How do you help someone who's drinking too heavily?

[JJFigure]

I have a male friend who has been consistenly drinking too heavily the past couple of months. His only activities lately consist of working and drinking - he blows off the gym because he drank too much the night before, that kind of thing. He's going through some job stress, some relationship stress, etc., but I'm really starting to get worried about him. I attended a wedding this weekend with him, and next thing I knew he was up at the bar doing shots. In the past, he'd always drawn the line at hard alcohol; it was something he'd overindulged in when he was younger and he'd chosen to stay away from it. Needless to say, I was shocked when I saw him drinking shots. If this was a one time occurence, I'd overlook it. But it's not - his idea of a mild drinking night is drinking a 6 pack.

I've known him for several years and have never seem him this out of control - how should I help him? I want to tell him he's turned into a sloppy drunk (that's the diet talking), but I doubt that's the best approach.

 

[Temple]

Don't pussyfoot around the subject. If he is turning into a sloppy drunk the tell him that in those exact words. I would also tell him "I love you and I will not watch you destroy yourself, if you need my help I am here but as long as you are going to drink like this I can't be around?" You also have to accept that he is an adult and has to make his own choices and take responsiblilty for his own actions. You cannot do something for him that he is not willing to do for himself.

 

[Candi Barr]

I dragged a friend to an AA meeting once. It seemed to help. I think it can be a wake-up call to realize that other people notice and regard the drinking as a problem. One thing I've heard, & believe, is that even a successful intervention can destroy a friendship. The person is embarassed, possibly sees you as more a parent figure than a friend & peer. Things just aren't the same. Personally I would do it anyway, but be prepared.

 

[circusgirl]

Give him a copy of the generic "you may be a problem drinker if..." leaftlet from your doc's surgery (they have a list of generic questions). This should make your friend realise he has a problem.

Also get a copy of AAs Big Book and write the time and place of a local meeting inside the cover.

I am a dry drunk, and the ONLY thing that will make your friend change is if he realises his life will go down the toilet if he doesn't.

He could also have started to suffer depression, so make sure he discusses that with a doc - most docs will demand an end to the booze first though as antidepressants don't really work if you drink as well.

Lastly, don't feel bad if your friend ignores your help and advice. It took me 3 years to realise I had to stop. And don't believe him if he says he is going back to social drinking only - standard way of falling back into the trap.