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Killabee and Gambino

samoth said:
I'm completely indifferent. As I said earlier, I do not repond to kiss and fuck comments or anything of the like. I usually stick to science-related threads and BB-related debauchery.


:cow:
Click to expand...




U da man bro I like how you put things down, k 2 you
 
redguru said:
Water, dumbass
Click to expand...

i was actually being a smart ass. thats the oldest joke in the book.

i was more insulted you tried it on me.

thats like me asking how many of each animal species did Moses put on his ark.
 
KaitlinJRob1982 said:
i was actually being a smart ass. thats the oldest joke in the book.

i was more insulted you tried it on me.

thats like me asking how many of each animal species did Moses put on his ark.
Click to expand...

You're pre-law, you'd fall for most anything.
 
samoth said:
BB is many.

:alien: :vanp: :alien: :vanp: :alien: :vanp:

He might have an ace up his sleeve here yet...

Mwahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaaahahah!



:cow:
Click to expand...
agreed gotta watch BB , i still have a few suspicions bout his personas
 
Sorry I have little respect for the humanities. The only C I ever got was from a communist History prof who thought my report on the Bhagavhad Gita was too Western in appraisal. Really it wasn't, but he didn't like my challenge of his worldview in front of his young malleable students.
 
samoth said:
engg <<< physics



:cow:
Click to expand...

No not you samoth, we are cool now. However for some reason, redguru, instead of some political/social banter has now changed his mind on insulting me.

again, Mr. Guru, what is the career path you chose? Im proud to say that i am going to law school.
 
When considering the behaviour of a howitzer:

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.

A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there.

An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.



:cow:
 
The Board of Trustees, not convinced by the performance in a previous joke,
decides to test the Profs. again. First they take a Math Prof. and put him
in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the
size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and
the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in
and the balls are arranges in a triangle at the center of the table.

Next, they give the same test to a Physics Prof. After an hour, they look
in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the
table.

Finally, the give the test to an Engineering Prof. After an hour, they look
in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the
third out in his lunchbox.



:cow:
 
samoth said:
When considering the behaviour of a howitzer:

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.

A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there.

An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.



:cow:
Click to expand...


do you really go to Purdue or were you kidding
 
In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are
about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block,
they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's
been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer
is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the
blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime
and he is set free too. They
grab the engineer and shove his head into the
guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait
a minute, I see your problem......"



:cow:
 
samoth said:
engg <<< physics



:cow:
Click to expand...


A physicist invented the perfect toilet. Only problem was, it had to be used by a point mass in a vacuum on a frictionless plane while traveling at the speed of light.
 
KaitlinJRob1982 said:
do you really go to Purdue or were you kidding
Click to expand...

Gimmie a couple hours to finish ripping on the engg's and I'll address your blacked-out post, okay?

Now, where was I...



:cow:
 
lol

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were
each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly
how tall a particular hotel was.
All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The Physics
student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings,
a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball
bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time
it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with
the sidewalk.
The Math student waited until the sun was going down, then she
took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad,
measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof
made from the ground, and used trignometry to figure out the height of
the building.
These two students bumped into the Engineering student the next
day, who was nursing a really bad hangover. When asked what he did to
find the height of the building he replied:
"Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him
how tall the hotel was, and hit the bar inside for happy hour!"



:cow:
 
I'm glad to have kaitlin here, any friend of Pervis is a friend of mine
 
A Mathematician, Physicist and an Engineer all have to nip to the
loo. The M has a leak, and then sprinkles a few drops of water on
his hands, turns to the attendant and says 'Mathematicians learn
to be concise'. The P has a turn, spends 5 minutes scrubbing his
hands, then turns to the attendant and says 'Physicists learn to
be thorough'. The engineer has a wee, doesn't bother washing his
hands, turns to the attendant and say 'Engineers learn not to pee
all over their hands'.



:cow:
 
guy floating across the US in a balloon is lost. So he drops low to the ground and shouts to three guys for help: a Finance guy, an Engineer, and a Physicist.

Balloon guy: "Can you tell me where I am?"

