Is my wife using the legal system to leverage me for money in our divorce is similar to a drug dealer calling the cops when he gets robbed?

[Frisky]

i don't have the stomach to read this entire thread...

JH1... do what is right for your daughter, no one here walks your shoes or will ever walk your shoes.

I have my children 24 days out of the month, and for two kids I get a whopping 400 a month to provide completely for them. Which means school fees, lunch money, snack money, before and after care (because I do have to work). Also a roof over their head and food in thier belly. And believe me 400 doesn't cover it, but I am making due.

 

[Bikini Mod]

i don't have the stomach to read this entire thread...

JH1... do what is right for your daughter, no one here walks your shoes or will ever walk your shoes.

I have my children 24 days out of the month, and for two kids I get a whopping 400 a month to provide completely for them. Which means school fees, lunch money, snack money, before and after care (because I do have to work). Also a roof over their head and food in thier belly. And believe me 400 doesn't cover it, but I am making due.

You dont need to read it as in the end it is all bullshit anyways.

I got a little over 100$ a week for four kids when I had them full-time (I offered midweek visitations that my ex declined opting only to see them 3 weekends per month) and busted my ass working but still needed food stamps to feed us. My ex makes well over 150K per year. I wonder how THAT happened.

It was actually hysterical (though neither my kids nor I were laughing) when I got my kids just less than 1/2 the time (yea, my ex just "gave them to me" even though he had again alleged not 3 months earlier that I was crazy, abusing the kids, etc) and because the judge imputed a 38K p/yr salary to me even though I never made more than 21K IN MY LIFE, after you plugged the numbers in I actually owed my ex 20$ per week!... but the judge said, "That isnt necessary for me to pay."

So go ahead - someone explain it to me because not even my lawyers at the time could.

 

[Frisky]

You dont need to read it as in the end it is all bullshit anyways.

I got a little over 100$ a week for four kids when I had them full-time (I offered midweek visitations that my ex declined opting only to see them 3 weekends per month) and busted my ass working but still needed food stamps to feed us. My ex makes well over 150K per year. I wonder how THAT happened.

It was actually hysterical (though neither my kids nor I were laughing) when I got my kids just less than 1/2 the time (yea, my ex just "gave them to me" even though he had again alleged not 3 months earlier that I was crazy, abusing the kids, etc) and because the judge imputed a 38K p/yr salary to me even though I never made more than 21K IN MY LIFE, after you plugged the numbers in I actually owed my ex 20$ per week!... but the judge said, "That isnt necessary for me to pay."

So go ahead - someone explain it to me because not even my lawyers at the time could.

Its just really a sore subject for me right now due to some things that have happened... I haven't requested more money, though I could and would prolly get it due to the fact that upfront I didn't take the 'court' settled amt, only what I needed at that time for my kids so that I wasn't labeled as taking money from him for anything besides their personal expenses (yes... I know... I shouldn't allow others to get in my head that way... but I prepared myself for it from the get go beings I was what they labeled as the bad person because I filed ) I couldn't have gotten much more, beings our income is close to the same, but I still have our kids over 80% of the time, and I have to freaking fight to get a dime for school clothes and supplies and etc.

Both kids needed clothing, not only school but the necessities... coats, socks, underwear, jeans etc... and I was told that it was my responsibility to provide all of those things beings he sent that bit of money. Fine... I did as I needed... even though I still sent a portion of their clothing to his home for them to have when they are with him.

But he and I are different creatures, made up of differnt strands. And I won't ever have my kids do without... no matter what. EVER!

 

[redguru]

My little brother has two children he sends money to Texas for, their mother takes the money and it goes right into a glass pipe. He never married her, and works as a construction tradesman, and really doesn't have the money to fight her. I'd feel a little jaded if I was sending half my paycheck to the person who is supposed to be caring for my children and those kids saw none of that money. JH1 and BRR both have valid points, and the laws or the courts do favor the mother in most states.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Its just really a sore subject for me right now due to some things that have happened... I haven't requested more money, though I could and would prolly get it due to the fact that upfront I didn't take the 'court' settled amt, only what I needed at that time for my kids so that I wasn't labeled as taking money from him for anything besides their personal expenses (yes... I know... I shouldn't allow others to get in my head that way... but I prepared myself for it from the get go beings I was what they labeled as the bad person because I filed ) I couldn't have gotten much more, beings our income is close to the same, but I still have our kids over 80% of the time, and I have to freaking fight to get a dime for school clothes and supplies and etc.

