Killabee and Gambino

[DieselGunz]

Did you hear about the chemist who fell into the methoxybenzene reactor and
made anisole of himself?

lol


I dont laugh at your jokes because although i am not the sharpest tool in the shed I hold my own

I laugh because your humor although enlightning is TOTALLY over my head

 

[samoth]

he and redguru are scaring me a bit with these prolonged posts about physics and engineering. More power to them, but why cant we talk about fun stuff. Like Wally Szczerbiak playing for the Celtics! (sorry I saw him play one time in college when i went to visit Pervis and his sister and fell in love)

Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Woman
Symbol : WO
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 59, but known to vary 50-88.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurance : Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slighlty lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties

1) Surface usually covered with sticks painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given special treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
7) Undergoes inpredicatable spontaneous dehydrolyses (weeps).

Chemical Properties :
1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many of the Precious
Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses : Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests : Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better
specimen.

Caution : 1) Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands. Use extreme care when handling.

2) Illegal to possess more than one.

 

[redguru]

Engineering Jargon:

"developed after years of intensive research"
(it was discovered by accident)

"the design will be finalized in the next reporting period"
(we haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something)

"a number of different approaches are being tried"
(we don't know where we're going, but we're moving)

"project slightly behind schedule due to unforseen difficulties"
(we are working on something else)

"close project coordination"
(we should have asked someone else) or (let's spread the responsibility for this around)

"extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem"
(we just hired three guys...we'll let them kick it around for a while)

"preliminary operational tests were inconclusive"
(the darn thing blew up when we threw the switch)

"test results were extremely gratifying"
(it works and boy are we surprised)

"the entire concept will have to be abandoned"
(the only guy who understood the thing quit)

 

[KaitlinJRob1982]

Yes just when I thought the over my head by ten miles jokes were over!

 

[samoth]

lol


I dont laugh at your jokes because although i am not the sharpest tool in the shed I hold my own

I laugh because your humor although enlightning is TOTALLY over my head

Man - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for Arsehole)
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 70. May vary from 50-150 kg.
: Highly reactive at 150 or higher. (avoid at all costs)
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length,
though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve
Occurance : Found following duel element Wo, often in high
concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties :
1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
(Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of
the Wo commom ore.
6) Tarnishes easily. Needs constant polishing and attention
7) Crusty exterior but may be soft underneath.
8) Naturally found in the crude state but may be purified
9) Simple in structure.
10)Often found in the gaseous state.
11)Spontaneous polarity changes relative to surrounding specimens.

Chemical properties :
1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is
possible.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existant to Pre-interaction effects
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red.
5) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
6) Great affinity for fatty substances.
7) May react violently under pressure.
8) Low boiling point, high melting point.
9) Attraction to large quantities of iron.
10)Poorly bonds with other substances.
11)Pure substances are rarely found except when covalently bonded.

Storage : Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate,
25-35 for favorable reaction style.

Uses : Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night,
general repairs, free dinners for Wo...

Tests :
1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted
specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
2) Appearance greatly improves when placed in a sports car.
3) Easily titrates to yellow under stress.
4) Never true blue.


Caution : Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with
reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable
under correct conditions.

 

[samoth]

Tabloidium Recent research into certain improbable, not to say implausible
events has forced the development of an explanation involving the existence
of a previously unknown element.

Research into the properties of the minerals maxwellite and murdochite has
led to the conclusion that these can only be explained by the existence of
a previously unknown element with some very curious qualities:

* This hypothetical substance appears to dramatically increase the
intensity of any reaction it comes into contact with, sometimes to the
extent of causing unpredictable explosions.
* If stimulated by a changing environment it fluoresces "negative
light" spreading darkness all around itself.
* All mathematics concerning this substance involve the lowest common
denominator to an unfeasible degree.

* The substance may be narcotic as exposed humans tend to adopt behaviours
that are either actually or apparently (There is often confusion as to
which.) socially unacceptable.

This element has been tentatively christened “Tabloidium” and efforts
are proceeding to fit it into the established periodic table without, at
present any great success. One group of the research team feels that
Tabloidium may be akin to the rare earth’s but with a common
touch. However, a larger group suggests the creation of an entirely new
group of elements, the “Ignoble gases” probably for want of a better
idea.

Sources of Tabloidium

It is becoming apparent that Tabloidium is not actually scarce and it is
remarkable that something so common could remain unnoticed for so long. It
has been suggested that the elements almost complete lack of substance
enabled it to escape the notice of those capable of rational thought until
growing ubiquity thrust it upon the attention of the scientific community.

The first major deposit to exploit the world (Another curious reversal.)
was a large, near spherical lode of maxwellite believed to originate
somewhere in central Europe. This remained the main source of Tabloidium in
Britain until mismanagement led to a near melt-down. Disaster was only
prevented by copious aqueous flooding leaving the deposit drowned to this
day and the consequences of these regrettable events are still felt by
those unfortunate enough to have been involved.

Tabloidium is now chiefly sourced from a deposit of murdochite of
antipodean origin. This source has the advantage that its refractory nature
makes total melt-down unlikely. The disadvantage is that the integrity of
the material (In the physical rather than the moral sense) makes it
extremely difficult to separate out the toxic by-products present with
tragic results in a number of cases.

You might need to be a Brit for some of this.

^^lol

 

[samoth]

BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE! THE INVISIBLE KILLER

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills
uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are
caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen
monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes
severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive
sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea,
vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become
dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide:
* is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid
rain.
* contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
* may cause severe burns.
* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
automobile brakes.
* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every
stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is
global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. In
the midwest alone DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property
damage.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
* as an industrial solvent and coolant.
* in nuclear power plants.
* in the production of styrofoam.
* as a fire retardant.
* in many forms of cruel animal research.
* in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce
remains contaminated by this chemical.
* as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can
be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact
on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!

The American government has refused to ban the production,
distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance
to the economic health of this nation." In fact, the navy and other
military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and
designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it
during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities
receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground
distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE!

Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about this
dangerous chemical. What you don't know CAN hurt you and others
throughout the world. Send email to no_dhmo#NoSpam.circus.com, or a SASE to:

Coalition to Ban DHMO
211 Pearl St.
Santa Cruz CA, 95060

 

[redguru]

 

[samoth]

I totally gotta head in for the night.

Hopefully, all eflirting parties have taken their trash to PM's by now.

G'Night, RG!

 

[samoth]

lmao!

 

[Lestat]

Wootoom will be bummed he missed out on all this whoring

 

[hotzie]

damn haters

 

[DieselGunz]

Wally Wally Wally!




Still liked Ricky better

 

[samoth]

damn haters

Don't make me!!!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT A SCIENCE/ENGINEERING SCHOOL WHEN

+Even the band cheers are equations.
+You talk in SI units.
+More people understand '42' than '69'.
+You remember people by their e-mail address.
+2 + 2 = (-4)*exp(i*pi)
+You know your computer better than your girlfriend or boyfriend.
+Lewd comments are often related to computer hardware.
+Physics is the high point of your day.
+Calculus is your blow off course.
+Free body diagrams excite you.
+You show up at the football games to laugh at your own team.
+You've slashed your way through the giant's eye.
+You hear a debate about the merits and drawbacks of reverse polish
notation.
+You ask someone what languages they know and expect them to answer Spanish,
French, German, Latin, Pascal, C, BASIC, LISP, or Fortran.
+Your molecular model kit is a fun toy.
+The movie Real Genius is autobiographical.
+You understand that 'Bohr' is not a verb.
+Foundation or Time Enough for Love is a social handbook.
+You think of Gallium as a sex toy.
+S'n'M follows SNL.
+Trans-1,2-dibenzoylethylene is one of the words that you type rapidly.
+Everyone has a science/math t-shirt.
+Social status is determined by Computer Power and number of network
accounts.
+A lobby full of dormmates will be able to come up with what each of the
following acronyms stands for: RADAR, MODEM, RAM, DNA, ATP, NADP, CRT, CRC,
STP, NASA, MUD, LED, AI, LASER, SCUBA, WYSIWYG, and DAT.
+You talk to your dormmates via e-mail due to:
1) Not being seen by them for over a week.
2) This being your normal mode of communication with people in the next
room.
+Greek letters in everyday conversation refer to variables and constants as
frequently as fraternities and sororities.
+You find yourself wishing the washer and dryer were networked and a message
would pop up on your computer screen when your laundry is done.
+You find yourself anticipating your weekly trip to a microcenter more than
your upcoming date on Saturday.
+Phasor has two meanings for you, one of which involves complex numbers.
+You make a rodent wheel for your mouse because it looks bored sitting there
in dos...
+You regularly refer to an integration table at lunch.
+Everyone played with Capsela as a kid.
+You understand more than 20% of the above references.

 

[samoth]

How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb in the South?

At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain
how they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer.

At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a
friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions.

At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out
how to get high off the old one.

At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear
would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students.

At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and
three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for
it.

At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how
much brighter it shines during basketball season.

At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy
an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about
how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it.

At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy
the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!"

At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it
better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to
discuss how this will finally be the year they have a good football team.

At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

 

[stilleto]

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician were playing cards in a parlor.
A fire breaks out. The engineer start to calculate how much water it takes
to put out the fire. The physicist figures out the best theory on how to
put out the fire. The mathematician tries to prove the fire doesn't exist.

lol...
A husband and wife, both statisticians, had the misfortune of passing away
within a day of one another. They had always planned to be buried side by
side. Unfortunately, the funeral home got them mixed up with another
husband and wife with similar wishes.
This became known as the first case of split-plot confounding.

 

[stilleto]

Q:What do you get when you cross a Hell's Angel and a nerdy physics major?
A:A guy that has Maxwell's Equations tatooed on his chest.