Finance guy: "You're in a balloon"

Balloon guy: "Thanks, that's accurate, but useless"

Engineer: "You're 100 feet above the ground"

Balloon guy: "No, No, No!! What State am I in?" (getting frustrated)

Physicist: "You're in a state of equilibrium"
 
lol

A mathematician, a physician and an engineer are on vacation in Paris at
their friend's Jean-Pierre.
- How high exactly is that Eiffel Tower? asks the mathematician
- I've got an idea, replied Jean-Pierre. How about guessing it, and the
winner wins a good dinner in a good restaurant?, what do you think?
- All right, says the physician,...but let's leave us some time and
meet tomorrow at 10 a.m., Ok?
- Ok.
As the mathematician and the physician stay to think on the problem, the
engineer leaves: " Sorry, I've got a date, see you tomorrow ".
The next morning, the friends meet at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower.
- So, what's your estimation ? asked Jean-Pierre.
- Well, says the mathematician, I measured the length of the shadow of
the tower and, according to the position of the sun, date and time GMT,
a simple trigonometric calculation gave me 320,68 metres.
- Not a bad idea, replied Jean-Pierre, but not quite the right answer.
What about you?
- Well, says the physician, I climbed the stairs up to the top of the
tower, then I started a chronograph and dropped it immediately. As it
hit the ground, it broke, indicating the duration of the fall.
Considering the Newton equations and the viscosity of the air, my
calculations gave me 321,9 metres.
- That's a bit better, but not the right answer, says Jean-Pierre. But,
where is our engineer?
The engineer arrives:
- Sorry, I'm late, but, woahoo, what a night I had! .
- So, what about our little bet ? asked the physician.
- Our bet? What bet? Oh yes, the Eiffel Tower! I forgot...err...just
wait here a moment.
He turns back and comes again 2 minutes later:
- The Eiffel Tower is 321,50 metres high.
- That's absolutely right, says Jean-Pierre, you won the bet!
The mathematician and the physician are puzzled:
- How did you do it?
And the engineer replies:
- Oh...well...quite simple, in fact... I just went to that café over
there...and asked the waiter... .




:cow:
 
samoth said:
Gimmie a couple hours to finish ripping on the engg's and I'll address your blacked-out post, okay?

Now, where was I...



:cow:
Click to expand...
I'm thankful I'm taking the chemistry/ pharmacology route right about now...

Carry on. :beer:
 
lol, this is a new one to me

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a king summoned two
of his advisors for a test. He showed them both a shiny metal box with
two slots in the top, a control knob, and a lever. "What do you think
this is?"

One advisor, an engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he said.
The king asked, "How would you design an embedded computer for it?"
The engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller, I would write
a simple program that reads the darkness knob and quantizes its
position to one of 16 shades of darkness, from snow white to coal
black. The program would use that darkness level as the index to a
16-element table of initial timer values. Then it would turn on the
heating elements and start the timer with the initial value selected
from the table. At the end of the time delay, it would turn off the
heat and pop up the toast. Come back next week, and I'll show you a
working prototype."

The second advisor, a computer scientist, immediately recognized the
danger of such short-sighted thinking. He said, "Toasters don't just
turn bread into toast, they are also used to warm frozen waffles. What
you see before you is really a breakfast food cooker. As the subjects
of your kingdom become more sophisticated, they will demand more
capabilities. They will need a breakfast food cooker that can also
cook sausage, fry bacon, and make scrambled eggs. A toaster that only
makes toast will soon be obsolete. If we don't look to the future, we
will have to completely redesign the toaster in just a few years."

"With this in mind, we can formulate a more intelligent solution to
the problem. First, create a class of breakfast foods. Specialize this
class into subclasses: grains, pork, and poultry. The specialization
process should be repeated with grains divided into toast, muffins,
pancakes, and waffles; pork divided into sausage, links, and bacon;
and poultry divided into scrambled eggs, hard- boiled eggs, poached
eggs, fried eggs, and various omelet classes."

"The ham and cheese omelet class is worth special attention because it
must inherit characteristics from the pork, dairy, and poultry
classes. Thus, we see that the problem cannot be properly solved
without multiple inheritance. At run time, the program must create the
proper object and send a message to the object that says, 'Cook
yourself.' The semantics of this message depend, of course, on the
kind of object, so they have a different meaning to a piece of toast
than to scrambled eggs."

"Reviewing the process so far, we see that the analysis phase has
revealed that the primary requirement is to cook any kind of breakfast
food. In the design phase, we have discovered some derived
requirements. Specifically, we need an object-oriented language with
multiple inheritance. Of course, users don't want the eggs to get cold
while the bacon is frying, so concurrent processing is required, too."

"We must not forget the user interface. The lever that lowers the food
lacks versatility, and the darkness knob is confusing. Users won't buy
the product unless it has a user-friendly, graphical interface. When
the breakfast cooker is plugged in, users should see a cowboy boot on
the screen. Users click on it, and the message 'Booting UNIX v.8.3'
appears on the screen. (UNIX 8.3 should be out by the time the product
gets to the market.) Users can pull down a menu and click on the foods
they want to cook."

"Having made the wise decision of specifying the software first in the
design phase, all that remains is to pick an adequate hardware
platform for the implementation phase. An Intel 80386 with 8MB of
memory, a 30MB hard disk, and a VGA monitor should be sufficient. If
you select a multitasking, object oriented language that supports
multiple inheritance and has a built-in GUI, writing the program will
be a snap. (Imagine the difficulty we would have had if we had
foolishly allowed a hardware-first design strategy to lock us into a
four-bit microcontroller!)."

The king wisely had the computer scientist beheaded, and they all
lived happily ever after.




:cow:
 
A mathematician and a physicist are trying to measure the height of a
flag pole using a long tape measure. The mathematician takes the tape
measure, walks up to the flag pole, and begins to shinny up the pole. A
short way up, he slips and falls down.

The physicist notices a ladder lying nearby in the bushes. He leans the
ladder against the pole, but it reaches only half way up. He climbs the
ladder and tries to shinny up from there, but he also slips and falls.

While they sit near the pole scratching their heads, an engineer
walks by, so the mathematician and the physicist tell him their problem.
The engineer notices a crank at the base of the flag pole. He turns the
crank, and the flag pole tilts over until it lies on the ground. The
engineer stretches out the tape measure, cranks the pole back up, and
tells the mathematician and the physicist: 'It is 15 meters.'

As the engineer walks off into the distance, the mathematician looks at
the physicist and says: 'Isn't that just like an engineer? You ask him
for the height, and he gives you the length.'



:cow:
 
lmao!!

A mathematician, scientist, and engineer are each asked:

"Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a
horse have?"

The mathematician answers "5"; the scientist "1"; and the engineer
says "But you can't do that!"



:cow:
 
samoth said:
A mathematician and a physicist are trying to measure the height of a
flag pole using a long tape measure. The mathematician takes the tape
measure, walks up to the flag pole, and begins to shinny up the pole. A
short way up, he slips and falls down.

The physicist notices a ladder lying nearby in the bushes. He leans the
ladder against the pole, but it reaches only half way up. He climbs the
ladder and tries to shinny up from there, but he also slips and falls.

While they sit near the pole scratching their heads, an engineer
walks by, so the mathematician and the physicist tell him their problem.
The engineer notices a crank at the base of the flag pole. He turns the
crank, and the flag pole tilts over until it lies on the ground. The
engineer stretches out the tape measure, cranks the pole back up, and
tells the mathematician and the physicist: 'It is 15 meters.'

As the engineer walks off into the distance, the mathematician looks at
the physicist and says: 'Isn't that just like an engineer? You ask him
for the height, and he gives you the length.'



:cow:
Click to expand...

Now, that one is funny.
 
lol

A mathematician, engineer, and average Joe walk into a bar.

The mathematician immediately orders a pie.
The engineer immediately orders an 'e', since it's Euler's number,
after all, and many engineers have to oil things.
The average Joe doesn't exist, being a statistical anomaly.


:cow:
 
*giggle*

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name
the greatest invention of all time. The engineer chose fire, which gave
humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave
humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which
gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold
in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how
does it *know*?"



:cow:
 
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an
anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no
doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations
the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few
minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself
happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.

