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You are Jesus Christ of Nazereth? Can you walk on water too?

btw, i'm not a christian or roman catholic but this is kind of low isn't it?
 
spongebob said:
yo jesus, whats up homie? :fro:
Click to expand...

S'up? Why is this low? No one is actually making fun of religion (or trying to anyways) and no one is being personally attacked. Have a little fun. I'm trying to be careful not to be offensive. All you have here is a really big and kind off socially inept Jesus fan. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the role-playing. Ahem...
 
I'll knock it off then. You'll never hear from me again if that's the general consensus. Didn't REALLY mean to offend. Knew some people might not like it but it's over if you want.
 
Yeah, I think this is really low... unless of course this is Jesus... then I'd have to say sorry bout not returning your call, I was out vanquishing evil and smiting women... well, much the same.

C
 
GOD IS GOING TO STRIKE YOUR ASS DOWN WITH A BOLT OF LIGHTENING.


KAYNE
 
Jesus, I've got this neighbour who plays AC/DC really loud at night sometimes. I like AC/DC, but it's starting to bother me. If you could get him hit by a bus, I'd appreciate it.

Oh, he also puts his cat on a leash and walks it in the park across the street. Come on, what kind of asshole walks his cat on a leash? Smite his ass, lord.
 
I would like to place a request to have my arms replaced with rocket launchers that recharge themselves automatically. Also, could I get some monster truck wheels to replace my legs? I'd be the most bitchin' cyborg out there.
 
questions

1. Is it true that you got an erection when you were being crucified.

2. is there any truth to the rumor that you were just a paranoid schizoprenic who eventually won enough converts to overthrow the status quo?

3. Why does god give some people gigantic pee-pees and some small ones? i have a friend who is always bothered by his tiny pee-pee, when he sits in the bath he makes high pitched, exasperated whines over the fact that his pee-pee is so small. What should i tell him, and what drugs would you recommend to remedy aforementioned situation.

4. Whats your opinion on the U.N.?

5. How much can you bench?
 
Public appearances are no problem. Do i get something like a pumpkin? It is a little known fact that I simply adore pumpkins! I'm starting to thikn people are getting pissed at me and now you though that was pretty funny.

LOL @ Nature Boy - i almost cried dude.
 
Re: questions

nordstrom said:
1. Is it true that you got an erection when you were being crucified.

2. is there any truth to the rumor that you were just a paranoid schizoprenic who eventually won enough converts to overthrow the status quo?

3. Why does god give some people gigantic pee-pees and some small ones? i have a friend who is always bothered by his tiny pee-pee, when he sits in the bath he makes high pitched, exasperated whines over the fact that his pee-pee is so small. What should i tell him, and what drugs would you recommend to remedy aforementioned situation.

4. Whats your opinion on the U.N.?

5. How much can you bench?
Click to expand...


1) No comment. Eiter way, it's embarrassing.

2) I didn't overthrow anyone. If you'd care to recall, I was crucified.

3) Without the big ones, the small wouldn't be funny. Tell him it'll be okay and give him lots and lots of alcohol and hard narcotics to remedy that.

4) Who?

5) Last I checked I was up to 135lbs for 4.
 
I know you two are all-knowing and all that, but I just want to remind you that there is to be no source posting on any of the boards.

*whispers to Jesus and Moses, the slang speaking prophet* Hey, I got these ass warts I picked up from some Maryland skank.... and I was wondering if one of you two could help me out with this. I'd be really greatful. Amen. Shalom. *crosses self and says a hail mary and covers a wine glass and stomps on it* Mozeltov!
 
Moses the red sea pedestr said:
Pumpkin? I'm a shepherd Jeez not a vegetable farmer
Click to expand...

Cripes Moses, you parted the sea. I don't think a pumpkin is asking for too much. Well, whatever, I'll do your public appearance for a slap on the ass and a sandwich.
 
Moses the red sea pedestr said:
Hey Nature Boy

I see in your location it says West Nile. Which Delta do you hail from Bro. You may know some of my brothers
Click to expand...


well I hope you don't have any brothers on East Nile because I don't really like those guys. Now that I've got you here... are you really a stickler on the whole pork thing? I really like your religion a lot, but I love ribs. And its safe to eat pork now. Oh yeah, and the fasting thing I don't like either. Is there like a milder form of Judism out there... like Jew Lite?
 
I for one would like tpo think that compromises can be made in religions. For instance, if eating poork is strictly not allowed, how about compromising and agreeing that eating pork is only not allowed while sleeping? Problem solved. Also, on the fasting deal, they could all agree that during the "fasting" time only licorice and whine gums are allowed....and hard liquer.
 
The Nature Boy said:



well I hope you don't have any brothers on East Nile because I don't really like those guys. Now that I've got you here... are you really a stickler on the whole pork thing? I really like your religion a lot, but I love ribs. And its safe to eat pork now. Oh yeah, and the fasting thing I don't like either. Is there like a milder form of Judism out there... like Jew Lite?
Click to expand...

If it's cooked long enough, pork is ok, but it needs to be throroughly cooked through. The only reason my brothers went off the pork was due to salmonella, nothing to do with religion. It needs to be cooked all the way through.

How did i look in Ten Commandments. Was that the physique of someone who fasts?
 
Moses the red sea pedestr said:


If it's cooked long enough, pork is ok, but it needs to be throroughly cooked through. The only reason my brothers went off the pork was due to salmonella, nothing to do with religion. It needs to be cooked all the way through.

How did i look in Ten Commandments. Was that the physique of someone who fasts?
Click to expand...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You totally looked emaciated.
 
Nathan said:


What do you mean?
Click to expand...


sorry dude...

must remember to use the quote button...

my comments werent directed at you...

the first was to jesus, in jest of course...

the second was rhetorical, this is a fairly unique
happening on EF(a new semi-offensive/semi-funny
topic that the mods cant classify as bannable;unless
there are even more rules and stipulations about
comedic depictions of deities), so, why didnt i think of it:mad:
 
Moses the red sea pedestr said:


Bwood, your avatar looks familiar my brother. Are you Bwood from Belshazza.
Click to expand...


no, i am alfred packer from "Cannibal-The Musical"...

however that whole taking of the body and the blood
thingie makes me queasy...:D
 
bwood8168 said:



no, i am alfred packer from "Cannibal-The Musical"...

however that whole taking of the body and the blood
thingie makes me queasy...:D
Click to expand...

Keep with it my son. It's obviously doing you good by the look of that healthy rich brown rug on your face. You saw how quickly i aged. Don't make my mistake, stick with it my son. Oh, and there's nothing wrong with slipping some Tia Maria in there just to smooth out the taste.
 
Moses the red sea pedestr said:


My brother jeez now charges for miracle work. I believe it's called user pays my son.

btw, do i know you? is your surname 'of kings'
Click to expand...

It's called tithing.
 
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