Both kids needed clothing, not only school but the necessities... coats, socks, underwear, jeans etc... and I was told that it was my responsibility to provide all of those things beings he sent that bit of money. Fine... I did as I needed... even though I still sent a portion of their clothing to his home for them to have when they are with him.

But he and I are different creatures, made up of differnt strands. And I won't ever have my kids do without... no matter what. EVER!

You know I feel you 100% and I used to be of the same mind as you until I realized how badly MY DECISIONS screwed my kids.

It is amazing how the more accomodating one party is, the other takes advantage. You aint going to get into heaven faster being this way, Sugarplumb.

It's sad that you have to take his ass to court just askin for him to be a man and step up, but if you have to then it is YOUR CHILDREN'S RIGHT.

You have been blessed with a good man to be there for you AND your children but that does not mean that your ex gets to skate. Take his ass to court. IT IS YOUR CHILDREN'S RIGHT. If your ex was the sort that hurt your kids emotionally then I would say just suck it up and find another way as no amount of money will compensate for the harm that comes to kids from exposure to a FUCKED UP parent be that the mother or the father. But you say that your ex isnt that way. So then tell him to be a man or you'll take his ass to task.

 

[heatherrae]

My little brother has two children he sends money to Texas for, their mother takes the money and it goes right into a glass pipe. He never married her, and works as a construction tradesman, and really doesn't have the money to fight her. I'd feel a little jaded if I was sending half my paycheck to the person who is supposed to be caring for my children and those kids saw none of that money. JH1 and BRR both have valid points, and the laws or the courts do favor the mother in most states.

He could get FREE attorneys to represent the kids if he called Child Protection Services. Most people don't even know the laws in their state, but they automatically assume that those laws protect the women. I think lots of men don't take the initiative to raise the kids but then want to complain about where the child support goes. Doesn't it seem like the BIGGER issue is that he is letting his children be exposed to neglect?

 

[heatherrae]

You know I feel you 100% and I used to be of the same mind as you until I realized how badly MY DECISIONS screwed my kids.

It is amazing how the more accomodating one party is, the other takes advantage. You aint going to get into heaven faster being this way, Sugarplumb.

It's sad that you have to take his ass to court just askin for him to be a man and step up, but if you have to then it is YOUR CHILDREN'S RIGHT.

You have been blessed with a good man to be there for you AND your children but that does not mean that your ex gets to skate. Take his ass to court. IT IS YOUR CHILDREN'S RIGHT. If your ex was the sort that hurt your kids emotionally then I would say just suck it up and find another way as no amount of money will compensate for the harm that comes to kids from exposure to a FUCKED UP parent be that the mother or the father. But you say that your ex isnt that way. So then tell him to be a man or you'll take his ass to task.

Yeah, right on ALL points.

 

[redguru]

He could get FREE attorneys to represent the kids if he called Child Protection Services. Most people don't even know the laws in their state, but they automatically assume that those laws protect the women. I think lots of men don't take the initiative to raise the kids but then want to complain about where the child support goes. Doesn't it seem like the BIGGER issue is that he is letting his children be exposed to neglect?

He isn't, he is working with TX legal aid to get custody, but I didn't tell you that. Funny that you automatically assumed that he was just "letting" his kids be exposed to it. Also, her parents have a very large war chest.

 

[jh1]

He could get FREE attorneys to represent the kids if he called Child Protection Services. Most people don't even know the laws in their state, but they automatically assume that those laws protect the women. I think lots of men don't take the initiative to raise the kids but then want to complain about where the child support goes. Doesn't it seem like the BIGGER issue is that he is letting his children be exposed to neglect?

Divorce law / Child Support laws / advocates are enabling her to neglect the kids are are making it extremely difficult for him to do anything about it.

The first time he steps into court to do something about it, you'll hear the whispers of 'what a deadbeat' ... 'where's he been this whole time'... 'it's only money'...

 

[heatherrae]

Couldnt have said it better myself. I swear they have a class in law school for those that go into family law "100% surefire way to increase your profits exponentially by fanning the flames of an already emotionally charged issue 101"

Too bad that most involved dont realize this.

I know so many lawyers like that! I swear that it makes me SICK. I used to try to consider the big picture for my client, which includes the emotional and financial toll it plays on the client. I used to hate dealing with attorneys who would make the most simple issues complicated only to line their own pockets. They would let their clients use them as a weapon to exert control and inflict pain on the other party. I wouldn't let my own clients use me that way, either. In the end, our ethical mandates REQUIRE that we be a zealous advocate for our clients. However, I think to measure advocacy strictly from a dollar standpoint at the expense of mental well being and without taking into account legal fees is short sighted.