This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed
right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite
rapidly the presence of humour from similar anecdotes, but considers
this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let
alone funny.




:cow:
 
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.

The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.

The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
 
redguru said:
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.

The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.

The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
Click to expand...

LOL!

I've been trying to find the one where the mathematician sets the house on fire, thereby reducing it to a previously solved problem.



:cow:
 
Alternate ending for previous joke. The mathematician awakes, sees the cooling embers of the fire from one of his neighbors, fans it back into a roaring inferno, observes that "this reduces to a previously solved problem", crawls into his warm bed, and goes back to sleep.
 
Three men with degrees in mathematics, physics and biology are locked
up in dark rooms for research reasons.

A week later the researchers open the a door, the biologist steps out
and reports: `Well, I sat around until I started to get bored, then
I searched the room and found a tin which I smashed on the floor.
There was food in it which I ate when I got hungry. That's it.'

Then they free the man with the degree in physics and he says:
`I walked along the walls to get an image of the room's geometry, then
I searched it. There was a metal cylinder at five feet into the room
and two feet left of the door. It felt like a tin and I threw it at
the left wall at the right angle and velocity for it to crack open.'

Finally, the researchers open the third door and hear a faint voice
out of the darkness: `Let C be an open can.'



:cow:
 
The mathematician's version of the story:
A mathematician and a physicist are in a room an try to open a can of
beans. The physicist calculates the exact angle to throw the can against
the wall, that is necessary to open it. He throws, the can hits the wall,
it bumps back to the physicist and throws him against the floor.
When he is standing again, he sees the mathematician eating the beans.
He asks: "How did you do that?"
The mathematician: "O, I just defined the can open."



:cow:
 
And yet another variation:
The room with the topologist mathematician, who was locked in the room
with the closed can is found empty, with the can still closed. Suddenly
something knocks in the can. The can is opened, the mathematician comes out
with the word: "Shit, sign error."



:cow:
 
A philosopher, a physicist and a mathematician are scheduled to prove their
surviving abilities. Therefore they are to be incarcerated in different cells
with each having a closed can of corned beef and no opener. First goes the
philosopher. After a time of two weeks, the cell is opened and the
philosopher found dead, the can still closed. He must have died thinking
about a way to open it. Second goes the physicist. Two weeks later he is
found with the whole wall filled with formulas, munching happily on his
corned beef. Last goes the Mathematician. Two weeks later the door is
opened. The can is still there, untouched but the mathematician has
disappeared.
Suddenly the Jailor hears a knocking from inside the can. After he has got
an opener, he discovers the mathematician sitting inside, scratching his
beard and mumbling, "There must have been something wrong with the prefix."



:cow:
 
An engineer / mathematician / physicist are all placed 8 feet from the woman.

The mathematician concludes that after N iterations there will be 8 divided by 2N feet remaining which will never equal zero so he gives up on the spot.

The physicist opines that if each iteration requires a finite amount of energy then the energy expended in the approach will be inversely proportional to the distance remaining and gives up on the spot.

The engineer says "8 feet, 4 feet, 2 feet, 1 foot, 6 inches, good enough for practical purposes".
 
The difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician :

The Engineer walks in her office and finds her trash can on fire. She
gets the fire extinguisher and puts out the fire.

The Mathematician walks in his office and finds his trash can on fire.
He gets the fire extinguisher and puts out the fire.

The following day :

The Engineer walks in her office and finds the trash can on fire on
top of her desk. She gets the fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

The Mathematician walks in his office and finds the trash can on fire
on top of his desk. He takes the trash can and puts it on the floor.
He has reduced the problem to a previously solved state. Too solve it
again would be redundant.



:cow:
 
A physicist and a mathematician setting in a faculty lounge.
Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a
bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and
puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same
lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the
mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the
physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.



:cow:
 
An engineer, physicist, and mathematician were playing cards in a parlor.
A fire breaks out. The engineer start to calculate how much water it takes
to put out the fire. The physicist figures out the best theory on how to
put out the fire. The mathematician tries to prove the fire doesn't exist.



:cow:
 
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician are taken,
one at a time, into a room to undergo a psychological test. In the room is
a table (upon which is a pad and pencil), a chair, a bucket of water, and a
waste basket rigged so that it can be set ablaze from an adjacent room in
which the psychologists watch.

The engineer is first, and the basket is set ablaze. The engineer
immediately jumps up, grabs the bucket of water and dashes the entire thing
onto the fire, flooding the entire room and extinguishing the fire.

The physicist is next. The basket ignites, the physicist quickly calculates
exactly how much water is required to extinguish the flames and pours
exactly that amount, neatly extinguishing the flames.

The mathematician next. The basket blazes up, the mathematician calculates
exactly how much water is required to put out the fire, and then walks out
of the room.

The statistician is last. The basket is ignited. He grabs the bucket, pours
half on one side, half on the other, and announces, "It's out."



:cow:
 
Four professors (An engineer, a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician)
are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out
of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with
alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

"Brute force is the answer" says the engineer. "If we hit it enough we can
put it out".

The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials
until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the
fire will go out."

The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of
oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

While they debate what course to take, they are alarmed to see the
statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both
scream, "What are you doing?"

To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."




:cow:
 
^^STFU!!

Institute of technology is burning.

Engineers realize they should pour some water
on the fire to stop it. As usual they make a
rather rough "calculation" on the amount of
water and pour too much of it. They destroy
the whole departement but manage to save their lives.
Applied Mathematicians, using an brand-new UFWT
(Ultra fast wavelet transform) technique calculate
with a high degree of accuracy the ammount
of water required and so, they save their lives
AND the whole departement of applied mathematics.
Pure Mathemticians are all dead! Why?

Well, in 2 minutes they found a very simple proof
for the existence of the solution... they lost then
3 hours trying to prove unicity.



:cow:
 
Found it!!!

A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question:

Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and
a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out
the fire.

M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out
the fire.

Then they were asked this question:

Suppose you walked by a house and saw a hose connected to
a hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.

M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire,
reducing the problem to a previously solved form.




:cow:
 
Ok, this one includes lawyers.

Question: What is "2 plus 2"?

Ordinary, sane human: Four.

Engineer:
2
Enter
2
+

Mathematician: If we have a set of two objects, S1, and another set, S2, then we can represent the sum of "2 plus 2" as the union of these two sets. Doing so, we find...

Accountant: What would you like it to be?

Lawyer: (to the defendant) Relax, the state can't prove that the sum is four.
 
hotzie said:
agreed
Click to expand...
samote is cock blocking so bad right now bro, total bad bro behavior.

I hate bros like that, they see a good bro doing well with a chick and just have to come over and make some comment to shut you down.
 
Lestat said:
samote is cock blocking so bad right now bro, total bad bro behavior.

I hate bros like that, they see a good bro doing well with a chick and just have to come over and make some comment to shut you down.
Click to expand...
samoth loves the cock i think
 
hotzie said:
samoth loves the cock i think
Click to expand...


CHEMISTRY CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas,
The lab was quite still;
Not a Bunsen was burning
(Nor had they the will).
The test tubes were placed
In their racks with great care,
In hopes Father Chemistry
Soon would be there.

The students were sleeping
So sound in their dorms,
All dreaming of fluids
And Crystalline forms.
Lab-Aids in their aprons
And I in my smock.

When outside the lab
There arose such a roar
I leaped from my stool
And fell flat on the floor.
Out ot the fire escape
All of us flew.
What was the commotion?
Not one of knew.

The flood-lights shone out
O're the campus so bright
It looked like old Stockholm
On Nobel Prize Night.
My fume-blinded eyes
Then viewed (dare I say?)
Eight anions pulling
A water-trough sleigh.

And holding the bonds
Tied to each one of them
Was a figure I knew
As our own Papa Chem.
With speeds in excess
Of most X-rays they came.
As they Dopplered along
He called each one by name.

"Now Nitrite, now Phosphate,
Now Borate, now Chloride
On Citrate, on Bromate,
On Sulfite and Oxide.

Forget what you know
Of that randomness stuff,
Let's go straight to that roof,
If you've quanta enough."

As fluids Bernoullian
Behave in a pinch,
Those ions said "Alchemist
This is a cinch."
So up to the lab-roof
Those "chargers" they sped
With Pop Chemistry safe
In his water-trough sled.

