored peoples. saturday night starts in 3 hours, so...ill be back later.
toodles
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHHA
