Is my wife using the legal system to leverage me for money in our divorce is similar to a drug dealer calling the cops when he gets robbed?

[Frisky]

Bm... HR...

believe me... I understand exactly the pt both of you are making. But for my personal reasons I really rather not put my kids thru any more bullshit. Years have passed and by the grace of the good lord above, he finally is moving on. I like it that way! I am slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that I'll just deal with the hand I was dealt and move on. Its not worth it for me, no amt of money is worth dragging my kids thru a court battle for a few extra dollars a month.

No he's not what one would consider 'verbally' abusive... to some pt... but I know (this from when we first went thru divorce) that he will result to confiding and talking to our kids about matters that shouldn't ever concern them.

I would consider myself a great mother, and provider. My kids WON'T ever do without... I'll do without first. At this present time I rather brush my hands together and chalk it all up to a poor decision on my part when I settled for what I settled for.

 

[Bikini Mod]

He could get FREE attorneys to represent the kids if he called Child Protection Services. Most people don't even know the laws in their state, but they automatically assume that those laws protect the women. I think lots of men don't take the initiative to raise the kids but then want to complain about where the child support goes. Doesn't it seem like the BIGGER issue is that he is letting his children be exposed to neglect?

Believe it or not I tried that and you know what DYFUS (division of youth and family services - child protection agency in NJ) told me for MONTHS?

"We are not a party to this litigation so we cant help you. We dont know what the judge expects from us as we were not the ones who took the children from your custody. HE DID."

But the judge took custody pending a DYFUS investigation. DYFUS knows this. You think they could author a letter saying what they told me?

Nope.

I am sick and tired of handing money over to experts that this judge ignores. I had THE BEST attorneys for child custody in the state of NJ - THEY KNEW the judge was biased. You think they cared? They told me that I should file papers to have the judge recuse himself once my family ran out of money for them. Yup, 125K later they said, "Sorry you and your children got shafted but we cant help you anymore."

I tried all sorts of women's rights advocacy groups, TV talks shows, radio shows, NO ONE would or could help us.

So now what?

On the one hand I KNOW we need an attorney to fight this bullshit even though my ex does not (he doesnt even have to open his mouth in court anymore - the judge has ruled in his favor since he came to the case near 4 years ago) but what good will it do us when the judge ignores hard documented evidence consistently and makes nonsense rulings to support his version of "reality"?

 

[heatherrae]

Bm... HR...

believe me... I understand exactly the pt both of you are making. But for my personal reasons I really rather not put my kids thru any more bullshit. Years have passed and by the grace of the good lord above, he finally is moving on. I like it that way! I am slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that I'll just deal with the hand I was dealt and move on. Its not worth it for me, no amt of money is worth dragging my kids thru a court battle for a few extra dollars a month.

No he's not what one would consider 'verbally' abusive... to some pt... but I know (this from when we first went thru divorce) that he will result to confiding and talking to our kids about matters that shouldn't ever concern them.

I would consider myself a great mother, and provider. My kids WON'T ever do without... I'll do without first. At this present time I rather brush my hands together and chalk it all up to a poor decision on my part when I settled for what I settled for.

I know what you mean. You know your situation best and when to choose your battles. I'm lots like that too.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Bm... HR...

believe me... I understand exactly the pt both of you are making. But for my personal reasons I really rather not put my kids thru any more bullshit. Years have passed and by the grace of the good lord above, he finally is moving on. I like it that way! I am slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that I'll just deal with the hand I was dealt and move on. Its not worth it for me, no amt of money is worth dragging my kids thru a court battle for a few extra dollars a month.

No he's not what one would consider 'verbally' abusive... to some pt... but I know (this from when we first went thru divorce) that he will result to confiding and talking to our kids about matters that shouldn't ever concern them.

I would consider myself a great mother, and provider. My kids WON'T ever do without... I'll do without first. At this present time I rather brush my hands together and chalk it all up to a poor decision on my part when I settled for what I settled for.

From your lips to the ears of God.

Carry on then darlin. Carry on.

 

[heatherrae]

Believe it or not I tried that and you know what DYFUS (division of youth and family services - child protection agency in NJ) told me for MONTHS?

"We are not a party to this litigation so we cant help you. We dont know what the judge expects from us as we were not the ones who took the children from your custody. HE DID."

But the judge took custody pending a DYFUS investigation. DYFUS knows this. You think they could author a letter saying what they told me?

Nope.

I am sick and tired of handing money over to experts that this judge ignores. I had THE BEST attorneys for child custody in the state of NJ - THEY KNEW the judge was biased. You think they cared? They told me that I should file papers to have the judge recuse himself once my family ran out of money for them. Yup, 125K later they said, "Sorry you and your children got shafted but we cant help you anymore."

I tried all sorts of women's rights advocacy groups, TV talks shows, radio shows, NO ONE would or could help us.

So now what?

On the one hand I KNOW we need an attorney to fight this bullshit even though my ex does not (he doesnt even have to open his mouth in court anymore - the judge has ruled in his favor since he came to the case near 4 years ago) but what good will it do us when the judge ignores hard documented evidence consistently and makes nonsense rulings to support his version of "reality"?

No, you can't get them to be involved in a divorce. I was talking about launching an investigation for the neglect or abuse, independantly. In that case, they assign attorneys to represent the kids. Judges in Kentucky do this too in divorce cases with custody battles, but the parents have to pay according to their ability to pay the children's advocates.

 

[Bikini Mod]

No, you can't get them to be involved in a divorce. I was talking about launching an investigation for the neglect or abuse, independantly. In that case, they assign attorneys to represent the kids. Judges in Kentucky do this too in divorce cases with custody battles, but the parents have to pay according to their ability to pay the children's advocates.

I was divorced 3 1/2 years ago. I were referring specifically to neglect and abuse.

The court did appoint a guardian ad litem that we did pay for 50/50 whether I could afford it or not. He findings after about 2 hours and the same "evidence that the independent shrink that was appointed by the court to conduct not one but two psychological evaluations" was privy to (the one who conducted extensive hours and in depth psychological testing of all parties involved, teachers, shrinks, etc but who recommended both times sole physical custody go to me remanding only visitation to my ex)?

In my home the children were parented consistently and I never brought them around any one that hurt them in any way.

My ex has a nicer apartemnt (duh - he had all the money while I struggled to live). The children were barely and inconsistently parented and he brought them around people who "smoked and cursed and had kids that cursed at them and were mean to them and who talked bad about their children's mommy's).

What did he recommend?

Sole physical and legal custody go to my ex and limited visitation (NO OVER NIGHTS WITH ME) because:

I was poor.

and

I slept in the same bed with my female children because they wanted me there.

Funny, my attorney wasnt surprized as it was common knowledge that the guardian ad litem was a good friend and close associated of the founding partner of the law firm that represented my ex at the time. But do you think they objected? Nope.

 

[heatherrae]

I was divorced 3 1/2 years ago. I were referring specifically to neglect and abuse.

The court did appoint a guardian ad litem that we did pay for 50/50 whether I could afford it or not. He findings after about 2 hours and the same "evidence that the independent shrink that was appointed by the court to conduct not one but two psychological evaluations" was privy to (the one who conducted extensive hours and in depth psychological testing of all parties involved, teachers, shrinks, etc but who recommended both times sole physical custody go to me remanding only visitation to my ex)?

In my home the children were parented consistently and I never brought them around any one that hurt them in any way.

My ex has a nicer apartemnt (duh - he had all the money while I struggled to live). The children were barely and inconsistently parented and he brought them around people who "smoked and cursed and had kids that cursed at them and were mean to them and who talked bad about their children's mommy's).

What did he recommend?

Sole physical and legal custody go to my ex and limited visitation (NO OVER NIGHTS WITH ME) because:

I was poor.

and

I slept in the same bed with my female children because they wanted me there.

Yeah, sounds like you got shafted b/c of money

 

[Bikini Mod]

Yeah, sounds like you got shafted b/c of money

My point exactly. I am sick and tired of hearing asstards spew shit about me being crazy and I MUST have done SOMETHING to have my kids taken from me again and again.

My only "crime" was that I was poor. Why was I poor? Partly because of my unwillingness to fight giving it all up to my ex to spare the kids more hurt and partly because of a legal system that is only out to proliferate the wealth of it's members, damning who they hurt in the process.

So when I tell someone that "it is only money" I qualify that statement by putting it into proper perspective.

All the money in the world will not undue the harm that has come to my children over the past 6 + years but most specifically the last 4 or so since our case was handed to this judge.

My ex can no longer control my 13 y/o. As long as I can get her, the younger two will follow. And hopefully my oldest will return to me before she irrepairably fubar's her life.

 

[heatherrae]

My point exactly. I am sick and tired of hearing asstards spew shit about me being crazy and I MUST have done SOMETHING to have my kids taken from me again and again.

My only "crime" was that I was poor. Why was I poor? Partly because of my unwillingness to fight giving it all up to my ex to spare the kids more hurt and partly because of a legal system that is only out to proliferate the wealth of it's members, damning who they hurt in the process.

So when I tell someone that "it is only money" I qualify that statement by putting it into proper perspective.

All the money in the world will not undue the harm that has come to my children over the past 6 + years but most specifically the last 4 or so since our case was handed to this judge.

My ex can no longer control my 13 y/o. As long as I can get her, the younger two will follow. And hopefully my oldest will return to me before she irrepairably fubar's her life.

That is the biggest flaw with our legal system is that justice often only is available to the wealthy. It would be a hard thing to cure.

 

[CO B-man]

Darlin - it dont need to be that complicated. Random drug screen'll do him just fine. And I have already stated my feelings on that issue quite clearly. If the mother has a drug problem then he needs to take the child and raise that child until the mother has gotten help and put her life back into proper perspective so that she can be a proper mother.

It takes an entire village to raise just one child. I dont think that includes a coke fiend.

You cant just random drug screen someone because someone said they had a problem. It would be like me saying I want BM randomly tested for heroin cause she shoots up all the time. Its a violation of rights (Freedom). If a past problem exists then it needs to have been documented somehow or proof given. I do not know how long cocaine stays in someones system but a lot of times the "Random" drug testing is BS. I had Random Breathalyzer tests for when I got a DWAI and I could have showed up that day anytime between 10:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. at night to take it. I could have been smashed the night before and went in at 5:00 p.m. and blew clean. Not saying that cocaine is the same way I dont know!