Just a microsec later
Electroscopes showed
Charged particles coming
To our lab abode
We raced back inside,
And what d'ya think?
Down the fume-hood Pop Chem fell,
Right into the sink.

He was dressed in a lab-coat,
Quite ragged and old,
With removable buttons
(The style, we're told)
A tray-full of beakers
He clutched to his heart--
And under his arm
Was an orbital chart.

His eyes through his goggles
I just couldn't see
His hands were all yellow
From H-N-O-3.
His head was quite bald
With a fringe all around
Like a ring test for iron,
That same shade of brown.

He puffed a cigar
With a smell not at all
Unlike the organic lab
Right down the hall.
The smoke billowed forth
From his angular face
And with Brownian Movement
Enveloped the place.

He was thin as a match
And not terribly tall
He wasn't the type
I'd expected at all
But a look at his clothes,
In the lab's harsh white light,
With their acid-burn holes--
He's a chemist all right!

He didn't say much
(He had no time to kill)
And filled all the test tubes
With nary a spill.
Then placing them bak
On the benches with care
He dashed to the fume-hood
And rose through the air.

He called to his team
And his ions took off
And kinetics took care
Of Pop Chem and his trough,
But I heard him cry out
As he flew down the street
"Merry Holidays to all!
May your stockrooms stay neat!"



:cow:
 
O Unenlightened Physicist, who hath never been weaned from the Breast of thy Chalkboard, which thou hast placed there because it remindeth thee of a Lorentzian distribution, hear now my saying. I will tell thee of that which thou hast not been made aware, because verily its virial coefficients remain to be determined. I will tell thee of Engineering, which in these latter days has graced us with her pretense, and hath allowed us to make far more money from our practice of it than any of us had suspected. Thou must understand that engineers do not know, for to know, by nature, hath not been made a part of our nature. And thus, by not knowing, we are made to appear to know O so much more than we could have known by knowing. And thus, we guess, but nay, we do not guess, we guestimate, for guessing is for the untrained, and we are trained to guess, therefore it is no longer we who guess, but we who guestimate, and we who guestimate are rewarded handsomely for doing so by those who can but guess. Ay, we are treated as if we were of those who mayest manipulate all numbers at will with no regard for reality, and yet produce answers which are by definition real, who are called Accountants. For thou, O physicist, for thy thousands of things which thou considerest in thine equations, hath forgotten the Impatience which causeth man to reject knowledge for the guestimate. For who but thee could know the pain, the suffering, which man must bear in order to obtain knowledge? And yet, thou sayest, that our guestimate hath zero probability of being correct, to which I will respond to thee, that uncertainty is more powerful than probability, for by making the guestimates which we produce more uncertain, the probability that indeed the true answer lies within our guestimate becomes ever greater, and thus, by knowing less, we become more accurate, and our reputation is increased, and our compensation in turn is increased. So I say unto thee, dear physicist, that although thy job is listed in "Jobs Rated" as more secure than that of the engineer, that thou shalt find that in the end thy thousand equations are but approximations, and thus they are really just poor guestimates, which a man must spend many years producing, when by engineering he could have produced a more uncertain guestimate with a higher probability of being accurate a thousand times by then.
 
redguru said:
O Unenlightened Physicist, who hath never been weaned from the Breast of thy Chalkboard, which thou hast placed there because it remindeth thee of a Lorentzian distribution, hear now my saying. I will tell thee of that which thou hast not been made aware, because verily its virial coefficients remain to be determined. I will tell thee of Engineering, which in these latter days has graced us with her pretense, and hath allowed us to make far more money from our practice of it than any of us had suspected. Thou must understand that engineers do not know, for to know, by nature, hath not been made a part of our nature. And thus, by not knowing, we are made to appear to know O so much more than we could have known by knowing. And thus, we guess, but nay, we do not guess, we guestimate, for guessing is for the untrained, and we are trained to guess, therefore it is no longer we who guess, but we who guestimate, and we who guestimate are rewarded handsomely for doing so by those who can but guess. Ay, we are treated as if we were of those who mayest manipulate all numbers at will with no regard for reality, and yet produce answers which are by definition real, who are called Accountants. For thou, O physicist, for thy thousands of things which thou considerest in thine equations, hath forgotten the Impatience which causeth man to reject knowledge for the guestimate. For who but thee could know the pain, the suffering, which man must bear in order to obtain knowledge? And yet, thou sayest, that our guestimate hath zero probability of being correct, to which I will respond to thee, that uncertainty is more powerful than probability, for by making the guestimates which we produce more uncertain, the probability that indeed the true answer lies within our guestimate becomes ever greater, and thus, by knowing less, we become more accurate, and our reputation is increased, and our compensation in turn is increased. So I say unto thee, dear physicist, that although thy job is listed in "Jobs Rated" as more secure than that of the engineer, that thou shalt find that in the end thy thousand equations are but approximations, and thus they are really just poor guestimates, which a man must spend many years producing, when by engineering he could have produced a more uncertain guestimate with a higher probability of being accurate a thousand times by then.
Click to expand...

PWN3D!!



:cow:
 
samoth said:
CHEMISTRY CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas,
The lab was quite still;
Not a Bunsen was burning
(Nor had they the will).
The test tubes were placed
In their racks with great care,
In hopes Father Chemistry
Soon would be there.

The students were sleeping
So sound in their dorms,
All dreaming of fluids
And Crystalline forms.
Lab-Aids in their aprons
And I in my smock.

When outside the lab
There arose such a roar
I leaped from my stool
And fell flat on the floor.
Out ot the fire escape
All of us flew.
What was the commotion?
Not one of knew.

The flood-lights shone out
O're the campus so bright
It looked like old Stockholm
On Nobel Prize Night.
My fume-blinded eyes
Then viewed (dare I say?)
Eight anions pulling
A water-trough sleigh.

And holding the bonds
Tied to each one of them
Was a figure I knew
As our own Papa Chem.
With speeds in excess
Of most X-rays they came.
As they Dopplered along
He called each one by name.

"Now Nitrite, now Phosphate,
Now Borate, now Chloride
On Citrate, on Bromate,
On Sulfite and Oxide.

Forget what you know
Of that randomness stuff,
Let's go straight to that roof,
If you've quanta enough."

As fluids Bernoullian
Behave in a pinch,
Those ions said "Alchemist
This is a cinch."
So up to the lab-roof
Those "chargers" they sped
With Pop Chemistry safe
In his water-trough sled.

Just a microsec later
Electroscopes showed
Charged particles coming
To our lab abode
We raced back inside,
And what d'ya think?
Down the fume-hood Pop Chem fell,
Right into the sink.

He was dressed in a lab-coat,
Quite ragged and old,
With removable buttons
(The style, we're told)
A tray-full of beakers
He clutched to his heart--
And under his arm
Was an orbital chart.

His eyes through his goggles
I just couldn't see
His hands were all yellow
From H-N-O-3.
His head was quite bald
With a fringe all around
Like a ring test for iron,
That same shade of brown.

He puffed a cigar
With a smell not at all
Unlike the organic lab
Right down the hall.
The smoke billowed forth
From his angular face
And with Brownian Movement
Enveloped the place.

He was thin as a match
And not terribly tall
He wasn't the type
I'd expected at all
But a look at his clothes,
In the lab's harsh white light,
With their acid-burn holes--
He's a chemist all right!

He didn't say much
(He had no time to kill)
And filled all the test tubes
With nary a spill.
Then placing them bak
On the benches with care
He dashed to the fume-hood
And rose through the air.

He called to his team
And his ions took off
And kinetics took care
Of Pop Chem and his trough,
But I heard him cry out
As he flew down the street
"Merry Holidays to all!
May your stockrooms stay neat!"



:cow:
Click to expand...
LMAO!!

:nerd:
 
DieselGunz said:
Nope workin a bit








Samoth ur out there dude
Click to expand...


he and redguru are scaring me a bit with these prolonged posts about physics and engineering. More power to them, but why cant we talk about fun stuff. Like Wally Szczerbiak playing for the Celtics! (sorry I saw him play one time in college when i went to visit Pervis and his sister and fell in love)
 
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